Reviews of The Four Horsemen 9

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  What a long strange trip...
  A review of The Four Horsemen
  by swarren on 08/09/2006
  It seems like comedies are progressively getting longer and longer. What used to be a 90 minute feature has now ballooned up to 110 minutes or more (Wedding Crashers or 40 Year Old Virgin). Most times these films really need to be cut back down to their more traditional lengths. They would play quicker and funnier if they were shorter. Your script falls into this camp... It seems like comedies are progressively getting longer and longer. What used to be a 90 minute feature has now ballooned up to 110 minutes or more (Wedding Crashers or 40 Year Old Virgin). Most times these films really need to be cut back down to their more traditional lengths. They would play quicker and funnier if they were shorter. Your script falls into this camp.
  While it's very well written, with lots of funny moments, it could really use a good chopping. Some of the funny dialogue exchanges could be excised. While they're humorous I don't think they'd be missed. I'm thinking of tiny little exchanges like page 42 or the Uranus joke during the cult meeting. There's stuff like this through out the script that could be removed and chop down the length of the script.
  But the biggest bit that needs either removed or reworked considerably is when our motley crew reaches Aunt Ethel's boarding house. This really, really, bogs down the proceedings. They reach it on pg 67 and don't leave until pg 85. While it's not all spent in that location -- you do jump out a few times -- it's still eats up a big portion of the page count. Nearly 20 pages. I think a good and funny way would be to break the fourth wall. Have the characters do a song and dance number directly talking to the audience. They can relay all the necessary bits (in song) and then get on with it. This would also set-up the credits gag later on.
  Another problem I had was the ending. It didn't feel very satisfying. Having it all end thanks to a stick of gum, it feels cheap. I know you realized this, so you had your characters comment on it. I know you were trying to drive home the comedy value in this decision, but it only makes matters worse.
  Overall I think this is a pretty well executed comedy. I like the horror elements (zombies are always nice) and feel like you could be on your way to something pretty special here. Good luck. read
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  Scripto Satanico
  A review of The Four Horsemen
  by daveg on 09/08/2003
  I sense the influence of Ghostbusters heah. The first bit's good, but then they go on the road, nothing happens, and they get stuck at Aunt Ethel's, where nothing happens for long long time. If Pathan and Clay were high school buds, I suggest a violent rivalry. The final confrontation's interesting, but I was dying to see them become the horsemen. But they don't! The devil... I sense the influence of Ghostbusters heah. The first bit's good, but then they go on the road, nothing happens, and they get stuck at Aunt Ethel's, where nothing happens for long long time. If Pathan and Clay were high school buds, I suggest a violent rivalry. The final confrontation's interesting, but I was dying to see them become the horsemen. But they don't! The devil should ride out to claim earth with his horsemen, and someone else saves the day. Maybe Aunt Ethel, maybe Becky. Very, very funny to have four reluctant destroyers of humanity, so put it in. Or change the title. If it's going to happen in the sequel, change the title and make sure it does. The beginning could use a little pruning between the attack on Pathan and the cult's meeting. There's some very nice ideas but not enough development. And stop them talking to camera, it made me cringe. read
• 
  Good try
  A review of The Four Horsemen
  by JMcKie on 08/16/2003
  I didn't really enjoy this. But keep in mind, this is not really my genre--an Evil Dead-type film. I liked the singing zombies that chase Clay and Arthur. And there were some funny parts, but there were more parts that weren't funny. Constructive criticism: too much use of verb "to be"; for signs and supers use " " or __; writing needs to be more efficient; (V.O.) and... I didn't really enjoy this. But keep in mind, this is not really my genre--an Evil Dead-type film. I liked the singing zombies that chase Clay and Arthur. And there were some funny parts, but there were more parts that weren't funny. Constructive criticism: too much use of verb "to be"; for signs and supers use " " or __; writing needs to be more efficient; (V.O.) and (O.S.) mixed up; some spelling errors; don't use wryly for action; capitalize sounds; some of the dialog way to wordy (Morris the overexplainer); evaluate your dialog out loud with others if possible (especially for comedy!); beginning is a clumsy way to rush in backstory; only give backstory when needed (i.e. spoon it out when we hunger for it). Otherwise the story flowed well. I'm not a stucture freak, but you had enough logical(within the confines of your story) twists to keep it going and not boring per se. One of the four characters should be more likable? At least for me, I prefer it that way. The main thing is get the format and mistakes corrected, and the comedy needs to be better. Comedy is very hard, so keep trying. Good try and keep at it. Like I said it's not my style, but I hope I was helpful. Keep writing. read
