When a shallow image consultant falls under a curse, her quest to reverse it helps her discover true beauty.
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A superficial image consultant discovers the secret to true beauty when a curse forces her to live life as a child again.
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Reviews of Little Pictures 21
by shastina456 on 01/21/2011I thought the script was pretty good. This would make a nice children 's movie. The format was nice. The real heart of this story was humility. Mandy changes from being snobby to a more caring person. And at the end of the story, another person, Rio, also experiences humility. There were also quite a few characters, so a lot dialogue occured, which is great. I liked the... I thought the script was pretty good. This would make a nice children 's movie. The format was nice. The real heart of this story was humility. Mandy changes from being snobby to a more caring person. And at the end of the story, another person, Rio, also experiences humility.
There were also quite a few characters, so a lot dialogue occured, which is great. I liked the comedy scene where Jamal tries using the rabbit to take away Mandy's curse. The scene where Mandy makes Rio sing in a sing-along was funny, too.
Mandy also encouraged Jamal to help with sand castle competition. So Mandy ended up learning to be better socially with people. read
by mdays on 02/12/2009The begining looked like it was going in the right direction, but you lost me when she woke up a 7 year old. Are you trying to appeal to a young, or adult audience? The concept is good but you made the main character too young. Her conversations and actions were kind of far fetched for the adults in the script to relate to especilly Rio. The DSS would be looking for a little... The begining looked like it was going in the right direction, but you lost me when she woke up a 7 year old. Are you trying to appeal to a young, or adult audience?
The concept is good but you made the main character too young. Her conversations and actions were kind of far fetched for the adults in the script to relate to especilly Rio.
The DSS would be looking for a little girl on the run all over town.
Have you considered having her wake up as a teenager and not use so many child characters.
I think it would be more interesting.
You mentioned a curse, but you never explained how it happened. How old was Jamal?
Take out the hit and run scene in the begining. Is she that cruel? It looks like a hit and run.
You used too much description in the scenes especially when you list them A-E. I didn't think you needed all of these and it would shorten the script. Less is better.
I would also cut out the smoking scene if you intend this for a young audience.
Rio seems too flambouyant, almost gay.
Make him more realistic and believable.
Why would she be engaged to a conceded, egomaniac?
You write well, and have a good imagination, but you need to streamline the descriptions, characters and trim the scenes.
by AlexThompson on 01/24/2009I really liked this story. Very fun, a brisk read, and I enjoyed the characters. On to the notes/comments: Page 1- How do we see Jamal while we are looking at the sky? Save his description for when he actually pops up. I'm just getting used to this, too, but all sound effects should be in caps- "alarm clock beeps" Hehe @ the fruit and plant last names. What's a "bidet?"... I really liked this story. Very fun, a brisk read, and I enjoyed the characters.
On to the notes/comments:
Page 1- How do we see Jamal while we are looking at the sky? Save his description for when he actually pops up.
I'm just getting used to this, too, but all sound effects should be in caps- "alarm clock beeps"
Hehe @ the fruit and plant last names.
What's a "bidet?"
Page 26- Hahaha. The "Mr. No Nuts" payoff was worth it!
Page 60- I'm thinking Gracie did the age reversal. Gracie becomes the mentor, she knew Mandy as a kid and sees what she turned into. Her son is narrating the story. Has a rabbit he calls a wizard and knows a drink as a potion (so he has to be exposed to magic on a regular basis to where it's casual and "normal"). Seems like a nice twist instead of the obvious necklace answer.
Page 70- I can’t wait to (see) your total transformation.
Page 73- Claude hugs (the) trainer.
Page 90- Damn it, it is the obvious answer, the necklace. Unless this further perpetuates the red herring...
Page 92- Mom says she’s ("quirky.")
Page 105- Meet me by the bandstand(.)
Okay, so it was the necklace. Ah, well. I can live with it. ;-p
Ummm, the script is only 118 pages? Why are there extra empty pages in the PDF document?!?!
