Reviews of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again 16

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  Lightening plays the blues
  A review of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again
  by Avalily on 05/21/2005
  I like the idea of a local blues legend, who comes back for revenge while his cursed guitar plays his music in the hands of someone else. The motivations of the different characters, don't always ring true to me. Why doesn't Spencer ask more questions in the beginning? Why does he just do as the ghost tells him to do? Why isn't he more afraid of the ghost? Etc. I don't think... I like the idea of a local blues legend, who comes back for revenge while his cursed guitar plays his music in the hands of someone else.
  
  The motivations of the different characters, don't always ring true to me. Why doesn't Spencer ask more questions in the beginning? Why does he just do as the ghost tells him to do? Why isn't he more afraid of the ghost? Etc. I don't think he behaves like most people would.
  
  It also creeped me out, that Amanda has sex with a man, that carries her fathers ghost within her. Can you perhaps change the story so that the father gains energy whenever the guitar is played? And not from Spencer directly?
  
  The flashes of the murders, that Spencer sees, could be changed to the father appearing to Spencer in the audience, the night before a murder happens? Something like that.
  
  That way, Spencer could keep playing to try to get the father to appear so he could talk to him and stop him. Not realizing that the guitar gave the father the energy he needed to kill? Just a suggestion to get around the father/boyfriend in bed with pretty Amanda at the same time.
  
  I generally like the characters, even though they don't always make sense in their actions.
  
  The dialogue is, at times, too descriptive. The key scene where Spencer talks to Lightening the first time, you explain too much. I don't think you need much more than.. f.ex:
  
  p 34 - 35.
  
  LIGHTENING : When I walked this earth, most folks just called me "Lightening".
  
  SPENCER : "Lightening" is dead.
  
  LIGHTENING : Maybe he is, maybe he ain't. I left some unfinished business behind, Spencer. And I need you to help settle it for me.
  ------
  
  You don't need to explain that he is between worlds, I think.
  
  The lightening hitting the tree in the beginning, is an interesting backstory, but I don't think you need to show it. I suggest getting started on the story much quicker, going straight to Spencer catching Amanda's eye, then the shop, then the night where he wakes and talks to the ghost. Later, he can be playing the guitar, and we can be shown a flash of the hanging tree, the lightening, the branch of the tree fashioned into a guitar. Just flashes. Show the woman's scar on her neck. Show Amanda's scar on her neck as she plays with the children in the park. Maybe Spencer doesn't even see it. Maybe the guitar shows it to the audience? As the storytellar that knows and remembers everything that happened through the years?
  
  I would like to suggest, that you find a different way to add emotion and imagery to your story. When you write "bites his lip" or "squints" and all those physical actions, it confuses me. I rarely ever bite my lip, and my body language is not the same as what you describe. That means, that I sometimes wonder what you are trying to show. I know how hard it is to paint a picture for the audience and make it come alive. In this case, I would very much prefer, that you just write "looks surprised" or just "surprised". Or whatever emotion you need people to see in the actors. Because this is something they can act. Inner dialogue like "he thought about that baseball game in 1990" can't be shown, I know, but "surprised" can definatly be shown.
  
  page 57 - I really resented Spencer when he laughed in the mirror. I know he was being the ghost, but... then I really resent the ghost. Not sure, if I should dislike the ghost.
  
  I'm also not crazy about the son being killed. Or a woman about to be killed because of her gossipping.
  
  At the end of the story, I'm still not entirely sure how the guitar fits into the whole thing. First they try to destroy the cursed object, and then they are happy when it lives on? It's a bit confusing.
  
