Reviews of table for one (lo-carb version) 16

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  Table for one review
  A review of table for one (lo-carb version)
  by Mdiprima on 11/19/2008
  This is a remarkable screenplay; layered and nuanced in totally engaging ways. The four main male characters each have separate stories, yet their lives are interrelated, their interests intersect, they share people and places in common and they do not even know each other – until the end. With the exception of a few structural points, I absolutely loved this work. Beth... This is a remarkable screenplay; layered and nuanced in totally engaging ways. The four main male characters each have separate stories, yet their lives are interrelated, their interests intersect, they share people and places in common and they do not even know each other – until the end. With the exception of a few structural points, I absolutely loved this work.
  
  Beth and Sarah, friends since childhood, provide the continuity thread that eventually brings together four male characters, each with a stand-alone story about loneliness and low self-esteem. Each story is a gem, masterfully executed with warmth, compassion and touches of humor in a feel-good British style reminiscent of “Billy Elliot” and “The Full Monty.” The dialogue is terrific.
  
  My confusion and concerns lie in the following areas:
  
  I) Beth and Sarah’s story spans 21+ years. Maybe a bit too much back story leading up to Love Matters. The stories of the four men are in compact segments with “now” action that reveals their past, their weaknesses and their strengths.
  
  II) The first four segments in Beth and Sarah’s storyline are:
  A) Young girls, nine years old, promising to be friends forever.
  B) Young women, 30 years old, chatting at a sidewalk café about relationships.
  C) Career women. Sarah, a marketing professional, helps Beth with advertising for her new dating-service business Love Matters.
  D) At Beth’s father’s funeral, Beth tells Sarah that she wants to resign her job and start her own business. She is not sure what kind. Sarah says she should start “a bloody dating service.” In segment C above, she already has a dating-service business.
  
  Scene’s C and D appear to be out of order. It would make better sense if they were transposed.
  
  In addition, I wonder if scene B really adds anything to the story. It establishes that they are both single and suggests that Beth may be good at matchmaking, but that proves to not be true with the married waiter she introduces to Sarah. So, what’s the point? Perhaps if the introduction were successful and Sarah and the waiter (a single waiter) hit it off, it could reinforce Beth’s “talent” and be seen as a foreshadowing of things to come.
  
  The rest of the Beth/Sarah segments work fine. I would love to see the addition of a final one, following the wrap-up with Dave, in which something good comes into view, just a hint perhaps, for Beth. Otherwise, she and Sarah just drop out of the story entirely. There is resolution for everyone except the two women, especially Beth, who made it happen for everyone else.
  
  Backing up just for a second: I think the first two Beth/Sarah segments should play out before introducing “Big Dave.” He is a contemporary of the 30 year-old women, not the nine year olds. His story coming in at this point just feels right to me.
  
  With flashbacks and Beth’s VO, we see how Love Matters first came into the lives of three men, and saved the life of the fourth. The technique is wonderful:
  
  ERIC was heading to the National Lottery Commission, apparently to claim his winnings, when he spotted the Love Matters office across the hall and went in.
  
  DAVE was in the kitchen angrily tearing up a newspaper whose want ads had gotten him nowhere in his quest to become a baker. His anguish was heightened by the loss of his secret love, Chaya. The scene is extended to show Dave, through a haze of tears, spotting an ad for Love Matters
  
  ANDY was tearing off the front pages of hundreds of newspapers where an article about his auto accident appeared. In fits of anger and despair, he wadded them up and tossed them. The scene is extended to show that Beth’s ad for Love Matters is revealed hundreds of times in the scattered newspapers and Andy, in a new frame of mind, picks up an ad with interest.
  
  COLIN is revisited at a crucial point – as his planned suicide was just getting under way. He is sitting on his sofa and beginning to ingest pills and vodka when the phone rings. The scene is extended to show that it’s Love Matters calling about a date. Colin sees a flicker of hope. He induces vomiting and saves his life.
  
