Reviews of U.F.OH! 7

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  Humorous
  A review of U.F.OH!
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/13/2006
  This is a pretty good little romp akin to Galaxy Quest or Men in Black. That could be both a help or a hurt. It's helpful because those were successful projects but also hurt because they've been done. And there is a sense of familiarity to UFOh! (great title by the way), but that shouldn't impact the assessment of the writer's capabilities. This is a very visual script... This is a pretty good little romp akin to Galaxy Quest or Men in Black. That could be both a help or a hurt. It's helpful because those were successful projects but also hurt because they've been done. And there is a sense of familiarity to UFOh! (great title by the way), but that shouldn't impact the assessment of the writer's capabilities.
  
  This is a very visual script but too much of a good thing can just be too much. It seems almost like this was a shooting script and at 122 pages, seems about 15 pages too long for a genre comedy. One recommendation would be to pare down greatly the descriptions.
  
  The dialogue flowed nicely and Guy is a sympathetic character we can hang our hat onto. Really, other than the structural suggestions, there isn't much I would recommend for this script. I wasn't blown away given that it seems I've read about 5 other scripts that are similar but it is a skilled piece of writing.
  
  Best of luck. read
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  please rewrite this
  A review of U.F.OH!
  by dsals on 07/20/2006
  I really wanted to like this script. I'm an X-files fan, like comedies, enjoy witty banter. Unfortunately, it was a huge struggle just to finish it. The script has no shortage of interesting ideas. For example, I loved the whole "shave and a haircut" thing. The problem is that it doesn't take itself the least bit seriously. The characters care more about making cheeky comments... I really wanted to like this script. I'm an X-files fan, like comedies, enjoy witty banter. Unfortunately, it was a huge struggle just to finish it.
  The script has no shortage of interesting ideas. For example, I loved the whole "shave and a haircut" thing. The problem is that it doesn't take itself the least bit seriously. The characters care more about making cheeky comments than they do about having any real reactions or feelings, so when feeling do finally emerge they ring hollow.
  I think there's some real potential here. I gave it a consider, but honestly that was 90% based on concept, and 10% based on writing. I would love to see this script rewritten with an attempt at honesty. Keep the same characters, the same situations. Get rid of the ass jokes, the campy dialogue, etc. that make the script a chore to read. When every line is trying to be funny, none of them are.
  If you do the rewrite, please pay more attention to details. Google went IPO in 2004, so the 1999 flashback isn't going to mention Google stock. And a cell phone "moving at 500 mph all over" isn't going to be picked up by a satelite well enough to carry a call. There are lots of mistakes like this, along with typos ("VILE when VIAL is intended") and lines that just don't work gramatically. Do a polish just for gramar and typos.
  Good luck. read
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  U.F.Oh! review
  A review of U.F.OH!
  by HackFleener on 07/12/2006
  There isn't much technically wrong with this script. I liked it and thought it was a fun read. It made me want to watch Uforia and reminded me of Close Enounters, Contact mixed with Twister. My notes are the following. p.8 I'm interested, so far no problems. Flares tethered to balloons ... maybe hanging from the balloons. p.10 Guy is hanging from the car window as it speeds... There isn't much technically wrong with this script. I liked it and thought it was a fun read. It made me want to watch Uforia and reminded me of Close Enounters, Contact mixed with Twister. My notes are the following.
  p.8 I'm interested, so far no problems.
  Flares tethered to balloons ... maybe hanging from the balloons.
  p.10 Guy is hanging from the car window as it speeds in a circle and is involved in a discernable conversation? I don't know.
  p.15 I miss Sam and Alice doesn't seem very Gump to me.
  I like the shave and haircut deal.
  p. 30 Some unnecessary bold text appears here and on subsequent pages.
  p.32 This conversation with him in back and her revving the engine ... I don't think we or they could hear a conversation.
  p.70 I like the relationship between Alice and Guy although it happens pretty fast. I have this "problem" with my own screenplay.
  p.78 Alice the philosopher ... ack
  p.87 What happened to the mom again?
  ... Oh I get it.