Great job with this SP. I really think it can go places and look forward to seeing it on the big screen. read
by kurtsegers on 01/21/2009I have mixed feelings about this script. On the good side: the formatting is excellent and Amanda is the kind of character you love to hate. Especially her dialogues are highly entertaining. On the bad side however are several important issues: One is strictly commercial: it’s hard to pin a genre or even a target audience on this. In your notes, you categorized this as a children/family... I have mixed feelings about this script. On the good side: the formatting is excellent and Amanda is the kind of character you love to hate. Especially her dialogues are highly entertaining.
On the bad side however are several important issues:
One is strictly commercial: it’s hard to pin a genre or even a target audience on this. In your notes, you categorized this as a children/family film, but I think the irony is “wasted” on children, why the story is not complex enough to entertain an adult audience. I think you should go for the adult audience though.
The story lacks motivational drive, probably due to the fact that there is no antagonist in this screenplay (although one could say that Amanda’s character is her own antagonist, maybe). The script reads more as a dialogue driven succession of anecdotes than as a solid plot. Mandy is wasting her time on building sand castles, rather than going on a quest for adulthood. And the people who know she is an adult in a child’s body don’t seem too much alarmed by that neither.
On top of that, the concept is not extremely new. I can think of a couple of films which have an adult character transforming into a child or vice versa.
To make this script better, you should raise the stakes for Amanda (don’t ask me how, it’s your script), limit the sidekicks (I kept confusing names throughout the script) but make the sidekicks less one-dimensional and come up with side-stories that intertwine with the main story. (could Jamal fall in love with Mandy?)
Nothing’s lost, but this script needs some work.
How do we know Jamal is bright-eyed? He’s in voice-over, hence not visible.
Pg 38 “A restraining order” this implies that Rio has recognized Amanda in Mandy. That was not very clear in the scene at the movie set.
Pg 52 So he doesn’t recognize her? How did he get a restraining order? You can’t get it for people you don’t know.
Page 79 What is the fired waiter doing in the restaurant? read
by write4life on 12/13/2008pg 10. Jamal calling him a butthead is sharing the same negative character trait as Amanda but they are two different characters. pg 12. There is an option called dual dialogue under format in the Final Draft software. Use it for the Amanda and Rio: "And two bidets!" Also on page 12, putting his head in her lap, and gulping her wine, are two different actions, and thus should... pg 10. Jamal calling him a butthead is sharing the same negative character trait as Amanda but they are two different characters.
pg 12. There is an option called dual dialogue under format in the Final Draft software. Use it for the Amanda and Rio: "And two bidets!"
Also on page 12, putting his head in her lap, and gulping her wine, are two different actions, and thus should be seperate!
Thirdly on page 12, if the waiter is being sarcastic when saying "Would you like yours on the floor, sir?" Then write he is being sarcastic.
Fourthley, on page 12, you will say later on that he is fired, but is the audience just supposed to suppose that it happened?
pg 16. Great writing. Very real.
*You say superficial in your logline, but I would say Amanda is just as much as a chauvinist!
Grammatical errors: pg 26. 35. 70. 73.
pg 29. Wouldn't Mandy be shouting from the sidewalk: 'I'm sorry. I just borrowed the bike. That's all." To a police officer who is in his car..?
This is definitely rated G .. right? That would be your target audience!
pg 32. Hilarious.
pg 37. "If, by sorcerer, you mean ..." This is a rant. And the dialogue following it boring. No offense.
pg 39. ..'he wants to take out a restraining order.' You've said this already. Why repeat it?
pg 40. Honey Bee B's? Is that another word for pooh?
pg 41. Mandy: "Ritual? Are we in a cult?" No offense but does she ever shut up?
pg 42/43. Hilarious.
pg 44. You're blowing this whole apology thing out of proportion. I mean it has entertainment value, yes, but on screen you might lose people's attention.
pg 45 She can skateboard. Suhweet.
pg 46. Hilarious.
pg 47. "Sometimes I feel like a twenty-seven.." Another repeat.
*Why does Harry drive her to the set? And where does he come from?
pg 50 "I've already proven I can take him." Then maybe she shows him the newspaper?
pg 51 Little Pictures has just shifted from comedy to slapstick.
