Reviews of Horatio 47

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  Excellent Work!
  A review of Horatio
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/01/2010
  Great feel good piece! Horatio is engaging and a great anchor. His interactions with the people of Redmond are just as engaging and entertaining as he is. When Horatio isn't around however, your supporting characters become slightly cliche. (Arthur kissing himself in the picture being the most standout example). Which may be a choice, and that's fine. But if they're cliche... Great feel good piece! Horatio is engaging and a great anchor. His interactions with the people of Redmond are just as engaging and entertaining as he is.
  
  When Horatio isn't around however, your supporting characters become slightly cliche. (Arthur kissing himself in the picture being the most standout example). Which may be a choice, and that's fine. But if they're cliche perhaps you can use that to your advantage in shortening and tightening it up a bit.
  
  Because, 2 hours is a beast for this type of movie (going off the 120+ page count). A family movie like this, I think, really needs to be between 80 and 100, MAYBE upwards of 110 if there is an INCREDIBLE pay off for sitting with a squirmy child through that much time. While the pay off here is undoubtedly good and fulfilling, it's just not 2 hours/120 pages good.
  
  Those are my main negatives. Overall though, GREAT WORK! Hollywood is lacking in what this movie evokes, DO THE RIGHT THING and everything will work itself out! I love it.
  
  Side Note: Grammar: Lack of apostrophes was a little distracting at first, but you get used to it.
  
  Write something else. I want to read it!
  read
• 
  Nicely Done
  A review of Horatio
  by RudieCantFail on 09/30/2005
  I throughly enjoyed Horatio, it was very well written (the lack apostrophes were annoying, but you get used to it), flowed nicely and kept my interest even with it's length. I think that film industry is ready for this type of family feel good movie, I kind of likened it to "Big Fish". There is nothing bad I can say about the spelling or grammer, it is impecable. Perhaps... I throughly enjoyed Horatio, it was very well written (the lack apostrophes were annoying, but you get used to it), flowed nicely and kept my interest even with it's length.
  
  I think that film industry is ready for this type of family feel good movie, I kind of likened it to "Big Fish".
  
  There is nothing bad I can say about the spelling or grammer, it is impecable. Perhaps the only thing that I can say bad about the screenplay is that there is a slight build up in the protaganist/antagonist in Mark and Clyde.. but the result is kind of anti climatic,
  
  I'm sorry I do not have much more advise, the story is really well done for what it is and easily one of the best I've read on Trigger Street.
  
  Nicely Done and good luck. read
• 
  Can't argue with the logic
  A review of Horatio
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/30/2005
  You mentioned Mary Poppins and Willy Wonka as influences. There were shades of both in here, but I also had an Edward Scissorhands vibe, and the manipulation of vices in order to make characters see the light (or get their comeuppance) also reminded me of one of my favorite movies of all time, The Bishop's Wife with Cary Grant. I liked this. Early on Horatio made me kind of... You mentioned Mary Poppins and Willy Wonka as influences. There were shades of both in here, but I also had an Edward Scissorhands vibe, and the manipulation of vices in order to make characters see the light (or get their comeuppance) also reminded me of one of my favorite movies of all time, The Bishop's Wife with Cary Grant. I liked this.
  Early on Horatio made me kind of worry he was a bit on the dark side but as we got to know his intentions, that dissipated steadily.
  
  I enjoyed the complexity of the multiple character plot, and some of your dialogue from Horatio was especially wise and true. The only thing I might say that could be deemed negative is that we never get to know who Horatio really is or why he singled out this group of folks to influence. Maybe you could consider adding a couple of lines or scenes fleshing him out just a tad better that way, although keeping him a complete mystery too has its merits.
  
  But I really liked the story. It's clever and well thought out and you can't argue with the logic of it all, which is why Frank Capra movies have stood the test of time. I appreciated the old-fashioned decency of your writing. A real pleasure to read a script here that refuses to taint itself with rough language and over the top nastiness.
  
  Good show, Horatio. read
• 
  Beautifully written
  A review of Horatio
  by anticipated on 08/25/2005
  Let me begin by saying that while at first I was worried by the Production Notes regarding "appropriate quotation marks and apostrophies" not all being visible, it wasn't as annoying as I thought it might be. I haven't submitted a screenplay here yet, but I'd hope that it's easy enough to reformat and resubmit. I sincerely hope that Johnson does this - his screenplay deserves... Let me begin by saying that while at first I was worried by the Production Notes regarding "appropriate quotation marks and apostrophies" not all being visible, it wasn't as annoying as I thought it might be. I haven't submitted a screenplay here yet, but I'd hope that it's easy enough to reformat and resubmit. I sincerely hope that Johnson does this - his screenplay deserves better (especially when his grammar/punctuation is otherwise flawless)!
  
