Reviews of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2) 10

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  Beautiful
  A review of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2)
  by mystica on 06/01/2006
  To start off, i haven't seen thios script before, but whatever changes you have made have definitely been worth it. This is a beautiful story that was extremely interesting to read. The mix between religion, discrimination, personal interests and conservatism vs. 'change' was more than exciting. The story was a bit slow at first, with a lot of technicalities, but this was... To start off, i haven't seen thios script before, but whatever changes you have made have definitely been worth it.
  This is a beautiful story that was extremely interesting to read. The mix between religion, discrimination, personal interests and conservatism vs. 'change' was more than exciting.
  
  The story was a bit slow at first, with a lot of technicalities, but this was easily covered by the first few scenes in Africa and the later understanding of how important some of the technicalities were to understand the story. Also, because i'm a Muslim and have absolutely no idea about the proceedings of electing a new pope, some of it was extremely beneficial.
  
  Not only was the story beautiful, but the characters were rich, each with their own personal agenda, problems and desires, showing that even as a 'man of God', human nature shows in everyone. This is something I believe all people should udnerstand about religious authorities.
  
  Extremely good work, and keep it up.
  Just one thing: Page 73 – shouldn’t it be under Francesco’s unwavering stare?
  (not very vital, but it confused me at that point) read
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  Review: Fisherman's Ring
  A review of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2)
  by fleezer on 05/09/2006
  This is my second time reading this screenplay. I went back over my review of the previous version and feel some of the same comments apply to this revision. I won't readdress most of them, because you've clearly made a decision to rewrite the piece that way you have without making some of the changes recommended. However I do want to express again my concern about Sharon's... This is my second time reading this screenplay. I went back over my review of the previous version and feel some of the same comments apply to this revision. I won't readdress most of them, because you've clearly made a decision to rewrite the piece that way you have without making some of the changes recommended. However I do want to express again my concern about Sharon's character. She is introduced relatively late in the story. Her relationship with her family has problems that are never adequately explored or resolved in anything other than a superficial way. Her relationship with Shombay also does not feel genuine. It does not seem that she would risk her marriage to go to an unknown and dangerous situation in Liberia in order to get information for Shombay. I don't see the Sharon storyline as being integral to the plot and would suggest cutting it. However, if she is to be included, I think her story needs more depth. When juxtaposed against the other characters, she comes across as noticably thin and superficial in the way she's portrayed.
  
  I was struck again by the quality of the writing of this piece. It's very good. The scenes in Liberia are completely engrossing. But this creates a problem. For me, the Liberian scenes are much more interesting than the scenes in Italy. Liberia is the story I want to see, but it's not the main story that this screenplay is striving to tell. And this is a problem. The only way to resolve it is to somehow make the scenes of Vatican intrigue as powerful as the scenes of violence and heroics in Liberia. The screenplay feels out of balance, with Liberia being much more compelling, but the Vatican being the focus of the story. I think there is some repetition in the Vatican scenes that can still be cut out, so perhaps more can be added to the Liberia storyline, giving the piece a better balance.
  
  My overall impression after reading this screenplay was that it was an interesting, well-written story, but it still wasn't as strong as it should be. I think the above mentioned balance of storylines is part of the problem. I also didn't think Shombay is enough of a heroic figure to carry the plot. For an African to be nominated Pope, he would have to be exceptional. Here is a man who helped bring a sadistic dictator to power. He is a man who is obsessed about the plight of his country and people, instead of looking upon the world as his community. I don't know that this is a man who should be Pope. For this story to work, I think the audience needs to see Shombay as almost a Saint-like figure. Coming from Liberia, he has so much to overcome. There would have to be something enormously compelling to make him a viable candidate for Pope or to get him seriously considered by the conservative cardinals, including Father Bertrand. Throughout the story, I remained unconvinced that Shombay was such a man. There were some nice scenes...the lovely scene in Liberia with the boy with the gun and the nice scene at the restaurant in Italy, but there is too much of uncertain nature in Shombay's past, not matter how he has tried to make up for it in the present.
  
  I also had trouble with the ending...not that Shombay was shot, but by Augustus (I think that was his name) hating him enough to kill him and being a good enough shot to do it. If this is to work, I think we need some background on Agustus, on what motivates him, what his background is, etc. When the murder comes out of the blue like that at the end of the story, it feels like a cheat. With more of a build up, it might work better.
  
  I took some notes as I read which may prove helpful:
  
  1. The extra commentary in the narrative is distracting from the flow of the story. Things like "It's a place the would make even a beggar on the subway count his blessings" and "It's the kind of shock where you can only look" serve to remind us that we're reading a story instead of letting us feel that we're experiencing it. Since your writing, in general, is very effective at involving the reader in the story, comments like this are quite noticable and, in my opinion, should be cut.
  
  2. Is Shombay royalty? If he is, you need to make that clear. If not, perhaps say he carries himself like royalty, or has a regal bearing, so there's no confusion.
  
  3. Are the times listed for the Pope's activities important? If so, they need to be SUPER-ed on the screen. If not, it might be better not to include them in the SP.
  
  4. The scenes of the Pope's day describe moments of talking, but no dialog is written. If it's a montage, make this clear. If not, I think you need to write out the dialog.
  
  5. p. 20 Is Sharon announcing the Pope's death on TV? It's unclear.
  
  6. p. 29 Are there three coffins? I'm confused.
  
  7. The first half of act 2 feels slow. The arrival of all the Cardinals and all the talking bogs things down after the dynamic opening act. Try to think of a way to tell more of the story visually and with more action. (I have no suggestions how to accomplish this...sorry).
  
  8. p. 72 You say "Bertrand" but I think you mean "Francesco" in the narrative.
  
  9. p. 73 Sharon should be capitalized.
  
  So, that's it for notes. I think this story still can be made stronger. There are a lot of important issues addressed, Shombay is a strong character, the Liberian story and the election of an African Pope with new ideas are all interesting. I think the balance of the two stories needs to be worked on. This version seemed to tie the two stories together better. I think that aspect can be addressed even more. Perhaps some specifics on how the church can actually have an effect in Liberia in a practical sense. What, specifically, Shombay wants the church to do. It would help to tie up the story at the end.
  
  I love the way you write. This was, again, an enjoyable read. I wish you the best with it. read
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  Good script goes full circle
  A review of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2)
  by mzclubmerc on 05/07/2006
  I was suprised at how much I liked this script. I expected a dry read given the subject matter. This script touches on universal themes like love, duty, and caring for your fellow human beings. I think the descriptions of Liberia were vivid and beautiful. That being said I think there are ways to improve this script. I did not see any differences in the language style... I was suprised at how much I liked this script. I expected a dry read given the subject matter. This script touches on universal themes like love, duty, and caring for your fellow human beings. I think the descriptions of Liberia were vivid and beautiful.
  That being said I think there are ways to improve this script. I did not see any differences in the language style used by this diverse group of characters. This is a diverse group of cardinals geographically, culturally, and socially so there language should reflect those factors. I think also the more conservative cardinals would have a more formal manner.
  I think the relationship between Benjamin Roberts and Shombay needs to be explained better. It needs to be emphasized more that Shombay helped create the devil ravaging his country. read
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  Fisherman's Ring
  A review of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2)
  by andrewkula on 05/07/2006
  I really like the concept behind your story, Franz. It's an interesting idea to make the protagonist and antagonists out of religious figures trying to preserve their beliefs and do what they think is right; it makes a very believable conflict with high stakes. I think Shombay is a really good protagonist in that he's not a typical hero. He's got a great voice, lots of external... I really like the concept behind your story, Franz. It's an interesting idea to make the protagonist and antagonists out of religious figures trying to preserve their beliefs and do what they think is right; it makes a very believable conflict with high stakes. I think Shombay is a really good protagonist in that he's not a typical hero. He's got a great voice, lots of external and some internal conflict, and a good arc. You've got a strong structure; the first act seems to take a little too long, but the midpoint and end of the second act are right on the money. Also, I really like how we have characters (Joseph, and to some extent Emkocee) left in Liberia to keep that connection with Shombay's homeland.
  
  I would like to offer some suggestions for improvement, though.
  
  1. Shombay is not active enough. There are stretches, especially toward the beginning and the end of act 2, where Shombay does not seem to take action of any kind. It's a difficult task to make an active protagonist out of a humble cardinal who can't openly grasp for power and campaign for himself, but there's a way around this. His ultimate goal is not to become the pope, but to ease the suffering of the Liberian people. So, he can still act toward that goal without being a self-promoter. I think he needs to work with Sharon to expose the government corruption and the massacres happening in his homeland. Why doesn't he use his media appearances to raise awareness of that plight? Since the politics of the conclave can lack momentum at times, I think you may want to trim that and develop Shombay's activism more.
  