Also on 51, "Not just well-moisturized.." This is stupid. No offense.
pg 54. How about: With the two fingers she gives Rio the back and forth 'I'm watching you' gesture.
pg 55. Very slooooooow scene.
pg 56-58. They can play volleyball? Who cares? This scene is boring and quite frankly unnecessary.
pg 60. Building a sand castle? This it too pg for me!
pg 61. 'You know, you're an impossible woman.' Gracie has said this like 10 times already.
pg 62. Is Mandy smoking at seven supposed to be a conflict? Again, too pg for me.
pg 67 Bland.
pg 69 Redundant.
pg 70 'You're going to look totally stunning.' At 7?
pg 71 This scene is unnecessary.
pg 77 "..I could ALSO sell my car."
pg 78. .."my dad who abandoned me when I was a.." This is not good.
Also on page 78, if he is going to throw the vomit soaked shirt, then isn't vomit going to be all over the place?
pg 83. Did you find it? The rabbit falls out... what's going on here?
pg 85 Where does this woman come from?
pg 86 This scene is boring.
pg 93 Why do you keep on repeating quirky?
pg 95 This scene is 2 long.
pg 97 What's this party all about?
pg 98 So Joyce is the grandma? And she needs a wheelchair? OK.
pg 99 "You will not wear a banana hammock.." You've said this already.
pg 102 If she was whining so much at the transformation, why doesn't she go back to normal at the first chance?
pg 103. They build a sand castle in 60seconds? I know it's a movie, and that makes the impossible possible, but this is just utterly illogical.
Also on page 103 .."I didn't even care when I ruined my manicure. It was, like, a totally zen kind of--" I feel like you're pushing.
pg 107. Wouldn't Rio his W's and his F's with V?
pg 108. A-ha! So Rio is the villain?
pg 109 Not funny.
pg 115. "All I ever wanted to was to have the right image.." Too long. Repeat.
The intro (first act) is very tight. Very fast paced and professional and flawless, it's the second and third act when the flaws emerge. In screenwriting there are 3 dimensions: external plot, the character's inner transformation, and the key relationships that impact them enough to bring about change. Little Pictures comes off as two-dimensional. The inner tranformation itself doesn't occur until page 82. read
by ettore on 10/09/2008This is a perfect script. Almost as good as if I wrote it myself. I have just a few remarks: page 7: "Remember When, the antique clothing store". Write "Remember When". p 28: TINY WONDERS STORE. write "Tiny Wonders Store". p 43: "You're an impossible house guest you know that right". Write: you ARE one impossible house guest! And you know that! Right?!? p 50: "Rio: sexy,... This is a perfect script. Almost as good as if I wrote it myself.
I have just a few remarks:
page 7: "Remember When, the antique clothing store".
Write "Remember When".
p 28: TINY WONDERS STORE.
write "Tiny Wonders Store".
p 43: "You're an impossible house guest you know that right".
Write: you ARE one impossible house guest! And you know that! Right?!?
p 50: "Rio: sexy, sexy sexy man. You are a panther".
Write: sexy, sexy, sexy man. Grrrr, grand panther, grrrr.
Or: Grrrrr, tiger, grrrrr.
P 62: "Here piggy, piggy, piggy".
Write: here piggy, piggy, here!
p 80:"They're just pretty picture".
Write: they are just a pile of pretty pictures. No substance whatsoever. Essentially insubstantial. A mirage on the water.
p 102: "she tries to keep her manicure in tact".
p 114: "From the back, one little girl ( who looks just like Mandy) and one woman ( who looks just like Amanda)".
That is somewhat unclear: if Amanda is by the morning back to her grown up self, who is Mandy? Her mother Alice?
You have to find the way to deal with Alice situation. If Alice is alive, Amanda has to call her the same day that she turns to Mandy. Alice needs a day or two to show up, in which time Amanda's character arcs.
Your script ends at page 118, and you have another 6 white pages attached.
Good luck with this script.
If it is the same script as the revised, remove this one. read
by Rich Berry on 09/18/2008Before we begin I must warn you that my style is straight forward and often blunt. Any hint of sarcasism is purely unintentional. The format is very good. Fast read. Lots of white space. Sorry but the positives get sparse from here on. The basic concept is yet another variation on a well-worn theme. Nothing new here. The SP reads like an outline with scenes added. It's... Before we begin I must warn you that my style is straight forward and often blunt. Any hint of sarcasism is purely unintentional.
