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Reviews of Everyone Poops 1

• 
  Everyone Poops
  A review of Everyone Poops
  by mbankins on 11/25/2006
  Get out your grain of salt. What I liked and disliked about this script is probably influenced by the fact that I'm a guy, and that I was born and raised in L.A., where I saw a lot of people get eaten up by the industry. I should start out by saying that I enjoyed Everyone Poops quite a bit. It's funny, the characters are well-drawn, it's appropriately absurd, it's frustrating,... Get out your grain of salt.
  
  What I liked and disliked about this script is probably influenced by the fact that I'm a guy, and that I was born and raised in L.A., where I saw a lot of people get eaten up by the industry.
  
  I should start out by saying that I enjoyed Everyone Poops quite a bit. It's funny, the characters are well-drawn, it's appropriately absurd, it's frustrating, it's real.
  
  I liked Lena a lot. She's smart, ambitious, deep... and is totally screwed up in about the worst place and industry to be a screwed-up person. I felt for her. I knew many women like her.
  
  But then she lost me a little bit. And this could just be a guy-reviewer thing, so again, hang onto that grain of salt.
  
  Her idea to place an ad as an unattainable virgin for a benefactor is brilliant -- but seeing her actually go through the motions kind of grossed me out. And maybe that's your intent, to show that you indeed have to demean yourself in various ways to make it as an actress.
  
  But the heart of the script (to me, at least) is a clever, quirky romantic comedy in the vein of Garden State, not a black satire along the lines of The Player.
  
  So when she's on her dates, and making out with guys she doesn't even like, letting them paw at her, I struggled to stick with her. A character that would let something like that happen would seem to belong in a much darker, hopeless story.
  
  Having said that, I did like the way you handled Lena's final intimate experience with Ryan. I didn't enjoy reading it, but it was appropriate for her character -- at that point in the story. And also, you didn't subject us to the visuals, a nice choice.
  
  Speaking of her and Ryan... I think she would be savvy enough to know that if Ryan knew the show had potential and could make him money, he would not keep it from airing just because she won't screw him. Conversely, he would not risk his career by airing a show that he thought sucked, just for a quick lay.
  
  The other benefactor characters were well written and painfully spot-on... but I have another suggestion. Make one of them, maybe the balding 40s guy, much more sympathetic. Maybe he answered her ad for non-sleazy reasons. Maybe he ends up being this decent guy who is also frustrated with the industry, and his own role in it, and responds to her ad out of sheer morbid curiosity. He ends up sympathizing with her, almost becoming a father figure, and in some strange way, sets her back on a good path, one that's too late for him return to.
  
  I suggest this for two reasons. One, Hollywood is a one-note character in this script. The mustache-twirling villain. We've seen this villain a thousand times. It eats you up and spits you out, blah blah blah.
  
  Two, surprise us. Have the (pony-tailed?) balding guy give the villain a layer. Have his decency, his dedication to the art and craft of acting, say, be the thing that reminds her why she even wants to be an actress. The scene at the end when she says fuck you to the casting director is great, and it shows us that she's always been in it for the art, even if she forgot that at some point along the way. Maybe the balding guy is one of the reasons that she was able to do that. Just a thought.
  
  I loved the webcam thing. It made for some incredibly funny moments, but it's also very relevant in the age of YouTube. From what I understand, several talent agencies are actually mining the web for internet-based talent. Good call.
  
  The webcam thing was also a nifty, original device for Lena and Gavin's characters. Him breaking into her apartment to get on the cam seemed a little weird, but I went with it because he was inherently decent and I wanted them to end up together.
  
  The pokes at Hollywood culture were funny and totally accurate. This is one of the things I liked and disliked. Liked because it's just so damned true. Disliked because I've already seen it in other movies making fun of Hollywood. I guess what I'm saying is, it worked... but I was much more interested in Lena and Gavin and how they'd work through it all.
  
  Anyway, I hope some of this review made sense. I also have some page-by-page notes:
  
  p2 "Don't assume that I have your number. Leave it at the beep." (should be in dialog?)
  
  p8 "You don't know me! You don't know me!" (should be in dialog?)
  
  p9 introduce MAVI as a woman in her desc.
  
  p9 it smells like shit. (the Unfilmable Police will take you to task for this. Maybe just have her wince at a smell that must obviously be shit since it's in a bathroom)
  
  p31 Lena's makeup has worn off from sweat due to the extreme heat
  inside of the bus. (Another "unfilmable" that will probably get you some gripes. Maybe: It's so hot and humid inside the cramped bus, her make-up runs.)
  
  p45 "I don't like the idea of a person being inside me." (to me, this line encapsulates her character, but is treated as a throwaway line -- and I think that's a smart, sophisticated way to treat it. Good job.)
  
  p72 "You don't know me! You don't know me!" (should be part of dialog?)
  
  p81 Lena tosses back finished her third beer. (delete finished)
  
  p83 Lena grabs a bottle of vodka and head (heads) over to the computer.
  
  p84 she chokes on her beer, but before this she's got vodka
  
  p87 "The courtier's, soldier's scholar's, eye, tongue, sword;" (this should be part of dialog)
  
  p92 "We can play Play-station." (Playstation) read