Reviews of OLDER AND WISER 7

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  Funny, clever and wise!
  A review of OLDER AND WISER
  by David Haziri on 03/28/2012
  OLDER AND WISER is definitely a great script in terms of story and character devleopment. Showcasing the difference between love and lust through the eyes of an old man is definitely a great idea. The old and new generation definition of love is depicted so well. However, it does have a few flaws which can be ignored. I must admit that I laughed a lot while reading this script... OLDER AND WISER is definitely a great script in terms of story and character devleopment. Showcasing the difference between love and lust through the eyes of an old man is definitely a great idea. The old and new generation definition of love is depicted so well. However, it does have a few flaws which can be ignored. I must admit that I laughed a lot while reading this script since the buddy chemistry between Albert and "The Crew" is simply amazing on paper and just imagine on film with actors. Truly a story you will enjoy since it showcases the characters and their flaws while sort of praising them for standing up to the situation. Characters I loved were Vicky, Albert and George. 3.5 out of 5! read
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  Adam Chmielewski's Review of Older and Wiser
  A review of OLDER AND WISER
  by Adamrc on 02/14/2012
  You know when I saw that this script had only two stars I will have to sdmit that I am kinda surprised. First, this script is a very easy read, for 97 pages it flow very nicely and took next to no time to get through. That is always a plus, ask any reader in Hollywood. Now I don't know who reviewed this before or what they were expecting from this, but I will tell you one... You know when I saw that this script had only two stars I will have to sdmit that I am kinda surprised. First, this script is a very easy read, for 97 pages it flow very nicely and took next to no time to get through. That is always a plus, ask any reader in Hollywood.
  Now I don't know who reviewed this before or what they were expecting from this, but I will tell you one thing screw it. Now Iam not saying that this is totally perfect or even oscar worthy but one thing that this script does say it that something like this will get made.
  This script is a great example of how simplicity can be used to your advantage. There are no crazy explosions or wacky action sequences. What you have here is a simple but funny premise that serves it purpose. One thing that is great about this script is the description, you get a good feeling about what is happening in the scene and the way that these characters play off of each other within these scenes is quite memorable. Seeing an older actor swing a golf club between his legs and acting like a sexual deviant, this is some comedic gold here.
  Now, with a comedy, the script is always reworked to fit the casting job. I would not take this personal at all, it only means that they are interested in making it. So when you start to pitch this, don't be surprised if suddenly you wake up and your script has been reworked to fit the likes of Malcom McDowell or Al Pacino, which would both be great in this script.
  So just keep in mind that you got a great selling tool here. Take the gift of simplicity right to the bank. Personally I do not see an oscar in the future for this story, but I can see a big paycheck in the crystal ball. We are in a recession, go out and make that money, try for the oscar when you can write comfortably in your mansion. read
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  Need to improve this a lot
  A review of OLDER AND WISER
  by seamusbr on 02/03/2012
  Hi david, Just my thoughts as I read, I like what you are doing – write 12 scripts to see if you can do it – this tells me you’re serious about the craft – and not one of these fuckwits that think they will write one script and make a million – I did the same thing – when I started writing I forced myself to write 12 scripts in my first year – which I did… maybe one or two... Hi david,
  Just my thoughts as I read,
  I like what you are doing – write 12 scripts to see if you can do it – this tells me you’re serious about the craft – and not one of these fuckwits that think they will write one script and make a million – I did the same thing – when I started writing I forced myself to write 12 scripts in my first year – which I did… maybe one or two of the scripts I’ve kept developing – the rest are garbage!
  Let’s see how you are doing…
  I like the premise – it’s fresh-ish. Plenty of room for laughs – I don’t think your dialogue or pace is up to standard yet, but you ain’t a mug either.
  This golf scene is going on way too long – it all needs cut – what does it bring to the main plot?
  Yeah, this whole thing so far needs restructured and focused on your main plot. The father and young woman relationship
  The comedy needs ramped up too – there’s so many jokes that this situation will create
  Characters just aren’t interesting. And they are annoying
  Don’t put your research into a script in such a blatant manner – all these facts – and your jokes – make them fresher
  Really dislike the albert character
  This script needs rewritten – you need to focus before you start writing and work out all the scenes – make sure they keep pushing the story forward – make your characters jump off the page – research people in these kind of relationships – there has to be a lot of material out there you can use.
  Good luck with the writing. read
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  That’s the last time I go to a brothel
  A review of OLDER AND WISER
  by Johnstone82 on 01/13/2012
  “Older and Wiser,” an absurd comedy that explores an elderly man’s lust for his future daughter-in-law, manages to weave together seemingly disparate elements in a concoction that is unlike conventional comedies of today. What I liked: The strongest element of this script lies in Albert and his crew. They move around from the VFW, to the brothel, to a golf course, bowling... “Older and Wiser,” an absurd comedy that explores an elderly man’s lust for his future daughter-in-law, manages to weave together seemingly disparate elements in a concoction that is unlike conventional comedies of today.
  
