Reviews of Luck's Ran Out 6

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  Luck's Ran Out
  A review of Luck's Ran Out
  by vikingwarrior on 08/08/2011
  Not usually the type of screenplay I would read, but was instantly drawn in by the great dialogue and sturdy characters. I think perhaps you leave things on the boil for too long, as the scenes build and build to Brenda's betrayal. I think also you could cut down on some of the lines describing character actions, which would make your screenplay leaner and faster to read. Furthermore,... Not usually the type of screenplay I would read, but was instantly drawn in by the great dialogue and sturdy characters. I think perhaps you leave things on the boil for too long, as the scenes build and build to Brenda's betrayal. I think also you could cut down on some of the lines describing character actions, which would make your screenplay leaner and faster to read. Furthermore, I think it would have been interesting to see the work environment that Terry comes from - so that we can understand what is at stake to lose financially.
  
  Small critiques aside, I enjoyed reading this and it definitely made an impression on me. Well done! read
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  Emotional Rollercoaster!
  A review of Luck's Ran Out
  by sedawson4 on 08/05/2011
  Luck's Ran Out was an incredibly heart-wrenching tale filled with the reality of life and its setbacks: the reality of having to go to a fertility clinic because of pregnancy problems, the reality of no longer being attracted to a partner, the reality of economic/business troubles, and the realities of cheating partners, disabilities, getting swindled, endless fights, falling... Luck's Ran Out was an incredibly heart-wrenching tale filled with the reality of life and its setbacks: the reality of having to go to a fertility clinic because of pregnancy problems, the reality of no longer being attracted to a partner, the reality of economic/business troubles, and the realities of cheating partners, disabilities, getting swindled, endless fights, falling out of love... etc.
  
  You lightened it up with some slight comedy (ESPECIALLY liked Pg. 20: "There's a moment between them. A RAUNCHY SONG comes on. That moment is lost.", LOL!) which was great, I liked the few laughs despite the overall sad tone of the story. This script is well-written and it's obvious it won a contest in 2010 -- the descriptions are abundant but not overwhelming, the characters have distinct mannerisms, and I find a lot of screenplays tend to get confusing at times but I was always able to follow your story with this one. Also on pg. 62 -- the Dennis drunk driving scene was intense, bravo for describing it so well.
  