  The most endearing character, to my mind, is Eric. The author reveals Eric’s background and nature with intelligent dialogue and excellent showing-not-telling technique, primarily through interaction with secondary characters:
  His current state and sense of humor – The care assistant.
  His audacity –Tim, the bank team leader.
  His family and personal background – The support group
  His innocence – The Burger Assistant
  His plucky spirit – Chunky and Skinny
  His charm and goal – Beth
  His compassion and generosity – Hans and Helga
  
  The closing scene is a heart-warming surprise. The plot twist of men finding each other for friendship when we’re fully expecting them to find women for romance is absolutely terrific. Arising from their new friendship is the promise of a business partnership, a greater sense of self worth, and a future that just might include love.
  
  I think some of the trouble spots are minor and fixable. I fully expect to see this screenplay as a movie one of these days. Excellent job. read
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  Review
  A review of table for one (lo-carb version)
  by GimmeABreak on 10/24/2008
  Concept: Reminded me a little of an American TV series called Love American Style Story (stories): they were tied together very well and I loved the ending but I almost gave up half way through because it was so depressing. I want to be entertained, educated or enlightened when I go to the movies and I was just getting bummed out. I think you need to find a way to lighten... Concept: Reminded me a little of an American TV series called Love American Style
  
  Story (stories): they were tied together very well and I loved the ending but I almost gave up half way through because it was so depressing. I want to be entertained, educated or enlightened when I go to the movies and I was just getting bummed out. I think you need to find a way to lighten up the stories prior to Eric's (especially Colin's) because I want people to stay with this long enough to get to the rewarding end. Also, for me, Andy's story need to be a little less subtle (see all of my questions below).
  
  Characters: other than the girls at the beginning, all of them felt very realistic but, again, I had a hard time caring for Dave and Colin because they didn't care about themselves. I think this goes hand-in-hand with my suggestion that you lighten-up their stories just a little.
  
  Dialog: I wish I understood British slang a little more because there were places where I'm sure I misunderstood what was being said or where clever bits passed me by. Beth's and Sarah's post-childhood dialog felt especially realistic.
  
  Structure: anthologies are difficult to judge by standard guidelines. That said, the ending tied all the pieces together nicely.
  
  General: this is just my opinion, of course, but, as I've stated elsewhere in this review, my preference would be to see the Dave and Colin stories redone just a little to keep them from being so depressing that a reader might be discouraged from continuing with the assumption that all the stories are downers.
  
  Good luck with it.
  
  Reading notes:
  * p 1 – what’s a bubblegum-like tongue? Is it pink or is the texture like gum?
  * Beth and Sarah don’t speak like 9-year-olds.
  * p 2 – I’m puzzled now. Am I supposed to read the second piece with the expectation that Beth, Sarah and Dad are part of it or is this a completely different story?
  * p 3 – what does “he flannels suds” mean?
  * p 10 – I’m getting kind of bored watching Dave make bread and read the want ads.
  * I’m about halfway into this and I’m getting depressed. Neither Dave nor Colin were men I could cheer for because neither one of them would stand up for himself.
  * I don’t think I understand the Andy story. What are “crusts”? Was the girlfriend fake? Why did Andy show up after his vacation all spiffy? Did the accident occur while he was on vacation? Was the girlfriend the one killed in the accident? Maybe just a little too much subtext for me.
  * what was the purpose of the bank scene with Eric? Doesn’t seem to fit with the rest of the story. read
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  Lonely table
  A review of table for one (lo-carb version)
  by disaxster on 10/24/2008
  I enjoyed the previous version of your script so it was a real pleasure to read it again, with the changes you included. As far as I can remember, Eric’s background was not as defined as it is now: we know about his son and his wife and we see him going to an AA meeting. It's a good addition, because it gives depth and humanity to a character that otherwise could sound an... I enjoyed the previous version of your script so it was a real pleasure to read it again, with the changes you included.
  
  As far as I can remember, Eric’s background was not as defined as it is now: we know about his son and his wife and we see him going to an AA meeting.
  
  It's a good addition, because it gives depth and humanity to a character that otherwise could sound an old moaner. Okay, he still is… in a pleasant sort of way.
  
