Reviews of Frat Boys from Outer Space 60

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  Although it's sortah been done before... it's still original enough.
  A review of Frat Boys from Outer Space
  by Karl Gorman on 09/22/2012
  The basics of this concept that has been done before. But originality is not AN idea, it is a DEVELOPMENT of an idea. So overall, the concept is good. The tentacle-stiffy joke made me grin from ear to ear. But – although I know it was just a suggestion to get the feel across – I would steer away from mentioning celebrity names in your script. There’s a 50/50 chance that a... The basics of this concept that has been done before. But originality is not AN idea, it is a DEVELOPMENT of an idea. So overall, the concept is good.
  
  The tentacle-stiffy joke made me grin from ear to ear. But – although I know it was just a suggestion to get the feel across – I would steer away from mentioning celebrity names in your script. There’s a 50/50 chance that a producer will see it as a suggestion of who you want to be in it . . . which tends to make them angry. (Don’t get me wrong, the idea of a Venusian Jessica Alba is nice. But it is too risky to mention in the script.)
  
  My eyes might be playing tricks on me. But I think you have elongated the bottom of the page to fit more text in, thus making the whole thing shorter as far as page count is concerned. I don’t think producers would take kindly to that.
  
  It’s hard for a screenplay to make me laugh… but I laughed at “my ureatic disposal canal swelled up.”
  
  When Richota says, “Earth isn’t as advanced as we thought.” I suggest you get rid of it. That is something that must be absorbed, not stated plainly.
  
  When Richota says that they don’t have this thing called ‘erection’ in Croatia: it is funny because it has been lead up to by the previous things that they say they ‘don’t have in Croatia.’
  
  “No, I need to talk and you need to listen” is a cliché line. Replace it, or trim it down to “No, you just listen to me.”
  
  ‘Chad shakes his head in excruciating acknowledgement.’ . . . Chad is stupid, but not that stupid. He would be ‘nodding’ his head.
  
  I’m up to the TV shopping scene . . . I can’t believe I’m not sick of the French/Croatian gag yet.
  
  The girls have turned into Venusians. I did not see that coming. It was pre-ordained well when Richota tried it in the spaceship.
  
  It is only fair to say that I did spot a lot of grammar errors throughout the script. Not in the first ten pages, mind you, but I did find plenty.
  
  There should be some sort of comedown with all the characters, not just with the four heroes. We need to see something happen with Chad and Rip.
  
  It’s good, and it’s clever. But – in my opinion – it does lack philosophy. If there is a thought-provoking theme or statement in this script, it needs to be stronger. read
• 
  reveiw
  A review of Frat Boys from Outer Space
  by happywash on 05/09/2011
  pp. 1-10 Well, I'm sure you've heard this many times before, but this is an excellent twist on the "parents go out of town and leave their teenage son by himself." We've seen it before, but not like this. I love how they're named after cheeses. p. 23 I love how you pick Croatian! I have no notes because this script is original, funny, and fresh. p. 35 Another thing you do... pp. 1-10 Well, I'm sure you've heard this many times before, but this is an excellent twist on the "parents go out of town and leave their teenage son by himself." We've seen it before, but not like this. I love how they're named after cheeses.
  
  p. 23 I love how you pick Croatian! I have no notes because this script is original, funny, and fresh.
  
  p. 35 Another thing you do quite well is create complications for the main characters. You think diamonds will get them away, but then they're wrong. It's not going to be that easy. And it shouldn't be that easy. Great work so far.
  
  p. 47 I love that Gill is a bad guy. More complications, more hurdles to overcome. Love it.
  
  White Trash Shopping Network. Hilarious.
  
  p. 61 I think the poop chute line wouldn't be allowed on TV, although it is a hilarious line.
  
  p. 71 I think the miner joke is a little heavy-handed. You've done so well, but this one sticks out as a kind of clunker. But One clunker in 70 pages is awesome, in my opinion.
  
  p. 76 Why wouldn't Chloe know about the files already? And, to be honest, how were they able to register for college without tuition, etc. These questions, I know, are dumb, because the world of the screenplay is such that questions like these don't apply, but I thought I'd ask anyway.
  
  p. 84 You've kind of dropped the Gill subplot. You mention it, but Gill has disappeared from the script for at least 35 pages. I'd bring it back, especially since it's about the destruction of Earth.
  
  So I'm done. Nice little twist at the end with the girls.
  
