Reviews of A Mother's Child 24

• 
  Mum's the word
  A review of A Mother's Child
  by f-ceska on 05/10/2012
  This was a good flowing read, by a writer with considerable talent. However, it struck me that it was more a chapter in a sci-fi fantasy saga, than a short story in its own right. As a short story it lacks depth. I didn’t know enough about the characters, their world, or the backstory to become hooked by it, but I can see how it could be an interesting chapter in a much longer... This was a good flowing read, by a writer with considerable talent. However, it struck me that it was more a chapter in a sci-fi fantasy saga, than a short story in its own right. As a short story it lacks depth. I didn’t know enough about the characters, their world, or the backstory to become hooked by it, but I can see how it could be an interesting chapter in a much longer whole. If this was written as a short story, and not a chapter in a novel, then I would suggest giving us a bit more information about the key players. Help us to care for them, or not, as the case may be. We need to identify with someone in the story. At the moment, the main contender is probably Arkaylin, but we need a bit more to sink our teeth into.
  
  You are particularly adept at writing action sequences. The most vivid scene for me was the description of the men crossing the river during the storm. You also have some great vocabulary and effectively build atmosphere and setting.
  
  Pedantry and nitpicks (for the first 10 pages or so).
  p.1 with such vehemence, that = no comma needed as it’s a defining clause (that can also be omitted). (Comma required before ‘which’ in non-defining clauses, when the pronoun can’t be omitted).
  p.1 air, and raged (no comma required)
  p.2 that’s what their doing = they’re (they are)
  p.5 Every month regular as clockwork. = comma required
  p.6 His eyes went wide his face was etched with wrath = comma?
  p.6 The strangers head = stranger’s (genitive)
  p.7 feint = faint
  p.8 the storms bringing = storm’s (storm is)
  p.8 chances are their = they’re (they are)
  p.9 opened and closed he managed = semi-colon? Full stop?
  p.9 Arkaylin invited the visitor in, (Do you need this, as it’s followed by ‘come in’?)
  p.17 God’s = Gods (plural)
  Damn fires throwing = fire’s (fire is)
  p.18 son’s = sons (plural)
  Watch out for compound words: light headed = lightheaded, moon light = moonlight, water logged = waterlogged, door latch = door-latch
  p.20 in to = into / on to = onto read
• 
  More! More!
  A review of A Mother's Child
  by mollyazami on 09/02/2011
  I want to read more! I got so absorbed in to this story that I didn’t want it to end. The imagery is superb, the characters well-formed and the story intriguing. The only problem I found is that in some places the name “Greyfell” is spelled “Grayfell”. That's it, the rest is excellent. A couple of scenes where the imagery is exceptional are the transformation of Greyfell... I want to read more! I got so absorbed in to this story that I didn’t want it to end. The imagery is superb, the characters well-formed and the story intriguing. The only problem I found is that in some places the name “Greyfell” is spelled “Grayfell”. That's it, the rest is excellent.
  
  A couple of scenes where the imagery is exceptional are the transformation of Greyfell from an almost dead, wet, and cold figure into the tall, healthy son of a God that he was, and the following scene when the fire encircled him just before Keln met his demise.
  
  Thanks for sharing this! I truly hope to read more. read
• 
  Mother's Child = Good Read
  A review of A Mother's Child
  by HeyJude1990 on 07/16/2011
  First off, I must say what a great story "Mother's Child" is. Some readers may be put off upon seeing the length of the story, but with a good story, you don't mind how long it is. It's a very fast paced read, and the different perspectives really keep it moving along and doesn't bore you. Also, the plot I found really interesting, the idea of these 2 thieves, one being the... First off, I must say what a great story "Mother's Child" is. Some readers may be put off upon seeing the length of the story, but with a good story, you don't mind how long it is. It's a very fast paced read, and the different perspectives really keep it moving along and doesn't bore you. Also, the plot I found really interesting, the idea of these 2 thieves, one being the mastermind, and the other a coerced young man, stealing a relgious idol...it was just a nice change, instead of the usual bank robbing and whatnot.
  