  The same goes for the VO of Beth and Sarah, when the BOYS are getting ready to go to the date: it adds clarity to the whole sequence.
  
  My note for the previous version was the missing romance’s development between Andy and Mari: she asks him out and he denies, but in this version on page 50, he briefly looks at her and then at the pictures of the girlfriend. Speaking of which, the fact that Andy’s secret is revealed by Mari (another character) avoid an otherwise inevitable exposition and it’s very well done.
  Emotional, sharp, effective.
  
  Andy calls Mari in the end. It's an appropriate change, not because they could be good together but because it’s the sign that Andy is finally out of his cage of depression and denial and he’s ready to start living his life again.
  
  The same goes for the rest of the guys.
  Sometimes you just have to make a little effort, open yourself up and share with others to feel alive again.
  
  In a universe where no one is listening and no one cares, there are still oasis of understanding and empathy, a hopeful note that closes you script and makes me think there could be hope for mankind, somewhere, somehow, in terms of communication that goes beyond words read from the back of a card.
  
  Excellent work. read
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  Joyce meets Tarantino
  A review of table for one (lo-carb version)
  by Michael Keller on 10/23/2008
  This script reads like a novel - with well crafted prose, clean dialog and subtly rendered characters. Your attention to detail makes it very easy to picture the movie onscreen. The descriptions are vivid, and much of the dialog is beautifully restrained. Beth and Sarah provide a welcomed contrast with their easy, flowing banter. My favorite character was Big Dave, so I... This script reads like a novel - with well crafted prose, clean dialog and subtly rendered characters. Your attention to detail makes it very easy to picture the movie onscreen.
  
  The descriptions are vivid, and much of the dialog is beautifully restrained. Beth and Sarah provide a welcomed contrast with their easy, flowing banter.
  
  My favorite character was Big Dave, so I wish he would pop up a little more in the middle of the story, and my other favorite was Eric, whom I wish you established earlier.
  
  I greatly appreciate the diversity of people you were able to render and all them felt true to life.
  
  Everything seemed so real until the last couple pages, and then it suddenly became a Disney movie. But I can't think of a better ending.
  
  P.S. - Crusts are a good idea. Kind of like Muffin tops. I'd buy them. read
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  4 Lonely Dudes
  A review of table for one (lo-carb version)
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/19/2008
  I have to say I dislike movies with different stories unless they all tie together in the end or each is so awesome by themselves. I'll review each story separately. Story One-Girls Ok, right off the bat the dialog for these 'kids' doesn't sound at all like 9-year-old children. Since you said this was for British producers I won't try to convert your writing to Yank. Not... I have to say I dislike movies with different stories unless they all tie together in the end or each is so awesome by themselves. I'll review each story separately.
  
  Story One-Girls
  Ok, right off the bat the dialog for these 'kids' doesn't sound at all like 9-year-old children.
  
  Since you said this was for British producers I won't try to convert your writing to Yank.
  
  Not sure if the first scene with the kids is associated with big Dave?
  
  Story Two-Big Dave
  We already know big Dave is kinda slow, we don't need the 'mouthing each word' line twice. Ok, three times.
  
  How do we know Dave is biting into a magnificent sandwich? There are other points so far that are flowery or not visual, but this one just jumped out at me.
  
  Shouldn't the scruffy young business man be in caps?
  
  Now were back to the girls? How do we know at this point these are the young girls from earlier. I don't see how anyone would get this? Especially after the long hiatus with Dave. Ok, I see it's revealed in the dialog.
  
  Here at page twenty I am wondering what the whole point is. I know from your description that the screenplay is four stories, but no matter what you are doing you need to grab the reader/producer with the first 10-20 pages or they'll move onto another screenplay. So far we have seen a childhood scene that seems out of place. A nice little story of a dumb brute named Dave who aspires for more. And some whores. There really isn't anything driving me to keep reading and I don't think a pro would, sorry. But I'll stick it through in the hopes that you will knock my socks off.
  
  We get another glimpse of the girls and move into story 3?
  
  Story Three-Table for One
  Who's patio? The scene heading confused me here.
  
