Reviews of The Boys are Back 52

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  The Boys are Back review
  A review of The Boys are Back
  by Braxcugs on 01/30/2011
  Sorry that this review will be so brief, but there's not so much I can say or add to this script. I really liked it and had a great time reading it. Certainly one of the best scripts I have ever read here on TS. My only one concern is the originality of it's concept. The idea of a band the reunites sounds a bit deja-vu. Maybe because I liked so much “Musics and Lyrics” that... Sorry that this review will be so brief, but there's not so much I can say or add to this script. I really liked it and had a great time reading it. Certainly one of the best scripts I have ever read here on TS.
  My only one concern is the originality of it's concept. The idea of a band the reunites sounds a bit deja-vu. Maybe because I liked so much “Musics and Lyrics” that I ended up seeing three times. But the same theme is the concept of “Still Crazy”.
  The dialogues are really excellent. Structure is more than OK. Great great characters, each one with a distinct voice.
  The one scene I loved the most is the fight between Johnny and Butch Girl. Great!
  The one single point that I found a bit weak is the Janet/Davey theme of her first telling in the commercial that Davey was mentally ill. Maybe, before the commercial, she could say something (not intentionally) to the press. Only when his “illness” becomes of public domain she would have to stick to her lie and make the commercial.
  Maybe when Benny has to get rid of the pills he could stick some in Davey's mouth, thus making him behave “mentally ill” with the police just as his wife had declared.
  
  Just a few typos:
  
  Pg. 36 Some action ended up in a dialogue:
  DAVEY
  These guys...um… To everyone's
  surprise, Janet gravitates towards
  Benny, seemingly drawn to him,
  compelled by an unknown force. She
  starts touching his face, playing
  with it like it's a ball of dough
  until...
  
  Pg 46 Davey raises his hand, no on cares.
  
  Pg 66 SAL (CONT'D)
  I don't know who you posers are, but
  Y(y)ou've lost the magic that made you
  great in the first place. If you go
  to the media, sure they'll put you
  on as a joke. That's it. y(Y)ou'll be
  a big joke for everyone to laugh at. read
• 
  The Laughs Are Back, Too
  A review of The Boys are Back
  by caponeslawyer on 01/24/2011
  REVIEW OF “THE BOYS ARE BACK” You’ve got a really funny script here. Great jokes in the dialogue, and good sight gags. I feel like the pacing could use some work, and I’ve detailed some instances of that below. But the biggest obstacle this script faces in its current form is that the main characters are only somewhat sympathetic. You get the most out of Davey, but the... REVIEW OF “THE BOYS ARE BACK”
  
  You’ve got a really funny script here. Great jokes in the dialogue, and good sight gags. I feel like the pacing could use some work, and I’ve detailed some instances of that below. But the biggest obstacle this script faces in its current form is that the main characters are only somewhat sympathetic. You get the most out of Davey, but the cuckolded-husband bit is only good for so much. Mikey totally fails to win me over, and he really needs to for the script to work. Benny and Johnny can probably work just fine as comic relief, but we need to root for Mikey.
  
  Strong beginning. I like the tv show format for getting some exposition out of the way fast and comically. It’s a technique that’s certainly been done, but you get us in and out of it fast enough that I don’t get bored and start thinking about other films that utilize this kind of opening. Too busy enjoying the cameos.
  
  The only possible issue I can see with the context you set for your story is that most boy bands have a short shelf life in Americans’ memory. And tying the time of the story to the New Kids reunion really dates your script since the NKOTB reunion is happening as I type this. On the other hand, the concept of “Boy Band” isn’t going anywhere, so if you split the reunion off from the New Kids reunion, this script could still be made five years from now and it would still totally work. I realize you use the NKOTB reunion as a catalyst for Mikey’s action, but it’s not the only possible catalyst for a reunion.
  
  Speaking of which, I don’t think I’d recognize Nick Lachey if he serenaded me, but I’m sure I’m in the minority.
  
  Quite a few spelling/grammar mistakes. Clean them up on your next draft so the reader spends more time enjoying than judging. I won’t list every example, but here’s a few right from the start:
  
  -p5 “restaurant's”, not “restaurants”
  -p6 “Do I have to?” not “too”
  -p6 “mops up” not “mopes up”
  -p20 “Well” not “we’ll”
  -p38 check the spelling on Beatles
  -lots of typos in the biker bar scene. Look through the whole thing.
  -p59, interest is “piqued,” not “peaked”
  
  Loving the dark comedy, esp from Sal. You give us enough right up front to put us on notice as to what kind of comedy this will be.
  The kiss with Grace is delicate-- it’s funny when we know she’s Mikey’s sugar mama, it’s a weird if we think she’s his mother or grandmother. And until a few lines later that’s not clear. I love dark comedy as much as the next man-boy, but you won’t get any laughs if people think there’s something incestuous going on. On the other hand, if you broadcast that she’s his girlfriend up front, it takes away some of the impact. I’m sure there’s some middle ground that preserves the shock comedy but stays to one side of sickening.
  
  I get what you’re trying to do with Davey signing onto the band-- everyone else was resistant, he agrees right away. The thing that feels off about it is that his decision to join back up is the one with real consequences. The other guys had nothing to lose, but Davey is giving up a lot AND he’s gonna have Brewster and Janet on his case. So his joining the band with no argument doesn’t ring true.
  
  P35- Johnny puts a hand on Johnny?
  Check your formatting at the bottom of p36
  P46- Where did Brewster come from? He just shows up in the middle of the scene.
  P48- Rowdy Man seems like the type who wouldn’t like a black man calling the bar “our bar.” I mean, as long as you’ve broken the race joke seal, why not allow the Rowdy Man his racist tendencies?
  
  Great writing of the band’s first gig. It would have been unexciting if it had started as a disaster, but you let it start relatively smooth, then unravel from there. I like that Benny can’t let his solo career go. Little character traits like that are helping me picture these guys as four individuals.
  
  I gotta digress a second to share a true story: years ago I was in a punk band and we had to play a show in a bar very much like the one you wrote about. We had our one fan stand by the pool cues ready to throw them to us in case we had to defend ourself from the stage. It never came to violence, but there was a lot of stare-downs.
  
  You usually do a good job of giving each character their own voice. Sometimes in quick cross-talk moments, they all sound the same, though. The recovery scene right after their first gig is an example of this. Everyone is so busy name dropping and referencing, they forget to sound different from each other.
  
  I don’t totally buy Brewster being the prankster in all your scenes. Maybe it’s because my first impression of him was as an imposing but dignified man, the sort who wouldn’t get his hands dirty himself but would pay someone to do it. Maybe I read him wrong earlier on and he really is just a sleazeball who somehow has captured the affection of a powerful senator. And honestly, I don’t think you need Brewster to sabotage everything-- I could easily believe the guys are screwing up all on their own.
  
  After the montage, Mikey is the first one to say “I’m done,” yet he gets mad at Davey for saying the same thing five lines later. Check for consistency.
  
  MTV can be so self-congratulating in real life, I’m surprised your MTV news anchors aren’t more overt about how they think they’re influencing the world.
  
  Sal’s ultimatum feels like it should come earlier, maybe even before the montage. I guess I’m just not getting the elevator scene; what is it doing for our guys? How does it help them get their mojo back?
  
  The mall scene is really funny, but doesn’t belong where it is now. Consider moving it to earlier, maybe right after the salon but before
  Janet hears that they’re out there on the loose.
  The last time we see Janet, I really feel like the stakes could be higher. What does Janet have to threaten Davey with besides her own body? Could she have some additional blackmail? Something that makes the decision for Davey harder.
  
  A lot of groin punches in the last 20 pages. If there’s one thing that only works in small doses, it’s nut punches. Also, quite a few spelling and grammar errors in the last 20, especially in the descriptions; take another read over.
  
  I think you could make do with a little less accolades for the guys in the last 20. Wahlberg flatters them twice, then we get two doses of media coverage. In fact, the last 4 pages is all media coverage (except Sal at the button). I bet you could keep the same number of voices but cut down on the amount each voice says and be okay. read
• 
  Great start
  A review of The Boys are Back
  by xpertcage on 01/21/2011
  First let me state that this was a good screenplay. When reading my comments, it may not translate that way because the focus is on things that need improvement. Praising the good will not help you achieve a better future draft. You are a good writer and I believe you are seeking feedback to work towards a nice polished version of this work. You are well on your way to... First let me state that this was a good screenplay. When reading my comments, it may not translate that way because the focus is on things that need improvement. Praising the good will not help you achieve a better future draft. You are a good writer and I believe you are seeking feedback to work towards a nice polished version of this work.
  
  You are well on your way to having just that.
  
  I recently read an unproduced script called, OUT OF SYNCH, which was very similar to this one, down to the reunion of many boy bands, so it’s hard not to mentally compare the two.
  
  The Boys are Back was predictable, but entertaining. I was very happy to see them briefly exposed as frauds at the end, prior to finding other means of success.
  
  This is a tough demographic to figure. I’m assuming it’s meant for 18-35 males, but a lot of the humor fell flat. Comedy is hard as hell to write and it’s normal for punchlines to fall flat, so this isn’t a criticism, only a fact.
  
  If I closed my eyes and tried to visualize this movie on the big screen, many of the jokes made me groan. I listed a few in my notes, but a great example is the whole black Brewster/ White Janet jokes. Honestly, they were mostly cringe-worthy.
  
  The truth is that a lot of the dialogue felt like it was the first thing that came to the screenwriter’s mind. Some times a line has to be re-written a hundred times before it comes through correctly.
  
  With all that in mind, it’s really just my opinion and I think a lot of people would really like this script. The tone was great, and importantly, light and consistent throughout. Aside from the fact that I recently read a very similar SP, the concept is fun and fairly original. This is the type of script that has a place in the film market.
  
  The character’s were a fun mix and all played out well. They were one dimensional for the most part, but I don’t have a huge problem with that in this type of comedy. I would have liked to see more conflict within the band members themselves, as I never had the feeling the “Show wouldn’t go on” and I think that needed to be pushed a little bit.
  
  Also, there was no conflict/drama with Mikey and Isabella so I felt the chemistry wasn’t what it could have been. Been again, I have no problem with it in a light-hearted comedy like this.
  
  I did take issue with some of the unrealistic aspects of the script, which I mention below.
  
  This was a fun ride, with a lot of production potential. Thank you for sharing and good luck.
  
  8)Sal is Mikey’s eldest friends and… This shouldn’t be here. Only what we can see. Taking liberties with this.
  11)He’d ride with the top off if he had one. – same thing.
  13) …beg for that job back. - Why wouldn’t he work for Sal if Sal was his oldest, BFF
  15) …more enjoyment out of menopause… groan worthy…in a bad way
  21) That’s my nut sweat. - See above
  22) Benny waiting in a booth. - waits. Typos are starting to pile up. Need a good edit to find this and correct.
  37) Action in Davey’s dialogue
  40) Very late in the game to introduce or antagonist Janet.
  43)erupt in a joyful reunion… They recognized Sal immediately, but none of the recognized each other? Seems far-fetched
  47)I’m one question mark you don’t want answered. -- close your eyes… put that one the big screen… Are lines like this how you really want to come off?
  58) Brewsters antics are predictable, but fun, regardless. I hope he has an arc and leaves Janet high and dry. If not, he comes off extremely one-dimensional… too much so.
  73) Janet lives in a mansion. Short on funds? Not buying it. Also not buying needing a spy since Brewster’s been doing the dirty work. Also, this better come back to haunt Janet’s campaign.
  75) How could the band be like UFO’s and Elvis spottings? How many people have camera phones? Tighten this up because it’s way too unrealistic… even for this type of film.
  89)Ecstasy takes much longer to kick in. Extremely unrealistic here.
  
  Like that they got caught out at the end. Actually was hoping they bombed after Johnny beat down a girl. Steroids or not.
  
  
  read
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  Offensively Hilarious
  A review of The Boys are Back
  by Johnstone82 on 01/08/2011
  “The Boys Are Back” contains a mixture of sexually and racially offensive material while at the same time attempting to put together a feel-good story of redemption. The writing is stylish, funny, and absurd. I have to admit, I have mixed feelings about the script. Structurally, it is sound. You have the traditional ups and downs of a story arc and also throw in some good... “The Boys Are Back” contains a mixture of sexually and racially offensive material while at the same time attempting to put together a feel-good story of redemption. The writing is stylish, funny, and absurd.
  