  I'd say the only part of the script I didn't like was the Gill story because it was severely underdeveloped. But the rest of the hilarious script more than made up for it. I laughed a lot, and I've only done that with about five comedy scripts on here (and I've reviewed tons). Great job! read
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  Frat Boys are Frat Boys - No Matter Where They're From!
  A review of Frat Boys from Outer Space
  by DebraSwan on 10/18/2009
  I need to preamble this with the fact that I have limited experience reviewing screenplays, so cannot really comment on the technical aspects of your script. What I will focus on is the story content, where it worked for me and where it didn't. I think there is a market for this type of screenplay. It reminded me of "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" with a dash of "Risky... I need to preamble this with the fact that I have limited experience reviewing screenplays, so cannot really comment on the technical aspects of your script. What I will focus on is the story content, where it worked for me and where it didn't.
  I think there is a market for this type of screenplay. It reminded me of "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" with a dash of "Risky Business" thrown in.
  I liked the story and it did make me laugh out loud a few times, even with the adolescent humour (It's been a few years since I have been an adolescent, so I am somewhat removed from that now). The tentacle scenes were quite well done, and you should consider adding more of them.
  I was caught off guard when Lizzie and Chloe revealed themselves - and I liked that it happened at a point in the script where I thought I had things figured out. Their reason for being on Earth was a bit of a stretch - turning humans into veggans - giving them more of a "purpose", or expanding on the reason they need to turn humans into veggans would help.
  Also, Gorgonzol having to count on his fingers to figure out the time descrepancies didn't make sense, given that he had just figured out the riddle of the universe in the scene before. I actually checked back to see if I had confused characters, but it was in fact the same character. You should either have Ricohta do the finger counting, or change that scene up a bit to reflect the higher intellect. By that I mean you were focused on their "goofy dude" personas but it didn't flow from the previous scene where their intellect was made evident. To make the story work, the classroom scene is necessary as that is where Gill suspects their true identity, so it makes better sense to change the second scene.
  Some of your character descriptions were not specific or hard to imagine. For example, your description of Wilma Bob "big hair with too much makeup" worked, but describing Myrna Bob as "I'm drunk but already took my Viagra kinda way" doesn't.
  "Scooter and Chad sneer at Rip" works, but "their eyes show a blissful ignorance" does not. I think you have a good sense of what that looks like, but not being inside your head makes it hard for the reader to picture.
  So in a nut shell, a few minor changes would really improve this. I can picture a theatre full of teenage boys laughing their heads off with this one. Well done and good luck!!
  read
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  Interesting, yet boring take on
  A review of Frat Boys from Outer Space
  by DBardwil on 10/07/2009
  This screenplay is clever in its ways of flipping certain ideas around on the other planet such as beer being the water like substance and water being the alcoholic substance. The characters are all strong, but the story didn't keep my attention. It picked up a bit when the boys ran out of fuel and had to land on Earth, and the idea of cubic zirconia being a more precious fuel... This screenplay is clever in its ways of flipping certain ideas around on the other planet such as beer being the water like substance and water being the alcoholic substance. The characters are all strong, but the story didn't keep my attention. It picked up a bit when the boys ran out of fuel and had to land on Earth, and the idea of cubic zirconia being a more precious fuel than real diamonds is kind of funny. some other good aspects about this screenplay are the twist that Gill the nerd is actually the villain of the story. Another thing I enjoyed was the fact that since the boys did not like the idea of eating dead animals, they were able to get in the good graces of the hot vegan girls. I'm afraid I just couldn't get into this world and think the story could be worked on. read
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  A BLAST
  A review of Frat Boys from Outer Space
  by Filmusic on 08/22/2009
  I laughed - nice job. The world you created started things off rather well, throw in planet earth and a couple of alien chicks and a nemisis and you ended up with a crafty well presented funny SP. This would not be cheap to shoot. Perhaps rewrite a few scences to lower the production cost. You writting is solid, taking out several special effects based scenes would lessen... I laughed - nice job.
  
  The world you created started things off rather well, throw in planet earth and a couple of alien chicks and a nemisis and you ended up with a crafty well presented funny SP.
  
  This would not be cheap to shoot. Perhaps rewrite a few scences to lower the production cost.
  
  You writting is solid, taking out several special effects based scenes would lessen the budget and still offer a tight fun script.
  
  Your lead was really likable. I see this flick as working very well for a teenage audience.
  
  Nice job!
  
  I will read more of your work - keep it coming.
  