  You have a way with sad depressing people first with Big Dave and now with Collin.
  
  Back to the girls again. Maybe this screenplay should be called 'Love Matters'.
  
  Story Four-Crusts
  'Pacifically' do you mean 'Specifically'? Oh, I see it was a joke. Who would say 'pacifically' and if they did it would be due to a speech impediment or an accent and either way it wouldn't be funny.
  
  'before venturing south' was that necessary? It also took a whole action line to turn off your audience.
  
  Oh, the girls again, but before the last time we saw them.
  
  Story Five-Prize Catch
  Eric is so far the most likable character in all of the stories so far.
  Eric's big long diatribe makes me wonder what I would be seeing on the screen. I think this could be tightened up.
  
  The girls again. I can't help but thinking with the girls upbringing they would probably be terrible at matchmaking.
  
  I really like the ending, but it is way to contrived. I think it can't exist without all the 'coincidences', but honestly just making friends would be good. Overall I feel the ending it what the whole story was pushing for, but it wasn't enough. The story was weak and didn't grab and hold my attention. This would make a good short film. So you can introduce each lonely person and then tie them together, neatly, without the need to fill in the time of a feature length film.
  
  The screenplay was written well, very well. But good writing doesn't make up for a less than stellar story. And lets face it a stellar story is what it will take for any of us to make it in this business.
  
  Now ignore everything I just said.
  
  
  
  
  
  read
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  Beautiful.
  A review of table for one (lo-carb version)
  by clovenhoof on 10/19/2008
  I'm absolutely blown away. This is one of the best scripts I've seen on this site, and certainly the most moving. The characters are very well drawn, and generally compelling. In particular, you write very well, very authentically, about obsessive compulsives and depression. (My condolences.) You find some amazing stuff out of what on the surface appears to be nothing... I'm absolutely blown away. This is one of the best scripts I've seen on this site, and certainly the most moving. The characters are very well drawn, and generally compelling. In particular, you write very well, very authentically, about obsessive compulsives and depression. (My condolences.) You find some amazing stuff out of what on the surface appears to be nothing. Consider for example the section on Dave. His internal tensions rise very subtly, so even when you get to page 12 or so and nothing has really happened, it doesn't feel that way.
  
  I have a few minor suggestions.
  
  I'm not sure you need the first scene with Sarah and Beth as kids. I don't know that it gives you anything that can't be accomplished by, "Remember the tortoise I had as a kid?"
  
  With Dave's sequence, I'm not sure that the bathing in the port-a-potty works completely, that it's clear enough that he's cleaning up for the woman on the bus. As I was reading, I was wondering if you could show some more cause-reaction. So the boss chains up the door. That day he can't clean up, so he deliberately misses the bus. The next day, he brings moist towelettes to work so he can clean up without using the john. Just a thought.
  
  I also think he pounds on the kids too much. No more than two punches each, both to the head, leaving some serious bruises. I think as it is, with him repeatedly stomping on the one kid, he loses the woman for good and risks getting arrested. Two punches each repels her but isn't so brutish that she's lost for good.
  
  Show him making an effort to finish the book by reading it at home.
  
  The Colin sequence was depressing. Well-written, but not pleasant to read. No suggestions for it, just thought you should know that.
  
  The Beth & Sarah skeleton threw me a little. The second and third scenes with them are obviously transposed temporally. It wasn't clear to me where the first one fit in, though it didn't really matter since it had no carryover content. Then the fourth one was the fourth one in time. I don't know if you achieve anything by having 2 & 3 reversed. If you were aiming for something by doing that, I missed it.
  
  The Andy sequence again was generally well-done, but I don't think the big reveal worked. It really came out of nowhere. The problem is, you've clearly foreshadowed that he doesn't actually have a girlfriend, but that's all. I actually expected that the reveal was going to be that the photos were of some actress he'd never met or something like that. So that she was real but died, and in an accident that he blamed himself for, those two things were thrown out there like something you see on an afternoon soap opera. "You mean...?" "Yes. We call you two half-brothers, but really it's because you were the two ends of Siamese Quadruplets. The other two died in the operation... if only we hadn't gone to Adolf Hitler's private surgeon. Why? WHY, DAMN IT?!?!??" Sorry, I get carried away sometimes... Anyway, that aspect of the story was really the only thing in the script that jarred me out of it.
  