  What I liked:
  
  The strongest element of this script lies in Albert and his crew. They move around from the VFW, to the brothel, to a golf course, bowling alley, etc etc, all BS’ing like twenty-year-olds. The thing is: they are old men! Unfortunately, the comedic tastes of some will find this type of comedy entirely unpalatable; I, however, do not. If the reader can get past the absurdity of the situation and allow for a certain suspension of disbelief, s/he will find that there are comedic gems found in many of the “crew” scenes.
  
  I also enjoyed the subplot with George, Danny, and Sonya. The turn on 20-23--George discovering that Sonya is a whore--was great. I wonder: perhaps you could flesh this subplot out a little more? The wedding in the end (a one-page affair) seems a bit tacked on. Just a thought.
  
  What needs work:
  
  “Vicky”: while Vicky proves to be one of the integral characters in this script, I feel like she isn’t fleshed out as well as she could be. Before I go on, let me say that I understand the type of story being told here; so a flat, two-dimensional Vicky services the script well enough. However, you could consider pushing her beyond stereotype. Anyway, I thought I’d bring up this point. I’m not really hell-bent on convincing you of it, though. So take that!
  
  “Low Climax”: in my opinion, I think the climax felt rushed and not “big” enough. I’m not talking explosions and a car chase (hmm....), but an even more chaotic climax would do wonders to the end of this script. You already have the absurdity established in the first and second acts. So why not go all out in the end? Sean’s climbing in the window could be just the beginning!
  
  “Episodic”: the ending also felt, I don’t know... episodic. There wasn’t as much closure as I expected: Albert simply runs away (jumping over the fence, by the way, awesome); and Vicky attaches herself to Julio. I feel like we’re missing something. Like a denouement. Yeah, that’s it. Maybe the lack of a denouement is what jarred me so much. Put in a denouement! Or not.
  
  Anyway, David, thanks for sharing this one. I noticed it got some really low marks, and I wonder what previous reviewers had to say about it. As we all know, comedy is one of the hardest genres to write because of so many different tastes. Anyway, I enjoyed it! read
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  Where was the wiser?
  A review of OLDER AND WISER
  by real2reelscreenplays on 01/11/2012
  This script really didn't grab me. I feel like the premise started out weak and the dialogue killed any hope that it may have had. I really do hate to sound harsh, but trust me, whatever I say will be much nicer than any professional analyst. You don't establish much of a relationship between Sean and his father. If the premise is going to be a father ends up with his son's... This script really didn't grab me. I feel like the premise started out weak and the dialogue killed any hope that it may have had. I really do hate to sound harsh, but trust me, whatever I say will be much nicer than any professional analyst.
  
  You don't establish much of a relationship between Sean and his father. If the premise is going to be a father ends up with his son's ex-girlfriend we have to know what does that mean for the father and son.
  
  Vicky comes on too hard too quick. I get it, she's scamming him, but that's not even a good scam artist. She would lay it on in thin subtle layers. Either way it comes off unrealistic and I think that's a major issue for this script, so much of it is unrealistic from the dialogue to the plot.
  
  Hank with the Asian jokes... it gets old real quick. A lot of these jokes may have been funny a long time ago, but in today's edgy raunchy comedic world ending up with your son's fiance isn't as risky as you may think, neither is finding out your son's daughter is a prostitute. These are good starts, but they have to be built on and fleshed out, alone they stand flat.
  
  Pg. 10 Why is Albert acting like this is new to them? You gave the impression that this was something they did regularly.
  
  Code of silence and bro-code... it's just not funny and it becomes painful for the reader. Sorry.
  
  A lot of the dialogue is a ton of back and forth about one topic. Things need to be tighten up. There's no room for fluff, this script needs to be streamlined. Also, there are a ton of forced jokes that just don't work. Forced jokes rarely work, because they have no true basis. They might slightly relate to an issue, but the joke is brought up unrealistic just to plug a joke in some where. Readers see this as a lack of skill, like you can't massage in your own jokes kind of thing.
  
  You have way too many characters and most of them don't have a purpose. Even George doesn't really have a purpose in Albert's plot. He learns that his son's girlfriend is prostitute, and Albert learns that his son's girlfriend has the hots for him... where do they plots connect. And truthfully, George doesn't even have a plot, which is a big issue if you're going to set him up the way you did... even though I think you should get rid of these guys. Give him one confidant, and that's it. And don't give the confidant his own plot unless the plot pushes Albert to his ultimate goal.
  
  Albert falls for Vicky, but what makes her a great girl? She seems like a total bitch to me. If the only reason he falls for his because she's hot, well then you're building a weak character. It's fine to build a weak main character, but he has to find his inner strength throughout the script. The way you have it all Albert does is run away.
  