The format is very good. Fast read. Lots of white space.
Sorry but the positives get sparse from here on.
The basic concept is yet another variation on a well-worn theme. Nothing new here.
The SP reads like an outline with scenes added. It's not fleshed out and doesn't feel like it knows exactly where it's going or how to get there in an interesting way.
The basic story is a self-centered woman goes to sleep, wakes up in her own 7 year old body, learns humility and changes her life before regaining her adult body. And that's just how it plods along. Example: There is no set-up before she undergoes the change. No dramatic moment. It's dry and lifeless.
Just after she goes to sleep would have been the perfect time to add some V.O. "So the beauty fell into a deep slumber secure in her belief that tomorrow would bring her one step closer to top of her profession. But who can really say what the next day will bring?" or something like that only better.
Each step of the story progresses in this same manner. No color, no feeling.
Characters are generic. Give them a voice of their own. Hint: Base each one on someone you know well and don't deviate from the real person's way of speaking or acting.
As far as specific problems the most glaring is Jamal's early narration. In order for a character to be used in this manner he must have knowledge of what is happening in the scene. For example the character Red in Shawshank Redemption was relating his personal memory of Andy. Or a magical angel type character could look back into the protag's past. Jamal doesn't meet Amanda until after she's changed to a child and the story is linear with no flashbacks so his narrative doesn't make sense. It works if he's telling a story from when he was a kid.
Is Rio supposed to be gay? If not then his whole persona is way off base. He comes off like a caricature of a flamer rather than a matinee idol. He could be vain and hyper-sensitive without being prissy.
Most of the physical comedy feels forced as if it was added here and there just to have something funny happen. For example, the rabbit in the pants bit was surreal and didn't fit the flow of the scene. Comedy is all about set-up and timing. Not easy to do well.
Q: How does a little girl use a wheelchair in loose sand? A: She can't. But a special chair (motorized perhaps?) with wide tires would work. Gotta watch the details. Visualize the scene.
What happened to the farmer?? He was introduced and made several appearances then disappeared from the story. That's a no-no. Could have used him somewhere near the end.
As I've said the main problem is the SP lacks direction and color. The examples above are minor problems within a big one.
On a postive note the subtle introduction of the necklace which turned out to be the "ruby slippers" of the story was handled well. I hate it when an SP practically screams "Remember this object! It's going to show up later!"
I must say at the end when we see (from behind) the adult Amanda walking with her 7 year old self through the airport I suddenly felt like this SP had redeemed itself. The nesklace had returned Amanda while retaining Mandy also. Of course Mandy would be just a regular kid with no knowledge of what had occurred. What a great idea! The reborn Amanda has a chance to raise this little girl, in fact raise herself, and share their lives together. It had me hooked!
Alas it was not to be.
Anyway, don't be disheartened. You created an intelligible story. That's a start. Now breath life into it.
Write, write, write.
by Richard Knowles on 09/13/2008I enjoyed the opening sequence and your visuals of the birds flying over California. Always a little squeamish when a script opens with voice over, but I immediately liked Jamal’s tone and exuberance and the fairy tale tone. Amanda Acorn – what other last names did you consider? Jamal breaking in with the curse words… funny and cute. Like I said, the tone is nice and playful... I enjoyed the opening sequence and your visuals of the birds flying over California. Always a little squeamish when a script opens with voice over, but I immediately liked Jamal’s tone and exuberance and the fairy tale tone.
Amanda Acorn – what other last names did you consider?
Jamal breaking in with the curse words… funny and cute. Like I said, the tone is nice and playful. Light and fun.
Odd, but the second time I read the script, I was surprised to learn that Gracie was 27 years old. You said they went to school together and I should’ve pieced that together, but I perceived Gracie as a much older woman. I was picturing a frumpy, overweight forty-year-old. Might have something to do with Marcus’s age and beat down demeanor.
The farmer, and how he continues to be the victim of these slap-sticky assaults… I thought it was silly, but if you’re going for an ABC Family type TV movie, it’s fine.
