Reviews of Abigail 12

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  Beautiful Abigail
  A review of Abigail
  by theauthor on 06/12/2013
  Loved this little piece.(I was referring to the story.)It almost seemed to be written by a woman. You really got me. I could see both characters clearly. I've been there too. Oregon is a beautiful place. I would take the ending even a bit farther. How does Abigail feel? Why is she so bothered by this man? It is often better to be too short than too long and rambling. Everything... Loved this little piece.(I was referring to the story.)It almost seemed to be written by a woman. You really got me. I could see both characters clearly. I've been there too. Oregon is a beautiful place. I would take the ending even a bit farther. How does Abigail feel? Why is she so bothered by this man? It is often better to be too short than too long and rambling. Everything felt like a vital part of the story.
  
  If I would change anything: Grab me more in your synopsis, as well as the first sentence.
  Example: (synopsis) When Abigail is upset, a man's life hangs in the balance.
  (first sentence) Abigail stood in the cold mist staring into the cabin where her target awaited her misguided justice. read
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  Abigail - A Review
  A review of Abigail
  by Michael Leath on 04/27/2013
  I'm not certain I understand the plot of this story. He is a masochist and she is the dominant that beats him. Seems the purpose of letting me know there was a gun in her purse early was to build tension. I found the prose too wordy for tension to be built. Usually when trying to create a taut story, the sentences get shorter as the tension builds. You want to story to read... I'm not certain I understand the plot of this story. He is a masochist and she is the dominant that beats him.
  
  Seems the purpose of letting me know there was a gun in her purse early was to build tension. I found the prose too wordy for tension to be built. Usually when trying to create a taut story, the sentences get shorter as the tension builds. You want to story to read quicker, feeding the action.
  
  This was written well. Your imagery is superb. But it felt slow getting to the point. Then the point was blunted as it seemed to be an anti-climax.
  
  Just my opinion and may not be worth anything.
  
  John - bottom of page four, last paragraph needs some attention.
  
  Pg 7 - last paragraph - eyes clothes...think you meant closed.
  
  Thanks for sharing.
  ~
  M
  read
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  Review: Abigail
  A review of Abigail
  by writermorris on 03/19/2013
  Tricky things us writers, that's the second review going where I've been 'turned over' as we say in England. I was three quarters through this, thinking to myself that some magazine in Boston would love this story of a classy hired gun about to kill an author, ( More than likely hired by another writer who got a bad review from him! ) when it suddenly turned into a hooker... Tricky things us writers, that's the second review going where I've been 'turned over' as we say in England. I was three quarters through this, thinking to myself that some magazine in Boston would love this story of a classy hired gun about to kill an author, ( More than likely hired by another writer who got a bad review from him! ) when it suddenly turned into a hooker client relationship. It was so subtly done that I had to shout 'Tricky bastard! - Great story - loved it. One thing I couldn't work out was all that verbose flowery language in the first five pages just there to woo us into a false sense of story or can you really write like that? It was that good I might steal some of it. Only spotted one proper typo P7 clothes - should have read closed. Terrific material, thanks for a most enjoyable read. read
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  Review of Abigail
  A review of Abigail
  by Aitch on 10/29/2012
  First, I've got to say I'm more of a screenplay reviewer than a short story reviewer. With most short stories it's hard for me to give much criticism. It is what it is. And that's definitely the case with Abigail. I found this story oddly seductive and I suspect that is precisely how it was intended to be received. So nice work. Sex and death. Sex and Fear. Loneliness... First, I've got to say I'm more of a screenplay reviewer than a short story reviewer. With most short stories it's hard for me to give much criticism. It is what it is. And that's definitely the case with Abigail.
  
  I found this story oddly seductive and I suspect that is precisely how it was intended to be received. So nice work. Sex and death. Sex and Fear. Loneliness. Isolation. Some violence. It is what it is and it worked well.
  
