shailer

A review of Eidolon

by shailer on 12/22/2004

First thing to notice is the premise. We have a serial killer on the looseinspired by some kind of occult practice. We also have a couple ofprofessional cops and a female FBI agent tagging along. There is tensionbetween the cops and the FBI. These elements make the piece feel v. familiarto X-Files, Silence Of the Lambs etc. The writing is good - action anddialogue work well... read

Deserves to get made

A review of Fly Girls

by shailer on 12/19/2004

First impressions: we have camera angles in the first few scenes which probably should go. Also I'm not sure about Deannie's John-Boy-Walton-family voice-over everywhere (Twenty pages in and most of the dialogue has been VO). Show don't tell is the general rule - in this script, the VO smacks of too much schmaltz but maybe that's the effect you want? Looking at each VO, it... read

Neat Twist Ending

A review of Dream Pretty (Revised)

by shailer on 12/16/2004

Dialogue is a little uneven - especially when it repeats the action already seen. The psychiatrist interpreting the dreams seems long winded and telegraphing what is to happen next. This is a surreal piece. Which is fine, some great movies are surreal - SLAUGHTER HOUSE 5, WHEN DREAMS MAY COME etc. The trouble with surreal is that it has to be done well enough not to confuse... read

Some good moments

A review of Our Returning Champion

by shailer on 12/10/2004

First of all, gameshows are easy targets for comedy because the world they inhabit is larger than life anyway. They're easy to parody. The first 26 pages of this script made me feel that this was going to be a run-of-the-mill parody. There's a gem of an idea about using a winning contestant's money to fund a comeback. Then he starts seeing life around him as a (series of) gameshow... read

Review

A review of The Muriel Project

by shailer on 12/08/2004

Opening scene is a cliche of an orphan-Annie type set up. There has to be a more authentic child-encounters-death-of-parent scenario. Also, the tone of this scene doesn't really set us up for Sci-fi/fantasy. It's much more family-movie. It needs to be rethought. The scientists dialogue is stilted and false: 'the anomaly is not normal' - that's why it's called an anomaly! Then... read

Big Brother US-Style

A review of CSFT

by shailer on 12/07/2004

First impressions: the dialogue is stilted in many places. There is a mis-spelling on P3 (Marshall law???). The characters tend to telegraph the action/plot. And the horror of what has happened to New York seems to be glossed over in the President's first speech and then by the media the next day. The Pakistanis bringing a celebratory rocket? That's just too improbable.Also,... read

Some good writing

A review of THE DARK RIVER

by shailer on 11/30/2004

First encounter with JOSHUA - too many details which can't be seen by the audience (eg he's uncertain about anything anymore). This evocative narrative continues throughout the piece - fine writing for a novel but not a screenplay. (I'm often guilty of this too). We also don't need the transitions between scenes (fade, cut etc). The RIVER MAN stuff kicks in early enough in... read

Action Deftly Handled

A review of The Butterfly Man

by shailer on 11/29/2004

First impressions - opening action sequence is deftly handled. We're back in early James Bond territory and it's no bad thing. P13 jars a little - THORNE's defense of golf is overblown. 'Bastard' would have sufficed (and funnier). The following conversation needs to be less about golf and more about the General's concern that Thorne get to know Lugosz personally. Lugosz's place... read

Excellent

A review of The Disappearance of Wiley Hood

by shailer on 11/29/2004

A few minor technical notes: the opening scene has too much passive voice directions. Similarly, cut out the 'beats' from the dialogue directions throughout - the actors should bring their sense of timing to the lines. There is the ocassional 'we hear, we see' line which should be rewritten. The set-up is perfect showing WILEY gradually trapped in corporate life with a thick... read

Slow burn thriller

A review of Fool's Target/Final

by shailer on 11/27/2004

First impression - a lot of description throughout including a fair amount of lighting and sound cues. Trim this down to give an impression rather than a full production set description.Also there is some passive voice - they are, he is etc. Given that the genres listed includes comedy, it takes a while for this element to be included and even then it's incidental rather than... read

TriggerStreet

Member Participation Level:

Recent Activity

Bio

Submissions by shailer

Reviews by shailer 37

Write a Comment

Submissions by shailer

Reviews by shailer 37

Write a Comment

Stay Connected!

Browse: