Reviews of TEXAS BLUE MOON 4

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  Rhyme or Reason
  A review of TEXAS BLUE MOON
  by dcaygill on 04/04/2003
  You set the story and characters well in the beginning, but then not much happens. For instance, there's two bar scenes with Jim and Tracey before anything really "happens." Try to be creative in how Jim comes to notice Tracey. I would totally extract the "Credits Roll" line. The montage sets up exposition in a relatively short time. Just lose the Credit line. This would be... You set the story and characters well in the beginning, but then not much happens. For instance, there's two bar scenes with Jim and Tracey before anything really "happens." Try to be creative in how Jim comes to notice Tracey. I would totally extract the "Credits Roll" line. The montage sets up exposition in a relatively short time. Just lose the Credit line. This would be a much better read after some massive editing. There are a lot of scenes that could be slashed that would do wonders. Cut out everything that is not absolutely necessary to the story. Which brings me to your lyrics. In my opinion, adding entire song lyrics in a script hurts the story. It's not that the lyrics are bad. The songs take away from the screenwriting. It's either one or the other, not both. If it's about the songs, then the script fails. If it's about the script, let the songs go. Add the lyrics that are needed, cut the rest. You may have talent in song writing, but a screenplay is not the place to show it. It's got to focus on story. You go from one point to the next. And the quickest way is a straight line.The characters are good, dialogue is decent. I hope you take my advice and do some editing. I think you'll find you have a pretty good story. read
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  Blue Moon Rising
  A review of TEXAS BLUE MOON
  by olddude on 03/20/2003
  First, you need to invest in a software program for screenwriting. this current format has whole pages with maybe only one line on it and equalling about 167 pages! You seem to have at least three seperate stories going on here--one involved with the triangle of Tracey, Ed, and Jim; then another with Ed, the FBI, and the Mob; and a third with Jim and his songwriting. I like... First, you need to invest in a software program for screenwriting. this current format has whole pages with maybe only one line on it and equalling about 167 pages! You seem to have at least three seperate stories going on here--one involved with the triangle of Tracey, Ed, and Jim; then another with Ed, the FBI, and the Mob; and a third with Jim and his songwriting. I like the songwriting lyrics but I sure wish there wa someway that a reviewer could hear the music, too. The other two stories belong more on a TV series like Dragnet or The District. It not that it's bad, it just is very familiar. Going three directions is too hectic for this script. The strongest is the songwriter and his world. I would keep it simple and concertrate on that one. Keep trying. read
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  Now I'm Blue...
  A review of TEXAS BLUE MOON
  by rodbroads on 02/19/2003
  I think the best parts about this screenplay are the songs and the lyrics. I found the characters hard to get close to, although the abuse scene is very touching. It's just way too wordy with dialogue that goes on forever. I think your characters are great structurally but need more action to communicate and a little less chat. It just felt unrealistic to me. I also think you... I think the best parts about this screenplay are the songs and the lyrics. I found the characters hard to get close to, although the abuse scene is very touching. It's just way too wordy with dialogue that goes on forever. I think your characters are great structurally but need more action to communicate and a little less chat. It just felt unrealistic to me. I also think you could chop about 40 pages - 198 when I converted it to Final Draft - yow! Overall, good bones, keep at it. read
• 
  Good, but needs some work.
  A review of TEXAS BLUE MOON
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 01/28/2003
  Potential showcase for actual music? Cool! But the song lyrics do not specifically relate to the story and should be cut. It will read better. All we need to know is; the titles and that they are about strong women. A lot of the dialogue was unnatural, especially in the beginning. When Kim learns of Ed's abuse, her reaction is too calm, ultimately saying "I'm touched by what... Potential showcase for actual music? Cool! But the song lyrics do not specifically relate to the story and should be cut. It will read better. All we need to know is; the titles and that they are about strong women. A lot of the dialogue was unnatural, especially in the beginning. When Kim learns of Ed's abuse, her reaction is too calm, ultimately saying "I'm touched by what you shared with me tonight." Shock. Anger. Rage! would play more naturally. Too many speeches from your characters, often relating information already known to the audience. Real life, sure. Screenplay, no. The mobsters being Italian - too cliche, unnecessary. The ending went on too long. Drop the plane crash - unnecessary plus it jerks the audience around. On the up side; a good basic story and interesting characters. The abuse scenes play very real!! read