Reviews of Walt's Attic 23

• 
  wallts attic
  A review of Walt's Attic
  by john kryspin on 05/08/2006
  Really fantastic story, thanks for read this. It shows a lot of examples of how we learn the lessons of life and the results of how are lives go as a result of learning the lessons or not learning the lessons until too late. My suggestion would be to focus more on Walt and Mali's friendship, and cut the father subplot entirely. Rusty hints of a pregnancy regarding Billie,... Really fantastic story, thanks for read this. It shows a lot of examples of how we learn the lessons of life and the results of how are lives go as a result of learning the lessons or not learning the lessons until too late. My suggestion would be to focus more on Walt and Mali's friendship, and cut the father subplot entirely. Rusty hints of a pregnancy regarding Billie, but it is never mentioned or used again. How did it effect Billie? What happened? Is it an issue that was dealt with through having Walt for the summer? Walt's growth is excellent! The ending could have been a little stronger, too: by that point the audience is much more invested in Walt's story that in hearing Billie sing, and the flashback wasn't a sufficient (or necessary) ending. Also (and this is a minor point), better proofreading is needed. The misspellings and apostrophe misuse was distracting, and there were several points where Mali's name suddenly changed to Miriam in the descriptions. read
• 
  "Walt's Attic" needs redecorating
  A review of Walt's Attic
  by Rami61673 on 10/26/2003
  Don't get me wrong, I really liked the story for the most part. But this script reads more like it would be a good novel than a movie. The structure also needs major improvement (re-read it, some of it might just be the RTF transfer but most of it is the sceenplay lay out). Don't worry, you have more then half of the battle won, structure is the least of what should be the... Don't get me wrong, I really liked the story for the most part. But this script reads more like it would be a good novel than a movie. The structure also needs major improvement (re-read it, some of it might just be the RTF transfer but most of it is the sceenplay lay out). Don't worry, you have more then half of the battle won, structure is the least of what should be the trouble. Characters and a story is there. Just keep working at it. It seemed lke you wanted to end it when Mali leaves but then tacked on a flashback sequence to make it a more "industry standard" 90 pages. Because the way you have it end now, it's kind of abrupt. All of a sudden he's in the backseat watching as Billie fades away. They never really say their goodbyes. Also, how does Billie grow in the story? She learns to not sleep around with a guy named Guy? I know she's dealing with her "father" issue but it's only explored a little bit in the story. Maybe have the father live and Billie doesn't show up to the funeral for her mother because he's there. Then Walt wants to stay with Billie and not his Grampa for once and go on from there. I don't know, just a suggestion. That way she can over come it at the end. Goodluck and good work. read
• 
  strong & honest portrayals
  A review of Walt's Attic
  by duckbill on 10/22/2003
  This writer has a talent for drawing characters and handling dialogue. I was able to believe these characters were real. Obviously, that's an immense talent for a writer to possess. Had it not been for the strong and honest portrayals, this script would have been hard for me to finish. I kept waiting for things to happen that would form the basis of a plot. There really is... This writer has a talent for drawing characters and handling dialogue. I was able to believe these characters were real. Obviously, that's an immense talent for a writer to possess. Had it not been for the strong and honest portrayals, this script would have been hard for me to finish. I kept waiting for things to happen that would form the basis of a plot. There really is no plot that carries us from one end of Walt's summer to the other. It's not a story that needs a lot of plot, but I think it needs something if the writer hopes for it to become a movie. How was Walt different at the end? To me, he seemed like the same kid that joined the baseball game at the beginning. Jack's horrible comment to his daughter was completely out of the blue-- real shocker for a sweet story. But that set up the other horrible thing. I wanted there to be more to Billie. Is she hiding from the world by living in that resort? Why? Can she start the SP broken and find healing through Walt? Might be interesting if Rose convinced an unwilling Billie to take Walt for the summer. That would create nice tension between B & W. Not enough dramatic conflict, nor rise in action. Nicely written story but it doesn't feel like a film to me. read
