Reviews of The Beautiful Princess 3

• 
  You need more sex
  A review of The Beautiful Princess
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/03/2005
  [ Honorary review ] I'm reading the first few pages, and the font you're using says it all: You. Personally. Need more sex. The woman [ your target audience ] - you should have a clear notion of her, in your mind. Who is she really? Who does she pretend to be?? What turns her on? What are her likes? And dislikes? Fear not, my friend. You've stumbled upon a master: I will... [ Honorary review ]
  
  I'm reading the first few pages, and the font you're using says it all: You. Personally. Need more sex.
  
  The woman [ your target audience ] - you should have a clear notion of her, in your mind. Who is she really? Who does she pretend to be?? What turns her on? What are her likes? And dislikes?
  
  Fear not, my friend.
  
  You've stumbled upon a master: I will make you into a master lover.
  
  The key is not to make her laugh... but to make her smile. A smile is a sexual invite. But a laugh - it could be just her quirky response to something stupid you just said. Laughter can be deceiving. But a smile... a smile is always genuine.
  
  The key is to make her smile, and smile a lot. Because the more she smiles at you, the less she's thinking about smiling at someone else!
  
  Another key is to be on her level. If she's down to earth, then you can be sophisticated. And, if she's blunt, then you can be nasty.
  
  And always, always, always, there's steady eye contact. Women take an interest in men who take an interest in them. And the more interest you show, the more responsive she'll become.
  
  The key is in your tone: 95% of all human communication comes through body language. It's not what you say, but how you say it. Tell her she's the most beautiful woman in the world - while you're smacking on gum and checking out the next fine chic coming your way - and she won't even give you the time of day. But, at the same time, in a low evened tone, while gazing into her eyes, tell her that origami is your favorite pastime - and you'll have her phone number quicker than you can fashion a paper bird. The key is in your tone.
  
  There is no difference between sex and anything else you want in life. Once you learn to communicate with women, you'll have established all the necessary tools needed to succeed in what it is you want to do.
  
  You are the masculine. And everything in the world, outside of you, is feminine.
  
  Now let's get started, my friend.
  
  CONCEPT:
  First of all, all these comments in your production notes... You're talking too much !!! It shows you're unfocused. You're talking, when you should be listening to her... So what is she saying?? She's waiting on you for two simple words:
  
  ...high concept.
  
  A high concept says to her that you're familiar to the game. And that you know what you're both here for. A sentence will tell her everything that she needs to know about you. Say anything more than these two words and you're just wasting her time.
  
  TITLE:
  First impressions are everything. And, my friend, you came well dressed for the occasion. An excellent top hat communicates theme, mood, genre, and tone, for the evening. Its provocative connotations are what ultimately temps her, in.
  
  TECHNICAL NOTES:
  
  And never, never go by the way she's dressed. Always a mistake. Women have caught on to this, a long long time ago.
  
  For me, after a good martini and some soft conversation, I'm good to go, in about 2 - 3 hours with a young woman. But in your case... these are the first two to three or four dates. Show her you're aware of her. And that you know what you're doing. Make her feel comfortable being naked around you. Yes that's exactly what I said. Make her feel comfortable being naked. And you do this by showing her you're comfortable in your own skin. And you do THIS with your skill [ effective and clean writing ability ] and with your tone [ overall script quality and structure ].
  
  And now with the formalities out the way. And now that she's comfortable being naked around you, now you can get to the sex. And get to know each other that much better...
  
  STORY:
  The key is to pace yourself. Set a pace that's nice, but not too difficult to maintain. But also one that forces a nice response in her. After all, you're trying to take her on the ride of her life...
  
  Always start slow. The key is varied pace, while steadied in rhythm. Never break your rhythm. Now the slower you build your pace, the more intensely she'll climax, in the later stages. The less you give, the more she'll compensate. And she'll force herself to become more responsive for you. It's like a long whisper in the dark, before you heighten the volume. The key is to make her body do the work for you. It'll take tremendous mental energy and effort. So you'll have to stay focused.
  
  Listen to her! [ your audience ] What is she saying? Is she bored? Intensify the pace. Is she way ahead of you? Then throw in a plot twist. Keep her always off balance - but in a way that's thrilling and compelling to her, and keeps her wanting more. The key is to be a considerate lover. The screenwriting term is called: A Reversal.
  
  And in your story, there are too few of them, and way too far apart. In other words, you're riding too shallow. You're teasing her. Unless she really really really really really really really likes you, you'll only get one chance to do this right. You'll tempt her to try to get ahead of you. In situations like this, pull back. You've got to show her you're in control.
  
  But if you happen to get too far ahead of yourself, the solution is simple: pinch yourself at the base, with your thumb and your index finger. You'll then find yourself able to provide her with many hours of worry free pleasure.
  
  I find that after 2 hours most women are satisfied. Any longer than that, and you've stumbled upon a porn star, and are probably in big big trouble.
  
