seamusbr

something here - a few drafts away from it, though

A review of Western Retribution

by seamusbr on 02/03/2012

Hi Brad, Just my thoughts as I read, The questions of where did I go wrong – just use it the once The dialogue is really heavy – needs cut You really need to rework this dialogue He tosses is bag in back and gets in the back seat. Cly shuts the back and gets in and starts the car back on the axis road towards the highway. – and your action lines – could you use ‘back’ anymore... read

Need to improve this a lot

A review of OLDER AND WISER

by seamusbr on 02/03/2012

Hi david, Just my thoughts as I read, I like what you are doing – write 12 scripts to see if you can do it – this tells me you’re serious about the craft – and not one of these fuckwits that think they will write one script and make a million – I did the same thing – when I started writing I forced myself to write 12 scripts in my first year – which I did… maybe one or two... read

didn't really do anything for me, but solid start

A review of favors and intimidation

by seamusbr on 01/09/2012

Hi Aaron, Just my thoughts as I read, Good set-up – although I find the dialogue and action lines to be both on the heavy side. A female protag – might hurt the script’s chances. Pace isn’t moving fast enough for me – and there’s a serious lack of the crime element Format issues Lisa has quite the dark side Guard #1 I don’t have a problem with your place holders – no way is... read

it's a start

A review of moon over cuba

by seamusbr on 01/09/2012

Hi mary, Just my thoughts as I read, Okay, so you have a background in stage, right? You really don’t need the character and location list. Paragraphs are too big – and too many mistakes in first few lines – looks amateurish But I believe English isn’t your first language? So congratulations on attempting this – must be tough Celtx is a free program that formats for you Way... read

great start

A review of The Mysterious Events at Loch Ness

by seamusbr on 01/07/2012

Hi jenny, Just my thoughts as I read, You don’t need to put the script’s title at the bottom of every page Really solid first ten pages – characters and issues introduced – moving along at a nice pace and you’re a solid writer Boy #1 Everything seems to be happening at the right time – love interest, structure – all spot on Goddamn If you aren’t cutting between the john and... read

not my cup of tea...

A review of Herb & Jeremy in Axe Her Out

by seamusbr on 01/02/2012

Hi Paul, Just my thoughts as I read, I really like your brief synopsis – it’s fun – not fun fun – but seems like a movie – like something that would do very well if it were ever made… Would they really do this kill with a taxi driver as a witness – go as far to approach him? I really don’t so. Although him coming back and taking the money is funny So now the guy on the other... read

need to up the laughs

A review of HAWAIIANSTEIN

by seamusbr on 12/31/2011

This was a strange script – I didn’t write down any notes, which is a blessing – it means you’re a solid writer and the story/script is of a high standard – so I applaud you for that. I liked the setting, I liked sonny and most of the secondary characters – the hawaiianstein element immediately made me think of ‘rosebud’ from Citizen Kane. The Colombo-esque working out of... read

didn't quite grab me

A review of Croatoa

by seamusbr on 12/31/2011

While I can appreciate I was in the hands of a solid writer while reading this script something didn’t sit quite right with me - i did feel that the script was too long – 135 pages – I have no doubt that this script could easily translate to a two and a half hour movie, I just felt the script was dragged down by too much dialogue and too many characters. I also found that... read

yep, this'll work

A review of METAL MEN

by seamusbr on 12/30/2011

Hi Eric, Just my thoughts as I read, Solid first page – everything explained – we know where we are Solid writing I thought you were gonna kill the old man – good scene Nards? Never heard that before, but I like it The script could do with a proofread – just small things – nothing serious I’m in two minds about the CD scene – on one hand I find it charming – it did make me... read

i understand the appeal, wasn't for me though

A review of Suicide Shift

by seamusbr on 09/07/2011

Hi Prof, Just my thoughts as I read, This reminds me of a script I wrote – bridge over troubled water – which was a blue star script here. A dark drama about a negotiator having to talk potential jumpers off the golden gate bridge… so I’ll be interested in reading this I also noticed you want to try and trim 10 pages off this – have you ever went through the script and eliminated... read

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Reviews by seamusbr 67

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