Reviews of THE 16th MINUTE 38

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  Ice Hockey and Love!
  A review of THE 16th MINUTE
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/08/2004
  There are several things I like about the script -- the writing [very good], the structure, and ice hockey. Although throughout the script I wished for more of the latter. Mac, misunderstood and lonely, isn't exactly a likeable character and it's very difficult to root for him. There's quite a bit of talk about 1.) what a great ice hockey player Mac is and 2.) how much Gina... There are several things I like about the script -- the writing [very good], the structure, and ice hockey. Although throughout the script I wished for more of the latter. Mac, misunderstood and lonely, isn't exactly a likeable character and it's very difficult to root for him. There's quite a bit of talk about 1.) what a great ice hockey player Mac is and 2.) how much Gina and Mac love each other -- show it, show me Mac's potential, and give me the emotions. After coming back from the so-called paradise I wanted Mac to regain his live through what he ultimately loves most, ice hockey. There are two name typos, P.65/66 and P.118. However, I think it's a nice script and I wish the best. read
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  I liked it
  A review of THE 16th MINUTE
  by dmacisaacj on 12/18/2003
  Maybe it was nostalgia... I'm from MA, currently live in Oelando, but I know Boston, my mothers family all lived in Medford. the writers B & A made me feel I was there. I saw reoititious as another review title, and I agree slightly, but this could be toned down to a 90 minute, perfect movie. I also don't feel the repitiousness (sp) in some areas detracted me from the story... Maybe it was nostalgia... I'm from MA, currently live in Oelando, but I know Boston, my mothers family all lived in Medford. the writers B & A made me feel I was there. I saw reoititious as another review title, and I agree slightly, but this could be toned down to a 90 minute, perfect movie. I also don't feel the repitiousness (sp) in some areas detracted me from the story. I thought it was paced nicely and kept me hooked... Congrats to you both and thanks for bringing me home, and introducing me to Mac and Tommy. read
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  TOO REPETITIOUS
  A review of THE 16th MINUTE
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 11/24/2003
  I felt as though I was reading the same thing over and over. Hockey scenes were really well done. But the story suffered from on-the-nose dialogue that was repetitious and verbose to the point of boredom. Some of the description was overdone and unfilmable: "Junkie prostitute prays for the warmth of a John's car," and "The hospital smell and texture crawl all over Mac."... I felt as though I was reading the same thing over and over. Hockey scenes were really well done. But the story suffered from on-the-nose dialogue that was repetitious and verbose to the point of boredom. Some of the description was overdone and unfilmable: "Junkie prostitute prays for the warmth of a John's car," and "The hospital smell and texture crawl all over Mac." I think the story idea is good, but dialogue needs to be sharper and some trimming done. read
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  A Hockey Story
  A review of THE 16th MINUTE
  by Wayne Mackie on 11/23/2003
  I wouldn't go to a hockey game even if Wayne What-his-name were to take me along to explain the game. Here, we not only have a hockey story but a (YUK) love story too. But it is also a classic story of a fall from grace and this transcends everything. It held my attention and it was good. I especially liked the scene where Mac secretly enters Gina's apartment. It was very... I wouldn't go to a hockey game even if Wayne What-his-name were to take me along to explain the game. Here, we not only have a hockey story but a (YUK) love story too. But it is also a classic story of a fall from grace and this transcends everything. It held my attention and it was good. I especially liked the scene where Mac secretly enters Gina's apartment. It was very poignant. Now, if you can get the hockey players co-opereation, it should make a good movie. Check the typos on p. 45, 51, and 69 and the last speech on p.118. read
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  HOCKEY TO HANG YOUR HEART ON
  A review of THE 16th MINUTE
  by Condrashoff on 11/20/2003
