Reviews of The Grim 20

• 
  Nice Concept -- Needs Some Grammar Work
  A review of The Grim
  by chunt75 on 08/10/2011
  I like the premise: mountains and state parks are ideal situations for horror stories, yet are often underused. I can't recall the last time I saw a park ranger as the protagonist in a movie, so kudos for originality. That being said, from the exposition, there were some issues: first, it should be "rears its head," not "rears it's head." It's a common mistake, but people... I like the premise: mountains and state parks are ideal situations for horror stories, yet are often underused. I can't recall the last time I saw a park ranger as the protagonist in a movie, so kudos for originality.
  
  That being said, from the exposition, there were some issues: first, it should be "rears its head," not "rears it's head." It's a common mistake, but people notice and get ticked off by the whole contraction thing. Also, there are some misplaced commas in the beginning (again, not trying to nitpick) that could distract a reader: get a copy of Strunk and White to try and minimize these errors.
  
  There are some unfilmables, though not too many: first, how do we know Mabel is "a tomboy" other than that she's a park ranger? Also, the architect: there's nothing to show that this random victim is an architect.
  
  On page 23, there's a parenthetical that crept into the dialogue format.
  
  Many of your descriptions seem a bit lengthy: it paints a vivid picture, but so does the script for "Alien" which does it with terse fragments.
  
  Kudos for the argument between Mabel and Jack: I could really see it pop off the page.
  
  Overall, it was a good read and would make for a good film; however, much of the description needs to be trimmed down because right now it belongs in one of Stephen King's epic tomes instead of a screenplay. read
• 
  Classic Horror
  A review of The Grim
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/02/2007
  The Grim is a classic horror story so much like the the late movies on television. It has it all, a beautiful yet eerie setting; the cast of cops, hunters and townsfolk; perilous suspense and of course, the "beast." The story moves along at a fast pace that keeps the action coming. Suggestion: have Jack and Mabel rekindle their love interest and she rescues him at the end to... The Grim is a classic horror story so much like the the late movies on television. It has it all, a beautiful yet eerie setting; the cast of cops, hunters and townsfolk; perilous suspense and of course, the "beast." The story moves along at a fast pace that keeps the action coming.
  Suggestion: have Jack and Mabel rekindle their love interest and she rescues him at the end to walk away arm in arm and have Mabel slay the Grim. After all they went through it would add accomplishment to the ending, then show that there may be more of them out there.
  Nicely done and well written. read
• 
  The Grim - REVIEW
  A review of The Grim
  by ajbennett on 10/02/2007
  Overall: A nicely structured horror/action script, but it suffers from light characters with forced backstory and history forced on them. The Mabel/Jack story feels tacked on at the last second and doesn't really pay off or add anything to the tale. Also, a lot of the romance dialogue (ie Shane and Mabel discussing why she's single while in the cave hunting trying not to... Overall:
  
  A nicely structured horror/action script, but it suffers from light characters with forced backstory and history forced on them.
  
  The Mabel/Jack story feels tacked on at the last second and doesn't really pay off or add anything to the tale. Also, a lot of the romance dialogue (ie Shane and Mabel discussing why she's single while in the cave hunting trying not to get murdered), feels awkward and unnecessary.
  
  I do like how it gets right to it and there isn't a lot of wasted action description or dialogue. The script definitely moves.
  
  Plot issues:
  
  Why have the woman pull the firing pin? Everybody's running out of ammo, and the drama of why her's doesn't work gets lost in the shuffle.
  
  If The Grim has been using the cave for "Thousands of years", then you can't have it being also used as a mining cave with modern duct work.
  
  Need more history of The Grim. Have Shane describe the legend, why it can heal itself, why he's taking holy water, etc.
  
  The anthropomorphism of The Grim is strange. I feel it's scarier if it's all animal, not able to chuckle and such.
  
  Why does it take such an interest in Mabel? There's no reason for it to gently claw her and lick her blood, etc. In reality, she should've been killed, and it feels like a cheat.
  
  The ending feels rushed and unfulfilling. That was my biggest problem. You need a bigger more definitive finish.
  
