shadesdown2001

A review of Riders To The Sea

by shadesdown2001 on 07/27/2008

This script drags on way to long before it grabs the attention of the reader. All and all, it is a good story line but there are to many to mention confusing things happening that caused me to have to go back and re-read pages just to catch up... here are a few of those that I did jot down... Pg. 1 - Many of the enclosures contain sheep, cows, horses, and "not a few goats."... This script drags on way to long before it grabs the attention of the reader. All and all, it is a good story line but there are to many to mention confusing things happening that caused me to have to go back and re-read pages just to catch up... here are a few of those that I did jot down...

Pg. 1 - Many of the enclosures contain sheep, cows, horses, and "not a few goats." Why put this in? Its not like the reader was expecting to hear whether there were goats there or not. If there were not goats then we will know without you mentioning it.

Pg. 2 - A man, SEAMUS (26), lifts a pile of empty sacks off a rock
and carries them over to a small pile: some saddles and bridles, bulky burlap sacks, a few sheets of leather. (No
rope.) He has a pleasant face, young, yet weathered. He has a beard, and his blond hair makes him look like a young Viking. - Once again, you added that there was NO ROPE in the pile, as though we were expecting it. You also change from describing SEAMUS to describing his surroundings and then back to describing SEAMUS. The character description should be placed in a paragraph of its own then second paragraph should describe his surroundings.

Pg. 5 - You described Stephen as "A young man" but never gave him an age or at the least an age range?

Pg. 7 - I doubt if they used phrases such as "Fuck me" back in the 1800's?
You have attempted in various places throughout the script trying to take names and other words and make them into contractions, which gets very confusing while trying to read it..Such as > Michael'll, ought'n, Seamus'll.

Pg. 16 - In the same scene, Pauline at one moment is kneading dough, then stops after placing it in the pot near the fire then goes to the spinning wheel, then after a few short conversations with Nora, "She continues kneading bread." - What happened here? She changed actions without being defined.

Once again, I like the plot. The story line is very interesting but it takes a long time into it before I actually understand what is going on. All and all, this script could use a little more touchups as well as some reconsiderations for choices of words. read

Downfall

A review of Downfall

by shadesdown2001 on 07/27/2008

Although Downfall seems like a good story line, it seems a little copy cat from all those other movies made from 9-11. I have noticed quite a few mistakes throughout the script that needs to be changed. To many to post here but a reread by the writer would do this screenplay a world of good. Using profanity in dialog is accepted but to use it in ACTIONS - such as "ASS" on Pg... read

Not exactly what I expected

A review of Eurekaville (2nd draft)

by shadesdown2001 on 10/30/2007

The scene changes are very confusing. Right from the beginning, when Helen speaks about a scene then the scene changes to what she just spoke of repetitively causes the reader to lost track. ( HELEN Exterior. Fire escape of Rose’s apartment -dusk. As she does so, the scene appears in black and white film footage, starring CHARLES AND BETTY CHASE as RICHARD and ROSE. EXT... read

Really got into it

A review of VELVET GLOVES_TS

by shadesdown2001 on 10/29/2007

Besides that there were a few places in the script that seemed out of place or needless, I really liked this script. It really took on the form as I was reading it as though I was watching a movie and not reading. I liked the Mali character. This entire script took on more than one scenerio. The scene descriptions especially during the fight scenes were excellent. I liked the... read

Not bad...

A review of Compulsive

by shadesdown2001 on 07/23/2006

Needs a few changes, but not bad.. This script is written in very good form. It's easy to understand. It goes from one scene into another scene without confusion and having to reread a few lines back to understand whats taking place. It contains alot of funny scenes. The action scenes are clear and works well with the rest of the script. There are a few lines that need to be... read

Whats the Point?

A review of Knock

by shadesdown2001 on 07/21/2006

Right from the beginning, the scene was way to long for the man walking to the motel. Where are the speaking roles? They stopped making silent films in the early 1900's. The clip did not have a plot. What was the purpose of the man in the motel? Was he a drug dealer? Was he selling candy? Was he taking up donations? The box on the bed when he opened it, only had money in it,... read

Good Concept

A review of Girl in Red

by shadesdown2001 on 07/20/2006

The Girl in Red has great potential for a movie. The action scenes, like the car crash, the explaination of the plot at the beginning, and the concept of the meaning behind the Girl in Red is in great detail. The sex scene on the other hand should be replaced with something more pertaining to the movie. Most horror movies these days all have some form of sex scene involved... read

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