Reviews of Fulfillment 24

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  Unoriginal but heartwarming nonetheless!
  A review of Fulfillment
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/23/2004
  From page one this screenplay is predictable in its outcomes and one is merely surprised at how everything pans out. Having said that, it did make me laugh in all the right places and I did feel a true sincerity with the characters, so where it may be predictable, it is a very good example of how to write a sure-fire-hit romantic comedy. There was some moments of real empathy,... From page one this screenplay is predictable in its outcomes and one is merely surprised at how everything pans out. Having said that, it did make me laugh in all the right places and I did feel a true sincerity with the characters, so where it may be predictable, it is a very good example of how to write a sure-fire-hit romantic comedy. There was some moments of real empathy, I particularly love the redemption of the mundane office environment, with Gary getting his just desserts and I loved Mister Harrow scuttling away with a brand new clipboard at the sight of Neil.Considering I'm not much of a rom-com fan, as I despise predictable films, for the genre this isn't half bad. Stepping away from content, it was well formatted, structure was good and made a very easy read. Well done! read
• 
  A good start
  A review of Fulfillment
  by anamdel on 08/18/2004
  This script was well written and easy to follow. I thought the ending (last 2 pages) was the best. Those are the positives. I felt the characters where too familiar in text and tone. From his co-workers to Dr. Gooseman, I searched for more depth, but never found it. I only found sterotypes of personalities. I was never surprised by Josie, her words or actions. I did... This script was well written and easy to follow. I thought the ending (last 2 pages) was the best. Those are the positives. I felt the characters where too familiar in text and tone. From his co-workers to Dr. Gooseman, I searched for more depth, but never found it. I only found sterotypes of personalities. I was never surprised by Josie, her words or actions. I did not enjoy the awkward line from Dr. Gosseman: "10 days in Mexico". It seemed out-of-character and forced; a line said in a conversation with no emotional follow-up. You definately have a good foundation to your writing, which should make you want to grow your characters through your story. I felt overall that although a great amount of time was spent on grammer and script presentation, the lack of depth in characters kept me uninterested. For me, the conversations with Neil (and Roxanne, Gary, Josie, Mom) should be layered enough, for us to want to ride out his journey with him. I am left with a nice story, well-written script format, but an overall feeling of lack of character depth. I also suggest that this script be trimmed down to 90-95 pages and not be promoted as a romantic comedy, but a romantic drama. read
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  Ginger or Maryann?
  A review of Fulfillment
  by jbarker71 on 08/07/2004
  First off- thank you for a really well formatted script that leaves no doubt that you care about the craft of screenwriting! Such a refreshing change on this site- to read a script where the author took the time to do it right! On to the story. It was a smooth read. Dialog read well, wasn't stilted at all. Not sure if the framing sequence was necessary- we've all seen the dream... First off- thank you for a really well formatted script that leaves no doubt that you care about the craft of screenwriting! Such a refreshing change on this site- to read a script where the author took the time to do it right! On to the story. It was a smooth read. Dialog read well, wasn't stilted at all. Not sure if the framing sequence was necessary- we've all seen the dream scen interupted by the alarm clock. His transformation was believable, but I'm wondering what Roxanne really liked him, other than the script calling for her to act that way. Need to jump into the story more quickly. the "modern world as drab, rat-race" has been depicted many times (we've all seen 'matrix' and 'brazil'), with everyone wearing he same thing and leaving their homes at the same time, etc.- cut it down Also, maybe state why the things on the list are important, maybe Neil's dad always wanted to hear him sing the nat'l anthem, and it was super-important to him. or something. Josie was the obvious choice (even if i hate vespas), but maybe play up why their romance works, as she's somewhat deus-ex-machina. keep with it- you have a great message and a potentially very heartwarming story. read
• 
  Fulfillment
  A review of Fulfillment
  by Renee' on 07/27/2004
  This is not an original concept, but it's a nice solid story. Neil's character is endearing. Everybody loves it when the underdog bites back. But there were a lot ot technical errors. Some of the conversations were not cohesive; it started out very slow - professional script must tell the problem by page 10 or 15/your story did not get started until much later; 'dissolve'... This is not an original concept, but it's a nice solid story. Neil's character is endearing. Everybody loves it when the underdog bites back. But there were a lot ot technical errors. Some of the conversations were not cohesive; it started out very slow - professional script must tell the problem by page 10 or 15/your story did not get started until much later; 'dissolve' is not really used anymore, and finally; you must indicate the start and end of a dream sequence. The story is worth salvaging - best wishes!! read
• 
  Good concept, but poor story structure.
