Reviews of Snowdonia 7

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  Rewrite
  A review of Snowdonia
  by Madeleine on 06/20/2007
  This screen-play has a lot of potential Hugh. Did you ever get to revamp it? If so I would like to read the rewrite. However, I see this working succefully for television more than film. There are a few areas one needs to pay attention to but the comments made in previous reviews pretty much somes up my critism in that you need to describe action through action not dialogue... This screen-play has a lot of potential Hugh. Did you ever get to revamp it? If so I would like to read the rewrite. However, I see this working succefully for television more than film.
  There are a few areas one needs to pay attention to but the comments made in previous reviews pretty much somes up my critism in that you need to describe action through action not dialogue. The end needs work, the battle scenes extended and the middle section cut.
  I can see this on TV to be honest. Contact me about it. Also the title doesn't work, you should think about a different title. read
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  Mixing history and fantasy
  A review of Snowdonia
  by darkbow on 06/27/2003
  A nice story, but a bit predictible. There needs to be more action and descriptive writing and less dialogue. Most of the dialogue is somewhat stilted and does not sound realistic. True, this is a semi-historical SP, but this SP would be for a modern audience; modern slang doesn't need to be used, but the dialogue should be a little more loose on the tongue. Some explanations:... A nice story, but a bit predictible. There needs to be more action and descriptive writing and less dialogue. Most of the dialogue is somewhat stilted and does not sound realistic. True, this is a semi-historical SP, but this SP would be for a modern audience; modern slang doesn't need to be used, but the dialogue should be a little more loose on the tongue. Some explanations: The dialogue needs to be shorter; people don't need to call one another by name so often because they know their names; don't tell so much with the dialogue; let actions speak more than the characters' speech. The mixture of fantasy and history didn't quite work for me because I tend to be a purest with history, but this SP might be okay as a TV movie. The overall plot was decent, as was the screenplay's structure. Work on the dialogue and this could be a decent SP. read
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  Longbow-nia
  A review of Snowdonia
  by bigjimleugers on 05/10/2003
  The author of Snowdonia has an obviously firm grasp of the period in which this story takes place. The problem here is the characters, dialog, and structure lack depth. The main character, Brian, is a bowyer. The problem is he doesnt make a single bow until the third act. Brian plays no part whatsoever in the creation of the longbow, the films star. Instead, druids in a forest... The author of Snowdonia has an obviously firm grasp of the period in which this story takes place. The problem here is the characters, dialog, and structure lack depth. The main character, Brian, is a bowyer. The problem is he doesnt make a single bow until the third act. Brian plays no part whatsoever in the creation of the longbow, the films star. Instead, druids in a forest give it to him, taking away some of the heros importance. Other characters need fleshing out. Why does Helen fall for Brian? Why does Lucan betray his cousin to the point of murder? And why are King Arthurs relatives all peasants?The dialog is simply too modern for the most part. A rework of the script would fix this.A large part of the exposition seems to be in the form of dialog. Its always better to show something than have a character say it. An example would be to show Brian making bows rather than have him tell everyone that he makes bows. The story really picks up a lot of momentum once the battle begins, but it should be a little less one-sided. The heroes seem to come out of the mess virtually unscathed. I think this should be a story about people who happen to be influenced by the longbow rather than the longbow itself . read
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  Who is Brian Pendragon
  A review of Snowdonia
  by George and Sue on 05/01/2003
  This SP set against the last gasp of Welsh independence focuses mostly on the story of the longbow. The main character, Brian, a returned soldier of the Crusades, loses his farm to an evil Justicator, descries his role as peasant, and sets things right. Problem is I just did'nt get to know any of these characters. Who is Brian? What really motivates him? The dialogue needs... This SP set against the last gasp of Welsh independence focuses mostly on the story of the longbow. The main character, Brian, a returned soldier of the Crusades, loses his farm to an evil Justicator, descries his role as peasant, and sets things right. Problem is I just did'nt get to know any of these characters. Who is Brian? What really motivates him? The dialogue needs work. Many of the characters had the same "voice", including Edward 1. In fact, the language sounded too modern and often pulled me out the of time frame. Such phrases as "you called it" and "double-time" just don't fit. Action scenes too. Try using more cinematic descriptions, break up your paragraphs. This will make it flow better. Structure, it's o.k. but beware of words that get missed by automatic spell check. (I have run into this too) I liked the "Golden Knight" but would have liked to see him sooner. A suggestion, try some foreshadowing, put him in the opening scene somehow. A little teaser could work wonders. All told, I think your story really starts on page 20, when Brian enters the Great North Woods. Try re-working this. A good effort. read
