Reviews of Table for Two? 4

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  What are you trying to say?
  A review of Table for Two?
  by QuinnShephard on 10/21/2012
  This script started off with a bang! I loved the first scene--it was funny, sexy, and strange, and it propelled us into the script with high expectations. The problem was that, as the script continued past that first scene, it became more and more clear that these expectations would not be met. The film was set up like a romantic comedy--the S&M, the sexy secretary, phone... This script started off with a bang! I loved the first scene--it was funny, sexy, and strange, and it propelled us into the script with high expectations. The problem was that, as the script continued past that first scene, it became more and more clear that these expectations would not be met.
  
  The film was set up like a romantic comedy--the S&M, the sexy secretary, phone tag--then, as the script progressed, it lost all traces of humor. The few gags in the beginning (like the “Lady Gaga” safe word) were the only moments of comedy--the script soon sunk into a strange valley between romantic comedy and drama that resulted in a script that was neither funny and cute nor dark and gripping, then ended in a wildly unrelated way that came out of left-field. It is unclear to me exactly what you wanted to say with this script, or even what you were writing about. Did you mean to write a rom-com, a drama, a black comedy? It was really none of these--there was a reluctance to move too far into any genre, so it hovered in the middle.
  
  As for characters: I saw very few redeeming qualities in Peter at the start, so of course I suspected a huge character arc--and yet when the switch did occur, it was not as sharp as it needed to be. Carol starts off as a poor, pathetic, sexually frustrated wife who wants to love him--but he couldn’t care less…except when he does, which is sprinkled in at random times…Peter has a very very very long and confusing and dull trip with Fiona, during which he says things like “some trip this is“ and pouts like a whiny little kid, as well as lies to his son and seems to feel zero guilt about this (plus his affair). Both of these things make him even LESS likeable…then he returns home to help his wife, even though he never really seems to care about her while he’s gone…then Tim comes along and Carol, with NO knowledge of Peter’s affair, suddenly becomes this brutally cold and disrespectful wife. While it seemed to be trying for a ‘switched places’ effect, the scenes were blurry, confusing, and unjustified--and they occurred so far into the script that I had almost given up on the characters’ progressions. Why do these people feel so okay about cheating, lying, being nasty, etc? You never delve into it. You never explain where it went wrong or what needs to happen for it to be right again. There seems to be no meaning or message to this script.
  
  Also, I didn’t understand why Peter’s secretary had such a big part at the beginning and then vanished. I was waiting for the entire script for her to reappear and for there to be all these great reveals and plot twists. None of this occurred. It seems like a massive plot hole that you never put her back into the story.
  
  The ending bothered me a lot. Peter kills his son with a BASEBALL BAT that he got out with the INTENTION of fighting his son…then sobs as if killing him was an accident?! No one gets a bat out to have a friendly family argument. I also felt as if this whole ending was just a bunch of ideas thrown at the script and left there without much editing. What was the point of this event? This entire story? There was no slow deterioration to the murder, it just happened completely out of nowhere, and left me feeling as if I had watched a bunch of scenes that ultimately amount to no final satisfaction of any kind. I did not care about the characters--they really weren’t deep enough to love--nor did I see much growth in any of them.
  
  After the script was over, I started thinking about ‘American Beauty’--here is a script with an average middle-aged protagonist, a tone that is both funny and dramatic, and an ending centered around murder. Yet that film made a lot of sense--because every character was directly involved with the ending, and that ending was foreshadowed from the very beginning. The comedy was hilarious and clever, and the sad moments were extremely powerful, and they worked together. Now, I’m not expecting your script to be the next ‘American Beauty’--but my point is that you need to SHARPEN everything in your script. If a scene’s supposed to be funny, make it FUNNY. If it’s supposed to be dramatic, you have to employ drama-writing techniques like foreshadowing and more justified decisions/arcs, and expand on your characters as opposed to leaving them stagnant. What you have right now is a very lukewarm script that ends in a completely unrelated way--what you need is a more sharply defined plot, more meaningful dialogue, and characters that directly affect the story over and over again. Your script should be a spider web, not a string of pearls. And if you want your ending to be powerful, you need to pack it fully of answered questions, character choices, and loose ends finally meeting and being tied. The script is slow and there are no detective skills required--no hints and then answers, no big reveals, just excruciatingly long scenes one after another. This makes for an audience who is not invested in the film.
  
  Oddly enough, one of my favorite moments in the film was the montage of couples at the end--it was the only time that there seemed to be any statement in the story. It felt sad and disturbing and just showed how all these people are together to feel something, to feel fulfilled, and this is really all anyone was doing--searching for someone to be with, even if it meant betrayal, lying, breaking promises--and how in the end you just go to the next person and try to pretend you’re fulfilled once again. It was very depressing--this sort of worthlessness to relationships and a disconnection between all of the characters. Everyone seemed so morally vacant. But what the murder had anything to do with anything I just don’t understand.
  