  Sometimes I like to wonder what could make a script more commercial (to attract representation and spec sales), but this script really is about human emotions and trials/tribulations. Great job! read
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  Luck's ran out
  A review of Luck's Ran Out
  by Jumoke on 04/18/2011
  The layout and format of the script is excellent and makes it easy to follow along. From the start it is made clear the period this script is set in and the dialogue reflects this also. It is also clear to the audience when the script is set in the present era. The script feels professionally written in regards to the characterisation, action and the dialogue. The action has...
  The layout and format of the script is excellent and makes it easy to follow along. From the start it is made clear the period this script is set in and the dialogue reflects this also. It is also clear to the audience when the script is set in the present era.
  The script feels professionally written in regards to the characterisation, action and the dialogue.
  The action has enough description for the audience to visualise the scenes which is very good. Furthermore as a member of the audience I sensed a connection to the characters especially the main ones Terry and Dennis. There is good flow of dialogue and it pushes the story along well.
  Over all I truly liked reading this script and enjoyed the unravelling of the story, keep up the good work. read
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  Luck's Ran Out
  A review of Luck's Ran Out
  by bosox0991 on 03/31/2011
  Luck's Ran Out is a decent melodrama about a pair of brothers - Terry and Dennis - whose sexual frustrations and personal shortcomings get in the way of their ability to maintain stable relationships with women. At times, this is a devastating look at modern marriage, sex, and emasculation. The author is particularly adept at crafting believable, biting, witty dialouge that... Luck's Ran Out is a decent melodrama about a pair of brothers - Terry and Dennis - whose sexual frustrations and personal shortcomings get in the way of their ability to maintain stable relationships with women. At times, this is a devastating look at modern marriage, sex, and emasculation. The author is particularly adept at crafting believable, biting, witty dialouge that reveals the inner state of each character. The dialouge between Terry and Dennis is refreshingly realistic: we get the sense of their long history, of Terry's jealousy of his brother, of Dennis' sense of guilt for crippling his brother. Another great dialouge-driven scene is the restaurant scene early on in the script. "I could be tempted"-- what a great line. In particular, the character of Terry is well-observed and through small character details - his reliance on a walking stick, his obsession with gambling, his frequent inability to control his emotions - we get a good sense of the character. Nicely done.
  At the same time, the tone of "Luck's Ran Out" veers on unintentional comedy. The amount of frustration and heartbreak that Terry experiences is, at times, laughably huge. It's almost as if this is a re-telling of the Book of Job and we come to expect that Terry does not stand a chance of finding personal happiness or fulfillment. While there's nothing that says he should find happiness, you might want to give Terry a few more moments of personal satisfaction, if only to make the story more realistic.
  Certain plot developments also struck me as unrealistic. For example, Brenda's assumption - upon finding Terry's viagra and tickets to Spain - that Terry is cheating on her. If Brenda is constantly frustrated by Terry's lack of machismo or sexual drive, it is unlikely that she would presume to think he is cheating on her. It seemed like an easy plot device to drive her to Dennis and set up the Dennis-Brenda-Terry love triangle that is inevitable throughout the screenplay.
  There are a handful of other scenes that I felt added to the lack of realism in this script. Sue brawling with Dennis' suitor at the wedding; Terry whacking the Christmas tree with his walking stick; Terry thinking that the keys to personal satisfaction are Viagara and a house in Spain. These moments could easily be played for laughs -the fact that they are clearly written for dramatic purposes doesn't bode well for the tonal consistency of the script.
  Of course, you may be going for something a little darker or funnier. I could easily see this script being tweaked into a really, really dark comedy a la "The War of the Roses". But if you're going for realism, I would make these changes.
  Overall, a decent script with some great dialouge and characterization. Suffers from some tonal inconsistency and unbelievable plot developments.
  Hope this interview was useful, and keep writing! read
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  Luck Is Running All Over The Place
  A review of Luck's Ran Out
  by SappleScoot on 01/13/2011
  I see a little bit of a morality tale, little bit of personal transformation, little bit of human insecurity, and a lot of potential. Creatively, the premise is very good. The journey that these characters travel is one that could, and probably does, play out in cities all across the world. You've put a very nice spin on this. What I think is missing is a little more character... I see a little bit of a morality tale, little bit of personal transformation, little bit of human insecurity, and a lot of potential.
  
  Creatively, the premise is very good. The journey that these characters travel is one that could, and probably does, play out in cities all across the world. You've put a very nice spin on this.
  
  What I think is missing is a little more character development, especially between Terry and Dennis. I get some of it, but would like to see more individual personality coming out in action and dialogue. What kind of speech pattern does Terry have (based on his insecurities)? Does Dennis have a favorite catch phrase?
  
  It was long into the script before I found out how the opening scene fits into the story, into Terry's motivation. I'm not sure how that can be sewn together better, but I'm sure you'll find something, whether in dialogue or action.
  
  Also, the line, "Your luck's running out, Brown." alludes to the title as well as inserted into the end scene. Perhaps that could fit in even more within the story? Terry could say it to himself, reliving his past and regretting his present? Or someone else could say it to him when he is discovered on hard times. Things like Sue saying, "If you're lucky." is close, but not tied in strongly enough. It's not until p 107 that it's repeated by the "heavy".
  
  Sometimes I found myself backtracking to see where the scene was or who was around or not around. INT. LIVING ROOM - (whose?) A designation would work better if it were noted every time. What type of INT. RESTAURANT setting are they in?
  
  The story line is very good, but there are a few pages where the conflict is not exacerbated, but just rehashes the same conflict that came before it. I understand the erosion of Terry's and Brenda's marriage, but it's drawn out a bit much and retold a few times.
  
  There are some scenes that appear to work very well -- and you've written them very well, eg: pp 7-8, INT. BEDROOM/EN SUITE BATHROOM - NIGHT (LATER). It's very believable and natural.
  
