Reviews of A GREEN CHRISTMAS 30

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  Review
  A review of A GREEN CHRISTMAS
  by Karl Gorman on 05/12/2013
  This had me sniggering throughout, the biggest laugh was about the agencies that each thought they were the only ones there. (It would be funnier if instead of stating “. . . each agency thought they were the only agents . . .” you could state “All six agencies – now out of their hiding spots – all gawped at each other for a few seconds before concluding the inevitable.”... This had me sniggering throughout, the biggest laugh was about the agencies that each thought they were the only ones there. (It would be funnier if instead of stating “. . . each agency thought they were the only agents . . .” you could state “All six agencies – now out of their hiding spots – all gawped at each other for a few seconds before concluding the inevitable.”
  
  Or something that makes it require the reader to deduce it more.
  
  For some reason you have what looks like three spaces between paragraphs. This makes the reading awkward, making it feel like there are lots of timelapses.
  
  And the font suddenly isn’t bold at the end, which feel out of place. I thought the non-bold font was to indicate that it is suddenly a different viewpoint character. But it didn’t read like that.
  
  I didn’t find any spelling errors, but there were plenty of grammar errors. read
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  A Green World
  A review of A GREEN CHRISTMAS
  by MaxWatt on 01/23/2012
  "A Green Chritsmas" is a very interesting story that criticizes the News and the bad publicity that it unfairly garners. This is very pertinent as the Media has well and truly taken over, it dominates us and shapes our opinions without us even knowing it, while we are ignorant to the truth. Deeper still, it comments on our stupidity, or perhaps our lack of empathy. One way... "A Green Chritsmas" is a very interesting story that criticizes the News and the bad publicity that it unfairly garners. This is very pertinent as the Media has well and truly taken over, it dominates us and shapes our opinions without us even knowing it, while we are ignorant to the truth. Deeper still, it comments on our stupidity, or perhaps our lack of empathy. One way or another, this has a lot going on in it.
  
  Your style is very good, the second I started reading I was in the thick of it. You have a way of doing that, and it makes for a very entertaining read.
  
  Then you enforce comedic aspects, Mohammed being the main driving force behind this. Readers love funny little animals! But for me, the comedy really stands at a deeper place: the stupidity of the people. They are so easily influenced, and what's more is, it's true. This kind of thing happens, perhaps it is not so often that a film is made and a book published about the situation, but still, the reaction and gullibility is there.
  
  There is only one problem, and it's a big one: the structure. This story jumps from one scene to the next and nothing happens in detail. You're fitting a story which occurs over a considerable length of time into a mere nine pages, and for me, I like stories to happen in real time, for the most part. I'm not keen on the ones that linger for a few lines on each scene and then speed on.
  
  It's difficult to criticize a story that's been on the site for so long, hell, I was still writing crappy little "novellas" in notebooks when this was uploaded. You could have done great things with it by now for all I know, but still. Just my two scents. Thanks for the read.
  
  "The Hollywood guy was serious about offering me a deal to film the story happening live around me and my farm" - page 8. Too long, just put "The Hollywood guy was serious" and it's enough.
  
  "Taking an elderly mans family farm" - page 8 read
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  A lot of Acreage here
  A review of A GREEN CHRISTMAS
  by mmckean on 11/28/2011
  Hi Alvayoung, I must admit, this story lost me. I'm really just not the target audience for political pieces like this. There was so much going on in those short 9 pages that I am still trying to figure out what the heck the story was about. I had to read through it twice before I realized what I think the problem may be. It seems that a lot of the story is narration, with... Hi Alvayoung,
  
  I must admit, this story lost me. I'm really just not the target audience for political pieces like this. There was so much going on in those short 9 pages that I am still trying to figure out what the heck the story was about. I had to read through it twice before I realized what I think the problem may be. It seems that a lot of the story is narration, with little-to-no dialogue or actual story "scenes". No real time or focus is given to any specific part of the story so it all just kind of ran together for me. In a story of just 9 pages it might be a good idea to narrow the focus a little and just pick out one or two scenes that could tell the story well. This story mentions Eminent Domain, and I really don't know what that is and the story doesn't really go into detail to explain it to fools like me. I see this story has been featured recently though so maybe it's just me. I don't read the paper much so maybe this stuff is just common sense to some. If I don't get it though I'm sure others may struggle as well. Clear, crisp scenes could help to eliminate any confusion.
  