  I truly enjoyed reading this script - I wonder how much changed after he filmed it being acted out. It seems so polished - much like an already-produced script you'd read at script-o-rama or in the film section of the library.
  
  I have some very minor notes, and one bigger overall suggestion. First the minor stuff:
  
  - p. 34 - Arthur kissing his own picture before bed, saying "Good night, beautiful." I thought it would be a stronger scene, and a funnier payoff, if there were no words, just a kiss, a look of contentment, and then we see that it was a picture of himself.
  
  - p. 39 - Spray it "on" your window - on is missing; is this also part of the weird formatting glitches?
  
  - p. 50 - Johann throws "open" the lab door - reads "up" in the version I read
  
  - p. 57 - I would've guessed he was older than 30; maybe it makes no difference, but I'd believe him more if he was older - seems too wise to be 30... Is that reverse ageism?!?
  
  - p. 118 - What about only having Mark say, "Why do I bother, Neptune?" and leaving it at that, rather than saying that bit about Clyde?
  
  Now the suggestion:
  And I'll preface this with saying again that it was a great read, and a wonderfully written script.
  
  It's now been about a week since I read the assignment, so I don't remember the exact point in the script where I first noticed it, but it seemed that the real conflict (town vs. stranger, insiders vs. outsiders, etc.) didn't start until very, very late in the script.
  
  Uplifting, joyous innocence is great, but if there were more naysayers, more disbelievers, more antagonists, wouldn't the sweet, uplifting ending only be that much sweeter?
  
  Maybe it'd be a rougher ride along the way, maybe that's not the movie that you wanted to write, maybe I'm COMPLETELY wrong... Maybe I've just seen too many formulaic Hollywood films and yours is the breath of fresh air into the 3-act, Campbell-based structure that we all need...
  
  ONCE AGAIN, I'm pleading now, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reformat this, reupload it, so that people can focus on the work and not be distracted by "filling in punctuation mentally as needed". You've put so much time to writing a great story, put just a little more into getting a great looking .pdf doc. Maybe someone here at TS could even help...
  
  Best of luck and I look forward to seeing this on the big screen - I have no doubts. read
• 
  Horacio Review
  A review of Horatio
  by blkmajwom on 08/20/2005
  Very clever story…At first, I thought Horacio wasn’t very interesting…seems like the more I read on, the better his sarcasm became. Reminded me of Johnny Depp in Willy Wonka…I think you should work hard at tightening up the script so you’ll have a better chance of getting someone to read it. Overall I enjoyed it. The ending (play) seemed a little rushed. Perhaps... Very clever story…At first, I thought Horacio wasn’t very interesting…seems like the more I read on, the better his sarcasm became. Reminded me of Johnny Depp in Willy Wonka…I think you should work hard at tightening up the script so you’ll have a better chance of getting someone to read it.
  
  Overall I enjoyed it. The ending (play) seemed a little rushed. Perhaps you can have the characters come to terms with their own reality by themselves, instead of having it displayed on stage. Just an idea. Please take all the criticism below with a grain of salt. It is only my opinion and you may do it with it what you please.
  
  Passive voice is used throughout the script, which drove me crazy…You can write, you just need more practice…for instance.
  
  Page 1 perhaps you should write – The crosswalk sign Flashes walk. The stranger picks up his case, crosses the street, and tips his hat at the car stopped by the red light.
  
  Page 2 – “Frank rushes out of the deli.” That way you can you don’t need to write that extra line of Frank being in a hurry.
  
  You can make the script tighter, hence a quicker, and easy read.
  
  I went crazy with the missing punctuations until I read that it was a technical mistake.
  
  An elderly Marge and friend – don’t need a friend
  
  Neither of them see Horatio….once Marge passes
  
  WRITE IN PRESENT
  
  I’m sure, once you clean it up and remove all those excess words, and make present, your script will be much tighter and you’ll drop at least 3-6 pages.
  
  Two workers hang a large banner
  
  Clayton supervises.
  
  Also, keep away from words that are feelings and not actions…for instance…
  
  Marc senses being watch…Make it – Marc looks up…etc.
  
