Reviews of As You Wish It 26

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  A Lovely Thought
  A review of As You Wish It
  by karlasbryant on 04/02/2012
  I enjoyed the concept of "As You Wish It"...the good-but-ill-treated woman who manages to have her most spectacular fantasy come true. The description of Sandy was excellent, from her cheap clothes to her resigned acceptance to not be among the winners in life. It's easy for readers to think of someone just like her. I felt that there could have been more dialogue with people... I enjoyed the concept of "As You Wish It"...the good-but-ill-treated woman who manages to have her most spectacular fantasy come true. The description of Sandy was excellent, from her cheap clothes to her resigned acceptance to not be among the winners in life. It's easy for readers to think of someone just like her.
  
  I felt that there could have been more dialogue with people in her real world. While you may have been deliberately trying to highlight Sandy's isolation, it felt like the story could have been elevated a bit if there were other characters that played more active roles in the reality side of things.
  
  It was charming to read of Sandy's transformation, all her senses aware of how much better the idealized Lady Sandy was compared to her every day self. And it's impossible not to cheer her rescue and escape to a better world.
  
  Imaginative and touching! read
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  as you wish it
  A review of As You Wish It
  by sierra62 on 01/11/2012
  As an individual who spends their time lost in dreams, I could entirely relate to the overall concept of the story. I would love to have my dream come and take me away as well. The story was well written, but it was heavily focused on her daily life. When it came to describing her dream that she spends her nights falling into, I felt it was under described, and finished to... As an individual who spends their time lost in dreams, I could entirely relate to the overall concept of the story. I would love to have my dream come and take me away as well. The story was well written, but it was heavily focused on her daily life. When it came to describing her dream that she spends her nights falling into, I felt it was under described, and finished to soon. By extending the initial dream sequence the story would be more balanced with the emphasis more on the fantasy and less on reality.
  
  You are talented writer and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. read
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  Fantasy vs Reality
  A review of As You Wish It
  by Victoria-Lynne on 09/25/2011
  I enjoyed the majority of this story. The concept and idea of fantasy becoming reality is an interesting one to both write and read about, and I thought that this one was good, but seemed rushed in places. I preferred the reality in this story compared to the fantasy. That is to say the Sandy in the skirt captured my attention and empathy, not the Sandy in sweat pants who didn’t... I enjoyed the majority of this story. The concept and idea of fantasy becoming reality is an interesting one to both write and read about, and I thought that this one was good, but seemed rushed in places.
  I preferred the reality in this story compared to the fantasy. That is to say the Sandy in the skirt captured my attention and empathy, not the Sandy in sweat pants who didn’t even capture my pity, I just didn’t like her. However, that’s my particular deconstruction of the story; some people may prefer fantasy Sandy to reality sandy, I just think that the reality Sandy presented stronger character integrity and a more engaging storyline. read
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  Quiet Desperation
  A review of As You Wish It
  by eiltory on 07/04/2011
  As I read this story, the quote "all men live lives of quiet desperation" kept running through my mind. There are many people like Sandy, struggling to survive, unhappy, desperate. Your descriptions of her appearance, actions at work, and at home allowed me to see her and to reach inside of her. At times, I do think you belabored her unattractiveness, as if to drive into... As I read this story, the quote "all men live lives of quiet desperation" kept running through my mind. There are many people like Sandy, struggling to survive, unhappy, desperate. Your descriptions of her appearance, actions at work, and at home allowed me to see her and to reach inside of her. At times, I do think you belabored her unattractiveness, as if to drive into me that poor Sandy was overweight and unappealing. I think you did a very nice job constructing the story, building to the happy ending for our heroine. There were several instances of the wrong word - IT'S is the contraction for it is and was used when you meant ITS, the possessive (i.e., It’s song told a heartbreaking tale of love and loss, as it performed for the two lovers.)The correct form is ITS. This is a very common mistake and one easily corrected. It in no way detracted from my enjoyment of this story. read
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  If Only...
  A review of As You Wish It
  by LukeThomas on 01/20/2011
  There's a lot of great energy and emotion in this story. The realism and effort put into describing the character make it easy to read and follow. It's very easy to feel for her and her situation, built up with numerous great details. I'm glad everything worked out so well for the character in the end. While this type of romantic story is not exactly what I read generally,... There's a lot of great energy and emotion in this story. The realism and effort put into describing the character make it easy to read and follow. It's very easy to feel for her and her situation, built up with numerous great details. I'm glad everything worked out so well for the character in the end.
  