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  The League of Extraordinarily Goofy Buffoons
  A review of The Four Horsemen
  by LBlue on 07/14/2003
  This is a good, very funny SP. A great read with very smooth formatting , nice and simple as a spec SP should be. The story is a basic quest to save the world from evil, but the concept is particularly good with various standards from mutiple film genres mashed together (Nothing so subtle as 'blended,' mind you - mashed!). Sort of like the 3 Stooges meet Lord of The Rings... This is a good, very funny SP. A great read with very smooth formatting , nice and simple as a spec SP should be. The story is a basic quest to save the world from evil, but the concept is particularly good with various standards from mutiple film genres mashed together (Nothing so subtle as 'blended,' mind you - mashed!). Sort of like the 3 Stooges meet Lord of The Rings meet Dead Alive, etc. There are lots of great gags, and I laughed out loud quite a few times. This SP is worthy of production, has timely commercial appeal, but needs changes, IMHO. The waiting at the boarding house slows things down big time, the frequent potential for very cool action is often deferred for comedy when the action should be empasized, and, arguably, there are too many verbal gags rather than visual gags. The resolutions (generally, the ends of Wallace and HOC) are very anti-climactic and are huge let downs (having a character comment on it being anti-climactic doesn't help) and risk leaving a viewer audience feeling cheated. I love this SP, very funny and ripe with potential. Oddly, I found myself feeling bad for Becky and Pathon and hoped she would be saved somehow. The Koppel joke will stay in my mind forever...groan. read
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  An enjoyable romp
  A review of The Four Horsemen
  by Nabramson on 06/30/2003
  This writer knows what he is doing and it is enjoyable to just go from page to page being led by the nose without having to think too hard (or at all in some cases) There are a number of scenes in this SP that are very funny. There also a number of scenes that are very very funny. This writer has some of the best scene transitions I have read on the site. It is a good thing,... This writer knows what he is doing and it is enjoyable to just go from page to page being led by the nose without having to think too hard (or at all in some cases) There are a number of scenes in this SP that are very funny. There also a number of scenes that are very very funny. This writer has some of the best scene transitions I have read on the site. It is a good thing, however, that the pace of the writing is so swift because if we stayed in place for too long, it would become clear pretty quickly that many of the plot devices are wholly contrived (example, the Scepter can only be delivered on foot? "I wonder what Clay has been up to?"). The characterizations also cannot sustain too much inquiry; almost all of the characters (except Pathan) simply drop out of thin air. Arthur's characterization, for example, seems to assume that the reader has read at least one book by Douglas Adams). But I guess this is all a so what--it would be an enjoyable 2 hours in an air conditioned theater even if it was forgettable the moment you stepped out onto the sidewalk. read
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  LOTR meets ARMY OF DARKNESS
  A review of The Four Horsemen
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 06/23/2003
  This was a fun read. Liked the tone. The humor was somewhat hit and miss, but enough hit to keep it enjoyable. Some of the misses however tended to go on and on. Two main problems with this script. The first is the sequence in Aunt Ethel's Boarding House. This kills the stories momentum. Everything comes to a jarring stop. There shouldn't be page after page of waiting around... This was a fun read. Liked the tone. The humor was somewhat hit and miss, but enough hit to keep it enjoyable. Some of the misses however tended to go on and on. Two main problems with this script. The first is the sequence in Aunt Ethel's Boarding House. This kills the stories momentum. Everything comes to a jarring stop. There shouldn't be page after page of waiting around. A story like this has to constantly be moving. Also, I think a better reason needs to be given for why Wallace has to use the Zombie Runner to transport the sceptre. Especially since he teleports himself to the Underground Cavern. But the main problem I had with this story was the ending. It's a HUGE letdown. Arthur saving the day with the gum and the penny is extremely anti-climactic. You simply can't end the story like that. And it only gets worse when the 'actors' come on to address the audience. It's like you ran out of ideas and just wrapped the story up any which way. Also Becky's character needs closure. You just abandon her in the dart. She ends up being just a sight gag that gets taken along for the ride. Either lose her entirely or make better use of her. Overall a good script with some promise. Good luck. read
