Reviews of Standing Alone 7

• 
  Tough start, great middle. Strong potential
  A review of Standing Alone
  by dgleft on 02/20/2004
  The beginning was slow, the middle was really well written. The main character was developed very well. And I actually felt compassion, which is a testament to the writer. My critique would be to work harder pulling the reader in (first ten pages). I have to say I really thought the dinner scene was very funny, ordering eachothers favorites. The structure is really good,... The beginning was slow, the middle was really well written. The main character was developed very well. And I actually felt compassion, which is a testament to the writer. My critique would be to work harder pulling the reader in (first ten pages). I have to say I really thought the dinner scene was very funny, ordering eachothers favorites. The structure is really good, but the jumping around hurts the screenplay because we sort of get lost. The name Ox might be a better nickname because it does confuse a little as well. There is a lot of potential here, work on the format of the script and the scene direction and this will be a good one. read
• 
  Choppy, needs more work
  A review of Standing Alone
  by Lillian Francken on 10/03/2003
  The story is choppy and not very funny. Too many voice overs. The story was confusing for me. There seems to be words missing in quite a lot of places making it even more confusing because you have to stop and think about what you're trying to say, i.e. 'Come one mother fucker..., Lonnie leans in to check on smash and smash snaps at...(Smash is a person and should be capitalized),... The story is choppy and not very funny. Too many voice overs. The story was confusing for me. There seems to be words missing in quite a lot of places making it even more confusing because you have to stop and think about what you're trying to say, i.e. 'Come one mother fucker..., Lonnie leans in to check on smash and smash snaps at...(Smash is a person and should be capitalized), go cry to your momma sissy boy (I think this should be mama boy). May be it's because this is an English comedy. It wasn't funny and missed the mark of being an interesting story I'd want to see on the big screen. read
• 
  Sorry.
  A review of Standing Alone
  by wands on 10/01/2003
  There are far too many typos in this screenplay. It throws the reader out each time they see one. I know from experience. The script we have posted still has two typos that i know of, and i've read it a thousand times! Your dialogue is promising. Keep working. The story is so so. I really hate giving a bad review, but there wasn't much here for me. The humor is sparse,... There are far too many typos in this screenplay. It throws the reader out each time they see one. I know from experience. The script we have posted still has two typos that i know of, and i've read it a thousand times! Your dialogue is promising. Keep working. The story is so so. I really hate giving a bad review, but there wasn't much here for me. The humor is sparse, the characters didn't make me care for them, and the structure is off. Sorry. Good luck to you! read
• 
  Woody Allen Meets Monty Python
  A review of Standing Alone
  by JimDooley on 09/30/2003
  The counter-culture spin caused me to take a little time to catch up with what was going on...especially that opening sequence! Once Lonnie went to the bar, I began to follow where we were headed. No one understands relationships, and no new light was shed by the characters in this story. The classic Woody Allen approach of lots of talk with little action is mixed liberally... The counter-culture spin caused me to take a little time to catch up with what was going on...especially that opening sequence! Once Lonnie went to the bar, I began to follow where we were headed. No one understands relationships, and no new light was shed by the characters in this story. The classic Woody Allen approach of lots of talk with little action is mixed liberally with some truly whacked out scenes. The Grandpa's Gym sequence, which just had to be influenced by MONTY PYTHON & THE HOLY GRAIL, is still a gem. I found the sheer numbers of voiceovers (and film technique references) to be distancing. Do you really want your audience to be thinking, "It's only a movie" WHILE they are watching? Perhaps, instead of relating the story to the Homeless Man, Lonnie could be talking to us...straight on into the camera...making us a participant in the story. The bottom line is that I did enjoy reading this one, although Katherine's sexual appetite made me wonder why Lonnie couldn't see the Ox in front of his face. read
• 
  Voice Over as a Character
  A review of Standing Alone
  by Debbster on 09/29/2003
  I was totally lost at the beginning of this piece. Surreal is right. But it pulled together by the end of the first act and there were some genuinely humorous moments. The wit is never mean-spirited. I like the idea about "everything I know I learned in the movies" but I would suggest, if you are going to spell that out at the end, you might as well bring it in at the beginning... I was totally lost at the beginning of this piece. Surreal is right. But it pulled together by the end of the first act and there were some genuinely humorous moments. The wit is never mean-spirited. I like the idea about "everything I know I learned in the movies" but I would suggest, if you are going to spell that out at the end, you might as well bring it in at the beginning so the appreciation of what you are doing is available. Bewildering absurdity mixed with funny situations: the dueling dinners was great. Can you have voiceover as a character? I think it works here. But I also think the ending needs work. The typos increase during act three and the resolution doesn't really happen. The timing between Harold and Lonnie is great. read
• 
  The quest for love yields.....a bullet in the spine?
  A review of Standing Alone
  by Dao of the Renegade on 09/28/2003
  First off I would like to say that many of the jokes work, which is obviously important because above and beyond all, this is a comedy piece. I think the problem is that while many of the jokes work, many of the jokes don't. I think you sacrifice some intelligent wit for absurdity (I'.e. The name bilbo, the gnome family) Seems a little to forced, almost as if you know how absurd... First off I would like to say that many of the jokes work, which is obviously important because above and beyond all, this is a comedy piece. I think the problem is that while many of the jokes work, many of the jokes don't. I think you sacrifice some intelligent wit for absurdity (I'.e. The name bilbo, the gnome family) Seems a little to forced, almost as if you know how absurd it is and because of its absurdity you assume it's funny. It isn't. The best comedy in the piece works when Lonnie points out the obvious or mis calculates something, I think, aside from being the crentral character, he is very well defined and his perceptions should be worked with a bit more. Stay in that vain, stick with real life absudity and real-life obvservations rather than force absurdities, the two types are humour may work in two seperate pieces, but I don't think they work particularly well when put together. It just seems that in some places the screenplay doesn't know what it wants to be, absurd humour or witty observational humour. I think both can work, just not together. But hey, what do I know? read
• 
  Liked Your Ice Cube Reference
  A review of Standing Alone
  by jigggaman on 09/27/2003
  I read your script because the premise seemed vaguely similar to one I just posted. You describe it as surreal and that it is. There is a movie somewhere in here but I think you strayed way off of it in your attempt to write something different. Definitely give you points for originality. I thought the set-up of Lonnie meeting Katherine was good. Overall, you used way... I read your script because the premise seemed vaguely similar to one I just posted. You describe it as surreal and that it is. There is a movie somewhere in here but I think you strayed way off of it in your attempt to write something different. Definitely give you points for originality. I thought the set-up of Lonnie meeting Katherine was good. Overall, you used way too much voice over instead of letting the movie flow with interaction between the characters. I was completely lost on the whole Bilbo Baggins character. Gotta think most other people will be too. he scene in the Mob restaurant went on way too long and that kills the joke. You had that problem in a few scenes. I'm thinking you should strip this down and focus more on the day to day of a love triangle with Ox,Lonnie and Katherine, their is so much comedy there. Show the differnet ways that Lonnie and Katherine try to win her. The contrast will be your comedy. Ground this in a bit more reality and you may have something. Sorry, this is a bit negative. It's only because I think you have a good story in here that could potentially be really funny. Good luck. read