Reviews of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm") 31

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  Studio Film
  A review of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm")
  by mnemnoc on 11/21/2004
  I enjoyed this script. I could see some top notch talent in it. It has smatterings of influence of LA Confidential and Copland (the former having the better story and being of the time period more than the latter). The dialogue rang true for the time period, though, maybe a few lines here and there seemed a bit too modern for that period, but often times I find modern sayings... I enjoyed this script. I could see some top notch talent in it. It has smatterings of influence of LA Confidential and Copland (the former having the better story and being of the time period more than the latter). The dialogue rang true for the time period, though, maybe a few lines here and there seemed a bit too modern for that period, but often times I find modern sayings to be recycled statements used before. THe romance worked really well and I loved how it ended for the characters. There's a lot of blood and death, which is fine so long as it works with the story and it's not for it's own sake, which I believe is NOT the case here (it worked and added). The descriptions were nice, but could get a little confusing at times. Remember that the reader can't see inside your head without your help. So it is likely that though it read absolutely right to you. consider that the rest of us are stupid, so just spell it out for us dumbasses. Great work. Clean it up and it's ready for an agency. read
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  Very Well Done
  A review of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm")
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/27/2004
  I enjoyed the story, even though it reminded me a little of L.A. Confidential. The characters were well developed, Jason was tough when he had to be but also sensitive at times. I feel like some of the dialogue may be too hip for the 50's. Perhaps look up some 50's lingo and stick it in there appropriately. It could add even more depth and reality to the story. Also, all the... I enjoyed the story, even though it reminded me a little of L.A. Confidential. The characters were well developed, Jason was tough when he had to be but also sensitive at times. I feel like some of the dialogue may be too hip for the 50's. Perhaps look up some 50's lingo and stick it in there appropriately. It could add even more depth and reality to the story. Also, all the flashbacks in the end got to me a little. I didn't mind the flashing back, but it just went back and forth so many times. Maybe more voiceovers could occur during the flashbacks. Nice work overall though. read
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  Living and Dying in LA
  A review of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm")
  by Fluorophore on 07/12/2004
  Although I prefer the new name of this SP, I can certainly understand the rationale for the old one. "Runyon Canyon" is the brutal story of police corruption and overwhelming violence in 1952 Los Angeles. It's a rough read for all the right reasons. The pace is fast and tight (as it must be) and the violence graphic beyond belief--don't eat while you're reading this one. The... Although I prefer the new name of this SP, I can certainly understand the rationale for the old one. "Runyon Canyon" is the brutal story of police corruption and overwhelming violence in 1952 Los Angeles. It's a rough read for all the right reasons. The pace is fast and tight (as it must be) and the violence graphic beyond belief--don't eat while you're reading this one. The protagonist, Jason Corbett, is a scruffy, rough-around-the-edges, yet familiar presence in stories of this genre. He verges on being a stock character, but not quite. At first, he didn't appear sympathetic, telling people to "f&^k off" and losing his temper. However, he proved to be a hero in true "Serpico" fashion Without giving away too much, I was relieved to see that the writer possessed the courage to sacrifice certain characters in the end. He certainly did not go soft on the reader. Structure was right-on. Subplots dovetailed together nicely and were staggered for ultimate effect and conflict. Dialogue was appropriate for the streetwise characters. To a degree, the ending was forseeable--but not all of it. The last scene is quite moving. One nitpicky: get rid of CUT TO's, etc. Great job. Thanks for a rollercoaster of a read. read
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  hush-hush
  A review of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm")
  by Hyperjive on 07/12/2004
  This is an excellent script that is put together well. But I did have a problem with it. I know it's based on James Ellroy but the first half of the script (first thirty pages or so) are way too much like LA Confidential: The crooked cops busting in on the black guys, the Fleur De Lis lookalike escorts....they're all great scenes but it just feels like the first half of LA... This is an excellent script that is put together well. But I did have a problem with it. I know it's based on James Ellroy but the first half of the script (first thirty pages or so) are way too much like LA Confidential: The crooked cops busting in on the black guys, the Fleur De Lis lookalike escorts....they're all great scenes but it just feels like the first half of LA Confidential a little too much.But despite that I did find this to be a very engaging script. The dialogue is definitely top notch and much like Room 17 (which I LOVED!) the violence is handled well. Once the story gets rolling it's pretty hard to stop reading, You gotta love the anti-heroes liek Jason. The good bad guy aspect is always interesting. Honestly, I think you should make him (Jason) darker, kind of lke Harvey Keitel's character in "Bad Lieutenant". I also like how you built up the climax, it's too bad you couldn't keep "Shitstorm" as a title, All in all I'd have to say that this is a great script that needs just a little bit of retooling. PS_ Room 17 stands out as one of my favorite scripts I've read since signing up on triggerstreet. read
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  Cop Story
  A review of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm")
  by DesertStudio on 06/26/2004
  This is a solid script and it should make a pretty good movie. The characters and dialogue seem right on target for the time period and for the most part the ending worked very well. I was a little confused at times and the shoot-out at Jason's house is a good example. Also, I think Jason's set-up was too tough and it might put the audience off any sympathy they will need later... This is a solid script and it should make a pretty good movie. The characters and dialogue seem right on target for the time period and for the most part the ending worked very well. I was a little confused at times and the shoot-out at Jason's house is a good example. Also, I think Jason's set-up was too tough and it might put the audience off any sympathy they will need later in the story. The romantic element worked well, but I wish that part had a different conclusion - and I think the audience will feel the same way. There's just too much violence and death and it gives the script a saving grace to have Angelica survive. But overall, the author did a good job of constructing the story. The descriptions could use some polish, but other than that I have no complaints. read
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  Nice premise...