  Throughout the script Nemon is written Nemo ... don't know if that's intentional.
  Overall, a very enjoyable read probably one of the best I've read here so far (and that includes a script of the month) I feel that 8 to 10 pages could be lost with good effect. Good luck in getting it optioned or self-produced ! read
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  Everything but the ending
  A review of U.F.OH!
  by Chrysalis on 07/05/2006
  This is going to be a short review because there isn't much to critique in the script. It was fast paced, funny, and told and interesting story. There were some moments that jump too fast from one scene to the next that left me a bit confused. Maybe I missed something but I had a hard time following Alice's character in the beginning. Once she hooks up with Guy it's OK,... This is going to be a short review because there isn't much to critique in the script. It was fast paced, funny, and told and interesting story. There were some moments that jump too fast from one scene to the next that left me a bit confused. Maybe I missed something but I had a hard time following Alice's character in the beginning. Once she hooks up with Guy it's OK, but who she is pretending to be before she teams up confused me (or maybe it does only in retrospect).
  My only real concern is the ending. After so much building it just sort of ends with out the most satisfying climax. They just fly off into space and you add that post script. I can't tell you how to end it, but it needs a bit more closure. Something to tie everything off after everything has been revealed. We only get a few minutes to process who is an alien (or half alien) before it abruptly ends. Give us something more than that. It would actually make for a really great plot point earlier on in the script. A man who doesn't believe in aliens finds out he is half-alien. The few minutes we actually get it in the end is quite satisfying enough.
  Other than that you wrote a fabulous script, one that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. Good Job. read
• 
  Get the Coen's
  A review of U.F.OH!
  by WHINDBAGG on 07/04/2006
  I knew this was gonna be fun from the first page. Thank you thank you thank you for giving me the most fun reviewing here yet! Inspired, truly inspired. I dearly hope a studio picks it up, ‘cause I wanna see this! It’s stupid. But it’s MY kind of stupid. I think my favorite part is the “Rudolph on Sam’s six” scene on pages 87-88. You have the true comic’s eye for a gag. I love... I knew this was gonna be fun from the first page. Thank you thank you thank you for giving me the most fun reviewing here yet! Inspired, truly inspired. I dearly hope a studio picks it up, ‘cause I wanna see this! It’s stupid. But it’s MY kind of stupid. I think my favorite part is the “Rudolph on Sam’s six” scene on pages 87-88.
  You have the true comic’s eye for a gag. I love the break-neck, gag-a-minute pace, and the punchy, staccato, give-and-take dialog, very David Mamet-ish, real repartee. It works very well for this material. And you ratchet up the energy very nicely going from Guy’s childhood in the beginning to the car chase in the van.
  And that thing about “Shave and a Haircut”, I loved it, because, as we all know, a Toon can’t resist “Shave and a Haircut”! I also loved all the over-the-top stereotypes, like Nigel Winston and Hans Albrecht. Priceless. But that’s a matter of personal taste. It may be something that won’t fly with a lot of people, and in fact it contributes to the over-all cartoonish quality of the piece, which I found appealing. A lot of people aren’t going to like this, but we don’t care about THOSE people anyway, do we?
  And finally: *GASP* Tinky-Winky is GAY?
  Now for the major issues.
  Plot. The central theme is very murky. We understand a lot of it is the connection between a son and a long lost mother. This could have used a bit more elaboration. But the thing that requires the most elaboration is another theme that’s hinted at, the idea of aliens as natural companions to folks on earth. You touch on this in this sermon by Alice as she’s speaking to Guy:
  That’s how we found you. We belong
  together. We share the same gravitational
  matrix. The same consciousness. That’s
  also why green monsters or purple blobs
  don’t show up. They don’t belong with
  you. Not in your universe.
  The signal from space, actually the spaceship, is ostensibly aimed at the alien hostages to tell them where to meet their alien rescuers. But we’re given to understand that the aliens are free-ranging, though tagged. We see a few captured aliens, but if captive, they’d never be able to meet the ship at any change in coordinates. And we’re unclear as to exactly what’s going to happen to the visitors if they show up for the rendezvous as planned, why the urgency to change the location. And the thing about “Shave and a Haircut” and the Civil War, is that really true? And a quick note regarding using that as a plot device. During the civil war, messages were sent by telegraph wire, not electromagnetically as you say. Well, it’s kinda electromagnet, but it wasn’t by radio.