You did a good job setting Amanda up to be a total bitch, and you did it fairly quickly and economically. It’s certainly not a new character, but you executed well.
Rio was one-dimensional but funny. The green food thing, silly but served its purpose. What was he doing in this little town in Maine again?
What was it that Rio thought he heard the kids singing?
I’m sure you realize more than I do that this concept is extremely well-traveled (“Big”, “Thirteen Going on Thirty”, “Freaky Friday”, “What Women Want”, etc...), so when I reached that part of the screenplay, I was like “Ah, man.”
The stolen bike – who did she steal it from? Wasn’t it Gracie’s? Would she press charges?
I’m glad you didn’t use two or three pages to convince Gracie that Mandy was Amanda. Most films with this story line take too long, too much convincing to get the ally. And I like your device with the potential curse candidates.
The story carries along quickly, and your sparse descriptions to a good job not hampering the pace. You deal with a lot of characters, and while there is nothing new about your script, it’s enjoyable. I would love to see what you can do with another story, one that is perhaps not so derivative.
Thank you for allowing me to read your script and I wish you the very best. read
by Jeremy on 05/12/2008In dealing with a magic that's somewhat familiar in films I think you've created something unique. We know about "Big" and "18 Again" and "13 Going on 30", and I can't recall any that do it in reverse, but I'm sure they exist. Either way you've done an interesting just and I think a great start.... but it's just a start. For this kind of film to work you need to have a protagonist... In dealing with a magic that's somewhat familiar in films I think you've created something unique. We know about "Big" and "18 Again" and "13 Going on 30", and I can't recall any that do it in reverse, but I'm sure they exist. Either way you've done an interesting just and I think a great start.... but it's just a start.
For this kind of film to work you need to have a protagonist in need of a major change. Here was have Amanda, and I think you set her up nicely and we do get a pretty good sense of her. I really like a lot of Jamal's narration as it keeps it light and lets us know that we shouldn't judge Amanda too harshly. Jamal's narration disappears mysteriously a part of the way in, which I suppose is fine, but it was doing some really lovely things. You might be able to get a little more out of it, but I think your instincts were correct in abandoning it once the story is set up.
I found it odd that one of the first things that Mandy does is go and play on a playgound (what was she wearing?? where did she find clothes??), I think the playground is something she wouldn't do until she has embraced being a kid. I think we need to see her freak out a little bit more and try to do some damage control. Show her using her skills from her job to try to spin things in her own favor.
I'm not sure if the sandcastles do what you've meant for them to do. I suppose your goal is to have them change Mandy by having her work with others and not take herself too seriously. If that's the case than I think we need to see those flaws earlier on. We need to see her not working well with others, and also we need to see her taking her looks way too seriously. That way the pay off with work. The same goes with the smoking, even if we just see that Amanda is a chain smoker, otherwise halfway through the script it comes out of the blue. Setup, and then pay-off.
Rio's problems weren't clear to me. It wasn't until page 74 that I realized he was getting flack for kicking Mandy (which still doesn't seem career ruining to me), maybe if Rio's career is already on the rocks before the film starts, so instead of a vacation Amanda is going to Maine to do damage control.
Would it be cheesy for Harry to have known Amanda from when they were younger, and she saw him as a dork, but now she sees the real him. Is that too much?
I really like the sarcastic tone of Mandy and I think it could be a lot of fun with the right casting.
I was wondering if in addition to Mandy helping Gracie with an external make-over if there was something internal she could teach her as well, perhaps confidence??
Over-all I think that the script flows nicely and you have a flair for dialogue and character.
RANDOM NOTES I WROTE WHILE READING:
1 - You don't need to tell us that it's the present. It's something that, unless we're told differently, we're going to assume.
3 - Lose the 'Hi, Mom' - it's a bit too much.
I like how Jamal's narration works. It helps you to like Amanda more knowing that a sweet kid is the one introducing her and making excuses for her.
4 - Why would Amanda tell Gracie that she hopes to get an interview with Kyle Wood... seems out of the blue - exposition??
10 - What's the "vague accent"?