  So I gather Eric won the lotto. Not sure you emphasized that enough. You certainly could have done more with that, rubbing it in the face of the banker, for example, once you've made it clear to the audience that that's what's happened.
  
  I absolutely love how you tied it all together, I absolutely love how you had Beth recognize what it was that these four characters really needed. Overall just a wonderful, wonderful script. read
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  Table for Four
  A review of table for one (lo-carb version)
  by Matt1982 on 10/19/2008
  Well done for going against the grain and writing something that is both different and challenging. If feels like you have something to say about the society we live in today and you succeed in making your point. I really liked how you told the four stories and weaved them together. Four characters and their lives are a lot to fit in to one SP but this never dragged and the... Well done for going against the grain and writing something that is both different and challenging. If feels like you have something to say about the society we live in today and you succeed in making your point.
  
  I really liked how you told the four stories and weaved them together. Four characters and their lives are a lot to fit in to one SP but this never dragged and the strength of your characters alone were enough to keep me interested and the story progressing. I particularly liked Dave and Eric. If I was pressed to pick a favourite, I'd have to go with Dave. For me he is the strongest character and in my opinion makes for the most sympathetic, he's weight and insecurities holding him back. But saying this, they were all very enjoyable.
  
  You say in your production notes that it was your intention to create four separate tales, with four mini structures and you succeed at this no doubt. I liked the way you linked them with Beth and Sara which helped to keep the story connected. I wonder if you could possibly connect them a bit more. Some more over lapping action perhaps. You try and keep us in the dark about your characters and what happens to them as you move on to the next which holds our intention so I'm not sure how well this would work, but maybe an idea.
  
  Other than that there is not a lot to complain about here as this was a very enjoyable read so again, well done. I make notes as I read and compared to some, they are few and far between. They may be of use.
  
  pg5 - Nice side to Dave and something you wouldn't associate with him, a baker.
  
  pg6 - Do the builders laugh at Dave? I presume not but it's not very clear. What’s stopping the polish builder getting the ball? What if the ball lands between the back of a cabin and trailer of a passing truck so we know it can't be salvaged. The tough builder throwing to the ground seems a bit much as it is.
  
  pg7 - I like the use of the book that connects the two. When he was reading it first I was thinking "what is this guy doing with a book like that?" When Chhaya takes it from her bag on the bus I thought that this was a lucky coincidence. Then we learn them meeting like this is a routine and this takes it in a new direction altogether. The book makes sense now. Very well done.
  
  pg14 - I can understand Dave getting involved but to the level he does is a bit strong and shocking. They could make fun of his weight and embarrass him in front of Chhaya thus giving him more of a reason to kick the snot out of them, but again you kind of turned me against him. Another interesting angle would be if he does nothing and watches as the youths laugh and take the piss of Chhaya until they get off. Chhaya looks at Dave for help but he does nothing. This could be the catalyst that makes him want to lose weight etc. Maybe come back to him later in the script and maybe his chance with Chhaya is gone but he is starting to change his life around.
  
  pg57 - I was thinking that Andy made up the girl all along, I'm sure this is the way you intended. I'm not sure, but thinking would it be stronger and reveal more about his character if he did make her up? Why did none of his co-workers hear about her death? Surly someone would have seen a paper or news headline about the crash. He would have been out of work for a few days etc. Also what is the connection with his new business plan and his dead girlfriend? At least the other way we get the impression that he is trying to get away and change his life.
  
  pg66 - Nice scene with bucket and kettle.
  
  pg72 - Would a seventy something year old man say dick head?
  