  A review of Fulfillment
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 06/27/2004
  I really like the concept of a dying man going through his list of things to do with the help of stranger. The only problem is this only forms a part of your story. The problem here is the whole Roxanne storyline that figures so prominently in the first half. She is part of a seperate story altogether. And we've all seen that story before. When she pops in later it feels like... I really like the concept of a dying man going through his list of things to do with the help of stranger. The only problem is this only forms a part of your story. The problem here is the whole Roxanne storyline that figures so prominently in the first half. She is part of a seperate story altogether. And we've all seen that story before. When she pops in later it feels like an intrusion. The list of things to do aspect of this story must be greatly expanded. Only a few are interesting and the rest are mundane and most go by way too fast. The ending is good, but it feels unsupported by what came before. And you really need a better meeting scene between Josie and Neil. The collision in the train station just doesn't work. Why would Josie pretend to be injured like that? Neil is a total stranger who just crashed right into here. This just doesn't work. And you really have to make Neil a more compelling character for this story to work. Why would anyone like him? What's there to like. We see nothing of why he would appeal to anyone. You do a great job of creating Josie, but I couldn't care less about Neil as written. Also, why didn't Roxanne inquire about Neil's collapse and trip to the hospital when she sees him alter at work? read
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  Kind of Slow
  A review of Fulfillment
  by hisd808 on 06/26/2004
  The story takes a long time to really get my interest up after the initial scene on the bridge. It kind of takes a snooze until more than a third of the way through the screenplay before it gets interesting again. I think it needs more something, suspense, action....anything to keep you interested. The second two thirds of the story work well. The dialogue sounds forced. People... The story takes a long time to really get my interest up after the initial scene on the bridge. It kind of takes a snooze until more than a third of the way through the screenplay before it gets interesting again. I think it needs more something, suspense, action....anything to keep you interested. The second two thirds of the story work well. The dialogue sounds forced. People don't usually talk in perfrect sentences all the time. Other than all that, I liked toe plot. and I think this screenplay has the piotential to be quite good. Keep on writing! read
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  Fulfillment Review
  A review of Fulfillment
  by Lexey on 06/25/2004
  I liked the story & characters (Josie, especially). My only real concern is Neil's lack of reaction to the news of his impending death. In MHO I did not find that, along with a quite rare disease being diagnosed so quickly, to be realistic. No test after tests, waiting for results, no second opinion. Does not feel real. I believe that could be fixed just by showing us... I liked the story & characters (Josie, especially). My only real concern is Neil's lack of reaction to the news of his impending death. In MHO I did not find that, along with a quite rare disease being diagnosed so quickly, to be realistic. No test after tests, waiting for results, no second opinion. Does not feel real. I believe that could be fixed just by showing us a visit to this Dr. before his fainting spell. Neil already knows he is facing his final days, although we do not find out this info until after the fainting spell - as you have it. That would allow us to assume Neil's already been through the stages one would naturally go through upon hearing those dreaded words of death. That said, I believe (pg 44) the Dr's line, "Well, maybe 10 in Mexico" should be cut. Too seriuos a moment for a joke. Too many "young lady" - the homeless man says it, the Patron, the Dr. "Maybe we'll hire a cowboy. Face like a horse, Mom." --that was funny. That's about all I have to add. I enjoyed the read. Thank you & good luck with it. read
• 
  tough not to like
  A review of Fulfillment
  by dropkickjeffy on 06/23/2004
