+ more submissions by snoopy1239

Reviews of Horror Story 6

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  FUNNY....FOR THE 90s CROWD
  A review of Horror Story
  by damiz7o7 on 11/26/2012
  After a while of reading, I could tell that you were just having fun with this thing. It wasn't very funny for me, but I got a lot of the little nods. It's a little late for something like this, however. You'd have to change many of the names and throw in some Paranormal Activity or Jeepers Creepers stuff to be successful. I could definitely do without the singing bits, unless... After a while of reading, I could tell that you were just having fun with this thing. It wasn't very funny for me, but I got a lot of the little nods. It's a little late for something like this, however. You'd have to change many of the names and throw in some Paranormal Activity or Jeepers Creepers stuff to be successful. I could definitely do without the singing bits, unless this went as some freaky animated film.
  
  I think you could cut down on some of the characters. Many of them, such as Wesley, didn't seem to bring much to the story. I understand what you were going for, but with a piece like this, you want to be as tight as possible. And as I said, anyone interested would want some new stuff in here. I think that's why that Cabin in The Woods, very similar in parts, failed so miserably. It missed its target audience by 20 years. Good luck with this. Maybe you should enter into every horror script contest you can and get it noticed by some old school horror director, like Clive Barker. read
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  Best part of this screen play is that you used the word "canoodle"
  A review of Horror Story
  by tishanddavid on 11/24/2012
  And the kittens. I liked the jokes about the kittens. I would say that maybe 30% of this screenplay is genuinely funny. However, and I am going to assume that others have mentioned this, and if they haven't I will be shocked, this is just a cheap parody of Cabin In The Woods, Hellraiser (you even use Clives name!)and several other lesser films. I figured early on that you... And the kittens. I liked the jokes about the kittens. I would say that maybe 30% of this screenplay is genuinely funny. However, and I am going to assume that others have mentioned this, and if they haven't I will be shocked, this is just a cheap parody of Cabin In The Woods, Hellraiser (you even use Clives name!)and several other lesser films.
  
  I figured early on that you were trying to do a Scream Parody type film, but its just so cheesy and a lot of it really verges into plagiarism. You are REALLY going to need to give proper credit where its due in your bio notes. You also REALLY need to explain what is that you're trying to accomplish with this.
  
  It felt drawn out and well past its prime around page 80. I don't care about any of your characters. Besides names and ages nothing substantially breaks them apart. Theres a LOT of typos see notes below, as it is I got tired of making notations.
  
  While its a good title and you are a good writer and you are clearly a comedian and put a lot into this - it is just not working on several levels. Its too much action and blood and guts. Its too much rip off of old horror films. Its chock full of cliches.You dont warn that its a parody and then you constantly refer back to cinema rules in horror films, which has also been done. Maybe in England this would work IF its a new concept, as it is now it needs a lot of retooling.
  
  Good luck,
  Tisha
  
  
  
  NOTES:
  Clive pull out a FEATHER DUSTER from behind his back. (Pulls out)
  
  DAVE More kittens. (Would be funnier if he said - Damn kittens!)
  
  Page 43. Dave screams. Clive is pursued by Zombie. Dave screams again. Then Mummy. (Retool all of this)
  
  Page 44. Clive silences werewolf with a hand. (A)
  
  Page 50. - I would have run through an obstacle course. This is already silly enough why not go for it?
  
  CONT. HANSEN/SAM needs to continue you went back to just saying SAM
  
  Page 51. Sam slices his way through the previous sheets, creating OUTLINES OF FIGURES in the process. --You need to make the outlines something funny.
  
  CONT - She takes cover behind a bail of hay, her breaths heavy, - BREATHING
  
  Page 52 I just want to talk, pumpkin. - Pumpkin
  
  Page 70. It’s followed by more bandages, they wrap around various limps and suspend him in mid air. (LIMBS)
  