  Formatting:
  
  The Montage is formatted incorrectly, and there are a few typos (Passed when you mean Past), but overall, nice job here.
  read
• 
  A Grim but Classic Tale
  A review of The Grim
  by ROSS2 on 09/25/2007
  I enjoyed this classic horror tale about a mystical creature that periodically plagued the English countryside. Called a Grim, it was a huge black panther with human-like front limbs, cat-like rear legs and wings. It was stealthy and vicious and … just in case that wasn’t enough … a vampire that lurked in the labyrinthine shafts of an abandoned mine. I really liked the fact... I enjoyed this classic horror tale about a mystical creature that periodically plagued the English countryside. Called a Grim, it was a huge black panther with human-like front limbs, cat-like rear legs and wings. It was stealthy and vicious and … just in case that wasn’t enough … a vampire that lurked in the labyrinthine shafts of an abandoned mine.
  
  I really liked the fact that the author drew her material from what appears to be local folklore of yore, in the tradition of Shelly and Stoker. In fact, I’m curious as to whether there is such a local mythological creature as the Grim, or is it perhaps a variation on the Griffin or Chimera? The effect was a gothic horror movie written in the present that was captivating and entertaining.
  
  I would conjecture that this writer had professional experience or was academically schooled in screenwriting. All the classic horror elements were there. At first we just hear the nasty critter in the woods, then we see a flash of its luminous eyes, a glimpse of the beast’s immense claws, then some gurgling, some puddles of crimson and sounds of an escaping cat are heard. We are slowly introduced to this feline nightmare just a little at a time. For spice there’s some humor and even a little sexual tension between the main characters. All these elements lead me to believe the screenwriter to be well versed in Horror Screenwriting 101 and someone who knows how to write a script that will sell.
  
  My only disappointment was that by the end … it had somewhat degenerated into the slash and dash gore of the more typical cable TV variety to be done in a rush and with a pinch of cash. I think the author’s ability was greater than the need to offer up that kind of cliché to be heard. I found the first two-thirds to be far more interesting in which one’s imagination was more in play. After all, wasn’t it Sir Alfred who said “It’s the tension that creates the horror.” read
• 
  Creature Feature
  A review of The Grim
  by CalistanWay on 09/25/2007
  The Grim runs the gamut on the standard formula for a monster movie: Bizarre killings, characters think the culprit is something it’s not, they find out it’s something much worse, they try and stop the creature, etc. Like I said, fairly standard fare here. It’s a nice, safe, entry in the horror genre and there’s always a market for this type of movie. There are some nice scenes... The Grim runs the gamut on the standard formula for a monster movie: Bizarre killings, characters think the culprit is something it’s not, they find out it’s something much worse, they try and stop the creature, etc. Like I said, fairly standard fare here. It’s a nice, safe, entry in the horror genre and there’s always a market for this type of movie. There are some nice scenes of tension here and there. My main concern is I never really felt this moved outside of the box but pretty much played it by the book the whole way. If that’s what the writer was shooting for, then they accomplished just that.
  
  A few suggestions: Lose the opening scene showcasing the Grim before we even have a chance to see the results of what this critter is capable of; it removes all tension. In my personal opinion, it’s so much more effective and scary when you don’t see the big bad monster for awhile and the audience gets to let their imagination run amok. That way, when it first rears its ugly head, it packs quite a punch.
  
  It seems like quite a bit of the dialogue blocks were not formatted properly.
  
  There are entirely too many instances of exposition of how the characters are feeling or what they are thinking internally. Standard practice dictates that if you can’t see or hear it, don’t write it. There are numerous ‘controls her desire…’, ‘enjoying’, ‘thinking’, ‘feeling’, ‘invoking fear’ examples littered throughout the spec. Show us, don’t tell us.
  
  Mabel certainly does turn on a dime about her feelings about whether or not to kill the creature they’re after. She also turns from saying ‘darned’ to dropping f-bombs. I’m thinking perhaps this is supposed to be used for some comedic effect and if so, it read a bit clumsily and might need some polish.
  
