Reviews of Unmasked (Alternate Ending) 25

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  Review of Unmasked
  A review of Unmasked (Alternate Ending)
  by 77kart on 06/03/2010
  ============= part 1: Running Notes p9. I'm confused about the connection between William the Brave and the family tragedy scene. p14. Sorry, I just don't buy Lillith. I dream about her every night but I think that's the only place she exists. p26. Staring to get interesting. p36. OK, I finally get the connection to the opening sequence. In retrospect, IMO the opening...
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  part 1: Running Notes
  
  p9. I'm confused about the connection between William the Brave and the family tragedy scene.
  
  p14. Sorry, I just don't buy Lillith. I dream about her every night but I think that's the only place she exists.
  
  p26. Staring to get interesting.
  
  p36. OK, I finally get the connection to the opening sequence. In retrospect, IMO the opening sequence was dull and dramatically unclear.
  
  p39. Who was it? This is starting a new direction. Will you develop this?
  
  p44. Hunter calls off the dogs. I like the intensification.
  
  I'm wondering if prison guard is the best profession for James. What does it add dramatically? If you can do a search & replace in your script and replace "prison guard" with "office worker" without losing any drama, then it's not working hard enough for you. Think Jaws: does the shark attack just any town, at just any time of year, with just any chief? Think Kramer vs Kramer: does Ted get fired at just any time of year, at just any point in his relationship with his son? Your setting, which include profession, should produce the same amount of conflict and tension.
  
  p45. Hunter knows about James's circumstances? Hmmm. Ambivalent if that works. What if in the race on p45 the hunter doesn't know but on p90 (the climax) he does. That could be a twist and rising conflict.
  
  p50. James gets fired. It's a major reversal. Has dramatic value but not sure if this is the best place for it. Maybe p30? Maybe not: four acts is acceptable.
  
  p53. Jame's motivation, which is his objective. Initially, it's self-destructiveness because of guilt over his son. That's why he's doing all these self-destructive things without asking questions and w/out caring about the money. Does that motivation stay the same throughout the story or does it change? Does he have arc, such as redemption/self-forgiveness? As opposed to the other people in the game - what is their motivation? For example, sweaty man, why does he put up with the abuse?
  
  Premise question: if they aren't doing anything illegal, why all the subterfuge? If a billionaire wants to screw a few Pocahontas's and shoot darts in people's asses, IMO they can do it easier than you've scripted, and with a lot more privacy. Plenty of actors and production coordinators in LA put up with way worse than level 3 and consider it an oppty. In other words, I think the fantasies you've described are relatively tame and don't demand angry girl's organization. They could be fulfilled by any old hiring agency.
  
  p58. Han is dressed like a Roman but his dialog sounds Hebrew. Also, swordfighting like a gladiator requires some training, giving me some plausibility concerns. Which goes back to Jimmy's profession.
  
  p59. Jimmy gets stabbed. Sorry but I don't buy it. That's attempted murder. I don't buy that all these actors would take it so casually or that the game would last without one of the thousands of spectators calling the cops. I don't buy that a billionaire would open himself to that kind of liability.
  
  The two films that come to mind as similar are Eyes Wide Shut (the orgy sequence) and The Game. In Eyes Wide Shut, it was plausible because there was nothing illegal going on. In the Game, it was plausible because the parties involved were few and in on the secret.
  
  Laura entering the game is a good reversal but how did she get there? It needs some attention.
  
  You need an antagonist, big time.
  
  The central conflict is starting to fray. Time to clarify Jim's objective.
  
  Have you considered consolidating Lillith and the Angry director?
  
  p60. Webster isn't a strong character. He seems to popup every now and then and ask questions that don't have dramatic value. Does he fulfill the scriptshark requirement, "The supporting characters are unique and add value to the story."? Consider making him stronger, deleting him or consolidating him.
  
  What happened to Laura joining the game? No confrontation between husband and wife, no trading of angry accusations and angrier counter-accusations?
  
  p65. This crisis seems late, like it should have happened on p30. Consider consolidating as such.
  
  The pace is slow, needs to pick up. More reversals, more character development, subplots, rising conflict. All headed towards a great climax.
  
  p74. All of a sudden Jim is quoting poetry. Out of character.
  
  p80. What's with the shears and the castration motif? What does this have to do with the original accident or anything else?
  
  p100 So the two parents arrange for their own deaths?
  
