Reviews of Schism 7

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  SCHISM
  A review of Schism
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/01/2004
  CONCEPT: Average, not bad, just not "new". STORY: below average because of how the characters were developed and the Story focus kept shifting from Agency, to Alex/Scott, to mission, to just Scott, and back again. If the Story is about Scott and Alex, that is where the focus should remain throughout. Every event, every character should be about either furthering or hindering... CONCEPT: Average, not bad, just not "new". STORY: below average because of how the characters were developed and the Story focus kept shifting from Agency, to Alex/Scott, to mission, to just Scott, and back again. If the Story is about Scott and Alex, that is where the focus should remain throughout. Every event, every character should be about either furthering or hindering that relationship. STRUCTURE: the Act turning points are based on events rather than the effect of those events on the relationship: the Objective Story and not the Subjective Story of Scott and Alex. In Act III Alex all but disappears as the focus comes onto Scott and Addad and WMD. DIALOGUE: Average. For example - Addad. He is supposed to be a recruited asset, but often speaks more like an agent. He wants to talk to the Director, be extracted, and knows the term "off-book". Scott even refers to Addad's "training" (pg 82). SUGESTIONS: concentrate more on Scott and Alex as individuals. Once you put them together, keep them together: go directly to the Addad thing and drop the three month hospital stay and separation. Scott's feelings for Alex and their growth curve needs to be more explicitly shown as well as the reasons why he rejects her at the end. read
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  Warning - plot spoilers
  A review of Schism
  by peteg on 07/12/2004
  This is a fun caper story with real potential. The dialogue is great and the story moves quickly. But, there are some plot points I think you should revisit.Why do Greene and Alex fall in love? You are going to have to build up this relationship. Greene stands out like a sore thumb in Libya. The government has a price on his head but no one notices that he is staying in... This is a fun caper story with real potential. The dialogue is great and the story moves quickly. But, there are some plot points I think you should revisit.Why do Greene and Alex fall in love? You are going to have to build up this relationship. Greene stands out like a sore thumb in Libya. The government has a price on his head but no one notices that he is staying in the building directly across the street from the bad guy? Greene goes "off book" to Madrid after screwing up in Libya. This is the most important field operations going; why isn't he shot immediately? Why would Hussein give WMD to a Spaniard? Spain was one of our strongest allies. Tasha and Greene pretend they met at college but later in the conversation she refers to him and his work as an agent. Why the initial subterfuge? Why do these great field agents keep putting their personal agendas before their objectives? Tasha and Alex - women's rights; Greene - helping Alex? Marcus is trailing Naomi but she comes over and he introduces her? If Addad is an asset of Greene, why doesn't he just ask for the name instead of making a six month stakeout out out of the situation? As you said, you wrote this quickly and will revise. I hope to see it again when you do read
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  Schism
  A review of Schism
  by JackD on 07/08/2004
  This is quiter an accomplishment for just 5 days work. You obviously have the ability to put a story together on short notice. I liked it, it moved, had a great opening with realistic dialogue and solid characters -- Alex was my favorite. There are some typos, but the production notes explain that. This is a godd script that should be great with another re-write.
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  Review
  A review of Schism
  by John Burns on 07/06/2004
  I'm not a counter terroism expert but with all movies I've seen and spy novels I've read and such the scene portrayed in this well written SP seems a logical progression to the role of women in the business of undervcover espionage work. After all, even Daniela Bianchi (beautiful and innocent as she looked) was trained to lure in "From Russia With Love." I hope the budget... I'm not a counter terroism expert but with all movies I've seen and spy novels I've read and such the scene portrayed in this well written SP seems a logical progression to the role of women in the business of undervcover espionage work. After all, even Daniela Bianchi (beautiful and innocent as she looked) was trained to lure in "From Russia With Love." I hope the budget is big enough to properly cast and get all those exotic locations. A nice tight script. Good Luck. read
• 
  CIA THRILL RIDE!
