Reviews of Mist City 7

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  Nicely done!
  A review of Mist City
  by Dendrite Signal on 07/14/2004
  STORY: A routine school field trip turns into a fantastical journey. Mist City is an Alice in Wonderland type tale with engaging characters and creatures. This screenplay is quick to demand attention with the appearance of talking mushrooms that lead the protags onto a mystical adventure. The only criticism is that there was no resolution or revelation about the Monarch. Otherwise,... STORY: A routine school field trip turns into a fantastical journey. Mist City is an Alice in Wonderland type tale with engaging characters and creatures. This screenplay is quick to demand attention with the appearance of talking mushrooms that lead the protags onto a mystical adventure. The only criticism is that there was no resolution or revelation about the Monarch. Otherwise, a tremendous fantasy adventure! CHARACTERS: Christian and Ophelia are thoroughly likeable and enjoyable protags. Each is immediately identifiable by their traits (pretty boy and goth girl). Each has a strong voice and literate dialogue. These two offer strong and complex male and female central characters in a strange world where rodents and insects rule and they are minorities with no place in the social hierarchy. The Rollers (Smiley et. al.) are intriguing and make for good allies. Marty does not hide from the audience that he is an ally/opponent – he fills the role nicely. Squig offers perfect comic relief throughout the adventure. Relenta is a nicely constructed antag with all the accoutrements (who else but the bad guy rides a scorpion). TECHNICAL CRAFT: Excellent. I first read this at AZ and thought it was great; I wanted to review here too. read
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  Pokemon with talking creatures
  A review of Mist City
  by Warchild on 11/21/2003
  First off you got a good imagination as for Mist City you need a total rethink. Structure: Shot punchy sentences don’t make for a faster read. The absence of INT./EXT. did not help, I found myself getting lost. Placing each sentence in its own paragraph and continuous repetition makes it look like you trying to cheat the page count. Story and Character development: Ophelia... First off you got a good imagination as for Mist City you need a total rethink. Structure: Shot punchy sentences don’t make for a faster read. The absence of INT./EXT. did not help, I found myself getting lost. Placing each sentence in its own paragraph and continuous repetition makes it look like you trying to cheat the page count. Story and Character development: Ophelia and Christian seem to disappear, you start out with them as your lead then the story seems the become about Smiley and the Rollers. Retenta enters way to late to be a major player as the main antagonist. You leave to many questions unanswered in your ending. Nice imaginative work. Read some screenplays to get some ideas on structure and character development. Hope to see the rewrite soon. read
• 
  Fast-paced... maybe too fast
  A review of Mist City
  by JohnDowgin on 10/28/2003
  This is the first script Ive read on TS that I honestly feel is underwritten. You have a great imaganiation and vision. Anyone who can think up a possum biker gang is OK in my book. But the script has a hurried feel. That's not always a bad thing, especially in the action scenes and the speed with which the story gets rolling but it leaves the characters underdeveloped. Especially... This is the first script Ive read on TS that I honestly feel is underwritten. You have a great imaganiation and vision. Anyone who can think up a possum biker gang is OK in my book. But the script has a hurried feel. That's not always a bad thing, especially in the action scenes and the speed with which the story gets rolling but it leaves the characters underdeveloped. Especially Christian and Ophelia. I dont mind stock characters, but they dont go anyhwere and they dont help along the plot besides needing to get from one side of the fantasy world to the other. Its also underwritten in the sense that I had no idea what happened at the end. Whats the moanrch? What did Retenta want with it? What did the rollers and the fireflies want with it? You left more secrets unanswered than answered. It also feels too violent and scary for the younger set. Flesh it out, building on Chris and Ophelia, see where it goes. Can they really help the rollers in their quest, can earn their own way out of the realm rather than chance into it? The playing field and the players are there and theyre solid, now build out the game. read
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  Pg.4 bang! We're into the story, totally consumed and the adventure begins...