  Best of luck. read
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  Glraming Love Ghost Story
  A review of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again
  by Nadlin on 05/09/2005
  I guess I'm one to thank for whittling this down because I've read and reviewed this piece before. I continue to like this imaginative ghost story that weaves the tale around a haunted guitar. I can see this tale has been edited to a better form. Good job. The beginning continues to be eerie and dramatic with a good bit of history to it. The writer uses well lighting and lightning... I guess I'm one to thank for whittling this down because I've read and reviewed this piece before. I continue to like this imaginative ghost story that weaves the tale around a haunted guitar. I can see this tale has been edited to a better form. Good job.
  The beginning continues to be eerie and dramatic with a good bit of history to it. The writer uses well lighting and lightning to tell the tale which will look good on film. I do like that the persons being hanged escape.
  I also like the angle on the noose scar mark on Abigail's descendants. I do think the characters should all be given names to personify them better.
  The dialogue with Michelle and Spencer when they first meet is stiff and too on-the-nose. I'd work on that to make it more naturalistic.
  How does Spencer know that Curtis was the man who heard the music and that he is a friend of Cyrus? I assume he didn't get the passerby's name.
  There are times when the writer writes what people are feeling. Ex., 'Spencer is frightened. Distant'. This would need dialogue to establish for the viewing audience.
  I do like Spencer's championing of women in the jail house scene. Good message.
  I want to see the scene where Spencer asks Amanda to marry him.
  But these are all minor points. The big problem with the story is how exactly is Spencer called upon by Lightning? He isn't even present when the accidents occur. The connection between them needs to be more well established. Is it that when Spencer plays the guitar, it allows a link to the living for Lightning? Is Lightning using energy from Spencer? I'd work on how exactly the link between the two men works.
  The ending with Jimmy and the other guitarists is excellent.
  Thanks once again for a good read. Good luck. read
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  Glimmers of Hope
  A review of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again
  by 2004filmfan on 03/23/2005
  There is a very interesting story here, buried beneath some minor problems with dialogue and characters. Remove or reduce the voice over, apparently it is a no no in a spec script, so try and explain what you need another way, with visuals if possible. Found it really hard to tell who was saying what, without reading names. Sounds like the same one person throughout. Get some... There is a very interesting story here, buried beneath some minor problems with dialogue and characters. Remove or reduce the voice over, apparently it is a no no in a spec script, so try and explain what you need another way, with visuals if possible. Found it really hard to tell who was saying what, without reading names. Sounds like the same one person throughout. Get some help from another person to add some differences/character traits where possible. Just make the individuals, individual.
  
  Good job in capturing the small town "feel", it was easy to visualize it all, due mainly you well written description and action. A common problem in screenplays, is writers using too much dialogue and not breaking it up with action, you have the opposite here, too much description and action in places, with too little character interaction - good examples on pages 19, 15, 101.
  
  Middle section was slow and dull, but real talent is lurking here under some minor technical issues. read
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  Needs a little more work
  A review of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 03/03/2005
  You definitely have lots of talent. But a few things need to be addressed. First, it's very important to cut down on the exposition. I felt the script, while entertaining, was very difficult to read. It should flow. Try using short sentences. Also, camera angles: you can use them sparingly, and only if absolutely necessary. A few things I didn't understand: what was the rotund... You definitely have lots of talent. But a few things need to be addressed. First, it's very important to cut down on the exposition. I felt the script, while entertaining, was very difficult to read. It should flow. Try using short sentences.
  