  Vicky's gold digging ways come out of no where. I was blind-sided. And he seems to be doing everything she wants without having sex with him, so what's her motive to do that with him? Just because doesn't work in the movie world.
  
  Albert and his friends talk to him like he's dating a regular woman (pg 39). It's like after a while they forget that this woman was his son's girlfriend, his son was going to marry her, and she's pregnant with Albert's grandson. All they talk about is how hot she is and how he should bang her.
  
  What does Albert have to lose? He has to have something on the line. Naturally I would think it's his relationship with his son, but his son is no where to be found in this script. If he loses this girl, what does he lose? If he gets this girl, what does he lose?
  
  Vicky goes from bullying Albert for money then putting on the puppy dog eyes. It just doesn't make sense. Your characters can't contradict their past actions. If she bullies him for money, then that's what she does.
  
  pg 43. He asks her what does she know about babies and she says that they are like monkeys, but human... What does she know about monkeys??? The only way her statement fits is if she knows about monkeys. And here is one of the forced jokes that I was talking about. It doesn't work and will just turn off the reader.
  
  pg. 46 You said they were at the supermarket not Walmart. Supermarket wouldnt be carrying Spanex.
  
  When Sean comes back to the house why does he run??? And what did he come for in the first place???
  
  pg. 50 He says hes starting to like her then says she had a rough life. Is that why he likes her, because if not, the statement doesn't make sense. Also, we need to know why he likes her.
  
  You have so many of these guys in his CREW but they all sound the same. You can just have one guy.
  
  Where are the tent pole moments? Where is the progression in the story? There aren't tent pole moments and there's no progression. You should Google how a script (especially a comedy) should be paced.
  
  Albert starts masturbating while the girl sits right next to him, so now he's a creep. The main character is a creep and no one will root for a creep, well not if he becomes a script half way through the movie. Your main character has to be moving to bettering himself. He cant just do that at the end, it has to move in a progressive fashion.
  
  The fantasy scenes are out of no where and frankly very painful to read. I think you should remove them.
  
  This script has no character development. Vicky is way too comfortable with this old man jerking next to her. If she's that comfy, then establish her as a person who would be. And they don't have sex, the poor guy jerks off with her sitting on the edge of the bed, but he comes out smacks her on the ass and she calls him hun? Unrealistic.
  
  Why does Albert tell his friends that he's falling in love with this girl. He's already attempted to hide so much from them. What reason does he even have to love her? Because she's young and hot? That's it? That makes him pathetic and again thats fine in the beginning, but your main character has to grow past that at some point.
  
  I'm 3/4's of the way through the script and it's like we totally forgot that this man even had a son. I also have no idea of how much time as passed.
  
  Albert retiring is often spoken about but it doesn't push the plot. Oh she asks him to get another job, that doesn't matter because it doesn't bother Albert in the least. There's absolutely no tension throughout this script.
  
  How do we know Sean has a good head? Hearing characters say it isnt enough.
  
  pg 80 Danny and George come out of no where. At this point, I don't even feel invested with them. I couldve finished this thing and not heard about them at all. It's a forced plot that doesn't work and left me feeling unfulfilled.
  
  What's the point of the snack girl?
  
  page 86? Why isn't Sean running now? What is he looking for? She could've made the bed. This feels like goldilocks and the three bears. If Sean knew she wasnt pregnant and was a liar why did he say he would marry her.
  
  All women lie? I don't think this is the message you want to portray. Truthfully all I got from that moment is that the writer may be scorned some how. I could be wrong, but either way I do believe that's what a lot of other readers would get.
  
  A lot of times you try to through in something prolific. You need to decide if this is a comedy or not, because those moments are very awkward.
  
  The ending had absolutely no pay off, and truthfully didnt have much do with the plot. So Julio was just acting weird she didnt have nothing to do with him? She went from wanting Albert to get a second job to fully willing to run off with a young kid who works at the supermarket.
  
