Reviews of This can't be Bloomingdales 2

• 
  IT'S Wal-Mart in KANSAS!!!
  A review of This can't be Bloomingdales
  by jwest on 12/27/2007
  Wow, looks like a loooong one . . . hope to add a customers view on what I can, at a discounted price of course – feel free to cash up what you like and bargain bin bits you don’t. Ahhh looks like an easy read – and I feel sorry for poor Harry already ;D Modest wit, characters that are three dimensional and believable dialogue so far. Good job! Page 14: TING, light bulb moment... Wow, looks like a loooong one . . . hope to add a customers view on what I can, at a discounted price of course – feel free to cash up what you like and bargain bin bits you don’t.
  
  Ahhh looks like an easy read – and I feel sorry for poor Harry already ;D Modest wit, characters that are three dimensional and believable dialogue so far. Good job!
  
  Page 14: TING, light bulb moment – hahaaahee.
  
  Page 17: Fettucini – is that not a pasta type/food based? Lol.
  
  Page 25: Tiniest of typos, no biggie but you might have missed it, which is easily done. Cap H for harry here – “Okay Harry, I’m here . . .”
  
  That is all about I can offer at the mo, as I whip through this competently crafted light yet engaging piece.
  
  Page 30: Wonder if Stephen would dress again as a woman to avoid the bank rob chase. Would be even less (if that’s proper English) obvious for him to switch back to being male, would it not?
  
  Page 33: Not sure how you count a sparse till – counting THE till = 1 and it’s sparse ;-P Heeheee. Maybe Harry counts the meager contents of the till. Although, it seems that there is a bit of business, so wonder why it’s “sparse”?
  
  Page 36: JANET But... none of us has come down because... – umm, well someone must have been otherwise where has the buzz come from?? I would change that to ‘so few of us have come down’ which makes a little more sense.
  
  Page 41: “SYLVIA After seeing your performance in there, you need it the help.” Sounds a lil’ bit clunky to me . . . wonder if – ‘After seeing your performance in there, you need all the help you can get.’ Might sound a bit better.
  
  Page 47: oh dear, Harry aint got much clue has he, Fettucini insisting he eat something . . . Harry keeps declining. Tsk tsk.
  
  Page 51: Tiniest typo – missed a full stop (period) off the “... since you're in the exploitation business, I can't.”
  
  Page 55: Top of the page, you have called Stephen, Steven . .
  
  Page 57: Not tooo bright Guido, not sure how he surmised that one. If it’s women leaving, whore houses typically have the men leaving!! Doh. Bit of stretch there.
  
  Page 61: Has Sylvia not picked up on the name yet? Or perhaps she doesn’t know the guys name . . . ? Uh oh.
  
  Page 70: Weeny typo, missed a dot on “Oh . . . then I don’t know what to bring.”
  
  Page 74: You might have missed a trick there, and you could have had the whole store entranced in the speech by Bob, and a kiss at the end.
  
  Page 75: Police station - Stephen lead away as a woman, or as a man, if the former there is still yet more of a surprise to come . . .
  
  Page 78: Heeeheeee, I like the “not much up top” but wonder if you could have – ‘looks like it’s slipped to down there’ or something like that instead. Lol. Would Mallory be so eager to let the Chief see Stephanie as Stephen?? As this shows what a blind idiot he has been over her . . . hmm?
  
  Page 83: Damn, these switches must be pretty convincing . . . ;-P
  
  Page 94: “HARRY: Well, they arrested her today, and let me assure you, she's lady.” Umm, you might have meant ‘she’s no lady’ there.
  
  Page 95: “Harry looks at him and shakes his head. Loud enough for Bob to hear.” Um, not quite sure what you mean here – loud enough to hear what? Shaking of the head loud? Eh?? And here “Harry simmers to a slow boil, as he listens and watches Bob and Meg.” Reads a little odd, maybe have ‘Harry simmers, he paces whilst Meg explains.’ Or some such thing.
  
  Page 95: After 90 odd pages a little unconvinced about Harry’s ongoing prejudice towards Bob. Admittedly he’s with his daughter, but he should have learnt by now that not all cross dressing men are gay. And considering that he has offered to help Sylvia wonder if Harry would be so defensive/offensive to him. Under the circumstances.
  
  Page 100: “STEPHEN I'm sorry that you got drug into this.” Dragged – maybe?
  
  Page 103: I am quite surprised that Yoshi is sooo hostile to Harry, considering that he is a good friend of his Uncle’s.
  
  Page 104: . . . we were in the same business.` An odd punctuation thing on the end of that sentence there.
  
  Page 105: Would have liked the Godfather to offer an invite of food/meal as well there. Harry wise enough to accept too.
  
  Page 111: “BOB . . . but I'm going to get to the bottom of.” – it, missing at the end.
  
  Page 117: “NELSON . . . Nothings going to happen.” Nothing is going to happen or nothing’s going to happen, there.
  
  Page 121: “REED That bastard. What do you have?” And not quite sure about this line . . . Perhaps, ‘That bastard. Talk to me, and make it quick.’ As Reed was just about to leave/escape from it all.
  
  Page 124: Cheque, I think rather than check?
  
  And a cute ending to boot. Dawwwww.
  
  Overall: Lotta fun, humourous, fairly sensitively done considering the subject matter, with a good set of characters and enough going on to keep the reader/audience going. Not tooo many clichés or stereotypes. Perhaps would like a bit more demonstrated intelligence from Janet. But then it is good to see Bob as being a successful man in many aspects.
  
  You might need to reiterate when he first enters the store, that he is Meg’s latest beau – I missed it that one at first glance.
  
  Shame Nelson is a bit bigoted, as most Police are seen as being. But I guess, one can let you have that one, esp as he gets his comeuppance eventually ;D
  
  I enjoyed this, and read through it like a flash. Thanks for the read and look forward to reading more.
  
  Best wishes. read
• 
  Dressed Up
  A review of This can't be Bloomingdales
  by drowsywaters on 12/23/2007
  You've got a good premise in here; a macho New York guy making money money selling clothes to Transvestites. It is ripe with situational humor. I agree with you when you state script is too long. There are two or three "B" stories that don't add much to Harry's plight. 1) Stephen/Stephanie getting into trouble with the law. It's a long way to go to tack that on to Harry's... You've got a good premise in here; a macho New York guy making money money selling clothes to Transvestites. It is ripe with situational humor. I agree with you when you state script is too long. There are two or three "B" stories that don't add much to Harry's plight. 1) Stephen/Stephanie getting into trouble with the law. It's a long way to go to tack that on to Harry's troubles. 2) Bob/Meg working through the fact that he is a cross dresser. It's hypocritical of Harry to be aghast by that when that's his business. If you could concentrate on Harry coming to terms with what he does and how it effects him, I think you could streamline the story. Having to deal with a greedy loan shark is enough of a problem. read