  2. Sharon's subplot is not very convincing. The reunion with her family shows the effect that Shombay has on her, but I don't understand how her husband and daughter could come to Rome at the drop of a hat. Also, I don't believe that Shombay would send her to war-torn Liberia when he knows that there is danger there. It seems like he would do everything he could to make sure she does not go. I don't understand why Sharon would be so eager to go, especially when her family just arrived and she has to cover the papal conclave (easily the biggest story around). Nothing much really happens once she gets there, too. I was expecting her to encounter some trouble, be held hostage, or something, but the whole point of that entire sequence was just so she could inform Shombay that Joseph was dead. I think there's probably a better way to achieve that, and one that involves your protagonist more directly.
  
  3. Many of your setting descriptions are too detailed and slow the story down. Often, they end with a summary and a vague description, like something to establish the tone. This is okay at first, or with very important settings, but when every scene has this, it gets old. For example, your scene on page 10 in the soup kitchen dining room has a description of "The place is beat up, having definitely scene better days. It bustles with workers preparing to bring out the evening's meal. The city's poorest come here to find some kind of nourishment." This could be half as long. I'd write it as: "Workers scurry around the rundown interior, feeding the city's poor." Since this is a quick scene without major ties to the overall narrative, you'd do well to trim its description and get readers right into the action of the scene, where Luciani comes in.
  
  4. Some of the dialogue is tough to swallow. I would never dare making a whole cast out of Cardinals because that would be very challenging. I have to think that they speak in more eloquent, even archaic language than the average person. So when Bertrand says "Try Guttierez again. If you can't budge him, move on to the other Latins. Everyone knows the plan. Meet back here at 11," he sounds more like a quarterback in the huddle than a cardinal in the Vatican. I almost expected the scene to end with "Break!" I do think that a good deal of the dialogue was very effective, though. Shombay seemed to have a particularly strong voice, so good work there.
  
  5. The internal conflict needs to be stronger. Shombay does not seem to have any real flaws or fears. The only thing that troubles him psychologically is his history, so I think we should know about his support of Roberts earlier in the script, and we should see him struggling with those memories more often. You might trigger a flashback when he has his initial reluctance to accept his nomination (Bertrand says something like "you've got to help us," and then he remembers desperate villagers saying the same thing 17 years earlier). The happenings in Liberia are more interesting than those in Rome, so I see no problem with incorporating scenes with Joseph and some of Shombay's flashbacks more often.
  
  Also, I took some notes while I was reading.
  
  Page 19. "Sharon announces the headline" could be more specific. Is she on television, or is she announcing this to other reporters?
  
  Page 42. This is the end of act 1 where Shombay decides he wants to become pope. Can you get to this earlier? Ideally, it'd be around page 25. Trimming some of the lengthier conversations and setting descriptions would help.
  
  Page 49. Francesco says the last conclave was "almost 20 years ago" but, on page 28, Benelli says "Father Leo XI ruled the church for the last three decades."
  
  Page 49. Since Augustus is going to play such a major part later, can you make his first appearance more memorable? I forgot who he was by the time he heckled Shombay on page 74.
  
  Page 53. This flashback is interesting, but since it is Shombay's memory, it should probably not include scenes where he was not present. Instead, it should end when Benjamin leads his men away. The rest, Benjamin's ruthlessness, is pretty well implied by what we saw at the beginning of the story.
  
  Page 62. "Twelve year son" should be "twelve year old son."
  
  Page 62. What motivates this flashback? It does not seem to fit into this scene very smoothly. Can you make the transition work better?
  
  Page 78. "The hours peel away" in the action lines is vague. How do we see that? Is it important that we see that?
  
  Page 101. I can't imagine that a cardinal would call another cardinal "the lesser of two evils."
  
  Page 102-103. Would it be a good idea to break up Shombay's speech with some reactions from the crowd?
  
  Overall, I think you've already done some good stuff with this story, and it promises to get even better. Thanks for an interesting read, and I wish you best of luck with your revisions.
  
  - Andrew read
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  110 page script in a 100 page bag
  A review of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2)
  by mlambush on 05/06/2006
  I think you did an excellent job of shining light on a subject that many people do not know about, yet have a great interest in due to the recent conclave that produced Pope Benedict. I remember at the time the prospect was raised of elevating the Nigerian Cardinal, but the Church decided to go the safe route. So you begin with an interesting premise. The script starts... I think you did an excellent job of shining light on a subject that many people do not know about, yet have a great interest in due to the recent conclave that produced Pope Benedict. I remember at the time the prospect was raised of elevating the Nigerian Cardinal, but the Church decided to go the safe route. So you begin with an interesting premise.
  