  Good luck and keep writing. read
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  Not quite sure I get it...
  A review of A GREEN CHRISTMAS
  by f-ceska on 10/02/2011
  I can see that this is a kind of satire, but I don’t fully understand how it’s related to the ‘nonsense in the news’ as you say in your summary. I wasn’t really sure what to make of it. Parts of it I liked – you have a nice way of expressing your thoughts, but it doesn’t really seem to be a story, with a beginning, middle and end. I know you are going for a different kind of... I can see that this is a kind of satire, but I don’t fully understand how it’s related to the ‘nonsense in the news’ as you say in your summary. I wasn’t really sure what to make of it. Parts of it I liked – you have a nice way of expressing your thoughts, but it doesn’t really seem to be a story, with a beginning, middle and end. I know you are going for a different kind of style, but I think you need to get a bit more character, structure and dialogue in there somehow, otherwise it sounds more like a satirical rant than a story. If there was a message, I’m not sure I got it.
  
  I also noticed that you separate most of your compound nouns into two words (see notes below)
  
  Thanks for sharing and good luck.
  
  p.1 formatting – better to use double spacing and indenting at the beginning of each new paragraph rather than a line between paragraphs.
  p.3 shit heads – shitheads
  p.4 bull shit – bullshit
  p.4 chain saws – chainsaws
  p.4 the phone rang – I thought the phone was in pieces?
  p.5 milk shakes – milkshakes
  p.6 mail man – mailman
  p.6 my Nephew – to capitalise or not to capitalise (you do both)
  p.6 sudden burst – sudden bursts
  p.8 an elderly mans – an elderly man’s
  p.9 on a riding lawn mower –riding on a lawn mower
  p.9 why is the last paragraph a different font? read
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  ANIMAL FARM DE JA WHO
  A review of A GREEN CHRISTMAS
  by gclifton on 03/06/2010
  The only problem with this story is that you've read my redneck thoughts into a very funny parody on life in the left lane. You are spot on(and funny) in your observations of the lunacy marching society down the nearest commode. Fear not friend, someone will tell you people have been saying the world is going to hell for a thousand(or maybe more) years. Look backward at earlier... The only problem with this story is that you've read my redneck thoughts into a very funny parody on life in the left lane. You are spot on(and funny) in your observations of the lunacy marching society down the nearest commode.
  
  Fear not friend, someone will tell you people have been saying the world is going to hell for a thousand(or maybe more) years. Look backward at earlier cultures and see how things worked out for them.
  
  The Pelosi Ice Cream Company is foiled once again -- at least in this account. BTW page 8: ..."elderly man(')s farm".
  
  Very good yarn. read
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  Ice Cream and Christmas Trees
  A review of A GREEN CHRISTMAS
  by mnjones on 02/17/2010
  I enjoyed this entertaining jab at some of the nuts involved in environmental issues, Homeland Security and other government agencies. The writng is clear, clean and easy to read. The voice of the owner of the Christmas tree farm is authentic and his comments have relevancy while being entertaining. Picturing a pig named Mohammed leaving his rubber Bin Laden doll to stroll... I enjoyed this entertaining jab at some of the nuts involved in environmental issues, Homeland Security and other government agencies. The writng is clear, clean and easy to read. The voice of the owner of the Christmas tree farm is authentic and his comments have relevancy while being entertaining. Picturing a pig named Mohammed leaving his rubber Bin Laden doll to stroll into the County Commissioner's office wearing a suicide bomber's lethal vest is a hoot. Nice touch. So is imagining Mrs. Pelosi encased in the statue of a smiling fat lady. Good tale. I look forward to more. read
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  Just Plain Awful
  A review of A GREEN CHRISTMAS
  by slarabee on 09/26/2009
  The only way this story could be worse is if it was true. The first problem I had with it is trying to resolve the equating of environmental protesters with Al Qaeda. They come from very different ideologies. Second is that although I am not a Muslim I do at least understand that to Muslims a pig is considered a filthy animal and so naming your pig Muhammad (or any equivalent... The only way this story could be worse is if it was true.
  
  The first problem I had with it is trying to resolve the equating of environmental protesters with Al Qaeda. They come from very different ideologies.
  
  Second is that although I am not a Muslim I do at least understand that to Muslims a pig is considered a filthy animal and so naming your pig Muhammad (or any equivalent there of) shows a bit of ignorance and intolerance much like naming a pedophile clown "Jesus" would be offensive to Christians.
  