  I have to admit, I have mixed feelings about the script. Structurally, it is sound. You have the traditional ups and downs of a story arc and also throw in some good back and forth at the end: the boys are on their way up, perform at the high school, get arrested, get released, perform at the awards, commit “Milli Vanilli”, get absolved, etc. Your characters are humorous, Johnny being one of my favorites. However, the good points of this script are undercut by occasional grammar and spelling errors, a contradictory tone, and over-the-top offensive jokes that I believe do more harm than good.
  
  Going through your script, I found several typos. I usually don’t mention typos in my reviews; however, there are enough that it warrants mentioning. You misuse “then” many times (it should actually be “than” when comparing, e.g. I was faster than her). You spelled Hell’s Angels “Hell’s Angles”; and “fair well” should be farewell (81). Those are just a couple I noted.
  
  I feel the theme and tone of your script clash. Yes, this is an absurdist comedy. I liken it to “Blades of Glory” or “Talladega Nights,” in which Will Ferrell attempts to redeem himself in the ice rink and in Nascar. The theme is great; but the tone, in my opinion, is way over the top and will most likely offend many readers. Racism isn’t funny to everyone. Sex jokes only go so far. I believe you mention Will Ferrell in your notes, so I’ll add this: Will Ferrell likes vulgarity and obscenity, but it is balanced in his (better) films.
  
  Before closing, I wanted to say I enjoyed this script. I definitely think there are aspects you can fine-tune in further revisions. Good luck! read
• 
  HAS ITS MOMENTS
  A review of The Boys are Back
  by CrabbyLady on 12/16/2010
  I have to admit, I started to laugh right away when reading that "Kids On The Block" morphed into "New Kids On The Block". That actually was pretty clever. Using "Behind The Music" was also nicely done. Nothing much else in the SP is, but it really has its moments and even though I pretty much knew where it would end up, I was surprised at exactly where it did. The members... I have to admit, I started to laugh right away when reading that "Kids On The Block" morphed into "New Kids On The Block". That actually was pretty clever. Using "Behind The Music" was also nicely done.
  
  Nothing much else in the SP is, but it really has its moments and even though I pretty much knew where it would end up, I was surprised at exactly where it did.
  
  The members of the band, forgotten and mocked, are now off doing their 'own things' and it was pretty funny to imagine Johnny as a 'leader' of a motorcycle gang. The scene where the member falls back on the table is very funny. I also laughed at his "I won that fight" moment.
  
  I have to admit I didn't buy Benny at all, as he was just a little too cliched and all that he did get into after his 'fifteen minutes of fame' was just a bit much.
  
  Davey and Mickey were more realistic, with more than a touch of unbelievability which worked (Davey with the senator seeking wife - loved the Yoko reference - and Mickey with the MUCH older lover).
  
  You did have several good scenes, such as their first foray back at the bar with the Rowdy Man screaming about wanting to Karaoke, Mickey getting stage fright, the guys in the elevator trying to harmonize. I also bought Brewster sabotaging their efforts, even with having to stretch credibility a bit (throwing up on the kids).
  
  I didn't particularly care for Janet and her 'platform' of helping the mentally handicapped, but you did mention this wasn't a polically correct SP (the burger shop and the coffee house - egads!) I just found all of those to be a bit much.
  
  I could actually seeing this being done, as "Pineapple Express" and "Knocked Up" have certainly paved the way for gross, immature but rather humorous stories. It's not my kind of taste at all, but as mentioned I did get a kick out of several things throughout, and it was a quick, smooth read.
  
  On the formatting front, you need to cut down on descriptions ("He'd ride with the top up, if it had one.") and there are a few times where your description is accidentally mixed up with dialogue. There are also quite a few spelling and grammatical errors throughout; reread it again or have a fresh set of eyes do so.
  