  Cheers read
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  Drunken Aliens Save The World.
  A review of Frat Boys from Outer Space
  by Russ2007 on 06/20/2009
  As you can see, I haven't made many notes, as I couldn't see anything majorly wrong with the story, structure, dialogue, characters etc. I've seen this popping up on the site favorites every so often, so was quite happy to get it to review. CONCEPT: Aliens on Earth and trying to fit in, not a new idea, Is it Morons from Outer Space? Haven't watched it for a many years springs... As you can see, I haven't made many notes, as I couldn't see anything majorly wrong with the story, structure, dialogue, characters etc.
  
  I've seen this popping up on the site favorites every so often, so was quite happy to get it to review.
  
  CONCEPT:
  
  Aliens on Earth and trying to fit in, not a new idea, Is it Morons from Outer Space? Haven't watched it for a many years springs to mind and a few others.
  
  Definitely a workable idea.
  
  STORY:
  
  Only had a few issues, with Gill's storyline, In my opinion Gill's storyline should be swapped with the Contest storyline as it seems to be the more important of the two.
  
  Didn't like the fact that he exploded either, seemed a little to convenient and easy. On the whole nothing spectacular, but nothing bad either, definitely had an Animal House vibe to it.
  
  CHARACTERS:
  
  Would like to have seen more of Gill as the main antagonist and maybe have Chad and the contests as the subplots, but that's just me, at the end of the day, it's your story, run with it, how you like.
  
  DIALOGUE:
  
  Usual banter, it was fast to get through, no long speeches or anything.
  
  STRUCTURE:
  
  My only comment, maybe use Quick Flashes when they're doing the competition, other than that, you had the turning points and acts in the right order etc.
  
  OVERALL:
  
  I don't think it would cost much to make, I think a small company could do it reasonably well on a small budget.
  
  Well done, on getting into the site favorites, once again, if you're happy with this version, let it get more reviews and more votes and see what happens.
  
  Best of luck with it.
  
  Pg 8
  
  I'm liking it so far, it's sort of a Sponge Bob Square Pants kind of world, Don't drink water, just drink beer, haha.
  
  Water parties, if only it was that simple, partying would be so much cheaper. Haha
  
  Pg 19
  
  No issues, so far. I'm guessing Chad is going to be the antagonist.
  
  Pg 36
  
  Chloe growls at the receiver as slams the phone down. Chloe
  turns around to see the Ricohta and Gorgonzol.
  
  ...she slams the phone down..
  
  ...turns around to see Ricohta...
  
  Pg 38
  
  ...it must be the altitude...
  
  Pg 40
  
  For me personally, the running 'France' joke is wearing a little thin. Maybe change it, Maybe have Latvia, Russia, Poland etc. These guys must be aware of other countries.
  
  Pg 42
  
  Okay, the humor reminds me of Animal House and Porkys. Not a bad thing. The only comment I will make, would the girls get with the guys this quickly?
  
  Pg 53
  
  She asks him the same question again?
  
  Pg 78
  
  They could have kept their disguises and maybe shown them their space cruiser, instead.
  
  Pg 80
  
  I'm wondering, what's happened to Gill, as he seems to be an important character, since he may or may not destroy the Earth.
  
  Pg 83
  
  So Chloe and Lizzie are Venutians, very convenient, that they should find a fraternity that just happens to have two alien girls, but I'll go with it, for now.
  
  Pg 90
  
  This is personal taste, just wondering about your structure of the Greek Games, I'm wondering if a series of quick flashes would be better to show Chad, Gorgonzol and Ricohta doing the contests.
  
  Pg 100
  
  I know this is a comedy, but I was expecting a lot more with the whole Gill storyline, seems a bit convenient that he explodes and that his race is susceptible to Earth's atmosphere.
  
  And who was he talking to when Gorgonzol and Ric discovered him?
  
  Pg 105
  
  I think this line
  
  'Someday you might do something to save the universe.'
  
  Would be better suited at the start of the screenplay, as a foreshadowing line.
  
  P.S.
  