  A few discrepencies, and I promise, just a few.
  
  On page 13, "The pallid features had been replaced with a remarkably looking healthy countenance." I think the words "looking" and "healthy" need to be flip-flopped.
  
  Also, I realize it is 26 pages already, but I honestly, wouldn't mind more background information on the few remaining followers of the Mother Goddess. I think that whole sub-plot would be really cool.
  
  And perhaps, instead of stealing the idol from a museum...maybe it could be housed in some secret lair of the followers...
  
  So, overall, I really got into the story, and look forward to reading more works by this author. read
• 
  A Paranoraml thriller
  A review of A Mother's Child
  by Ganesh hatwar on 05/01/2011
  It is well written.I liked the writing style, It hooked me from beginning to end. I Like stories which connect various situations in an interesting \way.Suspense is revealed in a phased manner which keeps the reader interest All the actions happen in night which is good for suspense and thriller stories which makes it more interesting. On other side. These kind of stories... It is well written.I liked the writing style, It hooked me from beginning to end. I Like stories which connect various situations in an interesting \way.Suspense is revealed in a phased manner which keeps the reader interest All the actions happen in night which is good for suspense and thriller stories which makes it more interesting.
  
  On other side. These kind of stories everyone would heard, every culture, region has such stories where god or his servant comes to teach lesson for bad people
  
  I didn't except paranormal ending as i dont believe in such things still i liked the story
  
  Thanks for the read
  read
• 
  Overall...
  A review of A Mother's Child
  by ryant04 on 04/20/2011
  Although it is not really my favorite genre, the story really captured and kept my attention. The dialogue was really good and you made it easy for me to picture the scenery. I really liked how you went back and forth between the two sides of the story but that it was mainly told through the sides of the thieves. Overall it was cleverly written and the ties between the mother... Although it is not really my favorite genre, the story really captured and kept my attention. The dialogue was really good and you made it easy for me to picture the scenery. I really liked how you went back and forth between the two sides of the story but that it was mainly told through the sides of the thieves. Overall it was cleverly written and the ties between the mother and the sword and the whole story was very witty and i think it was a good twist. read
• 
  A Mother's Child Review
  A review of A Mother's Child
  by mzpete on 04/15/2011
  The beginning is strong, exciting, with active imagery surrounding the cabin. Excellent description. I'm almost drenched reading it! Characters have distinctive dialogue, believable conversation, & actions match their personalities. I like scenes moving between thieves and pursuers. I see passive phrasing/gerunds on occasion ("was starting", "started checking" [pg.11] instead... The beginning is strong, exciting, with active imagery surrounding the cabin. Excellent description. I'm almost drenched reading it! Characters have distinctive dialogue, believable conversation, & actions match their personalities. I like scenes moving between thieves and pursuers.
  
  I see passive phrasing/gerunds on occasion ("was starting", "started checking" [pg.11] instead of "started" or "checked") but it seems a minor complaint compared to the bulk of active verbs the author chose throughout. Also, punctuation errors - comma use, missing apostrophes, in dialogue - need more editing.
  
  The author does an excellent job of dropping plot hints to keep the reader interested. The action moves quickly while dialogue supports the backstory without boredom, or obvious telling. Nice hooks at the end of scenes to make me turn the page for more!
  