  This has an irresistible premise (who could possibly not relate to it?), and it makes good on that premise. It was a quick read, and it felt good at the end (but not too good; I applaud the bittersweet ending that'll stick with me a lot longer than a Hollywood ending). So why, even though it was one of the better scripts I've read lately, did it leave me slightly cold? I think... This has an irresistible premise (who could possibly not relate to it?), and it makes good on that premise. It was a quick read, and it felt good at the end (but not too good; I applaud the bittersweet ending that'll stick with me a lot longer than a Hollywood ending). So why, even though it was one of the better scripts I've read lately, did it leave me slightly cold? I think because it could have been even better. Part of the problem is that things are too straightforward and obvious. Neil's unhappy life, full of missed chances, is easy to identify with - but it's cartoonish at times, with him stumbling when faced with the girl of his dreams, the butt of jokes from stereotypical jerks, the target of an impossibly mean manager, etc. Why not give the other characters the same humanity you gave Josie and Neil, instead of making them caricatures in his life? Then they become more than just plot devices. (I actually liked your treatment of Roxanne - she neither broke his heart, nor saved him - she was just a woman who wasn't sure what she wanted either.) And Josie was a heartwarming character; you did a wonderful job of making her seem wounded at times and happy-go-lucky at others. A nip here and a tuck there and this is pure gold. read
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  Fulfillment
  A review of Fulfillment
  by aksmith on 06/16/2004
  First off, this screenplay is mislabeled. It is not a comedy. There are some humorous moments, but it is clearly a drama. So, I'll review it as a drama. It is a sparkling job or writing. Your description/action is perfect. The dialogue is well thought-out and reads smoothly. I've been a doctor for a long time and I've never heard of Casperitis. I'll look it up later, but you... First off, this screenplay is mislabeled. It is not a comedy. There are some humorous moments, but it is clearly a drama. So, I'll review it as a drama. It is a sparkling job or writing. Your description/action is perfect. The dialogue is well thought-out and reads smoothly. I've been a doctor for a long time and I've never heard of Casperitis. I'll look it up later, but you might want to invent a disease that affects the RAS, which is the sleep/activation framework of the brain. Call it Reticular Degeneration or something like that. If it's real, I will stand corrected. It did remind me a little of Joe and The Volcano, I think they called it "Brain Fog." Character - Very nice. You allow the characters to develop slowly. The only criticism, and I don't have a problem with it, is that nothing really happens until page 40. Some will complain about this, but I won't. I don't mind a story taking its time as long as I care about the characters. And I did. Consider relabeling it a drama. And good luck with it. read
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  Things To Do... Review.
  A review of Fulfillment
  by blh557 on 06/15/2004
  If this script has one weakness it is the jumpy format that makes it a bit difficult to read smoothly. Otherwise the story is pretty tight and I found myself connecting quite well with the characters. In fact, I had a hard time not going back to it. A few typo's and dropped words, but nothing major. My main complaints; forget camera placement, forget telling us about the characters'... If this script has one weakness it is the jumpy format that makes it a bit difficult to read smoothly. Otherwise the story is pretty tight and I found myself connecting quite well with the characters. In fact, I had a hard time not going back to it. A few typo's and dropped words, but nothing major. My main complaints; forget camera placement, forget telling us about the characters' feelings, don't "lead" us into the next scene or area, too many elipses (... ) used incorrectly, indicate dream scenes in your slugline even though you want it to be a surprise, use the SFX (sound effects) and SPFX (special effects) slugs when needed. Your descriptives (action) were well defined and, though a little wordy at times, were not out of step with contemporary spec formatting... which made me wonder why you use such a "TV-ish" style. This is a well crafted story. There's nothing new about the storyline, but you did a great job of putting the pieces together in a way that made me enjoy it. I would suggest that you change the name to reflect the "To Do" list part of the story. I think that's the unique characteristic that separates this "dying too young, needs love" script from the others. Good job. read