  The script starts out strong, but quickly bogs down with all the characters and behind-the-scenes machiniations. The one major thing you can do to solve this problem is to give Shombay a clear goal once he gets to Italy. He is obstensibly there for the conclave, but too often he seems at the whim of Betrand. Betrand is an excellent character with clear goals and motivations, and I warmed to him rather than Shombay because he and Francesco were driving the story. I almost considered suggeting that you make Betrand the main character.
  
  Shombay's goal when he arrives in Vatican City should be to promote his cause in Liberia. He should be talking to anyone and everyone that will listen to him about it, the news, other cardinals, etc. At one point (p. 44) he is almost campaigning on his own behalf, which you established was undignified and therefore I began to lose sympathy for him. If Shombay is focused on his goal of putting world attention on Liberia, than his "campaign managers" can do the undignified stuff and leave him above the fray. It's the way modern campaigns work, anyway!
  
  Then suddenly, on p. 51 -- things pick up drastically and the story begins to move with a brisk pace. From here on out I was very much into your sp. It seemed as though someone else at taken over the writing duties, the contrast between the first and second halves were so stark.
  
  There are two reasons for this. One -- pages 1 to 50 are drastically overwritten. Your descriptions go on too long and they are loaded with unfilmables, directions to the director, the actors and the director of photography. Just stick to the story. Leave the golden sunsets and furrowed brows to the production crew. After 50, your writing gets a lot leaner and meaner, and your sp receives an immeasurable boost because of it. Only a few times (p. 73, "The orchards and lakes...") did you slip back into the novel-like prose. Cut, cut, cut!
  
  Some of the dialogue is overwritten too. Stick to subtlety and leave out the on-the-nose stuff. Perfect example, p. 71. Luciani - "You and Betrand and Shombay" etc. The line would have more resonance and greater subtext if you cut it down to "Everyday I see less and less people in the church". All the other stuff is implied. You also end scenes with dialogue like "please think about" "i'll think about it", etc. that could just be cut.
  
  Two things that didn't ring true to me: 1) Luciani asking to be nominated --he seems a decent man, why act so undignified? It would be better if you made him Francesco's puppet all along, who breaks free from his master at the end. He has a great character arc, by the way. 2) Sharon going to Liberia. There's just no way the news network would let her leave town for a couple of days when there's a conclave about to happen. No way. She'd call a Liberian correspondent, who would get her videotape of the church that she could then show to Shombay.
  
  You've got the makings of a compelling story on your hands. The characters are there, they have arcs. There's conflict, at least towards the end. There should be more conflict between Bertrand and Shombay -- they need to have a moment where they hash things out. Tighten things up between pp 20-50 and you'll almost be there. Almost
  
  The only thing that's holding me back from a "recommend" is the formatting. Your overwritten actions and dialogue are a problem. You also violate a number of sp conventions (spell out numbers, no "Cont'd"s anymore, you call characters by unclear names, like Young Boy, only to give them names two pages later, etc., you can't put (On The Phone) next to a character's name) and there are typos throughout. Gives this thing a good readthrough, and make the writing leaner. I guaratee you'll lose about 10 pages of script, which will make for an even better read. Good luck! read
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  grandiose idea, but a bit short on execution
  A review of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2)
  by damienics on 05/05/2006
  Going to start with the negatives and end with the positives. Formatting: FADE IN is places in the wrong corner and it doesn't bode well since it's the first line in your script. Don't quite understand wht the importance of writing out specific times is all about. Doesn't seem to actually intensify the story in any way. Get rid of it altogether unless integral to the... Going to start with the negatives and end with the positives.
  Formatting: FADE IN is places in the wrong corner and it doesn't bode well since it's the first line in your script. Don't quite understand wht the importance of writing out specific times is all about. Doesn't seem to actually intensify the story in any way. Get rid of it altogether unless integral to the progress of story. Some descriptive paragraphs are too verbose and contain un-shootable elements. Show vs. tell. Also, about marketability: although the evil powers of the Vatican seems to be great sells both in Hollywood and in the newspapers, what's the really unique angle of this? The African pope is interesting I think. But try to think about that.
  