  Overall, solid job here. The script read easily, you have some nice, descriptive passages without overdoing it, and the creature is unique enough (though I couldn’t help but invoke the Creeper). I personally would like to see a little more originality with the story but as I said, I think there’s always a market for this type of film. Best of luck to you. read
• 
  8 out of 10 cats prefer tourists.
  A review of The Grim
  by Bug on 09/24/2007
  A winged beast that kills inept tourists without reason is a cracking starting point for a monster mash. The Grim, so far so good. Unfortunately what follows is a rather formuliac creature feature. Fiesty park ranger Mabel heads up the hunt for the beast after the remains of an architect are found on her watch. As public hysteria grows Mabel is joined by trusty sidekick... A winged beast that kills inept tourists without reason is a cracking starting point for a monster mash. The Grim, so far so good. Unfortunately what follows is a rather formuliac creature feature.
  
  Fiesty park ranger Mabel heads up the hunt for the beast after the remains of an architect are found on her watch.
  
  As public hysteria grows Mabel is joined by trusty sidekick Shane and suave big game hunter Jack. The trio head out into the woods with very different ideas on the beast's future.
  
  The build up to the hunt is actually quite exciting. There is a real sense of occasion and I particulary liked the gathering of the massively underprepared public. Lambs to the slaughter ineed.
  
  The Mabel/Jack dynamic works well but the tension between them is never fully expolored. I also think that Shane could be fleshed out a bit more. He needs to have that older mentor relationship with Mabel.
  
  It's not until the party reach the mines at Crag Tor that things take a bit of a dip. My main problem here are the faceless marksmen that are gruesomely picked off. As soon as we meet them we know they are going to die so it is very hard to care about them as they are being slaughtered.
  
  The thought of Lake Placid meets The Decent is hugely appealing to me but the tension falters as another non character is bumped off. The Decent was all about who was in the caves not why.
  
  It all ends on a bit of a whimper rather than a bang. The beast is defeated by daylight rather than any human action. I felt somewhat cheated here as I wanted the final show down to be a bit of a corker. Also, Mabel appears to have become a nasty piece of work. She just ups and leaves knowing full well that The Grim is still out there.
  
  Some other points;
  
  I would like to know more about The Grim itself. Why does it do what it does? What is its goal?
  
  Why do you metion the Architect at the start, what is the relevance?
  
  Why does the beast not kill Mabel? Is there a connection? I think this is a point you could work on. Maybe, Mabel comes from a long line of Grim keepers/hunters, she could have knowledge that she is unaware of.
  
  At one point the marksmen watch as The Grim heals itself and you state that they are "unnerved" watch out for understating the situation.
  
  I think with a bit of a polish this could work really well. There are some issues that need to be resolved/explored but ultimately the story is there. You are clearly a talanted writer and I look forward to more of your work.
  
  
  
  
  read
• 
  The Grim Review
  A review of The Grim
  by Frova on 09/22/2007
  As someone who is more dialogue based when writing screenplays, The Grim was a different experience. Perhaps this is the reason why it was somewhat difficult for me to get into the story since it is mostly action based, which I'm sure is a positive since it is supposed to be a horror movie. The action was generally engaging enough, however, at times I felt like there was too... As someone who is more dialogue based when writing screenplays, The Grim was a different experience. Perhaps this is the reason why it was somewhat difficult for me to get into the story since it is mostly action based, which I'm sure is a positive since it is supposed to be a horror movie. The action was generally engaging enough, however, at times I felt like there was too much action (for example pgs. 41-43.) Similarly when they say you have too much dialogue to break it up with action, I think the opposite would be true at times in this story.
  
  Here some things I noticed (which is likely others have noticed before me):
  right off the bat Pg. 2 should be its head, not it's
  pg. 4 Here boy!
  Here doggie!
  you do this often where you go down to the next line. I think you should put ... or maybe (beat) (although that not so much) or maybe an action when you want some sort of break.
  pg. 7 Shane's dialogue Your face! (Laughs)
  Parenthetical should be on next line or in the action.
  pg. 11 Nope (beat)and then Phil (off her look)... seemed awkward and didn't describe the look in the first place.
  pg. 12 The exchange between the reporter seemed unrealistic.
  pg. 13 Seemed difficult to focus on what both Phil and Jenny (on the TV) would be saying.
  Cobbledick? It seemed more like something a comedy would use as a name.
  pg. 34/35 Seemed like too many locations.
  pg. 62 You used questions in action, which seemed off to me.
  pg. 67 Jack's parenthetical (fuck off you amateur)... is that what he was thinking? Didn't get that.
  