  Pg82 – The scene with Eric, Hans and Helga has a slight smell of cheese to it. I know your intention and everything but think you could show this better. Do they really need to be German? I know he served in the war but he doesn’t come across as anyone with a prejudice. Does it need to be two foreigners that are the only people to give him the time of day? At the moment the two scumbags come across a generic. What if one of them robs him or something and comes back later to apologise or give it back to him? Something we don’t see coming and shows a different side to the scumbag’s behaviour. read
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  Table for One...
  A review of table for one (lo-carb version)
  by swarren on 10/16/2008
  I'm torn on your piece. I liked the writing and the individual parts, but I don't feel like the sum ended up being as rewarding as it should have been. The characters are well defined, their pocket worlds are sketched out fairly convincingly and everyone's dialogue feels natural. I'd love to see each short made separately as they feel very "complete" unto themselves. That's... I'm torn on your piece. I liked the writing and the individual parts, but I don't feel like the sum ended up being as rewarding as it should have been. The characters are well defined, their pocket worlds are sketched out fairly convincingly and everyone's dialogue feels natural. I'd love to see each short made separately as they feel very "complete" unto themselves. That's a problem, though, when you're trying to tie everything together as a feature.
  
  I just don't buy how it all ties together. Colin or Andy's problems are so much deeper then needing to make new friends. Even Big Dave feels like a very deeply disturbed man. The violence he undertakes is frightening. These people need many therapy sessions, with plenty of medication. The fact that they get over their issues and move on so quickly just feels cheap. These characters end up deserving better than that.
  
  I mentioned earlier that these stories feel complete. They do, which causes a problem for me. At the end of each of these I was emotionally satiated. While not happy endings, they feel like "the end" for these characters. This feeling is so thorough I was convinced that Colin had killed himself at the end of his story. As a result of this sense of "completeness" I fear it may be hard for anything to feel emotionally satisfying in joining everything together. They each exist perfectly as their own beings. You need to figure out a way of opening up each section's endings. You need to get each one of them in a place where, when they show up in that pub, the reader is ready to see them find their soul mate and, when that doesn't happy, their satisfied by the new relationships they create. You do that and I think you'll have a real winner here.
  
  Sadly those are the only comments I can manage. You truly did some excellent work here, even though I was let down by the complete thing. I hope my notes are helpful to you in sorting them out and building a complete whole. Good luck. read
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  Eating alone
  A review of table for one (lo-carb version)
  by videogeek on 10/16/2008
  I liked the way your four stories, or five if you include the women, all finally fit together in the end. But not enough really happens. Throw some more serious conflict in there. Something, even just slightly, more exciting than the two teenagers heckling the main characters. Give the audience something to remember. I'm not sure about European audiences, but the American... I liked the way your four stories, or five if you include the women, all finally fit together in the end. But not enough really happens. Throw some more serious conflict in there. Something, even just slightly, more exciting than the two teenagers heckling the main characters. Give the audience something to remember.
  
  I'm not sure about European audiences, but the American audience can sometimes demand a little more action.
  
  One thing I didn't catch was the Tom guy Beth and Sarah mentioned a few times. Who was that guy?
  
  One thing you might consider is Eric got his money. I didn't catch that if it was in there. Maybe that's something you could add. read
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  Very good -- with reservations
  A review of table for one (lo-carb version)
  by kentmur on 10/16/2008
  Did you ever see Go? It's an ensemble film with about 4 storylines that had all their characters meet unknowingly in the 1st act in a grocery store. If you haven't seen it, it's a great movie with a structure very much like yours. By the way, I would introduce the players in the grocery scene by capitalized name even though they don't speak until later. The reader will... Did you ever see Go? It's an ensemble film with about 4 storylines that had all their characters meet unknowingly in the 1st act in a grocery store. If you haven't seen it, it's a great movie with a structure very much like yours. By the way, I would introduce the players in the grocery scene by capitalized name even though they don't speak until later. The reader will forget all about them until they are introduced later and will then be able to enjoy the moment like the viewer will (make sense?).
  
  I don't want to spend any time talking about your writing, format, etc. It's all excellent -- you are obviously a talented writer. I believe your story is a strong one and will make a powerful movie, but I think it still needs a little more work on tone and pacing. A few particulars first:
  
  I kept asking myself why Andy doesn't go for Mari instead of an agency like LOVE MATTERS? Then he goes for her at the end when the agency doesn't send anyone. She shouldn't and can't be a fall-back for him. The audience won't buy it, and it's like he cheated on Mari by going to meet a blind date.
  