  This script is missing a lot of the fundamentals that all scripts should have, but even more so the dialogue was forced and flat throughout. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think all writers write something like this at some point of their journey. I think you should do your research on what a script should have and what it should be aiming for and then begin a hefty rewrite. I wish you the best of luck and hope you took my notes with a grain of salt. read
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  Grumpy Old Men Gone Wild
  A review of OLDER AND WISER
  by Bill Osinski on 01/11/2012
  Anyone who tries to write comedy is brave; comedy is hard. Anyone who tries to make a raunchy comedy out of sixty-something men entangled with twenty-something women is doubly brave. Unfortunately, in OLDER AND WISER, valor is not enough to win the day. The situation is preposterous, and with a very few exceptions, the dialogue is simply not funny. The writer clearly has skilss... Anyone who tries to write comedy is brave; comedy is hard. Anyone who tries to make a raunchy comedy out of sixty-something men entangled with twenty-something women is doubly brave. Unfortunately, in OLDER AND WISER, valor is not enough to win the day. The situation is preposterous, and with a very few exceptions, the dialogue is simply not funny. The writer clearly has skilss with pacing and barb-trading, but way too many of these lines fall flat. Albert, a charter member of the local Cialis set, gets stuck with his son's luscious and lascivious girlfriend Vicky, who moves in with Albert on the premise that she's pregnant by Albert's son Sean, who has dumped her. Vicky flirts and flaunts her way into Albert's bed, each step of the way reported for the vicarious pleasure of Albert's crew of old cronies at the VFW. The sex habits of old men remain largely unexplored in the modern cinema, and this script reminds us why. First of all, the men of the crew all talk like horny frat boys. Their chats need to have more hemorrhoids and gum disease thrown in. When the boys first go to a whorehouse, Albert's friend George eagerly sports with a young woman, whom he later discovers is his son Danny's fiance. By the time of their second visit, Albert is the eager one, and George the voice of reason. Despite all the red flags, Vicky almost convince Albert to marry her, until Sean comes back and exposes her as a fraud. By then, it's very hard to care. I try to see a script as a movie while I'm reading it, but after a few scenes, I had to stop visualizing. I was cringing too hard. read
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  Review of Older and Wiser
  A review of OLDER AND WISER
  by DontStealMyScript on 01/10/2012
  First Impression - Length, action blocks look good. It feels like your story starts too quickly. There's a dinner where Sean tells his father he and Vicky are getting married. Then a short scene at a bar that moves to a brothel. Then back to Albert's place where Vicky shows up with a suitcase. That's only page 13. Your story would be more engaging if you had more of a setup... First Impression - Length, action blocks look good.
  
  It feels like your story starts too quickly. There's a dinner where Sean tells his father he and Vicky are getting married. Then a short scene at a bar that moves to a brothel. Then back to Albert's place where Vicky shows up with a suitcase. That's only page 13. Your story would be more engaging if you had more of a setup for your characters, especially Vicky.
  
  The scene of the guys playing golf that ends on page 20 does nothing to develop character or move your story forward. Why is it in your script? When characters stand around talking, it's often a scene of death. Meaning that you bore your readers to death if nothing's happening. I'd look for ways to make this scene important for your story or drop it altogether.
  
  On page 23, you hit the same story beat with George and his son that you did at the beginning with Albert and his (e.g., son brings home a hot date and she gushes over how handsome the father looks). This repetition makes it look like you've run out of funny ideas before the end of Act I.
  
  On page 23, Albert just blurts out that his son got his girlfriend pregnant when you had him go through such great pains to keep it a secret from his friends before. You fail to show us what made him change his mind. This feels like very lazy writing. Similarly, you have George make a change later and he starts standing against the objectification of women. Say what? Where did that come from? You fail to maintain consistency in your characters and it just keeps pulling the reader out of the story. This is a big problem.
  
  I usually don't make comments about specific dialogue, but this is a horrible line: "I can’t believe he left her?! You don’t leave your men behind." I understand the laugh you're trying to get but you really need to tweak that because of the contradiction.
  
  Page 24 and before. Dialogue is too on the nose. No person would readily admit to the things Albert fesses up to. You need to work on invoking subtext in your conversations, else they feel wooden.
  
  Page 28. We started out in the VFW with Albert admitting that he's attracted to his son's girlfriend. And before that conversation gets paid off, you switch to Albert and George alone and they talk about George's problems. First, what happened to the rest of the guys. And more importantly, who's story is this? Albert's or George's? You need to pump the brakes on this dual plot right away because your story is becoming muddled and you risk making your readers not care what happens to either one of these guys.
  
  In the man-cave scene, you have Albert go full retard when Vicky bends over the pool table and the view under her shirt goes into 'Basic Instinct territory'. This is juvenile and cliche'. You make Vicky come across as a manipulative gold-digger and Albert come across as a slobbering, sex-craved Neantherdal. In my opinion, it's okay to use sexual tension between two mismatched characters as a way to get a laugh out of a single scene. But you use this beat to establish character for the two most important people in your story. With that, you have firmly entrenched any future interactions between these two in the honey dripping land of tits and ass. It's really unimpressive to include this type of turn as a major beat in your story. Instead of sophisticated humor that will earn my laughter, I now expect locker room jokes for the rest of the script. TRY HARDER please. You're a good writer! You can come up with an original execution of your premise.
  
  Your story feels contrived. Does Vicky HAVE to stay with Albert? Why doesn't she go live with her parents? And why doesn't Albert attempt to get in touch with his son after Vicky shows up? It all just seems to happen that way because it's what you need to take place in order to make your story possible. But it doesn't feel plausible, creating a big plot hole that you are going to have to address. read