  A review of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm")
  by jreiter9 on 04/30/2004
  ...but waaaaaay too reminiscent of LA Confidential. It's a period piece set close to the same time, so comparisons would be inevitible anyway, but the parallels are just too much. Good cop fighting corruption in the department? Corbett comes across as an incredibly stupid character, who makes the wrong choice at every turn. His disappearance towards the climax to run off and... ...but waaaaaay too reminiscent of LA Confidential. It's a period piece set close to the same time, so comparisons would be inevitible anyway, but the parallels are just too much. Good cop fighting corruption in the department? Corbett comes across as an incredibly stupid character, who makes the wrong choice at every turn. His disappearance towards the climax to run off and marry Angelica works against the story, and the 'civic disturbance' at the end feels completely wrong. There are some good individual elements here, but this, overall, is piggy-backing on James Ellroy too much. read
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  Good in ways, lacking in others
  A review of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm")
  by marc0879952059 on 04/10/2004
  An inordinate amount of material taken from L.A. Confidential ie. 3 white cops raid a place of 3 negros + one of the negros apparently raped a Mexican girl. and page 35: Dressing up to look like Rita Hayworth. Surely Art Merriweather would be put in prison early on? He killed a suspect! Jason is not puzzled over this.Unfortunately reads like a cop comedy at times. All Jason... An inordinate amount of material taken from L.A. Confidential ie. 3 white cops raid a place of 3 negros + one of the negros apparently raped a Mexican girl. and page 35: Dressing up to look like Rita Hayworth. Surely Art Merriweather would be put in prison early on? He killed a suspect! Jason is not puzzled over this.Unfortunately reads like a cop comedy at times. All Jason and Art seem to do is relentlessy beat up suspects and witnesses without valid cause.Page 27: Did the police actually do a body count at the Motel Morgue or did they really just wait for the press to count the bodies? Bizarre.More bizarre comedy: Our protagonist, Jason says: You do that and Ill give your wife the numbers of three dyke whores I know. I understand she would like that very much.Jason is a cop and he is speaking with the district attorney. Was this intentional!?! Maybe it's different in the U.S. but in most of the rest of the world a cop would not say that to someone of that authority under any circumstances.Page 76: Cristobels face goes into overdrive!?!Sorry for being so critical. If characters like Aguilar had more depth, his demise would be a fantastic ending. We need to sympathise with him. Overall it's really not a bad script. read
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  Solid crime thriller but...
  A review of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm")
  by a_hole48 on 03/31/2004
  I just didn't care. Your plot is well thought out and executed, as well as your thematic elements and plot twists but, frankly, I didn't care about Jason nor Angelica, nor anyone else. Maybe it's just me, but the first scenes with Jason gave me the impression that he's huge jerk: a stubborn loose cannon fueled by emotion and little logic or reason. I guess that first impression... I just didn't care. Your plot is well thought out and executed, as well as your thematic elements and plot twists but, frankly, I didn't care about Jason nor Angelica, nor anyone else. Maybe it's just me, but the first scenes with Jason gave me the impression that he's huge jerk: a stubborn loose cannon fueled by emotion and little logic or reason. I guess that first impression stuck with me throughout the rest of the script and, after that, I just didn't care whether or not he solves the case or dies (as he still seemed to make stupid choices and gets swayed too easily). Angelica was, for the most part, was likeable (although I think she fell for Jason too easily) but not enough to bring a significant emotion out of me when she died. Aguilar, however, you managed to make sympathetic (even though he's a coward and a drug dealer) so I'm sure that with the proper re-write you could make your two leads more likeable and, thereby make your script that much more powerful. One other minor problem was that your structure seemed uneven. This was most notable when Aguilar confesses. In this case, the individual flashback scenes were good but all of them came one after the other, dulling the effect. Perhaps you could spread them out a bit read
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  LA Confidential...but better
  A review of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm")
  by jaybronx5 on 03/30/2004
  Runyon Canyon or Shitstorm (whichever you perfer...but both are good) is a crime-drama set in '50's LA during the Watts riot. It was very intriguing in a way that few screenplays are. The Characters are vibrant and the situations are as raw and gritty as a recent eposide of The Shield.Mr. Knox did a great job with the location and characters. The structrue was a little lacking,... Runyon Canyon or Shitstorm (whichever you perfer...but both are good) is a crime-drama set in '50's LA during the Watts riot. It was very intriguing in a way that few screenplays are. The Characters are vibrant and the situations are as raw and gritty as a recent eposide of The Shield.Mr. Knox did a great job with the location and characters. The structrue was a little lacking, but it doesn't take away from the story. All and all, Runyon Canyon is very gritty, and a whole lot of fun. read
• 
  review
  A review of Runyon Canyon (formerly "Shitstorm")
  by jadorefilm on 03/17/2004
  Cop thrillers really aren't my genre of choice, but I actually iked this story. I thought the characters were really well developed. The dialogue was really believable. I didn't like some of the characters names for p.c. reasons. I thought the crucifixtion was a bit much. The protangonist seems a little stale sometimes, like stuff just happnes to hiim, he doesn't really... Cop thrillers really aren't my genre of choice, but I actually iked this story. I thought the characters were really well developed. The dialogue was really believable. I didn't like some of the characters names for p.c. reasons. I thought the crucifixtion was a bit much. The protangonist seems a little stale sometimes, like stuff just happnes to hiim, he doesn't really seem active in pursuit. Anyways it was a good read that kept my eyes on the screen. read