  Andy's crusts idea is, in my opinion, waaaaaay too comic for this piece. It reminded me of a Seinfeld episode where Elaine markets muffintops and throws away the trunks. He also shouldn't be a drunk when he's blaming himself for being drunk when his girlfriend was killed -- unless you are writing this as a tragedy (which you aren't).
  
  I didn't like the coincidence of Eric running into his assistant (I also didn't like many of the coincidences in Crash). Why do we need that? Coincidences like that can work well in comedies, but Table is not a comedy at all until the end (more later). In dramas coincidences tend to take us out of the story (that's ridiculous!) while in comedies they can accentuate the humor (that's ridiculous!).
  
  Wouldn't the Indian restaurant have held the table for Colin, a regular customer? Seemed odd.
  
  I felt like there was too much telegraphing of Beth's business venture and that it would eventually tie all the stories together. A bit too on the nose perhaps. For example, I knew when the phone rang at Colin's house that it would be his dating service (and that his dating service would be LOVE MATTERS) and that he would not kill himself -- and felt a bit cheated when it all turned out to be the case. I don't think the phone should ring until we come back to him, so we think he's going through with it.
  
  Colin obviously has OCD like Nicholson in As Good As It Gets. It's not going to go away because he had a few pints with the boys. Did I miss something? He turns too fast I think. Dave will make bread in the new pub and is going to go after his Indian girlfriend again. Andy has his crusts and Mari, Eric is maybe too old for babes but has his new buddies; but Colin still seems lost to me. And maybe that's OK -- but not with a fairy tale ending like you have it written now -- very Shakespearean with the two muses looking on by the way...
  
  OK, pacing and tone. The movie starts off very slowly. And that's OK. I liked it a lot. Very artsy and brooding. We get a real sense of Dave's non-existence. But it's slow and sad and serious. Then we get Colin. He's got the same problem, over and over again. Slow and sad. And serious. Very, very serious. Then comes Andy. His story's not as repetitive, and he has a bit more lively workmates, but his life is a godawful mess. He's a loser and a drunk and a liar. Then along comes Eric -- the lively breath of fresh air. He seems fine -- a lot finer than his young attendant, for example. Sort of like I'd like to be at 80, albeit alone. So the pace picks up with Eric and then BOOM! We have a very happy, sit-com ending where everyone gets pretty much what they want. There's even a Rolls Royce!
  
  So, what would I do? I might lighten up the first stories. Couldn't Colin be like Will Farrell in Stranger Than Fiction? A weird loser/loner yes, but not a totally depressed OCD-ridden man on the verge of suicide? Couldn't Dave be a lonely lunk -- but not sooooo sad and depressing? Couldn't Andy be a bit quirkier and not quite so pathetic and morose? These guys have all been too sad for too long to have all their problems solved in the end without it coming from left field.
  
  OR, and this might be my recommendation, I'd heavy up Beth, Sarah, Eric and the ending. Not have it all tied up in such a neat, happy bow. Make it the tragedy it wants for 60 pages to be. I feel a bit like I've slogged too much through the depths of hell to wind up in such a happy place.
  
  And the crusts! Lose the crusts! To think I really felt for this guy slaving away, not going away and drinking his way to a new liver (and past a dead girlfriend!!) for his all-important business deal and it turns out to be crusts! Aggghhhhh!!! In an all-out comedy, great, but not here. At least for me.
  
  There, for whatever they're worth, you have my opinions. Since I'm only writing about my concerns, it might sound negative. Please do not take it that way. Overall I really like it a lot and think it can be a great movie. It just needs to be more consistent in its tone.
  
  Final thought. Think about ensemble dramas like Crash. Or Magnolia. Or Short Cuts. All with serious characters with serious problems. How would you feel if they all ended with their characters riding away in a Rolls Royce and opening a crust shop/pub together?
  
  Final, final thought. All in all, one of the better scripts I've read. read