  A review of Schism
  by acamelot on 07/02/2004
  This script worked for me on almost every level. I had just rented Spartan with Val Kilmer and kept envisioning him as Scott Greene. This was a fantastic descent into the dark shadows of the international CIA spy game. The writer was able to create this clandestine tension throught out the entire script. I literally felt the danger in virtually every scene. The writer... This script worked for me on almost every level. I had just rented Spartan with Val Kilmer and kept envisioning him as Scott Greene. This was a fantastic descent into the dark shadows of the international CIA spy game. The writer was able to create this clandestine tension throught out the entire script. I literally felt the danger in virtually every scene. The writer takes us on an international journey from Libya, Paris, Madrid, LA--into the underbelly of the illegal arms and terrorists world where no one is really who they are. I loved the CIA terminology, "Acquire Assets, OFF Book. Even in the third act when I thought things would get predictable the whole Paris scenario spun the game around another dark corner. This was a classic spy thriller except for two details. The story was complete and satisfying until Alex comes back to the hotel on the second to the last page. Alex's last statement about Saddem's game--GET RID OF THAT. It cheapens the entire sizzleing spy game. The Status of the WMD's should remain a mystery. Besides Scott was the master of this world and doesn't need a revelation from Alex. Also the title Schism--does not due justice to this thrill ride. This was a truely a page turner. read
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  Finally, a spy story with a NEW twist.
  A review of Schism
  by ChrisNich on 06/24/2004
  What begins as a political thriller takes a fresh and innovative twist at the first plot point. The WMD storyline may or may not be overtaken by future events, but Knox has something special in his triangle eveloping the American Spy, beautiful undercover colleague, and the mark. I actually found the lady agent's story much more compelling than the protagonist, and can see... What begins as a political thriller takes a fresh and innovative twist at the first plot point. The WMD storyline may or may not be overtaken by future events, but Knox has something special in his triangle eveloping the American Spy, beautiful undercover colleague, and the mark. I actually found the lady agent's story much more compelling than the protagonist, and can see her moving into the lead during future rewrites.The first act needs some work on the technicalities of explosives, as well as the budding romance, which seems to go from zero to sixty in about six seconds. One more note to screenwriter, don't sell yourself short in your production notes. If you pitch it to me as half-baked, that's the way I'll approach it until proven otherwise. Fortunately, it was indeed proven otherwise. read
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  Schism
  A review of Schism
  by aksmith on 06/18/2004
  MAJOR SPOILERS!This screenplay is a somewhat confusing read. It is reminiscent of The Recruit. For a first draft, written in five days, it is very good. But, I think the logic needs a little tightening. If everyone knew there were no WMD, as Alex implies at the end, then it seems the whole point of the mission was to discover Scott's asset? Is that the correct impression? If... MAJOR SPOILERS!This screenplay is a somewhat confusing read. It is reminiscent of The Recruit. For a first draft, written in five days, it is very good. But, I think the logic needs a little tightening. If everyone knew there were no WMD, as Alex implies at the end, then it seems the whole point of the mission was to discover Scott's asset? Is that the correct impression? If the whole point was to do this, Pogue probably could have just asked him. Scott wanted another agent to tell Pogue about Addad anyway. There are a number of unfilmables, but those are easily dealt with. e.g. P. 10-Greene smiles, she's right. How would we know why he's smiling? P.67 The line "Yeah, ain't it cool" was the signature line from "Face Off." You'll probably want to change it. P.22-They removed the bomb jacket twice. These devices are usually set to blow if removed. Needs a rethink. P.99-She wants him to kill her if she's pregnant? Did she suddenly become religious? Does't make sense. I know this seems like a lot of criticism, but I think there is enough story and richness of character here to clean it up a little and get a movie made. I love puzzles and movies that make me think. With a rewrite, I believe this will be one of them. Good luck with it. read