  
  While this type of romantic story is not exactly what I read generally, it was still a good experience. In my opinion a good amount of ability went into writing this. read
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  Find Your Happy Place
  A review of As You Wish It
  by SappleScoot on 01/11/2011
  This is a great start to a beautiful tale. Who hasn't been through a time in their life when you just wish it all would pass and you could be in your "Happy Place" indefinitely? Sandy is believeable, as well as the frustrations, fears and awkwardness she experience in the story. Creatively, it's almost there. Technically, it needs some work. p1: the revolving door reference... This is a great start to a beautiful tale. Who hasn't been through a time in their life when you just wish it all would pass and you could be in your "Happy Place" indefinitely? Sandy is believeable, as well as the frustrations, fears and awkwardness she experience in the story. Creatively, it's almost there. Technically, it needs some work.
  
  p1: the revolving door reference makes it sound like that door is on her office, which seems awkward - is it on her office building instead?
  
  The second sentence could almost be deleted, as the following sentences defined her feeling of defeat. Besides...
  
  ...adverbs are "generally" bad, lol ('completely', 'briefly', etc., you have lots of adverbs) Try taking out all the adverbs and rewriting the sentences in the vein of "show me, don't tell me". What can you say about her thoughts, actions, posture, etc... that would show the reader a similar, maybe stronger, image? (esp. p2- "emptily"?) If it ends in '-ly', it could probably come out.
  
  Don't be afraid to separate run-ons into deeper thoughts. Don't think about word count, write the story so that the reader is THERE. You can always condense later if you need to.
  
  I love how you described the man's speech: "purred"- that was great!
  
  Your imagery of Sandy as a soldier amongst a bloody battlefield is really good; I don't think there are many who won't be able to relate to that feeling.
  There are several incomplete/fragmented sentences. Try reading aloud.
  
  The parallel between her struggle home and her struggle in corporate America isn't clear at first. I didn't understand (until re-reading and figuring it out) what you meant by the one wrong move would put her in the gutter or down another rung. That paragraph can be fleshed out a little more with her thoughts about the two ideas, drawing them together. It's a great parallel, it just needs to be stronger.
  
  should be: "Neiman Marcus (or/and) Bloomingdales"
  
  The first mention of Sandy's "mammoth behind" came as a surprise. I had envisioned her as "regular" sized up to then. Kind of a shock, and I had to re-envision her. Maybe you could have a little foreshadowing of her size in her descriptions beforehand?
  
  HAHAHahahaa! Do corns scream for peas? I LOVE that... great segue to her work performance.
  
  Dialogue tags: not necessary very often. For example, (p9:) Sandy turned to Arthur, gazed into his eyes and sighed, "This is a perfect day."
  
  p10: "I can no longer be with you than I could be gracing..." I'm not sure if "longer" is what you meant here.
  
  Review some of the capitalization, commas and apostrophes. Listen to the flow for awkward sentences and repetitive words.
  
  The end is a good thought, but needs to be rewritten to make it a little more believable. As for the pizza boy, he would see the door first, then enter the apartment, then realize it was abandoned. I also would like a clue as to why he would want the book.
  
  You've got a good premise going, and this will be a wonderful tale! Keep up the good work! read
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  Gwenivere and her chastity belt...
  A review of As You Wish It
  by nick74 on 12/21/2010
  I knew I would despise this story. I just knew TS had given me that oh-so-dreaded assignment. You know, the one that reads like a drudgery, where every word takes a minute and every page is like an hour. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! And I was dead friggin' wrong! What a thrilling little fairy tale. This story swings like one of Poe's pendulums back and forth, back and... I knew I would despise this story. I just knew TS had given me that oh-so-dreaded assignment. You know, the one that reads like a drudgery, where every word takes a minute and every page is like an hour. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!
  
  
  And I was dead friggin' wrong!
  
  What a thrilling little fairy tale. This story swings like one of Poe's pendulums back and forth, back and forth, between reality and fantasy, each world coming closer and closer to each other until BAM, they switch over. You know you have a fantastical concept when, at the end of your story, your audience is sitting in their room gawking their eyes back and forth (like that pendulum) wondering if their own work-life cubicles aren't some twisted fantasy we call reality and if their dreams aren't some reality that we've been duped into thinking is a fantasy. Perfectly inspiring!
  
  One tiny criticism. I've never told an author that they know their characters TOO well, but, as the prose describing Sandy's yearnings and desires went on they started to start over and retell, as if you wanted to pound Sandy's character into my head. That was a tiny bit redundant, but, whatever. Once her dream world left Camelot and she began fathoming the idea of her knight actually coming to New York this story became a perfect blend of pace and stride.
  