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  part 2: Analysis
  
  Hmmm. what do I say. There are some interesting elements here. It's reminiscent of The Game.
  
  Plot:
  There were some interesting twists. But there were a lot of plausibility problems. Consider reviewing the entire story, maybe storyboarding it, for consistency.
  
  Character:
  Ditto with the plausibility problems. Another problem is that it's a dramatic tragedy, ending on a completely down note. Have you considered either Laura or James being redeemed? Also, IMO, the dead son's name should be changed to something clearly different from his father's name. Near the end I was confused about who you were referring to between James and Jimbo and Jimmy, etc.
  
  Good luck with it.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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  CAT'S CRADLE
  A review of Unmasked (Alternate Ending)
  by yaja on 05/29/2010
  I read Free Will over a few nights to really absorb the action here. From the start its speed and acurate detailing had me mesemerized and although it kinda felt predictable - that's not the point. Point is, it was a really good read; jaw dropping in places.The characters were all believable, right from the opening scene. And each had its own level of importance in the plot...there... I read Free Will over a few nights to really absorb the action here.
  From the start its speed and acurate detailing had me mesemerized and although it kinda felt predictable - that's not the point. Point is, it was a really good read; jaw dropping in places.The characters were all believable, right from the opening scene. And each had its own level of importance in the plot...there was just enough info. on them without taking away from James' and Laura's tradegy, but at the same time giving an incredible insight into the players, benefactors and all their lakeys.
  To me its a mix of 'Fight Club' and 'American Beauty' with of course very strong ribbons of 'The Game' running through it.
  Predictability is not alway a bad thing...life is at worst boring and at its best thrilling, but never ecstatically mind blowing if you're a normal person living a normal life. That's what I liked about 'Free Will.' It was about everyday people becoming entangled in a cat's cradle of escapism to help them recover and deal with horrendous grief.
  I really liked it and could see every scene, every car journey with satisfying clarity. read
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  Review of Unmasked
  A review of Unmasked (Alternate Ending)
  by Shook on 04/18/2010
  Well, I have to hand it to ya. That ending is not a mistake or an accident – you went for the melodramatic double-downer, complete with explanatory speeches. Seriously tough in your face no-you-don't-get-your-happy-ending-too-stinking-bad choice. Bold. Very very bold. But no. I didn't buy that as the choice that either of them would make, especially after the scenes... Well, I have to hand it to ya. That ending is not a mistake or an accident – you went for the melodramatic double-downer, complete with explanatory speeches. Seriously tough in your face no-you-don't-get-your-happy-ending-too-stinking-bad choice. Bold. Very very bold.
  
  But no. I didn't buy that as the choice that either of them would make, especially after the scenes with Mikey. Catharsis doesn't necessarily mean “happy ending” (I don't think), but it should at least be something like “well that was worth taking the trip”. Your ending sort of makes their character arcs read: “they were headed for the toilet...and after a great deal of struggle, they got there.” Your ending almost seems to be a purposeful poke in the eye of your readers, which, as I said, is bold. An unexpected twist, yes. But... unsatisfying.
  
  Other than James and Laura's ultimately unsatisfying journey, we have a lot of interesting, almost scifi elements here – the rich are crazy enough to do anything (Westworld); do what we ask and you can have what you want (Seconds). But this largely consists of fantasy without content – we don't know anybody else's story (except the Ringmaster's, who might have done as well with a few sessions of therapy – he seems more pathetic than frightening). And there is a lot of “you're not ready for Level 3” talk, but the only substance behind it seems to be fat, rich voyeurs – ultimately also unsatisfying.
  
  Some other things that did not work for me:
  
  In the first 10 pages, I was completely befuddled. Intrigued, but befuddled. Opening with the Faux Noble Savages the way you did, I was expecting someone to peek out from behind the scenery during James and Laura's scene.
  
  Then it takes a little too long for Lilith to get to the point.
  
  I think you need to add some meat to some of your supporting characters: the Hunter in the woods talks to himself and it reeks of “device”; Webster seems to drool at first over his friends possible affair, then says “you need to talk to your wife”; Merrill seems to be there solely to fire James loudly.
  
  The Gladiator scene – two things: 1) its been done to death (pun intended). TWO episodes of Star Trek and one full length Oscar-winning film, not to mention it was it's own genre back in the 50's. 2) the other “shows” seem to be some sort of cathartic fantasy game for some participant – this seemed staged only for the likes of Max. (??!!??)
  