12 - Love Jamal's insights to their relationship. Nice.
14 - I like the 'you love me', totally sums both of them up.
OK. I'm at 14. Where's the story going? What's it about?
17 - Show us what the notes say.
21 - The montage of Mandy embracing being a kid doesn't make any sense to me. Wouldn't her first reaction be to try and figure out what happened to herself? Why would she go play in a park?
22 - You introduce way too many kids all at once. Try and spread them out, just a little - or don't introduce them until they speak. It's just confusing the way it is now.
26 - Is this scene with Rio too early?
42 - "You have nice taste" great line, perfect for Mandy.
51 - Wouldn't Rio know that Amanda doesn't have a niece? This doesn't make sense.
52 - I don't understand how they think the incident will ruin Rio. It seems kind of minor to me, laughable really. I dont' get the sense that she ruined his image. And it seems odd that she'd be willing to break up with him, but she want him as a client. I realize he's her only client, but I don't know, it just seems weak.
What if the film ended with her wanting to stay a kid and take a different route in life, completely letting her old self just disappear and re-inventing herself from literally the ground up. Gracie can adopt her.
56 - I think we need to see her smoking prior to this, or at least when she's Amanda.... or did I miss that? Feels like a scene idea that comes out of nowhere. You need to set Amanda up as a smoker. Have Mandy smoke when she's first the child.
What's the sandcastle have to do with Mandy's growth? You haven't set up that she has a hard time working with other people. I'm not sure what arch this is meant to be fulfilling.
69 - "And it has flowers... which makes it pretty" - so funny.
73 - OK... so was Rio's celebrity in jeopardy because he was beating up a little child (Mandy)? That wasn't clear earlier. It needs to be, I just thought it was because a little girl made him look stupid. But if it's for child abuse it could work....
104 - Buying a kid a wheelchair would not get Rio to the A-list - seems a bit far-fetched.
Not big on the ending to be honest. We know how this type of film is going to end. It's up to you, but I'd love to see you have Mandy decide to stay a kid, almost re-set her life and choose to start over again. You have people always say, 'If I knew then what I know now..." I think it could be interesting. She could suddenly decide that she doesn't need that life she's been trying to save. Or... if she changes back - goes to the meeting with Kyle and then realizes she doesn't want that... then becomes a kid again..... I don't know.... Maybe I'm just babbling.
Eitherway, it was an enjoyable read. Feel free to e-mail me with questions if you need to. Good luck with it! read
by thomasjbs on 03/09/2008Initially, this story seemed to be a remake of a number of other age-changer movies (2 others immediately came to mind), which gives it (in this reviewers mind) a slightly lower value in originality. However, the sharp and very witty sarcasm from the main character was very entertaining and may draw significant appeal to older audiences. The transition from the original state... Initially, this story seemed to be a remake of a number of other age-changer movies (2 others immediately came to mind), which gives it (in this reviewers mind) a slightly lower value in originality. However, the sharp and very witty sarcasm from the main character was very entertaining and may draw significant appeal to older audiences.
The transition from the original state of the main character to the new state appeared to be very abrupt - a more thorough review of the mental state of the main character might reduce the apparent leap (bring the audience with her) to the realization of what has happened.
A number of scenes appeared to engender *slapstick* comedic situations. While this is not necessarily bad, it may detract from the some-what subtle humor/sarcasm that is used heavily throughout the writing.
Some of the other children appear to display wisdom and dialog beyond their 7 year age.
Finally, although I *greatly* appreciated the sarcasm and humor of the main character in the plot, I'm not sure that a real actress of that age range, could adequately portray the emotions, facial expressions, articulations and sarcasm needed to accurately portray the main character. You may need to adjust the age and some of the dialog to reflect an older child that can adequately present this character.
Concept: The general plot has been done several times before
Character: Apart from the main character, no one stuck out to me in particular.
Dialog: Main character sarcasm was very good. Subplot-end may need to be explored a bit more. It seemed to end too neatly.
Story: Appeared to have one Farmer that is repeatedly downtrodden - which may detract from the target audience.
The antagonist appears to have an extreme downfall - which is not a problem if this is a farcical presentation.
Overall: Average read
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