  Characters. A lot of your characters play it simple, play it stupid. For example, by page 3 I’m wondering how Sam is playing it against Sally’s attack. Is he genuinely naïve, playing it straight against Sally’s barbs? Or is he defensive? I think we need a little note on delivery in parantheticals. But however these lines are delivered the actor playing Sam, indeed the actors playing lot of these characters, are gonna need some real chops to pull it off, to keep it from going from stupid-funny to plain old stupid, which is a very, very delicate balance. And I think that making a second-bananna character stronger to play off Guy would help the story a lot, whether it’s Alice or Sam.
  General note on dialog. Great lines, real repartee. And, generally, a gag a minute. And even though it’s the thing that appeals to me the most, it may in fact be too much of a good thing. The gags come so thick and fast that I wouldn’t want to see this in a theater. I’d wait till it was released to DVD because I’d need to put it on pause while I recovered after each zinger so I wouldn’t miss the next gag. I don’t know if one should pace a story to allow for audience reaction like that. There’s really no way of knowing until it’s played out with live talent on film and viewed in post. But it’s always easier to chop stuff out than to add material later.
  Budget. By pages 27-28 I realized that the production costs of getting a Chinook helicopter in the livery specified and the antics with the Hummer would make this too expensive a proposition for most studios looking to make a small, kooky movie. It would be a big SFX budget even with copious use of CG.
  Structure. I was concerned at first that all the flashbacks would make break up the flow and be jarring, but it occurred to me that it worked in “Drowning Mona”, so maybe it’s not bad (Yes, I liked “Drowning Mona”, ok, so sue me). The script is literate and flows nicely, the formatting is good and we can follow the action generally with no ambiguity.
  Implausability. No description of any kind of Guy reacting in any way to his ignominious treatment at the hands of Alice and her evil automobile on pages 32 – 33. Guy is the “Science Guy”, but we never see him actually working as the science guy, no meetings with the editors and producers, for example. And, as an aside, it would have been a good exploration of his character, the upstanding respected member of the community side playing off his goofy, slightly mad side (okay, more than slightly) kind of deal. And he is decidedly unemotional when he finds out his mother really was abducted by aliens.
  A note on format. The formatting is very, very nice, but it appears that you use a 10 point font in places. Was this a deliberate way of getting the page count down? If so, I don’t know if a script reader’s gonna buy it.
  And now for the niggly bits. Sometimes the setups for your gags could be done a bit more gracefully. An example is the “hot buns” gag on page 91. The setup reads:
  “We were supposed to be there for dinner.
  I’m bringing the buns. They’re still hot.”
  It would look more natural contextually if it read:
  “We’re going over for dinner. I need to bring th buns while they're still hot.”
  Page 112: “Color lights illuminate the clouds just like the movies!”. Heh heh, I get it. A little self-parody on the page?
  A couple of places you use the word “shew” instead of “shoo”, and you use “No worries” a lot (Are you from the U.K., an Aussie, or a Kiwi, perchance?)
  On page 45 I wasn’t sure of the gist of the exchange between Guy and The Guardian Forces people in the Huey. It was really kind of vague.
  By page 4 I’m surmising that there’s a roof right outside the window that Guy crawls out on. There should be some explicit description of this earlier.
  On page 7, how can Bob Buchli steer and videotape at the same time from the rear of the van? I couldn’t visualize the situation. And I really would have liked more exploration on Bob’s character as Guy’s sidekick, even though that role is taken over by Alice further on.
  Page 15 requires a transition to indicate the passage of time to the new scientist, you need to indicate a cross-dissolve or something.
  And there are a few klunky sentences here and there.
  On page 97: “Is an armed force the way you would want to be treated if arriving at an alien world?”
  The sentence, “An unconscious Alice wheels down a hall…” should be “An unconscious Alice is wheeled down a hall…”.