  Now, I haven't read any of your other scripts, but I can tell just from this you have some serious chops. You cut scenes short, and transition scenes more “cinematically” than just about anyone I've read on TS. Action lines are clear, concise and vivid. This is a clean, quick read and I never had to go back and catch something I missed. Characters (for the most part) each have their own voice and need.
  
  As negative as much of what I wrote above might seem, I'm gonna score this “Good” across the board. I have to, because it is. I won't drop your score because you gave me a bummer ending -- it's your vision, and you carry it out well. But I do believe it needs a serious re-think in the areas I mentioned.
  
  Good Luck with it. read
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  Unmasked Review
  A review of Unmasked (Alternate Ending)
  by JoeChun on 04/14/2010
  I still have some residual adrenaline from the ending. I'll get to the ending later. First, I want to complement you on your writing style. It's very lean, descriptive, and specific. You paint pictures that are easy to visualize. And that was important especially for a story like this, where the scenes are not your ordinary settings one can automatically conjure up from... I still have some residual adrenaline from the ending. I'll get to the ending later.
  
  First, I want to complement you on your writing style. It's very lean, descriptive, and specific. You paint pictures that are easy to visualize. And that was important especially for a story like this, where the scenes are not your ordinary settings one can automatically conjure up from daily experience.
  
  You have a style of using short sentences and lots of white space. This made it very easy to read after midnight.
  
  The dialogue was good. Even though this is a morbid script, many of the characters show personality and humor. I especially enjoyed Lilith's very unique way of talking. It was instantly intriguing. Even though I didn't always get her references and what she was saying, I could really imagine her.
  
  My favorite part of the script, and where you had me sutured to the screen, is when James and Lilith are getting to know each other. I was very curious and eager to figure out what was going on, after it quickly became clear Lilith wasn't just some hot girl who was flirting with him. While the philosophical references could have been cliche, I thought they were pulled off well.
  
  However, after Lilith reveals what she's about and the operation, I was never as interested in the script again (except briefly at the very end). I was not a big fan of the fantasy scenes, and found myself tempted to skim those (the hunting scene in the forest, and the gladitorial games). I understand it was necessary to show how the whole fantasy operation worked, but these scenes were not especially vital to James' personal story. So I thought they dragged on a little bit too long.
  
  I especially didn't like the intro fantasy scene, only because it was confusing because I had no idea as to what I was reading. I can see how that may cause initial intrigue. But for me, that wasn't the case. In fact, I put it down the first time. I only got through the script the second time upon forcing myself to read through the Amazon scene. Once I got to the death of Jimmy, I was hooked though. That scene was very vivid, tense, and well written.
  
  Regarding the end, I have no idea as to how Laura became a customer to the Fantasy operation. I didn't see any clues through out the script, and think it might have been more effective and logical if you planted some hints. Perhaps they were there, but I didn't pick up on them. Also, I was very confused as to how Franco ended up there as well.
  
  The ending didn't work for me. While I appreciate it is not a contrived, bland, predictable Hollywood ending, this was too much for me, and I sort of felt robbed. I didn't feel there was real closure. It's quite a tragic ending, especially for a script that did contain a fair amount of humor.
  
  In sum, I did enjoy this read though. The story was unique. In ways, it was reminiscent of some of my favorite movies (The Game, Vanilla Sky, Eternal Sunshine), but not quite at that level. read
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  Review: Unmasked
  A review of Unmasked (Alternate Ending)
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 04/03/2010
  Congratulations on a well-written, but depressing, script. As good as it is, this one is gonna be a tough sell in Hollywood. I can't find much fault with this. I suppose critique could be leveled at your dialogue above anything else. It sometimes feels wordy and unnatural. Like shortening the lines down to fragments would help it sound and flow better. A small example on p... Congratulations on a well-written, but depressing, script. As good as it is, this one is gonna be a tough sell in Hollywood.
  
  I can't find much fault with this. I suppose critique could be leveled at your dialogue above anything else. It sometimes feels wordy and unnatural. Like shortening the lines down to fragments would help it sound and flow better. A small example on p. 84, James says "I like your haircut. It brings out your eyes." You might try "Nice haircut. Brings out your eyes." Shorter, and makes your characters sound less upper-class English royalty and more everyday working-class American. But this is a small nitpick because I'd feel bad if I just stroked your ego for 100 words.
  