  You have a good concept here with the boy bands, and you do describe your characters well. I'm assuming there is an audience out there for this, so best of luck to you! read
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  Pop Star: The Tale of Benny Borelli
  A review of The Boys are Back
  by alexbrewer on 12/05/2010
  I should start out by saying that I'm probably not the best person to review this script. I'm definitely into comedy, but with this script it seems you were going for the vibe of Will Ferrell & Adam McKay collaborations like "Anchorman", and I'm not one of those huge Anchorman fans. When live-action comedy strays too far from reality, I have trouble getting invested in it,... I should start out by saying that I'm probably not the best person to review this script. I'm definitely into comedy, but with this script it seems you were going for the vibe of Will Ferrell & Adam McKay collaborations like "Anchorman", and I'm not one of those huge Anchorman fans. When live-action comedy strays too far from reality, I have trouble getting invested in it, and this script strayed too far for me. Throughout my notes, the phrase "kind of funny" appears a lot, like with the kidney speech, the "slam my clam" line, and the "you shouldn't look like a man, but you do" line. But the only real honest-to-God laugh I got out of this was the Forest Whitaker line. There's a lot of crude humor in this (like the sweaty beer and urine drinking gags -- I wasn't crazy about either), and some parts that felt mean-spirited (Burger Queen and Re-tar-d Bucks), but there wasn't a lot that felt clever to me, and I think that's important in comedy. Also, I think you take too long to establish your comedic tone, and it didn't start to solidify for me until we met Benny. I think much of the problem is the Behind The Music intro which eats up your first 3 pages without establishing your brand of humor. It's your universe, and your version of Behind The Music, so don't try to emulate the real Behind The Music too much. I think you should let the reader/viewer know what kind of comedy they're in for before this first sequence ends.
  
  With the Burger Queen scene, I wasn't sure at first if this was a tongue-in-cheek restaurant catering to gay people with a sense of humor, or if it was just plain homophobic. Realizing it's the latter, I think you should play it as tongue-in-cheek instead, as I can't buy that a restaurant like that would ever open, and if it did, the people outside would all be protesters. And beyond that, I fear that this script would get tossed out by many readers after hearing some of the menu items and the restaurant's version of 'Super Size'. And if that's not politically incorrect enough for them, there's always Re-tar-d Bucks. Be aware that a lot of your readers won't make it to page 7.
  
  I'm not crazy about the whole 'famous but not famous' thing with the band. We hear that they had a "smash hit", the "#1 single" of 1981, had a platinum record, were at "the top" of the industry, yet Timberlake and Lachey and Carter and Cowell have never heard of them, and Wahlberg didn't think they actually existed. Also wasn't crazy about the related talk of myths, folklore, legends, big foot, the Loch Ness monster, Elvis, and UFOs that kept coming up again and again -- I'd cut it all out. I think you should play it that they had some level of success, but not a #1 song, and maybe only got a gold record, and guys like Wahlberg consider them an inspiration but much of the public has forgotten them, or weren't aware of them to begin with.
  
  
  MISC NOTES
  
  1 -- I doubt a Behind The Music episode would ever date itself the way the opening line does.
  4 -- How old is Earl? It would be more humiliating for Mikey if his boss was significantly younger than him.
  8 -- You set up a creepy angle for Sal early on with the Peeping Tom and scoutmaster convention lines, but you never come back to it. This gives you a good opportunity for a joke late in the script but you never use it.
  12 -- "The New Kids and the Mexican, pig fat soup guys are doing it." (???)
  13 -- Saw the 'Harold and Maude' reveal coming.
  15 -- EXT. FLORIDA - DAY (Florida's a pretty big place. It would probably pay to be a little more specific in this slugline.)
  17 -- Even after a trip to Wikipedia, I still don't understand what you mean by "Ansel Adams" decor.
  18 -- I'd change it to "Woodwork", which is an actual merit badge.
  65 -- The long buildup at the beginning of the elevator sequence felt like a momentum killer to me.
  73 -- The ebony/ivory/jungle fever line sounds clumsy instead of clever.
  75 -- The band members gloating in front of the kids at the mall is kind of funny, but makes us lose sympathy for them.
  76 -- The press conference scene runs quite long.
  83 -- The fight with the butch girl was amusing but goes on too long in my opinion.
  87 -- The cops entering and immediately laying down charges just didn't ring true for me. What if, after Johnny finishes off the butch girl, he looks up to see the cops who have just arrived?
  89-92 -- In the span of four pages, you name-drop Jason Priestly, Hugh Hefner, and Lindsay Lohan -- it's a little much.
  104 -- Saw the lip synch reveal coming.
  108 -- Davey becoming president is too much for me.
  