  A review of Mist City
  by Tmace on 10/24/2003
  Excellent setup,obviously not wasting anytime.Speaking of the intro, I learned more about Ophelia and Christian in the first 6.pgs then the entire story combined.Are they truly the lead characters? Or, maybe they're catalyst for Act II?Or, they're the link between the parallel worlds?Your characters, "Rollers, Spiders, Fireflies, Worms, Scorpions, Scalers", etc.,our brillant... Excellent setup,obviously not wasting anytime.Speaking of the intro, I learned more about Ophelia and Christian in the first 6.pgs then the entire story combined.Are they truly the lead characters? Or, maybe they're catalyst for Act II?Or, they're the link between the parallel worlds?Your characters, "Rollers, Spiders, Fireflies, Worms, Scorpions, Scalers", etc.,our brillant and serve the stroy well, maybe too well. Sacris's and Smiley's subplot/objectives and Retena's, General Trig's, and Marty's subplot/objectives overwhelm the main spin that supposedly drives the story.The lead characters (Ophelia/Christian) get forgotten within the story, sometimes invisible.Do they really drive the stroy?Your description is excellent, magical worlds are phenomenal that enterain well.But once the audience is acquainted with these awesome new worlds, our attention will fade, thus redirecting its focus towards the characters/story.Your characters have been brilliantly developed on the exterior. Now it's time to go within. What are your characters back stories, motives and goals, beside the obvious? Climax was a little disappointing. Give me an email and we'll chat! Remember,children are more intelligent then they lead us to be. Good luck. read
• 
  Mist City is not very clear...
  A review of Mist City
  by Kathren on 10/22/2003
  You have a great concept that is skeletal and needs to be developed. There is really no character development of Ophelia and Christian. There interaction is minimal. Where is the range of change? Their growth is minimal where they appear to suddenly get along. The initial tension is good but goes nowhere. Retenta is your bad guy but he really does not come off as a truly... You have a great concept that is skeletal and needs to be developed. There is really no character development of Ophelia and Christian. There interaction is minimal. Where is the range of change? Their growth is minimal where they appear to suddenly get along. The initial tension is good but goes nowhere. Retenta is your bad guy but he really does not come off as a truly evil character. You need to work on his development. The ending was weak. What happens to the Monarch? What was the Monarch supposed to do? None of this was clear. You need an ending where the Monarch fulfills its destiny. Also, there are way too many typos in this script. You need to clean it up. pg. 5 OTHER mushrooms, pg9 dimly lit not stimly lit. pg17 redundant A large, very large possum...pg22Need work on the dialogue regarding the port hole. This is weak. pg37 Opheila should be Ophelia,pg42 Christian laughs an uncomfortable...pg43 Dialogue with Retenta is weak, wooden. pg73 No stragglers not scragglers. Again, great start but needs a rewrite. Read the dialogue outloud this will help in the weak areas. Good luck! read
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  Mist City...a bug's life...
  A review of Mist City
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/22/2003
  This was my first time reading an animated film. I actually think kids would like your film and I'm really curious as to what type of animation you would envision. I think I would suggest Mr. Lorton showing up at the end. I do however like the cut to the quicksand. I felt it was hard to read with all of the jumps, but I really enjoyed the characters and knew I would be having... This was my first time reading an animated film. I actually think kids would like your film and I'm really curious as to what type of animation you would envision. I think I would suggest Mr. Lorton showing up at the end. I do however like the cut to the quicksand. I felt it was hard to read with all of the jumps, but I really enjoyed the characters and knew I would be having fun as soon as the mushrooms started talking. My fav passages were when you described the fireflies. I also enjoyed your terms like buzzbacks or dragonfliers or scalers. Can you flesh out Ophelia and Christian a bit more? I want to see a little more backround. Tech: question with PANTS on page 4. read
• 
  Not enough substance
  A review of Mist City
  by daveg on 10/21/2003
  Liked the rapid set up. Good, they got into the cave, we knew who they were, bit of tension between them. But then, nothing really happened. It was a case of wandering until caught by Retenta, and the rest of the movie was an escape sequence. To start with, either they get in the cave pursuing someone, or say O's kidnapped and C goes to rescue her. That immediately gives him... Liked the rapid set up. Good, they got into the cave, we knew who they were, bit of tension between them. But then, nothing really happened. It was a case of wandering until caught by Retenta, and the rest of the movie was an escape sequence. To start with, either they get in the cave pursuing someone, or say O's kidnapped and C goes to rescue her. That immediately gives him a quest, something at stake. O's life in danger. He's got to enlist the help of all these bugs to invade Retenta's hq and rescue the fair maiden. And in the process, the bugs rid themselves of a dictator and O&C fall in love. There's very little relationship between them at the moment, so little that there's no point in having two human beings. You could just have one and make it moer like Labyrinth. All new locations need ext/int, day/night. Even though they're all in a cave. It helps to break up description and quickly describes a scene. Liked the interesting bugs, but create personalities for them all, not just the good guys. A movie's only as good as its bad guys. Might also be nice if the bugs end up pursuing the class through the woods, and wrecking the town. So just when we think they've saved the day... bang. read