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  Very good
  A review of The Four Horsemen
  by faxboy on 05/28/2003
  I was skeptical when I got this assignment. I mean, the synopsis promises so much... This is a very, very good script. I do have a few criticisms, but they're minor compared to the successes of this effort. Great format, great length, great structure. If there were anything I'd work on it would be keeping a consistent voice to the characters during some of the longer dialogue... I was skeptical when I got this assignment. I mean, the synopsis promises so much... This is a very, very good script. I do have a few criticisms, but they're minor compared to the successes of this effort. Great format, great length, great structure. If there were anything I'd work on it would be keeping a consistent voice to the characters during some of the longer dialogue exchanges. When there are a few lines the characters are easily discernable, but when all four main character speak in the same scene they tend to blend into the same wisecracking mega-character. I would also try to punch up the climax, because although the joke is that it's an anti-climactic climax, it doesn't really work all that well. And I'd rethink the ending credits, I thought that was a little flat. I'll say it again, this is a very, very good script. Almost as good as one of mine. read
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  A day too late to count
  A review of The Four Horsemen
  by sturner on 05/28/2003
  Too bad TriggerStreet implemented the new review system when they did, otherwise this review would actually count for something, because I loved this script. This had the perfect blend of zany humor, eccentric characters, and action to really keep me satisfied the whole way through. I had to admit that I was a little skeptical about reading this, but from the first page you... Too bad TriggerStreet implemented the new review system when they did, otherwise this review would actually count for something, because I loved this script. This had the perfect blend of zany humor, eccentric characters, and action to really keep me satisfied the whole way through. I had to admit that I was a little skeptical about reading this, but from the first page you captured my attention and kept me reading. This was really my kind of humor. It was also a pleasure to read something that was polished and in the right format. My only suggestions (and take them or leave them, you seem to know what you're doing) but I think Cheg needed a little more. Pathan was a Wizard, Clay was crazy, Arthur was the perfect Accountant, but Cheg seemed to be lacking. I think you should expand on his ability to read languages. Say he's been a delivery boy so long that he can read ancient Greek, Roman, Chinese, and Wycken. I also would have liked to have seen all the characters contribute in the final showdown. Have Arthur do what he did, have Pathan have grabbed the Scepter, Cheg have read an ancient inscription to weaken the villian, and then Clay blow Hell's only child away. Just a suggestion. Great job with this and good luck. read
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  Thoroughly Satisfied.
  A review of The Four Horsemen
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 03/09/2003
  Although sometimes cheesy and predictible, The Four Horsemen is an easily accessible and fast-paced screenplay that never takes itself too seriously. Wilson has a good ear for dialogue and can describe action extremely well. I can easily see this becoming a fun action/fantasy/comedy. I especially enjoyed the action sequences, which were surprisingly exciting, especially for... Although sometimes cheesy and predictible, The Four Horsemen is an easily accessible and fast-paced screenplay that never takes itself too seriously. Wilson has a good ear for dialogue and can describe action extremely well. I can easily see this becoming a fun action/fantasy/comedy. I especially enjoyed the action sequences, which were surprisingly exciting, especially for a comedy script. My only complaint would be that the post-credits scene needs to be a bit shorter.All in all, however, if you just looking for a silly, over-the-top comedy that caters to all intellectual types, I recommend you give The Four Horsemen a read. read