  Overall, I would have to say that the action you used did help it to create suspense. You had a lot of "white" on the page, made it easy to read. However, I just felt like there was a little too much action, and more dialogue could have helped. But once again, I am more interested in dialogue based comedy screenplays, not an action horror script. Yet, I could imagine this being an entertaining film. read
• 
  The Grim SPOILER
  A review of The Grim
  by Theatre409 on 09/21/2007
  I really liked your narration passages. They are so much better written and much easier to follow than anything I’ve written. I’m bummed by how effortless it felt as I read it; I want to be that smooth in my creativity. The format didn’t look like any program I’ve seen, but what worked for it was that you stayed consistent in how you used it. Was it a program or did you go... I really liked your narration passages. They are so much better written and much easier to follow than anything I’ve written. I’m bummed by how effortless it felt as I read it; I want to be that smooth in my creativity. The format didn’t look like any program I’ve seen, but what worked for it was that you stayed consistent in how you used it. Was it a program or did you go old school and set up your own margins and such?
  
  The monster attack at the start really sets the dark tone for the rest of the script. You’ve created some good dramatic tension for Mabel with Jack and Phil. I never got a feeling plot was being pounded down onto me. Events unfolded in a very natural way. This bodes well for creating the characters. Your style of storytelling flows so well that each person, each event felt well rounded and complete. Shane’s retelling of the tale of the Grim is just the right mood moment for the script. Kudos for killing off Jack!
  
  Absolutely enjoyed it! read
• 
  Good Supernatural Thriller
  A review of The Grim
  by josh_wilson on 09/18/2007
  The Grim was a good script. I liked how it changes your thoughts on what it is exactly. The theme of folklore having truth to it was nice. The characters weren't too bad. You got a little backstory to them, but nothing that wasn't needed. The grim never being truly seen until the end was very good in keeping suspense building. The showdown in the cave was very good as well... The Grim was a good script. I liked how it changes your thoughts on what it is exactly. The theme of folklore having truth to it was nice.
  
  The characters weren't too bad. You got a little backstory to them, but nothing that wasn't needed. The grim never being truly seen until the end was very good in keeping suspense building. The showdown in the cave was very good as well.
  
  The script was a little hard to catch on to at first, but once you understand that it is based in Britain, it all moves along nicely.
  
  Overall, it was a very good read. It wasn't too over the top. Nice way to bring legends of past to the present. I think that certain people should have lived instead of died, and that certain dialogue would have been left out, as it had no real merit or base, and took from the story. Real nice story, regardless. read
• 
  GRIM is GOOD
  A review of The Grim
  by baldgraphics on 09/14/2007
  I really enjoyed the details in the story, it made me feel as if I were there, and I live in New Hampshire in the United States. At first I was interested in the creature, but as it killed so many people I got a little bored with it. Then my attention was brought back with the grandmother's story about the Grimm. I thought that was interesting, but then the creature became... I really enjoyed the details in the story, it made me feel as if I were there, and I live in New Hampshire in the United States. At first I was interested in the creature, but as it killed so many people I got a little bored with it. Then my attention was brought back with the grandmother's story about the Grimm. I thought that was interesting, but then the creature became too confusing to me, and too much like all the creatures in movies, like vampires with the sunlight, and holywater, and salt. I think that this story has fantastic potnetial if you just make the creature more devilish, and focused, because I like the setup with the old story from the grandmother, but then it lacks a real scare about it since it was too much going on with it. Tone it down and make it one thing, and run with that. I liked the pace, except with them asking her over and over about not being married, that part seemed not to fit in. Great job, and this a something that could be made into a wonderful film mainstreamed! read