• 
  Not Musty
  A review of Walt's Attic
  by Gammon on 10/22/2003
  A tidy coming of age story and it's almost there. The characters are interesting. I would have liked to have seen more of Walt's relationship with his mother; to see the contrast more between Rose and Billie from Walt's point of view. I also feel that Walt's age isn't consistent. Sometimes he seems younger than twelve. Others, older. That's a problem. You have a good sense... A tidy coming of age story and it's almost there. The characters are interesting. I would have liked to have seen more of Walt's relationship with his mother; to see the contrast more between Rose and Billie from Walt's point of view. I also feel that Walt's age isn't consistent. Sometimes he seems younger than twelve. Others, older. That's a problem. You have a good sense of the visual, but you weigh down and slow down your script when narrative is over-written. I think your descriptions would also benefit from usage of simple present tense instead of present progressive - as in "Walt is walking" instead of "Walt walks." That makes the action more immediate and draws the reader into the story better. The same is true with using "begins." "Walt begins to walk" instead of "Walt walks." I also found the lack of proper punctuation in the dialog made it tricky to read. Other things like "Billies" for the possessive "Billie's" and "to" when you mean "too." In other words, grammar and proofreading. The dialog is good except for the long speeches where it tends to sound more like dialog in a novel than dialog to be spoken. Still, it's an interesting story. You're almost there. Good luck. read
• 
  Sweet slice-or-lifer
  A review of Walt's Attic
  by SteveGarv on 10/22/2003
  I like the relationship between Walt and Mali and you do a fine job capturing the awkwardness of adolescence. The actions of the characters are sometimes overstated - the opening argument between Rose and Billie struck me as much too blunt a way for two sisters to speak to each other after just burying their mother. And Jack and Jack Jr. could use a little more details to their... I like the relationship between Walt and Mali and you do a fine job capturing the awkwardness of adolescence. The actions of the characters are sometimes overstated - the opening argument between Rose and Billie struck me as much too blunt a way for two sisters to speak to each other after just burying their mother. And Jack and Jack Jr. could use a little more details to their characterizations. As for the drama itself, I thought the BB gun and Walt's expert aim was foreshadowing a much darker turn in this story, where Walt would have to shoot and kill Jack to protect his aunt. This would present a hell of a rift between the burgeoning relationship between Walt and Mali, leading to a big confrontation between the two. I'm sure you considered this at some point and chose the route of slice-of-life coming of age over full-fledged drama, and it's a fine piece. It just left me wanting more. Best of luck with it. Cheers. read
• 
  Cute Story
  A review of Walt's Attic
  by creekside on 10/18/2003
  A nice coming of age story. Walt is our focus but there are a few subplots and other characters that strengthen the piece. There are few hole that I would like filled, only because the subjects are brought up but not fully addressed. Was it Billie getting pregnant that caused the riff between her and her father? Who was Walt's dad? Is he still around? Jack Guy needs... A nice coming of age story. Walt is our focus but there are a few subplots and other characters that strengthen the piece. There are few hole that I would like filled, only because the subjects are brought up but not fully addressed. Was it Billie getting pregnant that caused the riff between her and her father? Who was Walt's dad? Is he still around? Jack Guy needs more work if he's to be the bad guy. He starts off being friendly but then is suddenly revealed to be a jerk. With this being a coming of age story, consider the heavy scene where Walt comes to his aunt's rescue being drawn more as a serious threat, where Walt intervenes earlier, chasing the assailant away. The ending is sweet but overly long. All of the pieces are neatly wrapped up. The strongest part actually happens on Walt's last walk with his friend. Find a way to make that dialog about finding each other, the last phases of the sp. read
• 
  Reminds me of what I should have lived! A great story!