  Back to the depressing side of this for a moment. The twist at the end is fabulous...sorta like The Game with Michael Douglas, but killing off the characters that you did... just because one of their sons dies. Yikes. In the end, I had zero goodwill toward these parents who would die and leave their other kids to grow up as orphans. Killing James, I can understand. But the mom? No. You almost have a Donnie Darko or American Beauty thing going here, but in those movies only the main character dies and the others are left with the repercussions. I hesitate to ask you for another rewrite of something so fundamental to your plot, but i can be honest and say that I would not enjoy watching this movie with your particular ending. I'm curious to read the other reviews and see if anyone said the same thing, or if I'm a doofus. Believe me, I'm prepared to wear a Doofus nametag.
  
  You're one heck of a writer, and it's obvious you'll find success someday. I personally hated the ending.... but take my criticism as just one poor shlub's opinion. read
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  Unmasked Review
  A review of Unmasked (Alternate Ending)
  by Gareth1990 on 03/30/2010
  I have not read many scripts as of yet, but, I found this script hard to enjoy at some parts. The characters, espcially James, develop appropriately, and this is shown well throughout the script. The relationship between Lilith and James is a joy to read, and makes the story seem more light hearted. On the other hand, the structure of this script was unclear at certain points,... I have not read many scripts as of yet, but, I found this script hard to enjoy at some parts. The characters, espcially James, develop appropriately, and this is shown well throughout the script. The relationship between Lilith and James is a joy to read, and makes the story seem more light hearted. On the other hand, the structure of this script was unclear at certain points, and at times it confused me a little. I loved the whole idea of the plot, and it rememinded me a little bit of Hostel, with reagards to the fanstasy aspects. The tragic ending did do this script justice, as I felt a happy ending would have ruined the story slightly. The dialogue at the end flows nicely, and the suspense is built well. Personally, I found it interesting that Laura was killed off too. I found Lilith to be my favourite character, due to her quirky lines and witty personality. For me, her status as a character declines steadily towards to the end of the script. Overall, I did find this entertaining, and it would work brilliantly as a film. read
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  Great concept but repetitive story
  A review of Unmasked (Alternate Ending)
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/31/2009
  The concept is very unique, sort of mind-blowing and fascinating. and there is so much you can do with it. But I feel like a lot of things are holding it back. For one, the story and structure is very repetitive. James meets Lilith, gets recruited, acquires acting gig, goes home to crappy life, meets Lilith, acquires acting gig, goes home to crappy life, and again and again... The concept is very unique, sort of mind-blowing and fascinating. and there is so much you can do with it. But I feel like a lot of things are holding it back.
  
  For one, the story and structure is very repetitive. James meets Lilith, gets recruited, acquires acting gig, goes home to crappy life, meets Lilith, acquires acting gig, goes home to crappy life, and again and again. There are somethings that develop, like James' relationship and a little bit of affection he and his wife. But what is all of it for if they decide to end their own lives at the very end? They're leaving their beloved son Mikey behind, which doesn't make any sense. It seems to me that if you have two sons and one of them died tragically, you would do everything you can to make sure the other one was treated right. Instead, both of Mikey's parents decide to blow their own heads off in front of him. Mikey began cutting himself because James wasn't there. Then, James apologizes to Mikey for not being there, and Mikey admits that cutting himself was stupid and that he will never do it again. Now that both his parents are dead, which is just as traumatic, if not more than his brother dying, is he really better off?
  
  The dream sequences are very interesting, though. You create a whole different world whenever James enters an acting gig. I think you can give these sequences even m ore drama and spectacle, though. One way you can do this is to give the audience insight into the character who the show is about. For instance, in the gladiator sequence, you could show us why the person wants this type of show, what he wants to accomplish. This way, the audience gets a deeper sense of the underlying idea that we all have our own fantasies. These people can be twisted, traumatized, etc. There are just so many fun and interesting ways to do this. read
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  Unmasked review
  A review of Unmasked (Alternate Ending)
  by Centurio on 07/27/2009
  Opening Scene- Intriguing. Grabs out attention. Well done. Inciting incident: Wow. Really good stuff. My only comment at this point (beyond another well done) is this will have a bit more impact if we have some kind of emotional attachment to Laura or Jimmy. I know its tough to do in the first 8 pages but just something to make us like one of them. Draw us to them. Perhaps... Opening Scene- Intriguing. Grabs out attention. Well done.
  