  The Goods: story is original and certainly fits the political thriller genre. Some of the popes could be better developed throughout the story but that shouldn't be too hard to fix. WRiting is pretty solid, minus the overly descrpitive segments. I think one more draft to tighten things up will have Benedict issuing Papal bulls. Good luck! read
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  Review of The Fisherman's Ring V-2
  A review of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2)
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 05/04/2006
  Was this a taut and beautifully written drama? Yes. Was it a visually compelling reading experience? Yes. Is there room for improvement? I think with all screenwriters we can all say 'yes' as well to this question. For me the story worked on most levels. The dialogue was very good. The writer has an ear for language and not just common language, but that which intrigues... Was this a taut and beautifully written drama? Yes. Was it a visually compelling reading experience? Yes. Is there room for improvement? I think with all screenwriters we can all say 'yes' as well to this question.
  
  For me the story worked on most levels. The dialogue was very good. The writer has an ear for language and not just common language, but that which intrigues the reader. The actions and the visual way in which the story was told from places all over the world was incredibly intriguing and well handled. In fact I thought that the opening sequence was one of the best I've read here on Triggerstreet and one which serves Shombay's character amazingly well.
  
  Now for the limited problems I had with the script.
  
  There were six or seven series of shots. Which for me slows down the narrative. Some of these were unnecessary. In fact several of the scenes I felt could be pulled in order to serve the pacing of the story. Especially scenes that showed some of the cardinals traveling to conclave and whatnot. Again I'm not a big fan of the series of shots either or montage, but am willing to give a little when it comes to about two instances in the script. Six or seven is just too many for my taste.
  
  However, the story is sound and the writer incredibly talented. Is this a movie I would go to the theaters to see? Probably not, but it is certainly one I would tune into on television. The knowledge the writer brings to the subject could only be handled by someone with a solid grasp of the protocol of the Vatican. So as far as research (or retained knowledge over time) this writer gets the highest marks!
  
  Also remember that everything in the script should be visually relatable. A few times pieces crept into your writing that could not be shown. For example:
  
  Page 78 - The hours peel away.
  
  Another instance:
  
  Page 21 - delete - ' thinking perhaps reminiscing to himself.
  
  These bits of writing while serving the purpose of furthering dramatic inspiration for the actors do nothing else for the narrative. The writer is certainly talented enough to let the scenes and their context stand on their own so this is unnecessary and distracting.
  
  On another unrelated note I did notice that the writer incorrectly used "Its" and "It's" a few times. Remember "It's" is used when it could be read as "It is". So take another comb through of this script. Serve the story and the story alone. Have someone else really go over the editing with a fine tooth comb and this could be (in fact already is) an intriguing political drama opening the Vatican up in a way that most of us would never imagine.
  
  I wish the writer all the best for this is a very well written story with a lot of potential.
  
  Jason read
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  A 3rd World Church vs. Tradition?
  A review of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2)
  by BeanJTSnow on 04/27/2006
  Bertrand's proposal to Shombay, against Francesco propping up Luciani as a traditionalist, is the crux of the screenplay. I think, for it to be most successful, a reader who begins with no allegiances needs to be torn between Luciani and Shombay, changing sides from scene to scene. While Shombay would necessarily remain the Protagonist, Luciani should be a Protagonist in his... Bertrand's proposal to Shombay, against Francesco propping up Luciani as a traditionalist, is the crux of the screenplay. I think, for it to be most successful, a reader who begins with no allegiances needs to be torn between Luciani and Shombay, changing sides from scene to scene. While Shombay would necessarily remain the Protagonist, Luciani should be a Protagonist in his own right, to his own side of the story.
  Within the problem, you raise the issue of cultural and racial bias and allow it to come up even in Shombay, who initially and naively backs Roberts' ethnic cleansing. These should be your dramatic focuses from scene to scene, with less emphasis on who will vote for who because most of your audience won't really gravitate to the Vietnamese Cardinals' deceit or find the vote lobbying to be dramatic without it serving these two greater issues. When a vote changes, or when Asia defects, the audience should know what significance it has to these questions. Each action should be a dramatic argument for one side or the other.
  