  Page 74. Suggested music Enrique Iglesias's HERO
  
  Page 79. MUMMY (O.S.) Isn’t this cosy. - COZY read
• 
  horror story
  A review of Horror Story
  by brennansprague on 11/15/2012
  This script has a funny voice. The comedy is there and actually quite funny at times when it mocks the horror tropes. Unfortunately, I couldn't really invest in this script at all. Obviously we all watch movies for inspiration, but this just did not come off with the satirical tone you were aiming for. Instead I felt like I was reading a script of a Redbox movie- take the plot... This script has a funny voice. The comedy is there and actually quite funny at times when it mocks the horror tropes. Unfortunately, I couldn't really invest in this script at all. Obviously we all watch movies for inspiration, but this just did not come off with the satirical tone you were aiming for. Instead I felt like I was reading a script of a Redbox movie- take the plot of a famous movie (in this case The Cabin in the Woods, The Hills Have Eyes, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Evil Dead) and make a cheesy B-movie without really plagiarizing but technically doing so. I mean the elevator, the Rubiks cube that spews blue electricity, the dynamics of the characters, the cabin, the cannibals- none of it feels fresh. It's funny as hell and the humor is there, but it feels like a retread of past horror movies and is not ambitious enough to be original and stand out on it's own. I don't know if you were aiming for anything but that's how I read it. I really don't know, this feels just like a bunch of movies stitched together in the way of Scary Movie, except that was original back in 2000. You added the thing about saving the dad or they go to hell which is the sliver of original plot- maybe emphasize that more? The originality isn't there in the sense of story, but is there in your humor and the sight gags. Maybe you haven't seen The Cabin in the Woods, but it deconstructed horror the way Scream did in 1996 just last year, so maybe wait on this one.
  
  I really liked a lot of the visual gags they were pretty hilarious, unfortunately for me it all felt like for nothing. The formatting was also good. read
• 
  What is its tpme?
  A review of Horror Story
  by dmw256 on 11/07/2012
  So, I'll start off by saying what you've probably already heard -- "Cabin in the Woods." And if you've been hearing that a lot, it's probably not a good thing, because that was done so well. What I find hardest to pin down about your script is the tone. I couldn't figure if it was a horror, a horror comedy, a comedy that made fun of horror, a leslie neilsen typer film or something... So, I'll start off by saying what you've probably already heard -- "Cabin in the Woods." And if you've been hearing that a lot, it's probably not a good thing, because that was done so well.
  
  What I find hardest to pin down about your script is the tone. I couldn't figure if it was a horror, a horror comedy, a comedy that made fun of horror, a leslie neilsen typer film or something else entirely. Like you totally lost me when they were fighting with Uranus and Neptune and then all of a sudden the fight stops and the cannibals break out into song and dance. I didn't know what was going on and it didn't work for me. Everything happens so nonchalantly. Then they're being chased by zombies and its serious again. read
• 
  Horror Story
  A review of Horror Story
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 11/07/2012
  Horror Story is in the vein of a number of horror movies that embrace post-modernism, where the characters are horror movie-literate, and they reference recurring aspects of older horror movies. Therefore the actual horror scenes aren't meant to be genuinely scary or gross. The problem is that it's difficult to feel genuine tension if the horror scenes are always played for... Horror Story is in the vein of a number of horror movies that embrace post-modernism, where the characters are horror movie-literate, and they reference recurring aspects of older horror movies. Therefore the actual horror scenes aren't meant to be genuinely scary or gross. The problem is that it's difficult to feel genuine tension if the horror scenes are always played for laughs, and the characters react to a slaying with understatement.
  The characters are playing pretty much everything for laughs, which is fine until the moment when they're supposed to face up to their own character flaws - like Mary decides to do something for other people, or Dave decides to "man up" - as these character traits weren't drawn in depth, and we've not emotionally invested in the characters because everything was played for laughs, the moment of their self-realization doesn't have the impact it would if these character traits had been made more pronounced. I would say either stick with the full-on comedic rendering, or emphasize the character arc, but in this draft it's neither one or the other.
  I would put in a huge disclaimer that this type of movie is something I'm not drawn to, and the whole self-referential horror movie genre is one that sort of passed me by, so my lack of engagement with it could well be my purely subjective take, and someone familiar with, and a fan of, this style of movie may well get a lot out of it.
  Some of the broader gags had a Zucker/Abraham/Zucker feel - which is fine by me as I love their films, but the real challenge with these movies is, because they're played so relentlessly for laughs - you have to care enough about the characters without breaking the comedy, and it's a very difficult trick to pull off.
  i thought the song in the style of 'Some Of My Favourite Things" worked very well, and it got me thinking - what if it was a musical? And you went full-on, all-out in that OTT Camp direction? I think it might serve the script extremely well. As it is there are passages where for me it flagged a bit, and a belting song as outrageous and fun as that one every so often could really lift it? I was looking forward to another song, and there wasn't one until the end.
  As I said, self-aware horror movies did pass me by a bit, so you can take my review with a pinch of salt, but in summation, something to think about would be - why not go OTT? Write a bunch of songs as good as the one on page 35 and use them as the spine of the movie? read
• 
  So, that’s what happens when you finish a Rubik’s Cube.
  A review of Horror Story
  by TheLastGlance on 11/07/2012
  Hey, there. I was happy to be assigned a horror/comedy screenplay. I review by page number so that I may jot down notes and suggestions as I go along. I hope I may be of some help to you. Off we go. Pg. 2 – This is already set up to be very interesting. One thing, though – You describe a werewolf costume. Visually, I am sort of confused as to if I’m supposed to be seeing an... Hey, there. I was happy to be assigned a horror/comedy screenplay. I review by page number so that I may jot down notes and suggestions as I go along. I hope I may be of some help to you. Off we go.
  