  
  Lines That Felt On-The-Nose
  
  6 -- I've officially hit a new low.
  20 -- I'm intrigued, but I'm still not sold.
  20 -- Free alcohol is my weakness.
  39 -- I can't believe they just left.
  57 -- How much more can we take?
  65 -- You've lost the magic that made you great in the first place.
  87 -- This night couldn't get any worse.
  90 -- We're so finished.
  100 -- After all this is all I have, it's all I've dreamed about.
  100 -- Now, I just have to do what's best for me.
  101 -- I'm one bad *****! (As you can see, I live dangerously)
  
  
  Lines That Felt Expository
  
  4 -- Don't forget that you came to me begging for a job. You're just lucky I owed your old lady a favor.
  17 -- Sorry Benny, we've been here all weekend.
  39 -- I don't think I have to tell you how bad this could end for us.
  40 -- We've been at this for a few days now and we're all getting tired.
  54 -- This is going way better then the last three shows.
  54 -- Yeah, two songs down and not one mistake.
  54 -- Ya know Sal, when Isabella suggested we do kid songs for elementary kids I was skeptical, but it's actually working out great.
  
  
  TYPOS AND SUCH
  
  4 -- Earl walks over to the RESTAURANT'S main door
  5 -- Do I have TO?
  5 -- In the restaurant lobby Mikey MOPS up
  6 -- You can't quit you need this job. (run-on)
  9 -- that ship sailed A LONG time ago.
  13 -- My Grandma warned me that you were a player, I guess she was right. (run-on)
  14 -- even as it looks LIKE it is going to smash into the ground...
  16 -- That's it. (question mark)
  19 -- Once a singer always a singer, don't you want to reclaim our legacy? (run-on)
  21 -- where Benny waiting in a booth
  22 -- LET'S not mention the whole prostitute and porn star thing.
  22 -- he's out of breath (no period)
  22 -- meanest biker gang since the Hell's ANGELS.
  22 -- Out of nowhere a several quarters bounce on the table
  23 -- AC/DC'S "T.N.T" Starts up
  23 -- into the BIKER'S lap.
  23 -- then proceeds to knock the rest of bones off the table.
  23 -- END SLOW MOTION: (You have a character named "END SLOW MOTION:" speaking an action line)
  23 -- In total disgust SPEWS the beer ever. (Nine problems in two pages -- this seems like a good place to stop)
  
  
  Hope this has been helpful, and best of luck with any rewrites.
  read
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  The next best bromance after Hangover!
  A review of The Boys are Back
  by adite on 11/24/2010
  Hi! The headline of this review says it all. I loved it. It's cool and laugh-out-loud funny. The dialogues crackle and the situations are crazy and fun! One of the funniest scenes is the introduction of the biker, Johnny. Benny is a bit over-the-top but with all the craziness going on, it works overall. There were a couple of cringe-inducing scenes, particularly where Johnny... Hi! The headline of this review says it all. I loved it. It's cool and laugh-out-loud funny. The dialogues crackle and the situations are crazy and fun!
  
  One of the funniest scenes is the introduction of the biker, Johnny. Benny is a bit over-the-top but with all the craziness going on, it works overall.
  
  There were a couple of cringe-inducing scenes, particularly where Johnny beats up the young girl. I feel that can be changed/toned down (even though there is an attempt to make the boys not look so bad). The other scene is when the boys make fun of the losers (who are mostly kids).
  
  I was a bit lost as to why Mikey has a girl friend in her '80s (Grace). At first I thought she was her grandma!
  
  Also the Voiceover in the beginning and in the end is too long and could be shortened.
  
  There are too many typo's and misspellings (there being spelt as their, well as we'll, etc.) So you really need to proof it carefully.
  
  But overall, the script rocks. Well done and best of luck with it.
  