  OKAY, just to be completely honest, I HATE hockey. I don't relate to the game or the culture surrounding it, but....that didn't take away from my enjoyment of this screenplay. It is great to read a well writen screenplay. The structure was good, and the characters are multidimensional and believeable. The story, although not exactly original, was still compeling. One thing... OKAY, just to be completely honest, I HATE hockey. I don't relate to the game or the culture surrounding it, but....that didn't take away from my enjoyment of this screenplay. It is great to read a well writen screenplay. The structure was good, and the characters are multidimensional and believeable. The story, although not exactly original, was still compeling. One thing that needs some work is the wordy dialogue. Especially surrounding the AA meetings. Eddie has way too much to say that doesn't help the story. Plus, how does Mac just happen to find everyone when he returns. Small details. The overall effect was a good story. The title was good.The ending was appropriate but unexplained. Also I thought that Gina was pregnant with Tommies child. The pregnancy test kit? Or was that from Mac's time. A little confusing. The hockey is good background action to keep the adrenalin going in the audience. Myself, I like to use war as the backdrop to romance. Either way, it works well. Good luck. read
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  "It's All About Respec"
  A review of THE 16th MINUTE
  by Etowahdoma on 11/20/2003
  The 16th Minute is one of those nice chewy SPs that gave me a For The Love of the Game experience, but this was more so. Mac's journey is a beatiful thing to watch; he is a flawed man who tries and makes it. Thi SP is successful in showing how life is about the choices we and the characters make. The splits in Macs life with Gina and Tom, the illustration of tough love teachers... The 16th Minute is one of those nice chewy SPs that gave me a For The Love of the Game experience, but this was more so. Mac's journey is a beatiful thing to watch; he is a flawed man who tries and makes it. Thi SP is successful in showing how life is about the choices we and the characters make. The splits in Macs life with Gina and Tom, the illustration of tough love teachers in Eddie and Nina are well-constructed. Your scenes in the area are as exciting as a live game. I enjoyed how you presented diferent times in Mac's life. Mac works hard for his newbchances in life. My fav. scene is is between Mac and Gina when she's trying on gows for her other love. The scene I want more out of is the final scene. I only say this because I do not think it does the rest of your scriptjustice. I don't mind that Nina is the lucky girl; I just think you can make more of the relationship at the end. Nina needs just a little more time to wrap up the plot at the end. It drops off at the end for me. It is a technically well written SP. Beautiful touches in the subtleness of Mac's mirrorrs -- all those who had fallen like Mac...Mac finds the courage to make ammends and live much differently. A great read. Check punctuation...mostly commas. read
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  not my style
  A review of THE 16th MINUTE
  by grays on 11/19/2003
  Being from New England, I can say that you definitely captured the Boston scene. Unfortunately I'm not into that scene and I'm not a big hockey fan so it was very slow reading for me. I do think the script is decent overall. However, its biggest problem for me was structure. There were a few typos and inappropriate camera angles but neither are major flaws compared to the poor... Being from New England, I can say that you definitely captured the Boston scene. Unfortunately I'm not into that scene and I'm not a big hockey fan so it was very slow reading for me. I do think the script is decent overall. However, its biggest problem for me was structure. There were a few typos and inappropriate camera angles but neither are major flaws compared to the poor descriptions of unseen thoughts and emotions. There were just way too many of these descriptions to keep me focused on the story. The hockey scenes were good. Very professional. I felt like I was in the Fleet Center. But the characters seemed inconsistent. Gina was wishy washy. Tommy was too eager to let her go. And to me Mac wasn't very endearing until the very end when he gives Tommy the winning goal. I think more time should be spent on Mac's downward spiral from NHL player to nobody. He fell from grace too quickly to gain my sympathy. Dialogue was witty (e.g. no "u" in tomorrow, ). Side note: When he spends the night in the alley after getting beat up you should take away the snowfall... it seems unlikely that he would wake up without a case of hypothermia -- or wake up at all. Like I said, overall it's a decent script and I wish you the best of luck! read
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  Mis-Titled?