  I do have some criticism. Semicolons. I'm with Vonnegut on that one. Never use semicolons. Of course, never doesn't quite mean never ever ever, but I don't think there's a single semicolon you need to keep in this short story. If it's a full stop, use a period. If not, a comma. Minor? Sure. But still, something like that kind of jumps out to me and may jump out to an editor too.
  
  Regarding possible macro changes to the story, something came to mind. What if this was a recurring, weekly event? What if Abigail picked up an envelope of cash on the way out and said, "See you next week"?? Something like that. . .
  
  Again, I'm used to scripts. It's hard for me to know what to say regarding short stories for several reasons. But this story definitely achieves what it seems you set out to achieve and I certainly enjoyed the read. Good job.
  
  ---
  
  Small stuff--
  
  p4 . . . early in life [that the] idea. . .
  p5 From somewhere, [ ] he had. . .
  p5 new found --> newfound
  p7 eyes clothes --> closed
  p7 as hard as one could be [ ]
  p9 [You] will mop the floors read
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  Strong Suspense and Characters
  A review of Abigail
  by karlasbryant on 10/22/2012
  The main things that popped off the pages for me while reading John Regan's "Abigail" were how the suspense was consistently palpable and how the characters were well-drawn and intriguing. Together, they made for a very enjoyable read. A few technical bits: On page 4, a comma is missing after "Boy"; a space is missing between "that" and "the"; on page 7, and it reads "kept... The main things that popped off the pages for me while reading John Regan's "Abigail" were how the suspense was consistently palpable and how the characters were well-drawn and intriguing. Together, they made for a very enjoyable read.
  
  A few technical bits: On page 4, a comma is missing after "Boy"; a space is missing between "that" and "the"; on page 7, and it reads "kept his eyes clothes" instead of "kept his eyes closed". But, these are minor things.
  
  What fascinates me about this story is that I'm not completely positive what's actually going on behind the action. Is Abigail a prostitute and the S & M vibe is her specialty? Had she truly been planning, as the reader first guesses, a hit--but, things changed? Was it genuine punishment for having felt violated by Doyle? I love it when things are left a bit ambivalent and the reader can turn the story over and over, thinking how the different scenarios might play out after the story ends.
  
  An intelligent, well-written submission...a pleasure to read. read
• 
  A big ail!
  A review of Abigail
  by Wilsun on 10/10/2012
  Sorry about the headline but I had a tough time reading this short story. The problem here is not your writing or your ability to paint the environment or the structure but your presentation. There were lines, which kept distracting me all the time. Like: 'Abby wanted inside.' I mean you start by showing me a place that is catching my interest, then, next instance, you're... Sorry about the headline but I had a tough time reading this short story. The problem here is not your writing or your ability to paint the environment or the structure but your presentation.
  
  There were lines, which kept distracting me all the time.
  
  Like:
  
  'Abby wanted inside.' I mean you start by showing me a place that is catching my interest, then, next instance, you're telling me what's in the character's mind. I have mentioned only one example but there are multiple instances like these in the story.
  
  Here's an example of another distraction. This came in at an early part of the story -
  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  “I am your neighbor,” She hoped she had not made a mistake coming to this dark, forsaken place, “My name is Abigail.”
  “Who are you?” he asked.
  “I j-just moved in next door.”
  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  I was like did I miss something. I mean she just said who she is and he asks 'Who are you?'... its your story but i was expecting from that character something like 'Alright, what do you want from me?'
  
  I continued reading and I realized that there's a wonderful story taking place in your mind but somehow I failed to see it on paper. I feel that you are having sympathy for your characters, which is affecting your writing to present them as they are and we are not getting a chance to form our opinion about them.
  
  However, you do have a talent. Its just that you need to spend more time observing your imagination from a third party perspective and try building the bridge from your vision to the canvas. This is only a suggestion from another aspiring writer and not from any expert.
  