  I have a question re p 17: Why is Kat so disappointed when she finds out she's talking to Terry and not Dennis? Is there some rumor going around that makes him so distateful to strangers? She was overtly rude, and I was a bit surprised at such a strong reaction. I might think that Dennis has a rep as a ladies' man, but Terry must not be so bad looking if she thought he were Den. Is there something in Kat's demeanor that would suggest she know's Terry is married and is on the prowl for Dennis?
  
  I can almost visualize Terry's descent into addiction-driven chaos - how he's prone to tears, and unable to take control of the circumstances he's allowed and caused.
  
  The scenes on pp 73-74 work well to show the growing awkwardness and communication breakdown between Terry and Brenda.
  
  The only scene that I didn't grasp its fit into the story starts on p 89 with Brenda at the horse riding stables. I didn't get anything prior that would indicate Brenda had equestrian interests or missed it or that it would represent her reclaiming her life.
  
  On p 99, it might be good to designat the voice on the mobile line that Brenda answers as a female voice right before she says "your 'accountant' ", since Brenda refers to that on p 101.
  
  (p 114 - does a mobile phone have a dialtone over there? LOL)
  
  Great story!
  read
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  LOTS OF NICE THINGS GOING ON HERE
  A review of Luck's Ran Out
  by CrabbyLady on 01/13/2011
  You have a very nice story here. Very concise and precise, with a minimum of characters (you really don't need many in this) and action without lots of action. You do a good job with revealing the iciness and silences that go along with a couple slowly but surely coming apart. I really found myself feeling for these two and rooting for them. I did like Terry as he came across... You have a very nice story here. Very concise and precise, with a minimum of characters (you really don't need many in this) and action without lots of action.
  
  You do a good job with revealing the iciness and silences that go along with a couple slowly but surely coming apart. I really found myself feeling for these two and rooting for them.
  
  I did like Terry as he came across as a 'normal' guy that anyone could relate to. The harder he tried, the harder he fell (an example being his trying desperately to conceive a child for his wife). You couldn't help but hope he comes out alright.
  
  I liked Brenda at the beginning, and even though I could understand what she did, it doesn't make it right in my eyes and I am SO glad you had Terry walk away. It would have been much too cliched if he took her back. Her 'surprise' at the end surprised ME, and I couldn't help thinking "Dennis is getting what he deserves".
  
  Speaking of Dennis, he's one you understandably feel sorry for, but at the same time he's quite the shit. I appreciated how you didn't focus on the tragedy that happened, but rather that it was brought up now and then until Terry finally reveals what happened. We can all guess what had gone on, but by not revealing too much, the tension is amplified all the more. It explains Dennis and his actions, but enough is enough with him. You defined him well as a man who seriously needs to grow up.
  
  The one scene I didn't feel was necessary was when Brenda went back to horseback riding. I understood what you were trying to say, but I don't think you need it. She goes from trying to make herself feel better by reclaiming her old life to sleeping with Dennis. It does show the strain and confusion she's under, but I still don't think you need it.
  
  On the technical side, I am a screenplay novice but I don't feel you need all the detail you give at times (i.e., "Terry doesn‟t need to stop and think. He knows"; "Terry‟s smile is as broad as the cat that got the cream") and so on. Also, you have a habit of using the " symbol instead of the ' for "doesn't" and "Terry's" (see above).
  
  Also, why do some of the characters call Terry Tel? I found that a bit odd, and just thought I'd ask. I found just a few spelling and grammatical errors:
  
  Page 58: "...nods in the direction of the bar" Insert a period after 'bar'.
  Page 58: "Happy birthday". Capitalize the 'b' in 'birthday'.
  
  Page 89: Stable Hand: "...Mrs Brown." Insert a period after 'Mrs'.
  
  Page 95: Terry: "...going for a shower" Insert a period after 'shower'.
  
  Page 104: Same as Page 89 above: insert a period after 'Mr' in Mr Brown.
  
  Very nice job of describing a couple in severe crises, and the events that eventually overtake them. Definitely would make a wonderful independent feature. Best of luck to you! read