  Second problem is that I live in Michigan and we have many Christmas tree farms and I have never heard of any protest about their practices here let alone seen them make the news.
  
  I felt this story was one that simply rewarded and justified the very intolerance that is dividing this country. All that was missing was a little good natured gay bashing.
  
  Sorry to be so scathingly critical, however intolerance is usually rewarded in kind, that is what makes it so ugly. read
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  A Delightful Mess!
  A review of A GREEN CHRISTMAS
  by gridlock on 02/10/2009
  This was an amusing short story. I liked Mohammed the pig, and especially the Bin Laden doll (Mine was named Itchy, and chewed socks). The statue at the end was a nice touch, too, with the “realistic” looking eyes peering out from it. The story details themselves were kind of over the top, but it was satire, so it’s appropriate. The only other time I can remember a butt load... This was an amusing short story. I liked Mohammed the pig, and especially the Bin Laden doll (Mine was named Itchy, and chewed socks). The statue at the end was a nice touch, too, with the “realistic” looking eyes peering out from it. The story details themselves were kind of over the top, but it was satire, so it’s appropriate. The only other time I can remember a butt load of government agencies involved in one mess besides Guantanamo was the Elian Gonzales cluster-f*ck. I can see them getting involved, if the facts you presented were true, though. Pretty funny stuff! Only a few editing errors: Page 2, cream should be capitalized, and on page 9, scarring should be scaring. I’d also get rid of the blank page on page 10, and use either all bold or regular, not a mix of both. Otherwise, a delightful story! read
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  its a mad mad mad mad tree farm
  A review of A GREEN CHRISTMAS
  by cc chayce on 01/02/2009
  I loved this story. It just got funnier and funnier as it went on. The humour, I suppose, lies in the fact that it's, for the most part, entirely possible for something like this to happen. Various special interest groups could easily make a mountain out of a tree farm once you throw in the media and the government, and the odd terrorist cell. The first-person writing style... I loved this story. It just got funnier and funnier as it went on. The humour, I suppose, lies in the fact that it's, for the most part, entirely possible for something like this to happen.
  
  Various special interest groups could easily make a mountain out of a tree farm once you throw in the media and the government, and the odd terrorist cell.
  
  The first-person writing style was abrupt, aiding to the character's believability.
  
  The closing paragraph has a different shade of text than the rest, at least on my screen.
  read
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  Pig saves Christmas
  A review of A GREEN CHRISTMAS
  by chessaol on 12/10/2008
  the story revolves around an eminent domain fight. The county wants to put in a road, the protesters want to lynch the Christmas tree farmer, and Muhammad the pig wants world peace. The author forgot, in his excitement, that there were commas on the keyboard. Three paragraphs went by before he realized his error and he sprinkled one per paragraph throughout the story. The... the story revolves around an eminent domain fight. The county wants to put in a road, the protesters want to lynch the Christmas tree farmer, and Muhammad the pig wants world peace.
  
  The author forgot, in his excitement, that there were commas on the keyboard. Three paragraphs went by before he realized his error and he sprinkled one per paragraph throughout the story.
  
  The sparse punctuation, and not using spell checker led to some awkward events. Is the story trash, certainly not. There are some long sentences, there are extra spaces (like I do) where the space bar was double tapped. The punctuation as a whole wasn't terrible, but was not carefully done.
  Spelling, grammar and syntax were ok.
  
  The storyline was the jewel in the crown. There was a beginning a middle and an end with continuity from end to end. The story followed a curved path. that revealed the elements as they became important to the story. The twist at the end was effective and the additional information added, almost as a postscript, was off the mark and wasted.
  
  Two items were added, the statue of the fat lady we assume was the ex-ice cream factory owner.Was she alive inside the statue? if so how did she survive? if not why would there be a statue to the enemy? So not clear!!!
  
  The county commissioner now mows my grass - unclear also. If this were the excounty commissioner it would fit the story. If the farmer had won an election and was himself the county commissioner, it would fit the story. Where do we go, where do we go?
  
  This is a very well written story that is entertaining and novel. the punctuation problems won't stop you from enjoying the reading of the tale. The funny stuff left hanging at the end will puzzle you but it is after the stories conclusion so it won't distract you, It should however be fixed. read