  Good luck for your future work. And I will look forward to reading more of your stories and provide my honest feedback. read
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  Kinky Karate
  A review of Abigail
  by Mike Wolfson on 10/10/2012
  Hi John, Abigail was an interesting, fun, and well written read. It’s the type of story that’s been done before, but we’re in 2012 so show me something that hasn’t. The trick is to approach it with your own writer’s voice which I think you’ve done, but you’re the only one who can truly determine that. Both characters are well defined. One is a successful but standoffish... Hi John,
  
  Abigail was an interesting, fun, and well written read.
  
  It’s the type of story that’s been done before, but we’re in 2012 so show me something that hasn’t. The trick is to approach it with your own writer’s voice which I think you’ve done, but you’re the only one who can truly determine that.
  
  Both characters are well defined. One is a successful but standoffish inaccessible author. Then we have the titular Abigail a seemingly timid nervous girl who turns out to be anything but.
  
  Your writing style is very colourful and this helps the reader visualise the story as it unfolds. It’s definitely one of your strengths as a writer based on the two pieces of your work which have come my way.
  
  The dialogue is handled well and came over as realistic.
  
  There are a couple of minor issues and suggestions for you to mull over.
  
  I couldn’t work out if Abigail was really the new next door neighbour, or whether that was just an excuse to knock on Doyle’s door.
  
  Secondly, I couldn’t work out if Abigail was there because she knew Doyle had been watching her, or whether that was just coincidence. I know Doyle confesses to the watching but did Abigail already know that? Why turn up with a gun if you're just a next door neibour knocking on a door to say hello? I kind of wanted Abigail to be heading to Doyle’s flat with the foreknowledge that he’d been watching her. However, that would mean having a very sassy Abigail right from the start.
  
  There’s one sentence that gets away from you:
  
  “Anxious to hide, but compelled to answer, the door traveled on its four hinges and paused at half circumference.”
  
  It just came across as overwritten it kind of brings the door to life which is a little too much.
  
  On the top of page 9 we have the following paragraph:
  
  “My plan is to eventually buy that studio and I will be the sensei and you will be a lowly white belt student forever. She will mop the floors and clean my mats and do whatever I tell you. You know
  you will.”
  
  I’m presuming it’s Abigail talking as it’s a new paragraph and the previous dialog (paragraph) was Doyle. Presuming it is Abigail I don’t know who the “She” is. I’m guessing it should be “You”.
  
  Overall, I liked it. The word that came into my mind when I finished reading this was ‘Playful.’
  
  Take care and good luck,
  
  Mike. read
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  SO...a Erotic fantasy...short story....Mmmmmm?
  A review of Abigail
  by Sirtony on 10/04/2012
  Okay...so there is this OLD MAN...and this Young BLACK BELT GIRL...and he longs for her to Punish him for WATCHING...and so the Girl likes to PUNISH OLDER MEN...and so do we care? This is the SEXUAL SAD choices of Life...and so...it was written to be Poetic...and erotic but ...in the end it was an example of choices that depending who you are...you have to think...do you enjoy... Okay...so there is this OLD MAN...and this Young BLACK BELT GIRL...and he longs for her to Punish him for WATCHING...and so the Girl likes to PUNISH OLDER MEN...and so do we care? This is the SEXUAL SAD choices of Life...and so...it was written to be Poetic...and erotic but ...in the end it was an example of choices that depending who you are...you have to think...do you enjoy this? So where is this reality on a scale of 1-10 and does it have value? Well for me...it was like a 5 with the Escape factor...meaning this is the fly on the wall world. So like it or not...I read it...and just a quick note fix this typo ...so it is not a distraction...
  
  "It seemed an eternity but he kept his eyes clothes and it felt
  like every birthday and Christmas all rolled into one and that he was
  about to have all his dreams come true."
  
  Did you see it?...yes I believe you meant Closed...not clothes...no biggy but is a distraction...so There you go... Fly on the wall Erotica..:) read
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  Girl with a mission
  A review of Abigail
  by f-ceska on 09/29/2012
  I decided to take up your suggestion and read this story in order to get a better picture of you as a writer. And it has helped. This is something I can better understand and comment on. Here you have a story, with all the pertinent criteria, which dips and sways and doesn’t allow the reader to jump too far ahead in their prediction of where it may go. The concept is original... I decided to take up your suggestion and read this story in order to get a better picture of you as a writer. And it has helped. This is something I can better understand and comment on. Here you have a story, with all the pertinent criteria, which dips and sways and doesn’t allow the reader to jump too far ahead in their prediction of where it may go.
  