  How old is Arthur Stockwell?
  
  What about Ben? Description?
  
  Phone rings needs to be cap.
  
  Page 4 need VO – don’t tell us frank is on the other line. Show us…
  
  Page 7 need OS off screen in stead of from inside directions.
  
  You need to set up the apartment building – is it clean, painted, decrepit, falling apart, empty?
  
  Page 8 – how does the manager show no compassion, does she yawn? Look away? What?
  
  Page 9 how does the manager think about it. Does she grin, slightly?
  
  Page 11 – you might want to separate action into single lines and not have them all cluttered. Makes for an easier read.
  
  Clydes office – what does it look like – you need to describe a new setting.
  
  You might want to lay off sooooo many ……….they’re everywhere.
  
  Page 15 you might want to break up that long monologue with some action from Mark.
  
  Page 20 – watch out for the descriptions of what the character thinks…we can’t see that.
  
  Also, avoid he sees and we see, she sees. & he STARTS to do this or that.
  
  Page 28 – write EVENING instead of DAY (evening)
  
  Page 39 – don’t need to set up the montage just write MONTAGE and then write the action.
  became.
  
  The Future/Present scene was a little confusing. If you tighten it up a bit, it’ll help.
  
  Page 68 – how does horactio silence the dogs – with a look, a hand gesture or words?
  
  Page 111 you should cut Clydes excuse, it’s too long and most of it is unnecessary.
  
  page 126 horacios dialogue can be trimmed a little. He repeats a lot. And what does VARIOUS DAYS mean? Is this some sort of montage? read
• 
  i don't want to know how to live my life better
  A review of Horatio
  by pickup on 08/16/2005
  the lead annoyed me right from the start. poking around in everyone's lives. some sort of supernatural powers - which in the case of the mirror could have been more clearly explained. the 30 day town visit meant you could see exactly where the plot was going too early. the end was a bit sickly and easy. everyone's problems neatly solved. bah! smelt a bit religious - couched... the lead annoyed me right from the start. poking around in everyone's lives. some sort of supernatural powers - which in the case of the mirror could have been more clearly explained. the 30 day town visit meant you could see exactly where the plot was going too early. the end was a bit sickly and easy. everyone's problems neatly solved. bah! smelt a bit religious - couched behind self help speak. on the good side it is well written, chugs along nicely, each character is well defined easy to tell apart and gets to arc and i suppose kids will get some redeeming moral message about not being greedy for money love, friends, whatever. i'd rather the kids weren't served up such attitudinizing bland life lessons. read
• 
  Enjoyable Read
  A review of Horatio
  by RazorbackCA on 08/09/2005
  I enjoyed the script and definitely think that it has some potential. I felt that the characters and story were charming, though perhaps a little stereotypical. If this script were to come across my desk, my thoughts would be as follows. I would suggest that the writer cut about 30 pages or so. I know this is a lot, but it’s coming in at 129 right now and that’s just... I enjoyed the script and definitely think that it has some potential. I felt that the characters and story were charming, though perhaps a little stereotypical. If this script were to come across my desk, my thoughts would be as follows. I would suggest that the writer cut about 30 pages or so. I know this is a lot, but it’s coming in at 129 right now and that’s just way too much for this movie. It strikes me as a nice television movie with some nice moments for actors. I don’t particularly see it getting a theatrical run these days. It has a similar feel to a movie called Mumford that came out a few years back… which didn’t do well in theatrical release but has done well in video. I would suggest the writer look into putting the script in the seven act structure of a television movie and pursuing those avenues. read
• 
  Happy Ending -- sort of
  A review of Horatio
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/09/2005
  I like this story quite a bit. If I had money to make movies, I'd be willing to invest in this one. It's something I'd want to see on the big screen. Charming, quirky in a good way. It's sort of a mirror-image "Needful Things" meets "Mary Poppins" -- and I mean that as a compliment. For me, the best moment was with Horatio and Ben at the lemonade stand. Beautiful scene... I like this story quite a bit. If I had money to make movies, I'd be willing to invest in this one. It's something I'd want to see on the big screen. Charming, quirky in a good way. It's sort of a mirror-image "Needful Things" meets "Mary Poppins" -- and I mean that as a compliment.
  
  For me, the best moment was with Horatio and Ben at the lemonade stand. Beautiful scene.
  