  Also, camera angles: you can use them sparingly, and only if absolutely necessary. A few things I didn't understand: what was the rotund woman doing in the setup? Was she planning on killing the little boy? And Abigail..why was she there? Was she a victim, or one of the evil people? read
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  Glimmers of Darkness Review
  A review of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again
  by chickenoodles on 02/27/2005
  This screenplay was just okay for me. That is not to say it was not well written. I was just not into the story on a personal level. The concept is good and I liked the Jimi Hendricks ending. I loved the beginning. I didn't read the synopsis before diving into the screenplay and I just loved the Salem Witch Trials beginning. It left me wishing there was more of it. That... This screenplay was just okay for me. That is not to say it was not well written. I was just not into the story on a personal level. The concept is good and I liked the Jimi Hendricks ending. I loved the beginning. I didn't read the synopsis before diving into the screenplay and I just loved the Salem Witch Trials beginning. It left me wishing there was more of it. That part was very well written and creepy. Keep up the good work. read
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  Glimmers of Darkness
  A review of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again
  by ConnieTrantham on 02/24/2005
  By golly, heat up the popcorn and sell me a ticket, because this is a movie I'll definitely want to see. This screenplay has all the right stuff: it's properly formatted, has a terrific storyline with well developed characters, and flows smoothly from start to finish. I really enjoyed reading this, then when it came to the final page, I was even more impressed - what an... By golly, heat up the popcorn and sell me a ticket, because this is a movie I'll definitely want to see. This screenplay has all the right stuff: it's properly formatted, has a terrific storyline with well developed characters, and flows smoothly from start to finish. I really enjoyed reading this, then when it came to the final page, I was even more impressed - what an awesome twist for the ending! There were some typos which I made a note of and will be happy to send to the author if he wants to e-mail me. One inconsistency I noted is that Spencer kicked the front door down, yet since it's the boarding house he lived in, he would presumably have had a key. Overall, this is an excellent screenplay and is my number one favorite of all I've reviewed so far. Just take care of those few typos and, in my opinion, it's ready to go! read
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  Glimmers Of Darkness Review
  A review of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again
  by Lexey on 02/05/2005
  A great opening; extremely well detailed descriptions brought it to life. You immediately grabbed my intention & your story held it throughout. I found this to be among the most original concepts that I've read on TS. Good job!Now for what few notes I have (which in no way mean to belittle this great script) -- Lily's VO on pg 84--I had to stop a moment & consider how this... A great opening; extremely well detailed descriptions brought it to life. You immediately grabbed my intention & your story held it throughout. I found this to be among the most original concepts that I've read on TS. Good job!Now for what few notes I have (which in no way mean to belittle this great script) -- Lily's VO on pg 84--I had to stop a moment & consider how this voice over would play over a black screen. I'm not sure. I think there might be a smoother transistion into that flashback. Again on pg 90, Spencer's & Amanda's VOs on a black screen - I think that would play better just by staying on Lily, looking at the pictures & her smile. with Spencer's VO and bring Amanda's dialogue into the next scene in the bedroom. That's just my opinion & I could be totally wrong. Pg 90 when Spencer says, "The look in your daddy's eyes...", To me that didn't make sense, because he couldn't see the look. Last, I felt Smoke seemed to disappear for too long. When the small dog showed up at Lily's, I'm wondering - where's Smoke ? Then he comes back on pg 101. I feel you need to show him at Amanda's apartment, if that's where he is. That's all the minor nit-picking I have. GL with this, I'd love to see it on the big screen read
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  Descriptions, Descriptions
  A review of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again
  by Tybeau on 01/29/2005
  The first thing I learned about writing screenplays was that one must create a movie in the mind of the reader. I'm sorry to say you did not create one in my mind. You "projected" a story and dialogue in my head, but not a movie. Perhaps that's because you seem afraid of or uninterested in descriptions of the characters, their surroundings, their actions and what is happening... The first thing I learned about writing screenplays was that one must create a movie in the mind of the reader. I'm sorry to say you did not create one in my mind. You "projected" a story and dialogue in my head, but not a movie. Perhaps that's because you seem afraid of or uninterested in descriptions of the characters, their surroundings, their actions and what is happening to them. I got the feeling you were in a hurry when writing this script and only had time to devote to the dialogue. I was also taught that nothing goes on the page that doesn't go on the screen. There are numerous instances when you simply tell readers something in the scene heading instead of causing them to discover it on their own through dialogue and/or descriptions. If people go to the theater to see this movie, are you going to have someone sitting next to each audience member to whisper in their ears, "it's the next afternoon," "that's the Tennessee River," etc.? Again, you seem afraid of or uninterested in descriptions. Like most if not all reviews, this is just the opinion of one person. read
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  The supernaturl got my attention.
  A review of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again
  by mcclanahanbozo on 01/29/2005
  I have to tell you when I start reading this story I wasn’t really sure where it was going. Until I got to page (9). Then my interests pick up when you introduce Amanda and spencer. The scenes on the park bench and the fountain park. It really got interesting when Spencer buys the guitar. And bringing Lightening in the script made it a bit more interesting. I felt this... I have to tell you when I start reading this story I wasn’t really sure where it was going. Until I got to page (9). Then my interests pick up when you introduce Amanda and spencer. The scenes on the park bench and the fountain park. It really got interesting when Spencer buys the guitar. And bringing Lightening in the script made it a bit more interesting. I felt this was a very good story you wrote. It was well written and was told well. I felt it to interesting, exciting, and a very enjoyable story to read. You’ve done a great job on your script. The characters all good. I liked how you put Buck and his son. Their action was very good. Your dialogue was very good, no complaints there. I enjoy reading this script, and hope to see this movie on day. I wish you all the best. read
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  Very Interesting, Though Not Spectacular
  A review of Glimmers of Darkness -- Revised, yet again
  by ScottWaltA on 01/25/2005
  Glimmers of Darkness was very entertaining, but I would not pay $9.00 to see it in the theatre. It read more like a "Movie of the Week" but an entertaining "Movie of the Week".Characters were developed very soundly and were given a lot of depth. The pacing was also good and the script contained all the major elements of a screen play: catalyst, crisis, point of no rteturn,... Glimmers of Darkness was very entertaining, but I would not pay $9.00 to see it in the theatre. It read more like a "Movie of the Week" but an entertaining "Movie of the Week".Characters were developed very soundly and were given a lot of depth. The pacing was also good and the script contained all the major elements of a screen play: catalyst, crisis, point of no rteturn, etc... Thirdly, the writer seems to be a master at developing suspense. However, there were a couple problems. The amount of interracial contact seemed highly unlikely at that timesetting. Also, story dropped off at the end in regards to excitement. There was no big battle, just "the end" it seemed. Definitley, Spencer's part in the story should end before the Jimi Hendrix reference. It should be more of an epilogue. read