  Inciting incident: Wow. Really good stuff.
  
  My only comment at this point (beyond another well done) is this will have a bit more impact if we have some kind of emotional attachment to Laura or Jimmy. I know its tough to do in the first 8 pages but just something to make us like one of them. Draw us to them. Perhaps instead of Laura getting upset at the water drenching, laughs , smiles, and revels in the sheer idyllic fun of it all. She joins in and were drawn to her happiness. That would make a huge impact when she starts pulling the trigger. Again, I’m only on page 8 and this may not be the direction this is heading. Just typing out notes as I go.
  
  LILITH
  You wanna learn more about me?
  (This line nailed it. We do!)
  
  On Page 22: You have given us a glimpse into James. The anger, the searching, etc. What you havent done though is give us more than the character we expect given the shooting. He is cliché. That would all you’d ask from most writers, but I believe you can do much better. Delve deeper into him. Make him more complex to our eyes than just angry, bitter, searching. Those we expect to see, but people are more than that. Perhaps show us that he feels guilty…not about the gun, but that he doesn’t feel worse. Perhaps, the tragedy somehow makes him relieved….that he no longer has to pretend he loved his suburbia life. Something.
  
  Break into two- well that was among the best definition of a break into two I’ve read. It truly turned the world we’re in upside down and changed everything. All the expectations we had built up of this story are completely false, and we see a new direction. Well done.
  
  On page 75. There’s tension now, but my feeling is not enough. James has been through two cycles so far, but we’re not feeling his desperation enough. Certainly the blow up at the punching bag, etc shows it. The loss of job, etc. It’s still lacking. It may be a pacing issue. The story hasn’t gained speed yet. Still about the same as it’s been since we started act 2. Perhaps we do need another cycle where he goes all out….goes nuts to fulfill it.
  
  The ending: Dark, somewhat unexpected. Two things strike me though. Lillith got lost in the story for a bug chunk of time. You need to keep her there, maybe as the voice of reason. Really trying too help James out from afar. Give him every chance to stop the course he’s taking. That will ramp things up.
  
  One other thought I had about the end. This is your story, but I felt the ending was a bit of a letdown. Not that they both died, but that there was no message that we take away with us. No moral to the story. Something this dark needs one. My thought (ignore completely if you want) is this should have been a 3 way level 4 cycle. When alphonse goes away to “phone” the real Webster should come back and do the deed. James and Laura aren’t the people he loves anymore. Mikey is destroying himself. He has inserted himself in the cycle to make it right for everyone.
  
  In any case - well done. read
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  Do you have any camembert?
  A review of Unmasked (Alternate Ending)
  by Gary Wright on 07/26/2009
  Of all the screenplays I've ever disliked, this is by far the best-written. SPOILER IMMINENT: A conceptual offspring of 'Fight Club', this script is well-crafted, lean and tight, with well-drawn characters, strong internal and external conflicts, sharp, interesting dialogue, and an intriguing hook - and it had me right up until the end. Unfortunately, the resolution reminds... Of all the screenplays I've ever disliked, this is by far the best-written.
  
  SPOILER IMMINENT: A conceptual offspring of 'Fight Club', this script is well-crafted, lean and tight, with well-drawn characters, strong internal and external conflicts, sharp, interesting dialogue, and an intriguing hook - and it had me right up until the end. Unfortunately, the resolution reminds me of the resolution of the Monty Python Cheese Shop sketch - another excellent piece of writing which ends with a gunshot to the head, apparently for lack of a better idea.
  
  As McKee says (quoting Kenneth Burke), "Stories are equipment for living." If James and Laura can find a way to salvage their marriage - and you've done a pretty good job of making that marriage seem worth salvaging - then, as a member of your audience, I feel that my time has been well-spent. If they can find a way to carry on after one of the darkest days I've ever seen in a fictional relationship - then surely I can do it, too. That's some pretty good equipment for living!
  
  But, instead, they abandon their son and commit suicide together. So, apparently, love doesn't conquer all. Nor does any sense of real moral courage, or parental responsibility.
  
  I'd be hard-pressed to help you write this script better - I'm quite a fan of your writing. All I have to offer, I think, is this suggestion: Rewrite the ending in a way that makes the journey worthwhile for me.
  