  Pg. 2 – This is already set up to be very interesting. One thing, though – You describe a werewolf costume. Visually, I am sort of confused as to if I’m supposed to be seeing an actual werewolf or just a corny costume. Same for the other characters. Are they all supposed to look like they are clearly wearing a costume?
  
  Pg. 5 – I guess right here you have Dave going into some sort of day dream about him and Ashley dancing. Couldn’t you treat that as a dream sequence with its own scene? A lot of characters have been introduced as well. Aside from the monsters, looks like we got the usual horror movie teenagers with Dave, Mary, Hansen, Ashley, and Wesley.
  
  Pg. 16 – So far you are very good with your action descriptions. Swift and extra crispy. One thing that concerns me at this point is your character count. I hope it doesn’t get much higher than it already is. Another thing is the dialogue of your characters. They all seem to talk in the same exact way so far and it sometimes makes it hard to discern between them.
  
  Pg. 23 – So far this is reminding me of a cross between Scary Movie and Cabin in the Woods. I can clearly see it’s a horror parody of some sort.
  
  Pg. 26 – Goo like stringy cheese on a pizza. Ew, gross! That’s a good one. You better hold on to that.
  
  Pg. 30 – This is a strange scene with George. Wesley chases after George and seems concerned for his safety then when he sees George dead he’s just like, “well, that suck”. Then he suddenly wants to know what happened to George. Maybe he needs to be a bit more upset by this?
  
  Pg. 36 – Of course there’s a music number, right? Why the hell not at this point. This is a very entertaining story so far. But, Honestly, I really don’t like musicals. Not only the musical aspect, but, there’s also a lot of really corny jokes. There are a few great jokes so far and I have laughed out loud a number of times, but some of them really smell like stinky cheese to me. I’m actually pretty sure that this kind of humor was your intention, so I wouldn’t suggest you change it.
  
  Pg. 43 – Oh, Werewolf explains his crappy costume. Guess I take back what I mentioned earlier. It’s still confusing though. Maybe you could have Werewolf complaining about his costume or the other monsters make fun of him for it in the beginning. I would think that would create a better visual for the reader.
  
  Pg. 51 – Props to you on successfully handling that Hansen/Sam transformation. That could have been really confusing but it wasn’t.
  
  About your character Robert. He has been confusing me and I guess it’s because he is silent the entire time. At one point earlier on I actually thought that Dave and Robert were the same person and you just mistakenly forgot to change the names. Then I read back and saw his introduction. My point is, do you really need him? As the reader, he is hard to visualize. Without a unique voice and characteristics he may as well be invisible in this story. If you want to keep him I would suggest giving him more to do and maybe make him more memorable.
  
  Pg. 64 – I really don’t care about any of your characters. I’m not surprised in the least when they are killed off one by one. I don’t even care if any of them live. I feel like I’m just watching an outrageous, bloody, screw ball horror movie spoof. It’s not a bad thing. I actually think it works well.
  
  Pg. 65 – “Guys. Just to confirm. If you’re infected, are you definitely going to turn into a zombie, like, one hundred percent?” Haha, this had me laughing out loud. Thumbs up.
  
  Pg. 70 – He’s randomly eating popcorn. Funny stuff. I’m actually enjoying the humor more now than earlier on.
  
  Pg. 76 – I like what you’ve done here with the whole “your own personal hell” thing. Funny and clever.
  
  Pg. 88 – I just love how you’ve brought back Neptune and Uranus here. I actually have to suggest that you utilize Uranus’ name a little more creatively. Something like, “I had to eat Uranus so we could get free!” Maybe that’s not the best example, but you know what I mean.
  
  Pg. 89 – I’m glad that this didn’t end up with more than two musical numbers. In fact, I’m actually okay with the musical numbers in this story. They complimented Neptune and Uranus very nicely. Such charming and polite cannibals.
  
  For me, this story took some time to warm up to, but when it did I really started enjoying it. I have to say that I’m a fan of this. It’s campy, silly, bloody, gross, and very funny. The idea of a horror spoof is not original in itself, but this story certainly is. You’ve added a very unique spin on horror parody.
  
  The only thing I really think needs looking at are what I mentioned earlier about making your character’s voices distinct from each other so it doesn’t seem like they are all the same person. Also those other points I brought up about Robert, the dream sequence, werewolf costume, and Wesley’s reaction to George being dead. Other than that, great job!
  
  Good luck to you! read