  The concept is original and the story is interesting. Abigail is not who we thought she was and I like stories with well concealed twists. The characters are outlined quite well but I don’t think they’ve been fully coloured* or shaded. That’s not easy to do in a 9 page story but I feel there is the chance to improve on the characters. One thing I noticed, and I don’t know how deliberate this was, is that the focus seems to shift backwards and forwards between Abigail and Doyle. This is unconventional, and some would say a weakness, but on the one hand, it does help the reader to identify with both characters. On the other hand, however, it dilutes each character and doesn’t allow us to fully empathise* with either one.
  
  Dialogue is used to good effect, though there are a few lines that I feel are slightly unnatural, such as: “Like I died and went to Heaven if there was one but as a man of
  science I am rather agnostic on those matters.”, which seems like a bit too much information for the moment. (Perhaps the second clause could be narrated rather than spoken).
  
  There are a few typos, but nothing serious and in general your writing is crisp and accurate:
  p.7 ‘Turn around old man and…’ = turn around, old man, and…
  p.7 he kept his eyes ‘clothes’
  p.9 ‘she’ will mop the floors?
  
  Well done.
  
  *UK spelling! read
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  Some kisses, a person remembers forever
  A review of Abigail
  by dunphoid on 09/21/2012
  The story Abigail seemed to me like the realisation of a sexual fantasy between a young lady and her older lover. The discussion of the bridge and the effect of the kiss, for me, were romantic. This suggested that their relationship had the potential to grow beyond sexual kicks. This next paragraph is not a criticism in any way, it's just some thoughts that entered my head... The story Abigail seemed to me like the realisation of a sexual fantasy between a young lady and her older lover. The discussion of the bridge and the effect of the kiss, for me, were romantic. This suggested that their relationship had the potential to grow beyond sexual kicks.
  
  This next paragraph is not a criticism in any way, it's just some thoughts that entered my head as I read:
  
  The most powerful moments in the story for me were discovering Abigail had a gun and the kiss. With the kiss being so amazing I imagined Doyle begging for one more kiss. In response to his begging Abigail makes him suck on the gun. It's like, with such an earth-stopping kiss, it felt a bit greedy to me for Doyle to also be hoping for his sexual fantasy to occur as well. Maybe he could have had the kiss and asked to be kicked, but she resisted, and left him in anticipation hoping for their next meeting, where she'd kiss him again AND fulfil his kicking fantasy.
  
  
  LOVED "The wind whispering off the whitecaps of the Columbia River bit the tips of her gloved fingers."
  
  LOVED "A few fingers of wind slid down her nape and nibbled away at her back." -- Actually got a shiver down my spine as I read this. This line sets the tone nicely for the story for me -- lots of physical sensations, pain and pleasure.
  
  I wanted "ate dinner" to be expanded to grilled sturgeon (and the trimmings) early on. I felt nosy as I read this bit, ogling his plate!
  
  Great line "A knock cracked the silence."
  
  P4 I think I'd prefer Abigail, at the very beginning of the story, loading bullets into her revolver before knocking on the door…but that's just me :o)
  
  Nice sensations evoked with this image "Her boots thudded as they struck the glossy hardwoods".
  
  Tiny typo p7 It seemed an eternity but he kept his eyes clothes
  
  The kiss was a great moment "Some kisses, a person remembers forever; the act of the kiss possesses the power to transport one back."
  
  Bristling sexual atmosphere throughout and a very interesting read that is worth taking the time to read over a few times. Lots of minute details that evoke different physical sensations.
  
  Nice dialogue also…reflects the sexual-trembling anticipation between the two.
  
  Thanks very much for the read!
  read