  I know some will disagree with me - including you, probably - but this was my strong, visceral reaction to this ending - I felt jipped. If I were looking for writers, and read this script, I'd think, 'Hot dog, found a good one!' But with this ending, 'Unmasked' is a pass for me. read
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  Twice Upon A Time
  A review of Unmasked (Alternate Ending)
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/15/2009
  I've been removing a lot of assignments lately after partial reads because they haven't grabbed me, so I was happy to be assigned this, knowing I'd finish it. I read some of an earlier version maybe a year ago out of curiosity, too, so it seemed familiar right out of the gate. I like the premise. It reminds me of The Game, yet seems grittier, more low rent. I liked the... I've been removing a lot of assignments lately after partial reads because they haven't grabbed me, so I was happy to be assigned this, knowing I'd finish it. I read some of an earlier version maybe a year ago out of curiosity, too, so it seemed familiar right out of the gate.
  
  I like the premise. It reminds me of The Game, yet seems grittier, more low rent. I liked the main characters, as well, but only to a point. The twist in the end worked for me, too, but again with reservations. Allow me to explain.
  
  By the first turn I was more than ready to be let in on what Lilith was really all about. I thought a quick peek, maybe a glimpse of her at the first show, something, should have been allowed in all ready. Something to take the glib coyness out of her exchanges with James. Maybe Nervous Warrior was her boy, and she has to go recruiting after he goes down in flames.
  
  I was, in truth, getting annoyed with all of your characters by the end of Act 1 for being either too obtuse or circumspect (James and Lilith respectively), too repressed (Laura), too simplistically drawn (Webster and Mikey), etc.
  
  When the cat was finally let out of the bag at the truck stop, I exhaled, but then found new reason to be perturbed. Lilith's comment about truckers not being pretentious and James' acceptance of it made them both appear rather unenlightened. Blue collar joints are as full of pretension as any other pay grade of culture. There are as many posers trying to be 'the trucker,' 'the plumber' and 'the biker' as anything else. So, I thought the diner scene could have been a great time to develop the theme and demonstrate the astuteness of the main characters' insight into the human condition, but it was left for roadkill.
  
  There was also a few lines that struck me as threadbare and ineffective. "If I tell you, I'll have to kill you" type of stuff. It is hard to imagine a corrections officer hasn't heard this a thousand times or that he would react to it at all, let alone react strongly. My feeling is that unless dialogue is meant to convey a threadbare personality, it shouldn't be mundane. Now had Webster been given this line and thers like it, it might work.
  
  Also, James' breach of trust to not talk about the The Stage needed to be given a little more time and weight, since it figures heavily later on.
  
  By p.37 I was screaming 'Why doesn't Laura just confront James about his infidelity?' Of course, I know why now, but still, she behaves as though she was completely outside her own show right up until the big reveal, and in retrospect, I thought her much too detached from her own emotions. What was the point of the W/D purchase, for example, and her getting flowers from Franko? Neither seemed to work with the idea that she was playing James all along, and was inside the game herself with Franko as her handler. Now, if Lilith made giving James gifts a habit, there might be more foreshadowing in the flowers and such.
  
  P.41. Big whammy, here, since I though James' asking about the possibility of being killed was too on the nose and drained tension and interest from the character and the plot.
  
  p.49 Laura's reaction to discovering her only surviving son is self-mutilating was not convincing. She gets drunk and calls Franko to get into another show? Doesn't talk to Mikey or anyone else about what is going on. No head shrink, no girlfriend, no mother confidant? I think we needed to see her twisting in the wind with what must have been going through her mind by then.
  
  p.59 Hans must be a fan of Samuel Jackson. Maybe you should make it an overt reference to Pulp Fiction, or rethink the water this reference is meant to carry. I didn't think it did anything but make me think of another movie.
  
  P.89 finally, going to the cops this late in the game, in my opinion, also let the air out of the tires. I would expect things to ramp up here on the emotional roller coaster, not let everyone off to go to a different ride. I figured James was going to try to keep everything in his own hands, keep the saucers spinning, that sort of thing. Just didn't think bringing in the cops was in keeping with the overall tone and feel of the flick at all.
  
  So, I hope what I've said is fresh and helpful. Of course, I'm not interested in pumping you up when you all ready know you've got skills, and for the most part, this play works. I'm only interested in helping you make it better by pointing out where I think the suspense falters, the logic clunks, and the emotions don't match the mood.
  
  I definitely enjoyed the read as anticipated, so
  thanks for breaking my delete streak.
  
  Keep them coming! read