  Page 107: A sonic boom occurs when jets go super-sonic, not sub-sonic.
  On page 117, you say “A whipping sound streaks through the air as a missile of dust rips through the ground and heads for the trio.” This made no sense. I can’t see what you’re describing. We hear a whipping sound, forget the streaking through the air like a physical object bit. Perhaps you mean, instead of missile, a raised mound of earth zips in a line for the trio?
  All in all, this is a great piece, really wonderful. Excellent summer-time movie material, and budget costs notwithstanding and the quirky, not for everyone humor, very marketable, a lot of commercial potential here. This could make somebody a lot of money. Finally, your sense of humor jives very well with mine. I’d love to collaborate with you on something. It’d be wild.
  G’Day
  Lionel read
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  Whoa U.F.OH! is Fun
  A review of U.F.OH!
  by donofria on 07/03/2006
  I was very happy to recieve this script as an assignment since I'm a big fan of sci-fi and recently submitted a sci-fi comedy myself. That being said, I enjoyed U.F.OH!. It was a fast paced zany comedy from start to finish. Sam was a hillarious character and brightened up any scene. His dialogue was by far the funniest of any character in the script. The introduction of... I was very happy to recieve this script as an assignment since I'm a big fan of sci-fi and recently submitted a sci-fi comedy myself. That being said, I enjoyed U.F.OH!. It was a fast paced zany comedy from start to finish. Sam was a hillarious character and brightened up any scene. His dialogue was by far the funniest of any character in the script. The introduction of Alice as a "Forrest Gumpette" sort of confused me because her charcter did not seem to fit this description, yet the label clouded my interpretation of her throughout the story. A quick gripe about style. You have several action lines such as "Binkman coughs on his sixteenth cigarette of the day" (pg 48). These types of descriptions do not belong in a screenplay since someone viewing this as a film on screen would never know that this is his 16th cigarette or that he smokes a lot. The viewer would only know that he is currenly smoking a cig. You are therfore adding lines that have no purpose. That minor detail of style aside the script was solid. Nice work. read
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  UFO A-Okay
  A review of U.F.OH!
  by Nadlin on 07/02/2006
  This is a fun script that is engaging and entertaining. It has a good message too: 'Through the universe there's a profound respect and love for all life. Everything is living on some level. And Life is very, very dear.' (Somewhat paraphrased) I like that within this fun romp of a play, there's a good message. I tend to do that too. Good job. Guy's easy to care for as his tribulations... This is a fun script that is engaging and entertaining. It has a good message too: 'Through the universe there's a profound respect and love for all life. Everything is living on some level. And Life is very, very dear.' (Somewhat paraphrased) I like that within this fun romp of a play, there's a good message. I tend to do that too. Good job.
  Guy's easy to care for as his tribulations with Sam are well documented in the flashbacks. Honestly, you can't dislike Sam either because he's so sincere and imaginative. I suspected that 'simple' Alice might be more than meets the eye, but she still worked for me. In fact it's hard to dislike any of the characters as you see the trials and struggles they go through to find their own version of the truth.
  There are many comic moments in this work: the shave and a haircut bit, 'All women are aliens' (a bit sexist, but funny because it's such an outrageous statement), flashbacks to Guy's childhood especially 'I need you to act left behind.', Guy's quote about how his optimism was eaten away, UFF, Happy Trails Trailer Park abductees, and more.
  But sometimes the writer writes odd things, like he's an alien trying to write the language. Examples: 'pa nice enough to talk', Bob remains at vending machine, the dog for show and tell, BFD?, and the different fonts were distracting. But this is all minor stuff.
  I liked the repartee between Father and Son and you could feel the love between them.
  The reveals are cool. They're looking for aliens. There are really aliens and they could be your family. It's cool how they shut off electrical devices. It's also cool that they found us because we share the same consciousness.
  I found the lightning striking the dish way too coincidental.
  The action with the chopper and hummer was confusing to me.I also don't quite get how they bungee jumped. Where was the cord?
  The ending was sweet ands satisfying. Good luck with this entertaining script. It's ready for the big screen. read