  While I don't think major changes are necessary, I have a few suggestions.
  
  First, in the opening scene -- I'd suggest that you be more specific about what's "unusual" about Horatio's shoes and socks. You could leave it to the costume person, but I was curious while reading. In that same scene, you identify Horatio first as a STRANGER. This little bit of mystery is needless and pointless, in my opinion. I'd suggest just identifying him from the start.
  
  Page 2 -- description -- CLYDE STANTON, 40-something, is supervising from below, giving the workers grief on their sense of leveling. That description cries out for dialogue. What's he saying?
  
  One stylistic comment -- I don't care for the "is supervising" construction. Obviously it wasn't a major distraction since I really enjoyed the screenplay, but rather than writing something like "Horatio is walking..." how about "Horatio walks..."
  
  The last 20-30 pages weren't quite as strong for me as the preceding. My sense is that the dialogue got more speechy and on the nose. People spelling out precisely their meaning, and doing it with long sections of dialogue. I wasn't entirely sold on the play idea either. And the final sequence (with each person acting on what they learned) felt kinda corny -- I was hoping for something a little more joyous or humorous rather than on the nose.
  
  Specifically -- Clyde tearing up a campaign poster didn't make a lot of sense because I didn't view his problem as one of political ambition. His issue was greed.
  
  Ida removing the mirror from the wall was okay, but that wasn't the problem either. It was her obsession with her looks. (By the way, I like the idea of a mirror that shows her what she's really feeling. Great idea there.) Is there a way to show that she's not going to be as hung up on appearances anymore?
  
  Marge's transformation from gossip hound to "none of my business" was okay. I thought Henry's use of the word "news" was the wrong word.
  
  The Frank change was good until it went into the "I love you" "I love you too" stuff. How about -- After "I'm -- HOME." -- have a scene with Frank playing poker with his wife and son. With M&Ms instead of money.
  
  Overall, I really enjoyed this screenplay. Great work, and best of luck getting this sold and made. read
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  Hooraytio
  A review of Horatio
  by kentmur on 08/09/2005
  A fun Disney movie with a heart of gold. I really enjoyed the story and thought Horatio was an interesting and humorous figment. A few random comments. It's too long for a movie of this genre and I think you can easily trim it by cutting some superfluous dialog. Just as an example, the scene on page 27 where Ben flies through the kitchen and says he was at Caleb's house... A fun Disney movie with a heart of gold. I really enjoyed the story and thought Horatio was an interesting and humorous figment. A few random comments. It's too long for a movie of this genre and I think you can easily trim it by cutting some superfluous dialog. Just as an example, the scene on page 27 where Ben flies through the kitchen and says he was at Caleb's house. Why Caleb's? What's this scene for -- to show that Ben and his dad don't communicate? The just have Ben rush through the kitchen without stopping. And if Ben is so starved for affection from poker-playing dad, why doesn't he stop? There are many scenes that have chitchat that should go to get this to 100 pages or so. I thought some fo the characters' failings were a little too trivial. Franks' marriage is in trouble because he plays poker sometimes until 8:30 after work. Most people don't get home from work until about then -- have Frank have a more serious selfish compulsion -- or at least show up at 2am, drunk instead of just a little late for dinner. Even in a Disney movie this would be OK. Same thing with the $5,000. Make it $500,000 -- or some serious corruption. $5,000 is a rounding error. All the characters seemed a little too similar. I know this is the midwest, small town and all that, but try to give your characters different voices. Horatio was the only one who had a distinct pesonality. Everyone else was a bit thin. Overall I enjoyed this a lot and wish you luck with it. Good job! read
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  Well Done
  A review of Horatio
  by Wayne Patrick on 08/07/2005
  I thoroughly enjoyed this SP. I found Horatio's character very intriguing. He seemed always able to keep one step ahead of everyone else. One was never certain what next he had up his sleeve. The other characters were very lifelike and fitted nicely into that small town scenario. The dialogue reinforced the entire atmosphere and made it all very believable. There is not much... I thoroughly enjoyed this SP. I found Horatio's character very intriguing. He seemed always able to keep one step ahead of everyone else. One was never certain what next he had up his sleeve. The other characters were very lifelike and fitted nicely into that small town scenario. The dialogue reinforced the entire atmosphere and made it all very believable. There is not much I can fault with this SP, except to say that there should be a'FADE IN:' at the begining and that apostrophes should be used. I think you have a winner here. Good luck with it. read