  SCRIPT_OUTLINE:
  Big_Opening: A princess is born...
  Catalyst / Inciting_Incident: ?? ??
  Big_Event: ?? ??
  Pinch: ?? ??
  Crisis: ?? ??
  Climax: ?? ??
  Denouement: ?? ??
  
  
  PERSONAL NOTES:
  Now take a break from triggerstreet, my friend, and go get yourself laid.
  
  . read
• 
  HAPPILY EVER AFTER?
  A review of The Beautiful Princess
  by metboy on 08/30/2005
  You have something here, I'm just not sure if you know what it is. I won't comment about your formatting as I am sure other reviewers have already told you that the screenplay isn't in the proper "Hollywod" format. I understood your format and didn't have a real problem with it, but methinks that unless you've already had 10 scripts optioned and 2 Oscar wins, nobody is going... You have something here, I'm just not sure if you know what it is. I won't comment about your formatting as I am sure other reviewers have already told you that the screenplay isn't in the proper "Hollywod" format. I understood your format and didn't have a real problem with it, but methinks that unless you've already had 10 scripts optioned and 2 Oscar wins, nobody is going to let you break the rules of formatting like this. In most cases, this would probably get dumped in the trash.
  
  Another note - stop telling us what we see, what the camera sees, that we're craning up or down. The director and cinematographer can do that on their own. You have to remove all of those camera directions. Which shouldn't be too hard, because...
  
  This story is too long. Way too long. In effect, you have two movies here - a political thriller set in the days of kings and queens and you have a good old fashion chase/action story. Which is it gonna be? The chase stuff doesn't start until page 70. From there on, there's no need for Theo (the bad guy), no need for Anne, no need for Frederick, etc. I bet you could cut about 40 to 50 pages from the first 70, have a taut 20 page setup to the chase, and start fresh. It would be much more exciting, because after you are knee deep in the "quest for Diane," you wonder why the heck you spent so much time with all of those other people.
  
  Other thoughts - If King Theo is the antagonist and Diane is the protagonist, they must meet in the end and resolve their confiict. The way it ends now... Well, I don't know what happened. You tied everything up in a page and I still don't know why Diane's parents are dead (if in fact Emma is dead) and what their last scene (page 115) had to do with anything. If you cut 50 of the first 70, now you can extend the chase and have a proper ending.
  
  The sex. You have a lot of it. Fine. None of it works. Sure, Diane is hot. Anne is hot. But think of any actress you'd want to play them. You won't get Maria Bello or anybody from "Arthur." You may get a former Playboy bunny - and maybe that's what you're shooting for. But women, in the script, are degraded. And not by the time this story is set. I mean by you. Too many referrals to "her ass" and too many full nude scenes. And please, you have to take out that "Make me feel like a woman" stuff. It's all cliche. And then you do it twice. The second time means she has no capability to love. She's just horny or wants to get laid. You're in Porky's territory here. I'd make that much classier.
  
  Finally, when Sir Prince Charming throws his cape to Diane and it mysteriously drifts over her, you can't do that. That's the only spot of "magic" in the whole story and it doesn't work. It doesn't fit with the world you've created. He should just throw it to her and she catches it. However, I did think it was a great twist that he was essentially in want to kill her. Good job there.
  
  You have lots of typos (grandmother's needs the possessive apostrophe, as do all words of ownership in this script), need to read many more scripts to see how to do a montage, etc. Keep working on this.
  
  Oh - last things. Theo the horse - change the name. I kept getting confused as to who we were talking about. It's not a big enough deal to name the horse after the bad guy. And when we first meet Theo when Diane is born - how old is he? I was under the impression that he was much older than he really was.
  
  Good luck read
• 
  Giving It To You Striaght!
  A review of The Beautiful Princess
  by cshughes40 on 08/29/2005
  Let start by first saying that I think that the Author has a beautiful story to tell. The dialogue and the atmosphere alone all seems authentic. Unfortunately, the sp is too long and the format is also wrong. Because of the many technical flaws here, it comes off as amateurish giving no justice to what could have been a beautiful screenplay or what the Author was trying to... Let start by first saying that I think that the Author has a beautiful story to tell. The dialogue and the atmosphere alone all seems authentic. Unfortunately, the sp is too long and the format is also wrong. Because of the many technical flaws here, it comes off as amateurish giving no justice to what could have been a beautiful screenplay or what the Author was trying to conceive.
  
  You use way too many camera angles which should always be left up to the director to choose. You did the same with CAPS; most of what you have in CAPS should not be.
  
  Unless there is some new trend that I'm unaware of, this screenplay is void of Transitions.
  EXAMPLE: (You have these plugs throughout)
  IN THE GREAT HALL
  IN THE KITCHEN
  
  CORRECT:
  INT. GREAT HALL - NIGHT , DAY, ETC.,
  INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
  Or EXT. for exterior
  
  There is also so many characters acting here that one can get lost trying to keep up.
  
  Overall, I did love the story and hope that the Author brings it to us again in the proper format using the correct technical terms.
  
  A screenplay is more then just having a story to tell, it also involves bringing your readers a story in the correct format, technical or otherwise.
  
  I see so much potential in the Author as a writer so write on! read