  Adite read
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  Judd Apatow
  A review of The Boys are Back
  by jonline87 on 11/22/2010
  Your script read very much like a Judd Apatow comedy, meaning there were relatable characters who practiced crude humor, but it just wasn't up to the Apatow standard. There were plenty of jokes that had me cracking up, not literally, because I'm by myself at a computer, but there were also far too many corny jokes in there that I felt could've either been changed or omitted,... Your script read very much like a Judd Apatow comedy, meaning there were relatable characters who practiced crude humor, but it just wasn't up to the Apatow standard. There were plenty of jokes that had me cracking up, not literally, because I'm by myself at a computer, but there were also far too many corny jokes in there that I felt could've either been changed or omitted, such as JT thinking he's getting punked, a joke I've seen numerous times elsewhere, the part with the nut sweat (why would he have nut sweat in a can, that makes no sense, semen would be funnier and more realistic) also the fact that another character, unrelated, drinks urine from a can, you can't use this joke twice unless there's some connection, either the same person drinking, or the same person urinating/sweating, its far too much of a coincidence to overlook. Also too much to overlook is the political commercial with Janet, where she's getting her leg humped. Wouldn't she just refilm the commercial? Also, Benny doesn't know alcohol, ecstasy are illegal? Sure, it's a funny notion, but it's so ridiculous that it takes the reader out of the script or the viewer out of the movie. The Matrix style fighting, which has been done in comedies before, was also a little ridiculous. I thought that a normal, yet brutal fight would've been funnier. Maybe like WWE, they could use chairs and stuff. At least that's realistic, and much more striking. The idea is to have some sense of reality in order to immerse the reader/viewer, so that the jokes that aren't ridiculous are much more effective. I guess it's possible to make a movie that's so ridiculous if you really wanted to. I would suggest watching Grandma's Boy and Freddy Got Fingered to see how absurd comedies are executed properly. Another problem I had was the use of the deus ex machina, which is when something or someone comes into play to get the heroes out of trouble, when they should be getting themselves out of trouble. Conflict, and dealing with conflict, not expecting to be rescued, is what makes a good movie. The cops didn't' read their Miranda rights? I didn't buy it. And a manager shouldn't just come to them so easily looking to represent them. There's so much good conflict, and potentially comedy, in trying to find a manager. You should know better, as a writer, that things don't come this easy. Maybe incorporate the search for the manager in the story, instead of dragging out the series of concerts. Or maybe have both things happen at the same time, like they're doing small concerts but looking for representation at the same time. I also thought that the portrayals of blacks, gays, and the mentally challenged were offensive. It's funny if done in a certain way, but it seems like you just pointed fun at them. I think a better approach would be to have a character, such as Mikey, who calls out people for their offensiveness, just like he did at the beginning. Another minor comment, I don't think your script should be reliant on having celebrities in it. I think if someone read this script they would think it's sort of presumptuous to have all these famous celebrities. Try to figure out a way around it. As far as the positive about your script, I thought the characters were really drawn out well and very unique, especially Janet as a villain. I liked the recruitment part. Recruitment scenes, or trying to convince people to join, are always fun to watch, especially in this case, with the characters getting more and more absurd, and finally Davey, who doesn't even need to be convinced. The dialogue, and a lot of the jokes, as I said before, were really funny. And most importantly, the story was very original and I think has the potential to be sold. I just think you need to go back to the script and think about making it more realistic, adding more conflict, and figuring out how the characters can solve their own conflicts. Hope this helps. read
• 
  Rick Dees Is Rolling In His Grave
  A review of The Boys are Back
  by payperfilm on 11/13/2010
  I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I enjoyed this screenplay from Gracie the geriatric love interest, to Janet the sexual senator, and to, of course, Benny the Asian whore. It think you cross the line a couple of times with the Mexican and slant eyes joke, but it felt like it was all in good nature fun. I really liked the turkey to the neck and lip sync ending which was a... I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I enjoyed this screenplay from Gracie the geriatric love interest, to Janet the sexual senator, and to, of course, Benny the Asian whore. It think you cross the line a couple of times with the Mexican and slant eyes joke, but it felt like it was all in good nature fun.
  
  I really liked the turkey to the neck and lip sync ending which was a surprise.
  