  A review of THE 16th MINUTE
  by poet32 on 11/19/2003
  I understand what you're going for with the title, but it's a bit misleading. I mean, Mac could have success outside the rink and it would really be the 16th minute, but in the end he gets a whole new fifteen minutes, or more. That's just a little thing, as are all my comments. Overall, this is a kick-ass script. I like the characters, the transitions, and the way you put... I understand what you're going for with the title, but it's a bit misleading. I mean, Mac could have success outside the rink and it would really be the 16th minute, but in the end he gets a whole new fifteen minutes, or more. That's just a little thing, as are all my comments. Overall, this is a kick-ass script. I like the characters, the transitions, and the way you put your script together. I think at times you get into the head of your characters too much, stuff that the audience really won't be able to tell on the screen, but I'm a prose writer, too, so I understand why you do that. I think you might use the V.O. transition between scenes one too many times, and you have two really abrupt transitions. One is the "One Month Later" around page 86 and the other is into the marriage scene. Can you really compare the noise made by a sold-out hockey crowd to a small but rambunctious wedding party? One more things. I'd like to see a little more between Tommy and Mac. All of a sudden they're friends again. You two are great with dialogue. Can't you give me a better reconciliation? Obviously, you love hockey, and that really shows in your script. It just makes me wish my Dallas Stars were doing a little better, darn it! read
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  The Days Of Wine And Hockey
  A review of THE 16th MINUTE
  by David Muhlfelder on 11/17/2003
  I thought this was well-written overall. The characters were all distinct and complex. And I found the ending satisfying. Nice touch with the cup. After reading the synopsis, I guess I was expecting a more existential drama. I thought Mac would be more a victim of fickle fortune, than the self-destructive character he was. The story was really about Mac's struggle to overcome... I thought this was well-written overall. The characters were all distinct and complex. And I found the ending satisfying. Nice touch with the cup. After reading the synopsis, I guess I was expecting a more existential drama. I thought Mac would be more a victim of fickle fortune, than the self-destructive character he was. The story was really about Mac's struggle to overcome alcoholism, and put his life back together. The story doesn't really get into the sudden aftermath of fame as I had hoped. Normally, obstacles such as alcoholism are fertile ground for drama, but here I felt it got in the way of a better story. I think the injury to Tommy is enough of a trauma to send Mac off the deep end. I also felt that Act 1 spent too much time on backstory. I didn't see the need to begin with the alley fight. I would suggest starting with the NCAA Championship game. Dialogue was pretty good, but got a little too on the nose towards the end. I would also trim the commentary from the descriptions to improve the flow. All in all, you have all the ingredients for a good script, just dig a little deeper. Good luck. read
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  TWELVE STEPS TO PLAYING HOCKEY
  A review of THE 16th MINUTE
  by Burgio on 11/16/2003
  There's good writing here. If there's a problem, it's that it's hard to relate to a guy who treats his friends badly and then escapes to a sunny beach instead of facing any of that. Thinking that being drafted to a pro hockey team is fame is another problem. TITLE: Great title. CHARACTERS: Mac is interesting, but a recovering alcoholic has been done before so he's not a very... There's good writing here. If there's a problem, it's that it's hard to relate to a guy who treats his friends badly and then escapes to a sunny beach instead of facing any of that. Thinking that being drafted to a pro hockey team is fame is another problem. TITLE: Great title. CHARACTERS: Mac is interesting, but a recovering alcoholic has been done before so he's not a very original character. Gina is good, although it took her a long time to stand up for herself. Eddie is a good confidant (and very convenient he showed up). PLOT: It was a sudden jump to the sunny beach and Mac's new life. Maybe he should have had more trouble fitting in there and realize he isn't successful anywhere. SETTING: Good hockey action, although not enough to attact real hockey buffs to this film. SUGGESTIONS: The problem is Mac thinks he's great because he was drafted; pros only become great when they prove they can play at a pro level. Maybe he would have more depth if he were older, not just a rookie when he attacks Tommy. read