  The immediate problem, I think, is that neither Luciani nor Shombay really want to be the Pope--not in a way that comes through the page at least. With Luciani, I don't know what he stands for at all, except he disagrees with Shombay's liberal ideas and he likes to pour some soup. Shombay doesn't want to be Pope so much as he wants to correct his mistake, but when confronted, whether by the Guard in the beginning or by Augustus in the cafe, he comes off as extremely meek and feeble, whereas the Pope would need to be resolute. Also, I think Shombay's views (especially on gay marriage) are so liberal as to be hardly believable for someone to reach Cardinal, much less Pope. I also think you get lost in Shombay's extreme liberal views and the real question, the viability of a 3rd World Candidate and the future Mission of the Catholic Church, does not get debated.
  
  The Augustus scene, I think, demonstrates the flaw in Shombay as a dramatic character. I honestly think that anybody who has ever faced the adversity of Racism, sexism, etc., would lose respect for Shombay by the way he handles Augustus. In his position, Shombay pretty much has a mandate to challenge Augustus on an intellectual and religious plain. By backing down, he demonstrates he does not have the conviction to be a world leader.
  
  I also think, as far as your central question, Shombay needs to stay in Liberia much longer and be a much stronger force in the civil war. We must see that the Church will make a fundamental improvement to the 3rd World with a Pope who is committed to do so. He needs to be a demonstrable influence over the people, and I think Roberts needs to fear his power whereas it appears he merely tolerates him due to their past. Just as I think Shombay needs to confront Augustus, I think he needs to exude much more religious and moral force upon Roberts. He should be able to push buttons and make Roberts visibly doubt himself at times and show weakness. Roberts should also be able to push Shombay's buttons, and the confession to Sharon that he aided in Roberts coup should be a major Reveal that impacts his candidacy. Shombay's major revelation shouldn't be that the Pope needs to have a wider world view because that's so obvious. His revelation should be that the Church has power to change the 3rd World, or alternatively, he should ultimately realize that his fight is futile and necessary at the same time, and try to resolve that with the prospect of being Pope.
  
  I haven't researched the ins and outs of the papacy, but if its possible for Bertrand to push Shombay's candidacy while he remains in Liberia the entire time, I think it would be a structurally better screenplay and call for new and interesting scenes to be added. This change would also ask that Sharon be relocated to Liberia for the bulk of the screenplay, which makes Sharon's family a more viable subplot.
  
  There are some minor grammar mistakes throughout the exposition. Also, you refer to Leo as "Pius" a few times though that may be a titular name (I don't know), and during the second vote, Bertrand has the third most votes and Rafalski has none, which seems inconsistent. read
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  A Fisherman's Review.
  A review of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2)
  by Bob Iroquois on 04/07/2006
  This story is pretty good. There were a few grammatical errors, here and there. Also on page 71- INT. VATICAN CAR - NIGHT - near the bottom of the page, in the action, it says, "Luciani looks at him ready to protest. But retreats under Bertrand's unwavering stare." However, Luciani is in the car with Francesco, not Bertrand.
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  the world isn't ready
  A review of The Fisherman's Ring(V-2)
  by tarboy on 04/05/2006
  I read an early version of this SP. Your knowledge or research is damn interesting. The depth of you description made me duck from the bullet whizing around. The colour of your description had live to the scenes. My advice is to remove descriptions that are important to film. I know this SP is close to you but please remove any dialogue or scenes that don’t advance your... I read an early version of this SP. Your knowledge or research is damn interesting. The depth of you description made me duck from the bullet whizing around. The colour of your description had live to the scenes. My advice is to remove descriptions that are important to film.
  
  I know this SP is close to you but please remove any dialogue or scenes that don’t advance your story.
  
  I like the short quick scenes that move the SP along.
  
  Some reader may say the Sp is wordy but I see it as infirmity. Knowledge of world events are worth listen to in the movie.
  
  This story has a lot of intrigue and an awful lot to think about. Most of the things people wouldn’t want to believe.
  
  How does Sharon’s subplot advance the story? or do we just need a woman in the SP.
  
  I am clear of SHOMBAY’s threat but to kill him, WOW. Isn’t this the church? Yes it is. Lord knows I read the bible every week and the amount of death is apart of the way it was.
  
  Because of resent event most would assume this is present day but there really is no mention.
  
  What else should I say, check for the little typos there might be? Unfortunately
  Showing that the church isn’t colorblind and really not for the people is freighting. That is one fact that is evident by the describe of Jesus, who could only be a black man but in the world we live in he display as white. Where is the truth in the world we live. Shombay understood the church was not ready to handle the true. As like Martin Luther King he was killed.
  
  This is the strongest cup of coffee I have read. I can only hope the knowledge with this Sp is shown to the world. Good luck and God bless you!! read