Reviews of If I Should Wake 5

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  Needs a little work
  A review of If I Should Wake
  by Hockey Fan on 07/29/2003
  Overall I liked it. After the first 30 pages I didn't think I would but I read on and found it entertaining. I only have a couple of small problems with it. There are a couple of scenes with Joe and Rachel that are unnecessary. Like him coming home and saying hi to eachother. Also the Drs. saying hi to eachother. I would have liked to seen the argument with the mother... Overall I liked it. After the first 30 pages I didn't think I would but I read on and found it entertaining. I only have a couple of small problems with it. There are a couple of scenes with Joe and Rachel that are unnecessary. Like him coming home and saying hi to eachother. Also the Drs. saying hi to eachother. I would have liked to seen the argument with the mother go on a little more and maybe be a little more scathing. Selling a house without his permission doesn't seem like much of a catalyst for an argument. Lastly there seems to be a lot of drinking in it. Everyone seems to be drinking in almost every other scene. read
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  Needs more life
  A review of If I Should Wake
  by Robin Nations on 07/29/2003
  This is a compelling idea. The story flows quickly and the script makes for an easy read. My big problem is that I really couldn't tell any of your characters apart. They need more life, more personality. They are all just somber characters who simply react to their environment. Each character needs a background, a distinct style of talking, behavior that sets them apart... This is a compelling idea. The story flows quickly and the script makes for an easy read. My big problem is that I really couldn't tell any of your characters apart. They need more life, more personality. They are all just somber characters who simply react to their environment. Each character needs a background, a distinct style of talking, behavior that sets them apart. The dialogue tells the story and is used to explain too much. Show us other patients and their dreams instead of telling us about it repeatedly. Dr. Jackson's dialogue needs a lot of work. It seems as if you are using him to relay facts and exposition to the audience rather than fully developing him as a character. We need to care about him and his wife. Susan believes all of the strange things Dr. Jackson tells her. Why doesn't she think he's a wacko and want to talk to Sirita herself? The characters are all too accepting of everything that is happening to them.You've got a good idea and your action descriptions are visual and real. The structure is fine. It is your characters and dialogue that keep this story from really coming to life. read
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  Review
  A review of If I Should Wake
  by tambour on 07/27/2003
  GENERAL COMMENTS:A good read, it was a fairly well written script. But it did wreak of a very rough draft, which isn't pleasing to read. Hopefully my comments will help you straighten out the rough spots. The concept of an altered reality is similar to movies such as The 6th Sense, and so I can say that you have a very good premise to build on. The characters could use... GENERAL COMMENTS:A good read, it was a fairly well written script. But it did wreak of a very rough draft, which isn't pleasing to read. Hopefully my comments will help you straighten out the rough spots. The concept of an altered reality is similar to movies such as The 6th Sense, and so I can say that you have a very good premise to build on. The characters could use some more dimension, and the plot could have some more twists and mystery.FIRST 10 PAGES:The first 10 pages set up the story, we know what's happening, and get a basic understanding of Joe and his mom's relationship. I would of liked to know more about Nick at this point. But that's not important, as long as his reason to be comes up by p. 20 I'll be satisfied. There were a few other characters like Tom and the girl that would also of been nice to have more info at this point.FIRST TURNING POINT:I'm on p.28 and I don't really know where the 1st turning point is. This isn't a bad thing, but I still don't have a clear picture of what Joe must overcome in his dream, what fear or obstacle? What mission?CHARACTERS:I can't fit the whole review here, i'll have to email it to you. read
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  If I Should Wake
  A review of If I Should Wake
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/15/2003
  An uncomplicated, touching and very visual story. It flows smoothly through the acts to arrive at a very satisfying ending. The dialogue and character interactions are very good. For example Susan and Tom in the hospital. The mysterious Rachel, and even the small appearances of Julie work very well. An excellent read.
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  If I should wake
  A review of If I Should Wake
  by tsimanga on 07/10/2003
  Where to start. First of all, I think it's a good premise, it's just 4 or 5 years too late. Open your eyes and Vannila sky beat you to it. A fairly good attempt. The writing style needs work. The words need to fly off the page, and not seem so stiff. Characters dialog was not distinct enough.I'd be interested in the future work of this writer, but this script is a bit... Where to start. First of all, I think it's a good premise, it's just 4 or 5 years too late. Open your eyes and Vannila sky beat you to it. A fairly good attempt. The writing style needs work. The words need to fly off the page, and not seem so stiff. Characters dialog was not distinct enough.I'd be interested in the future work of this writer, but this script is a bit too flat to do any damage anywhere. There's definitly potential, but not in this story. Scrap it and start a new story from scratch. Confusing doesn't equal original. Recent great movies like - Memento, Pulp fiction, and the aformentioned Vannila sky, have seemed to make people think that it does somehow.Improve your individual prose and sharpen the dialog, then I'm sure we'll have ourselves a solid script writer. read