  The names were funny.
  
  cheeses, haha read
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  Let's Catch Some Gnarly Wormholes, Dude!
  A review of Frat Boys from Outer Space
  by Sanjuro The BAMF on 06/19/2009
  Am I right or wrong when I ask if this script was written in a spree? It’s not a bad thing (look how long it took Paul Schrader to write Taxi Driver), but it seemed like many details were put in as soon as they were thought out. The feeling I got is that the script was written by someone who has an almost instinctual sense of story and structure, but didn’t put much effort... Am I right or wrong when I ask if this script was written in a spree? It’s not a bad thing (look how long it took Paul Schrader to write Taxi Driver), but it seemed like many details were put in as soon as they were thought out. The feeling I got is that the script was written by someone who has an almost instinctual sense of story and structure, but didn’t put much effort or enthusiasm into the script itself. The main point is, it gave the impression that it was written on the go, without an outline or other reference. When it came to the formatting, everything was spotless and clearly by a master of the craft.
  
  Now onto the less negative aspects. You utilized your imagination very well. You didn’t take it to the extreme, such as making the Gravalaxians really alien, so much that they look less like humans more like tangerines (I had to pick something). The thumbnail you used, the one with the brownish aliens with silver outfits, was probably not a good idea to use, as that is how I envision the two guys, even when they’re in human form. I like how you completely toss out any scientific logic, because that kind of stuff does not belong in a comedy.
  
  Gorgonzol is the kind of protagonist that some audience members will roll their eyes at. He’s bright, but ineffectual and clueless. But seeing as this isn’t intended to be an award winner or a critics’ favorite, he doesn’t lack the qualities to be the lead character. Rihchota (I probably spelled it wrong) is too much like Gorgonzol to distinguish himself. Give him some traits that differentiates him from the main character. Chloe and Lizzie were interchangeable. I had trouble remembering who was going out with whom. Chad and Gill are by the book stereotypes. Sometimes cliché characters are necessary, because their entire sphere is established quickly, saving time that could have been unnecessarily spent on developing their characters. Chad was really lame, and we didn’t need to be reminded how snobby and posh he was every time he entered a scene. Gill disappeared for about forty pages, then came back when the “dudes” decided they had to stop him blowing up the planet. He was a really weak antagonist.
  
  The displacement between water and beer was amusing, as was the wordplay with the miners. Some of the twists, or revelations, were unexpected. I think some people will be unhappy with the cliché college vegans. Vegans already get enough flak, for whatever reason their detractors can find. Several of the jokes were milked dry, mostly the water-beer contrast and the confusion between France and Croatia. The biggest concern is that some of the humor is aiming for an R-rating, while the rest is something you can find in a family film. Go one way or the other, preferably the latter.
  
  The script has a good base to build on. The structure and story, aside from a few necessary fixes, are workable. It’s not choke-to-death funny, but it’s humorous. I noticed the script was posted more than two years ago, so I don’t even know if you read the newer reviews. I hope this helped a bit.
  read
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  A little on the Cheese-ey side (pun intended!)
  A review of Frat Boys from Outer Space
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 06/18/2009
  Hi there! First of all, sorry it took me so long to get this review done. I haven't been able to get on triggerstreet much lately, but I finally just finished your script. Ok, so I'll just go through my notes and thoughts...(Sorry if they are a little random and scattered) Id say you have a good title because there's not much of a mystery there about what the movie would be... Hi there! First of all, sorry it took me so long to get this review done. I haven't been able to get on triggerstreet much lately, but I finally just finished your script. Ok, so I'll just go through my notes and thoughts...(Sorry if they are a little random and scattered)
  
  Id say you have a good title because there's not much of a mystery there about what the movie would be about..Frat boys from outer space is about...frat boys from outer space. Sounds like a comedy. Sounds interesting.
  
  Moving on, I'd just like to point out that I love comedies..but, a great comedy is only great because the awesome actors brought it to life. So, it is harder to envision a comedy and laugh at it in its screenplay form. Plus, I don't write comedy...only watch them...So, my thoughts are only my opinion..I could be wrong...
  
  I thought it was a little strange that their names were names of cheeses - only spelled differently. Gorgonzol, Brie, Cheeadar...why cheese? Is cheese really big on that planet?
  
  I also thought it was a strange that beer and water were opposites for them. If their planet is so different from earth, why would they even have beer or water? Demaltation= Dehydration.
  
  By page 15, I knew that the script was written very very well...but, I probably wouldn't know where it was going or what the conflict was if it weren't for the synopsis and title.
  
  I found it hard to be intrigued by the characters because it just seemed like they lived in a backwards form of earth. They had tentacles that were sexual to them...like having a hard on...It reminded me of "The Coneheads" in a way.
  
  I did find it easier to envision it as a funny comedy when I imagined that maybe the guys from Superbad were the actors in your movie.
  
  Hair net is like a condom?
  