  And then the zinger... oh my. I predicted that the pizza boy would come to the door and their eyes would lock and inside each others stare they would find their other half and yadda yadda yadda. But nope. This mundane piece of monotony never happened. Instead, you as the author had the balls to take this story in a perfect and perfectly unpredictable direction.
  
  And then the final zinger. The pizza boy. Hilarious. Moving. Appealing. Jeez...
  
  I see you haven't been active on TS for some time so you probably won't ever get this review. Oh well. Perhaps I can dream... read
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  As You Wish It.
  A review of As You Wish It
  by GreatJJ on 12/16/2010
  I loved it. A well written piece that pulls you, whether you like it or not, into the story and leaves you with a wistful warm feeling. Your story vividly brought out the emotions anyone who has been picked on, or ostracized from others, has felt at one time or another. This is another review I have made about a story that had no trip-ups but ran smoothly from beginning to... I loved it.
  A well written piece that pulls you, whether you like it or not, into the story and leaves you with a wistful warm feeling.
  Your story vividly brought out the emotions anyone who has been picked on, or ostracized from others, has felt at one time or another.
  This is another review I have made about a story that had no trip-ups but ran smoothly from beginning to end.
  Well Done. And thank you.
  
  mr. savage read
• 
  Good Premise.
  A review of As You Wish It
  by Anthony Fiore on 11/07/2010
  This story illustrates the common condition of alienation in our times. A person can live and work in a big city and still be alone. The writing was OK, and I enjoyed the imagery. Sandy's commute by Taxi was not realistic. As a low paid office worker, she would have taken the subway or a bus. Anyone who has lived and worked in NYC will tell you that. Most likely she would... This story illustrates the common condition of alienation in our times. A person can live and work in a big city and still be alone.
  The writing was OK, and I enjoyed the imagery.
  Sandy's commute by Taxi was not realistic. As a low paid office worker, she would have taken the subway or a bus. Anyone who has lived and worked in NYC will tell you that. Most likely she would also have lived in Queens, Long Island, Staten Island, Brooklyn OR Nothern NJ. Low paid workers cannot afford the rents of Manhattan, even a studio apt will cost you between $1200- $2,000 a month. When you earn $500-$600 a week, you cannot afford Taxi's OR NYC apartment rents.
  I think adding these elements would also show case even better how aleienated she is, driving home yet another area of alienation, economics and class.
  The ending was a bit of a disapointment.
  How about having the pizza guy find her dead in her apartment and she is being taken away to 'heaven' by Arthur? OR he finds her stark raving mad, [she finally snaps] and is carted off to Bellevue Psych? OR he see's her galloping away ALONE, as she seemingly is talking to someone, she gallops away to join the other street people whose post modern alienation has driven them off the deep end'?
  Good premise though, I think with a little more thought, you can make it a great premise.
  Good luck,
  Tony read
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  Review: As You Wish It
  A review of As You Wish It
  by hinge1492 on 09/03/2010
  I liked the idea for this story; a woman caught in a dreary life escaping into her own world of fantasy. This could go many ways, either as a true fantasy or as an illustration of someone going mad. Better yet, a confusion between the two possibilities. I also liked how you weaved fantasy quest and battle descriptions in with the prose, foreshadowing what is to come. That... I liked the idea for this story; a woman caught in a dreary life escaping into her own world of fantasy. This could go many ways, either as a true fantasy or as an illustration of someone going mad. Better yet, a confusion between the two possibilities. I also liked how you weaved fantasy quest and battle descriptions in with the prose, foreshadowing what is to come.
  
  That being said, I think the opening was not very engaging. The whole slog from work to home drove a little too hard the protagonist's pitifulness in physical stature, fashion and social skills. It didn't give us much to like about her, especially when it's belabored for so long. I think this whole section could be condensed and shortened to get us to the point of the story faster.
  
  In your prose you switch tenses a few times and tend to have wordy, run-on sentences. The story could use a good editing pass.
  
  I was a bit disappointed that she fantasized about being with Arthur for so long, then he told her he'd rescue her, and did. She didn't have much of an active role in this story. Also, I would have liked to see some twist, rather than the revelation of exactly what was expected to happen. I did enjoy the bit that everyone ignored a knight barging in to the apartment and battering down a door :)
  
  All in all, the story has an intriguing premise, but we need a more proactive, likeable protagonist, and a story that doesn't belabor her misery. We also need some twist at the ending. With those elements changed, I think this could be a fine story. read