  I was disappointed in the ending, however. Such a lead up to capture, then within 2 paragraphs it all seems summed up by magic? I wanted more reason, more excitement, more ending. What did any of them do this for if it was to wrap up so neatly in a magical bow?
  read
• 
  For a Story about Fire, It was Really Cool!
  A review of A Mother's Child
  by agelessauthor on 04/14/2011
  The story starts with two important things. First it mentions the Gods, leaving a question as to whether or not they are real. I was asking myself if they were, and was glad to find the answer. Second, it sets up the relationship between the man and the boy, and you know they're in trouble. The fantasy elements were cool, but not as prevalent as they could have been... The story starts with two important things. First it mentions the Gods, leaving a question as to whether or not they are real. I was asking myself if they were, and was glad to find the answer. Second, it sets up the relationship between the man and the boy, and you know they're in trouble.
  The fantasy elements were cool, but not as prevalent as they could have been. However the true star of this writing was the rising tension. Both the scenes with the thieves and the soldiers escalate the tension as you get closer and closer to a final confrontation.
  Then, just as quickly, you don't see the result of that confrontation, and one confrontation that you think will happen doesn't. This could have backfired, but it didn't. The way it unfolds leaves a sort of mystery which suits the story well.
  I would have liked to know more about the boy and the old man, but otherwise the elements of mystery were perfect. Both stories, the soldiers and the thieves, play out well. I very much enjoyed this story. read
• 
  An innovative thriller!
  A review of A Mother's Child
  by kevinspaceyisamazing on 04/09/2011
  The story overall is a good suspense story, and an original peice of work definitely. However, the story lacks where the creative process is most essential, in the dialogue, and the structure. If this story was the average story it wouldn't have had the ending that it did. And I give props to it on that note. But on the structure, the story has a creative concept, and realistic... The story overall is a good suspense story, and an original peice of work definitely. However, the story lacks where the creative process is most essential, in the dialogue, and the structure. If this story was the average story it wouldn't have had the ending that it did. And I give props to it on that note. But on the structure, the story has a creative concept, and realistic believable characters. The prolem with the Short is that the feel that the reader gets by the end isn't the desired good feeling or usual feeling that comes about during stories of this kind. And overall, the structure is the same cliche that we've seen in such collections as S. Krogstad's "Helium", or Steven Till's "The Raven Beneath", which would be great, if they hadn't been done over and over again in the past. The Short was good on the concept and really well crafted characters, but however it just falls short of the desired effect on the structure and the dialogue. Overall, the Short story is average. Better dialogue would have made this story Good. read
• 
  A mothers child
  A review of A Mother's Child
  by djburke on 10/13/2010
  This is a clear and stylish piece and obviously belongs to a much larger work. I found the story easy to follow and all the images came alive. The characters were well written and the dialogue clear and realistic. I liked the descriptions of the weather, I could feel the power and misery the storm brought. The seedy nature of the two thieves came across well. The help given...
  This is a clear and stylish piece and obviously belongs to a much larger work. I found the story easy to follow and all the images came alive. The characters were well written and the dialogue clear and realistic. I liked the descriptions of the weather, I could feel the power and misery the storm brought. The seedy nature of the two thieves came across well. The help given to the soldiers in getting to the thieves was cleverly done, "Mother" was helping.
  If I had a criticism it was that there was not much excitement for me but I liked this piece and I liked the writing style. There were a few things touched on such at the Golden statue where the significance was not explained but the 26 pages whizzed by.
  
  Very well done. read
• 
  TRIAL BY FIRE
  A review of A Mother's Child
  by gclifton on 04/13/2010
  The writer has not only done a good job of innovating a basket of sci/fi names, but is adept at descriptions of the weather, the strife, and the emotions involved. The strong symbolism of Greyfall appearing from the storm, then giving the youthful Graegan the ultimate choice of stand or flee is also very well done. Descriptions of the weather are lengthy, but not superfluous... The writer has not only done a good job of innovating a basket of sci/fi names, but is adept at descriptions of the weather, the strife, and the emotions involved. The strong symbolism of Greyfall appearing from the storm, then giving the youthful Graegan the ultimate choice of stand or flee is also very well done.
  
  Descriptions of the weather are lengthy, but not superfluous in moving this this story to a readable conclusion.
  
  The writer did well to conceal the nature of the stolen item from the museum until the final paragraph.
  
  There are a lot of names to keep track of, but the story is still an easy read, well done. read