  I just think alien worlds should be either nothing like earth at all or exactly like earth.
  
  Again, my personal opinions are creeping in.
  
  There's not much I can really tell you to change. I can't make suggestions without just changing your story and making it NOT your story anymore. It just doesn't seem like it would be my kind of movie. The characters weren't engaging enough for me to care about what happens to them on Earth. In general, it didn't seem believable.
  
  On a positive note, you are a really good writer. You obviously have talent. Again, it's just not for me.
  
  
  
  read
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  Boner: ureatic disposal canal.
  A review of Frat Boys from Outer Space
  by dleonetti on 06/14/2009
  It’s a cool concept: Aliens crash land in Boulder, as if we didn’t have enough of them walking around already and thinking with their tentacles. I found this a strange write for you, Bob, and assume you did it on a lark. I must say that I was slightly disappointed. Though the story had some laugh out loud moments, I found the script lacking. You might want to infuse more humor... It’s a cool concept: Aliens crash land in Boulder, as if we didn’t have enough of them walking around already and thinking with their tentacles. I found this a strange write for you, Bob, and assume you did it on a lark. I must say that I was slightly disappointed. Though the story had some laugh out loud moments, I found the script lacking. You might want to infuse more humor into the story. Perhaps have Gorgonzol and Ricohta grapple with changing their looks from human to alien form for more humorous situations. Have a deer hunter find the space cruiser and the government confiscates it, and the boys have to steal it back. This would add some conflict. Maybe have Norad play a role in the hunt for the cruiser. (I did a screenplay something in this manner) Maybe some CIA nosing around Boulder, etc. Maybe more outrageous: Frat boys recruited as water boys for the football team and serve beer instead of water to intoxicate everyone. Just some weird thoughts on my part. Everything you attempt you do quite well, so I know you can put this is ship-shape. Frat Boys does have a lot of potential. I think it needs to be fine-tuned a bit with more humor and conflict.
  
  TYPOS:
  
  Page 2—CHEEADAR: And while were (we’re) gone
  Page 36—Chloe growls at the receiver as (add she). . .Chloe turns around to see the (omit the)
  Page 68—He uses (omit uses) pops. . .
  
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  For Frat Boys Only?
  A review of Frat Boys from Outer Space
  by donarumo on 06/13/2009
  There technically nothing wrong with this script. It hits all the appropriate points to be a modern screenplay, boy leaves home, becomes a hero, etc. etc. It has all the characters you'd expect from a college party film. It's formatted well and no typos jumped out at me. So, technically nothing wrong. But there's little that would make me go see this film. The humor is... There technically nothing wrong with this script. It hits all the appropriate points to be a modern screenplay, boy leaves home, becomes a hero, etc. etc. It has all the characters you'd expect from a college party film. It's formatted well and no typos jumped out at me. So, technically nothing wrong.
  
  But there's little that would make me go see this film. The humor is sometimes funny even when being base. Unfortunately, most of the humor seems to be a retread of what we've seen before in movies like this. Every character is a cartoon, over the top, stereotypical rehash. I would have loved if Chad and Gill had more soul, if they were more three dimensional.
  
  When this script is at its best, it's clever and silly. The aliens toward the beginning are an example. The "malt" humor, giving a beer to baby, etc. Also, the "miner" joke made me laugh. At it's worse, the script is vulgar without needing to be and predictable to a fault. The old lady saying "fuck" comes to mind as something that seemed without merit and not especially funny. Her doing coke as well. I think, sometimes, you manage to walk that line fairly well. The "swelling" jokes were okay without being too nasty.
  
  Perhaps I'm not the right market for a film like this but it seems to be even the frat boy target demographic would want something a little more. Also, be careful about repeating jokes as they are never funny the second time. The use of "double-wide" when referring to things around the home shopping network is an example.
  
  This feels more like a script for a video game more than a film. That's not a bad thing and I do think it works sometimes.
  
  Moving away from the humor, I think the plot is fine. There's nothing really surprising except perhaps the girls being aliens - that was a nice reveal. We kind of know where the film is headed the whole time. Again, perhaps not a bad thing and this may be what you were going for. I would have liked to have seen a more difficult battle at the end. I'm not saying a more physical contest with Gill, I like that they defeat him with words and make him explode, but it seemed a little too easy. If this was a video game, that level would have been too short.
  
  As for the main characters, the male and female leads are fine for the most part. They seem fairly well drawn. The secondary "friend" characters need some depth though. read