  A review of Walt's Attic
  by mrdean on 09/08/2003
  This is a great story! I was a little distracted at the punctuation errors and Father not always capitalized in the beginning. Is his name Walt or Walts? Walt's maybe?You really need to do is take ALL of the "Cut to:"'s out. You do not need them. In fact you do not really need any transitions. Some of the action is not visual but does not really distract from the reading... This is a great story! I was a little distracted at the punctuation errors and Father not always capitalized in the beginning. Is his name Walt or Walts? Walt's maybe?You really need to do is take ALL of the "Cut to:"'s out. You do not need them. In fact you do not really need any transitions. Some of the action is not visual but does not really distract from the reading experience.Does the dead cat petting scene on 51 show acceptance of death? Or is it just stuck in there? Not sure it adds anything. How do we know it is dead?The pace is a little slow. Keep the focus on Walt. Mali is a good secondary story but keeps popping up and distracting.The dialog is very good and kid like without being too young sounding.I think you are missing a chance with Billie. Does she learn anything or have any growth? If not I think the beginning Rose-Billie dialog need to be reworked. Rose telling Billie that she always runs and then nothing much else.I think that if you go back and focus the story on Walt with a buildup of how Billie is impacted by the summer and fix the grammar/typo problems you have a great story that could be a movie. Not sure if it is TV or theater but this would make a fun movie for the family! read
• 
  Coming of age
  A review of Walt's Attic
  by sideburnfilms on 09/07/2003
  Coming of age...a twelve year old bouncing around his age...first youthful, a bit naive then assumes the attributes of a young adult. Walt learns about life outside of his paternal protective shell, strong lessons from the adults and from the Guy family. This slow paced screenplay presents most of the themes of a coming of age story; many have a familiar tone from other films,... Coming of age...a twelve year old bouncing around his age...first youthful, a bit naive then assumes the attributes of a young adult. Walt learns about life outside of his paternal protective shell, strong lessons from the adults and from the Guy family. This slow paced screenplay presents most of the themes of a coming of age story; many have a familiar tone from other films, nicely combined into this story. Spelling, punctuation and formatting detract from the story. The symbolism of the woman petting the dead cat escapes me. I'm not sure that this adds to the story. Weird Henry, Theo and Honest John are fun characters, who add color to the story. read
• 
  An unsentimental gem
  A review of Walt's Attic
  by Paraguaytea on 08/19/2003
  The best thing for me about Walt's Attic was that I never really knew what was going to happen next. I kept expecting (or rather, fearing) a moment of high drama. The thing that really sets this screenplay apart from most others in the genre is the lack of a pivotal incident. The story managed to keep my attention throughout without resorting to cheap tricks. The writer skilfully... The best thing for me about Walt's Attic was that I never really knew what was going to happen next. I kept expecting (or rather, fearing) a moment of high drama. The thing that really sets this screenplay apart from most others in the genre is the lack of a pivotal incident. The story managed to keep my attention throughout without resorting to cheap tricks. The writer skilfully avoids being either sentimental or judgemental. I also liked the fact that all the minor characters were nicely developed. We are aware that each has a 'back story' to which we are not privy. If this screenplay was ever filmed, it would require extremely sensitive direction not to end up as derivative, cliched or sentimental. A difficult task but not impossible. read
• 
  Walt's Attic
  A review of Walt's Attic
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/17/2003
  Strong characterization with excellent dialogue leads the way in this story. The psychology around Jack, Jack Jr. and Mali plays very real. Excellent imagery with people receding as viewed from the rear windows of automobiles. Given the similarity of experience of Billie and Mali, their relationship could perhaps be better developed, more bonding sooner in the story. Billie's... Strong characterization with excellent dialogue leads the way in this story. The psychology around Jack, Jack Jr. and Mali plays very real. Excellent imagery with people receding as viewed from the rear windows of automobiles. Given the similarity of experience of Billie and Mali, their relationship could perhaps be better developed, more bonding sooner in the story. Billie's character arc seemed a bit flat. What did she learn, how did she grow personally from having Walt for the summer? Her relationship with Rose seemed better, but somehow it's not quite enough. Again, using Mali as an influence on Billie along with Walt's would strengthen the climax. Rusty hints of a pregnancy regarding Billie, but it is never mentioned or used again. How did it effect Billie? What happened? Is it an issue that was dealt with through having Walt for the summer? Walt's growth is excellent! read