  With that said, this is the type of screenplay where you can destroy the charm of the story by over thinking it and adding deep but phony emotional moments. My biggest note is that the screenplay needs to be trimmed by about seven or eight pages. The screenplay starts off a little slow with too much MTV narration and then it seems like Mikey laments his situation too much with Sal and Grace. It felt repetitive. The Gay theme restaurant sort of crossed the line not so much because the owner Earl seems so angry at one point rather than not understanding what he is doing is offensive.
  
  I think you need to go through the screenplay and cut the unnecessary dialogue, not the jokes. For example on page 10:
  
  DON, Sal's cook, waves. Sal pushes Mikey's hand away.
  SAL - "Keep it and think about it. Who knows how you'll feel tomorrow. Besides, what do you got to lose?"
  
  Why not cut ,"Besides, what you got to lose?"
  
  On page 68,
  
  ISABELLA (V.O.)
  Now that my Uncle has you guys singing
  like a group, it's time you start
  looking like one. Times have changed,
  and over the years IMAGE has become
  more important then ever.
  
  Why not cut, "Times have changed,
  and over the years IMAGE has become
  more important then ever."
  
  This will pick up the pace and the previous lines say everything already.
  
  I would like to have seen Brewster and Janet be a little more proactive in destroying the boys ' careers. Have them doing something like sabotaging their hair dyes and then have the boys use their determination overcome a new obstacle. I also think Brewster can be developed more as comedic character maybe as a foil to Janet who is a big stud but a total dork?
  
  Also the story lacks a tent pole comedy scene where the guys get into a situation but as they try to dig themselves out get deeper into the hole.
  
  All in all I enjoyed this screenplay but I think it could benefit greatly from some house keeping and further development. Feel free to email me if you have any questions. Good luck.
  
  Typo p66 - "The pretty women ---> woman
  p67 - "The women--->woman glances down read
• 
  Funny Concept
  A review of The Boys are Back
  by blopar on 11/12/2010
  Hi Joe: I look at comedies differently than other screenplays. If it doesn't make me laugh, it's not funny. If it makes me laugh a little, it's O.K. If I laugh all the way through it's a really good comedy. The Boys are Back had me laughing most of the way through. You have a really funny concept here. You have a very good set of characters here. Benny was probably my favorite... Hi Joe:
  I look at comedies differently than other screenplays. If it doesn't make me laugh, it's not funny. If it makes me laugh a little, it's O.K. If I laugh all the way through it's a really good comedy. The Boys are Back had me laughing most of the way through. You have a really funny concept here.
  You have a very good set of characters here. Benny was probably my favorite. All the band members worked as did Janet and Brewster.
  I think you are 90% there with this screenplay. I will be brutally honest here in the hope that it will help you take it the other 10%. It is very strong in characters, concept and dialogue. That takes it a long way. But I think it is weak in structure and plot. A lot of great comedies are in my opinion (Life of Brian, Blazing Saddles,etc.). I lost the plot because I couldn't see how the band getting back together would cause such a problem for Janet's senatorial race. And that's the central conflict in the script. I may have just missed it. If nobody else mentions it it is probably me and just disregard this.
  I also didn't see it fitting into any three act structure that I know - plot points, rising tension and all that crap.
  With respect to the characters, although I liked them, there didn't seem to be any character arcs. I know the end showed them going on with their lives, but I didn't see them changing throughout their journey. This is going to sound corny, but it might be something like they realize that the most important thing during their early years was not the fame, but the friendships they had with each other.
  I think you should do a little carving on it. You've got more than enough funny stuff. I'm thinking maybe 95 or so pages. Especially in the first three pages with the TV announcer, I think all of that should be shown rather than told to us by a talking head. You might want to start the screenplay with Mikey at the fairy restaurant. I think the attention of the audience would be caught more quickly that way. I also think we should see a little more white on most of the pages. That would make it a much quicker read. You can easily do that without losing any of the impact.
  Finally, although the format seemed to be fine, you've got to lose the typos. They didn't bother me, but they might bother someone important. I started to go back and note them, but I figure somebody else will do that.
  Bottom line: nice comedy script with a whole lot of potential. Good luck with it. read