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  Snowdonia
  A review of Snowdonia
  by Ladi on 04/08/2003
  I commend the writer for the amount of research that must have gone into this. The manner in which he goes into detail about the time period and also the manner of speaking has been done extremely well.I liked this, however I feel there is loads of room for improvement. The story is good but I feel it was told more through dialouge than visually.The Characters, Helen and Lucan... I commend the writer for the amount of research that must have gone into this. The manner in which he goes into detail about the time period and also the manner of speaking has been done extremely well.I liked this, however I feel there is loads of room for improvement. The story is good but I feel it was told more through dialouge than visually.The Characters, Helen and Lucan seem to be quite integral to the story and could beneffit from further development. I just was not convinced by Lucan's attempt to assasinate Brian. The love story could also be better developed, it seemed that there was no chase or obstacles in the lovers way, they just seemed to get it on.Brian's character could also do with further development, we see his quest and want it for him but I feel he needs to undergo more pain and suffereing from the outset so that we the audience get the bitter taste of the injustice he and others suffer which leads them on their journey. I found that things come quite easily to Brian for instance Helen, the Longbow etc there is very little he loses other than his land at the beginning.Overall this is something I would want to watch but not in it's current draft. I think it could do with a rewrite. read
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  Plaid Cymru.
  A review of Snowdonia
  by Learjet on 04/07/2003
  Although the history is a little embeIlished, to suit the aims of the story,the Welsh have always been a romantic people.This screenplay has an ingredient of value about it.Concept based upon the "Longbow" used by the Welsh against the English,then adapted by the English used as medival Surface to Surface missiles,until the advent of Firearms.It contains a wealth of potential... Although the history is a little embeIlished, to suit the aims of the story,the Welsh have always been a romantic people.This screenplay has an ingredient of value about it.Concept based upon the "Longbow" used by the Welsh against the English,then adapted by the English used as medival Surface to Surface missiles,until the advent of Firearms.It contains a wealth of potential for expliotation,and explanation.Characters consist of hero "Brian" love interest "Helen",and a collection of Driuds,and other mystic creatures, Knight Templars,English Villians,and of course the English King.Dialogue suffers from injection of modern day terms,which detract from it.Story is really an adventure based on somewhat shaky facts,but nevertheless entertaining.Structure needs some work,mainly revamping.Overall a good effort,but needs rewrite,some of the cast surplussed,develop "Helen" and "Lucan"and of course the "Longbow" it certainly has prospects. read
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  Men of Ewloe
  A review of Snowdonia
  by stuiec on 04/05/2003
  This is a very enjoyable tale of a little-appreciated weapon, the longbow that eventually made England invincible on the medieval field of battle. I never knew it had Welsh origins. The unfamiliarity of the period might initially be intimidating, but the popularity of Robin Hood and A Knight's Tale means SNOWDONIA could be a commercial success.The dialogue reads sort of slow... This is a very enjoyable tale of a little-appreciated weapon, the longbow that eventually made England invincible on the medieval field of battle. I never knew it had Welsh origins. The unfamiliarity of the period might initially be intimidating, but the popularity of Robin Hood and A Knight's Tale means SNOWDONIA could be a commercial success.The dialogue reads sort of slow. (I wish I knew Welsh pronunciation, because I'll bet the Welsh words sound cool.) I also noted the word "system" used a couple of dozen times -- it seems too modern a word for this story (though I realize "this is 1282, not 600" - great line!). Is there a different way to express that idea?Lucan's need to cling to his way of life was a bit underdeveloped, so I felt his betrayal of Brian was not well motivated. Helen's character could be more developed as well - at one point she seems to have gone over to the dark side and then she comes back, but neither switch is well explained.It would be great to have the villain die by the longbow, perhaps as he was about to strike the King. Overall, this is a good screenplay that could use another polish to shine. read