  Overall: Your concept was fine (simple), but the plot execution was lacking. The dialogue wasn’t bad but sometimes seemed deliberate and cheesy, and almost always went on way too long. You could cut almost every scene in half. The mood was noncommittal. The characters disturbed me--I sometimes liked that, but in this script I really felt that no one was ever really understood. I did not feel the actions were well justified. Nothing made SENSE and nothing was ever explained! Why was Peter’s son so ruthless? Why was Fiona so done with Peter? Why did Carol turn on Peter for Tim? Why were Peter and Carol so distant to begin with--or were they? What was Geraldine’s deal? I just didn’t feel that it ever came together, which left me feeling empty and bothered.
  
  If you’re aiming for that empty, disconnected feeling to the characters, you capture it very well in Peter’s boredom with the city when he travels with Fiona. The whiny-little-boy attitude he has could be funny if played right, but Peter will not really be liked by the audience. There is so much potential in the world you have woven--for either a disconcerting and sad portrayal of relationships or a Midsummer-Night’s-Dream-romp full of hiding in bathrooms, phone tag, dodging wives and mistresses, etc. Your script seems to lean more towards the first, but it took me until the end to accept that, because you began it like the second.
  
  Before you move into edits, I recommend two things: 1) Finding your purpose: deciding what your message is, what your tone is, what you ultimately want to say, what you want to audience to feel and take away; and 2) Mapping you’re your plot scene by scene and making a flow chart of cause-and-effect. I think you will notice that there are many “cause” events and characters that never seem to be followed by “effect”s. Doing this will help you rewrite your ending and craft a story with more twists and foreshadowing. It will also help you map out your characters’ arcs and make more clear where the holes or flat-lines are.
  
  I hope this input helps you write your next draft. Best of luck! read
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  Table for Two Review
  A review of Table for Two?
  by taergreat on 10/14/2012
  A newbie to screenwriting, so take this review for what it's worth. Great beginning. Got me right into the story. Formatting was excellent throughout. If Peter was so apt to cheat, what did he find in Geraldine that caused him to pass on her? And for that matter, what was it a beauty like Fiona found in Peter that was attractive? A good deal of the screenplay was dedicated... A newbie to screenwriting, so take this review for what it's worth.
  
  
  Great beginning. Got me right into the story.
  
  Formatting was excellent throughout.
  
  If Peter was so apt to cheat, what did he find in Geraldine that caused him to pass on her? And for that matter, what was it a beauty like Fiona found in Peter that was attractive?
  
  A good deal of the screenplay was dedicated to characters on the telephone. I would have liked less phone time and more time devoted to characters doing something.
  
  Page 76: How does the camera show, "It reveals a glimmer of Carol‟s beauty, something previously hidden behind her drab clothes and plain style."?
  
  Page 78: I like, “I dump her, I dump her not…”
  
  Page 83: Why is it a “familiar" brief knock?
  
  On Page 96, how is it that Fiona recognized Carol? I thought she had not met Carol.
  
  Page 102: How do you show 5 minutes have passed as Peter sits in Dr. Lovett's office?
  
  Fiona had a very consistant voice throughout. I liked her character the best.
  
  My inexperience might show here, but I tried to pick out the Act breaks in this and had difficulty.
  
  Although I enjoyed much of this, it seems it could be cut down to well less than the 122 pages and still not lose the story.
  
  I hope you find this helpful. read
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  Review of Table for two......
  A review of Table for Two?
  by ryant04 on 08/07/2011
  I would like to thank you for this interesting read. Normally it's not really my type of story but it was quite good. I thought the length was perfect, we saw change in the character both when he was wanting to change for his wife and spending his days in prison. Nice work with the twists and turns. We have Tom trying to blackmail his father ( or so we thought his father) the... I would like to thank you for this interesting read. Normally it's not really my type of story but it was quite good. I thought the length was perfect, we saw change in the character both when he was wanting to change for his wife and spending his days in prison. Nice work with the twists and turns. We have Tom trying to blackmail his father ( or so we thought his father) the wife being just as bad as her husband. Not to mention my favorite part, the death of that bitch Tom. I did notice all the characters bit their lip a lot, it was kind of repetitive. I also want to acknowledge the writing of the action, that and the concept of the story was well written.....Nice work. read
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  TABLE FOR TWO - REVIEW... ONE VOICE.
  A review of Table for Two?
  by Anthony J. on 07/29/2011
  Writing one hundred words is going to be difficult. The only down side I can see with this screenplay is there seems to be only one voice and one personality. It almost seems like an American parody of dry British life. Everyone bites their lip even Peter. That is more a woman's thing, and I would make it just one woman. In my opinion you need to divide the personalities somehow... Writing one hundred words is going to be difficult.
  The only down side I can see with this screenplay is there seems to be only one voice and one personality. It almost seems like an American parody of dry British life.
  Everyone bites their lip even Peter. That is more a woman's thing, and I would make it just one woman. In my opinion you need to divide the personalities somehow.
  Maybe Fiona, the man eater, could be a little more demanding or agressive. Carol, more of a prude.
  The same holds true for Peter and Russell.
  On the up side I did not find one typo.
  Concept is unique. Formatting is perfect. Story is good. Structure is good. read