Reviews of Bathtime 25

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  wow
  A review of Bathtime
  by cc chayce on 03/09/2011
  I thought Bathtime was fantastic. Loved it from start to finish. Even though the author left enough early clues to figure out the plot on the first page, the story was so well told that it wasn't a disappointment to proven right. I loved the tongue in cheek humour and the clever word play. There is nothing I can think of on how the author can improve upon the story. Very... I thought Bathtime was fantastic. Loved it from start to finish. Even though the author left enough early clues to figure out the plot on the first page, the story was so well told that it wasn't a disappointment to proven right.
  
  I loved the tongue in cheek humour and the clever word play. There is nothing I can think of on how the author can improve upon the story.
  
  Very nice job. An average plot well written can still be a very good story in the right hands, and this is one of them. read
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  Bathtime
  A review of Bathtime
  by YeahHi on 11/05/2010
  This is a fun, macabre tale. I like the voice of this character and the way the story unfolds. I was fascinated by what he did to her in the bath, but by then the story is a bit played out. She’s lost and he’s won. As interesting as it is, there is no conflict or tension, no possibility of escape or of him losing her, which would make the story stronger. I think the... This is a fun, macabre tale. I like the voice of this character and the way the story unfolds.
  
  I was fascinated by what he did to her in the bath, but by then the story is a bit played out. She’s lost and he’s won. As interesting as it is, there is no conflict or tension, no possibility of escape or of him losing her, which would make the story stronger.
  
  I think the less we know about him the better. His fantasies of sunsets and handholding didn’t ring true for me. His “love” seems like it would be more original than that. I also wondered who the jack booted intruders were. I’d end the story in the bath and skip the mental hospital.
  
  Really fun read. Good job!
  Shauna read
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  Necrophilic Lover
  A review of Bathtime
  by mnjones on 08/01/2010
  Not the kind of story I like, but for what it is it's written rather well. Beginning on page 1 there seems to me to be a problem with maintaining consistency of tenses. There's "I plumped for yellow...; I pulled them on..." Then, "I climb the stairs... I sidestep..." instead of "climbed" and "sidestepped." Page 2, "I could almost smell her, the prospect of her touch,... Not the kind of story I like, but for what it is it's written rather well.
  
  Beginning on page 1 there seems to me to be a problem with maintaining consistency of tenses. There's "I plumped for yellow...; I pulled them on..." Then, "I climb the stairs... I sidestep..." instead of "climbed" and "sidestepped."
  
  Page 2, "I could almost smell her, the prospect of her touch, the prospect of her touch." Almost smell?
  
  Page 11, "I tried to tell myself I something..." Missing word.
  
  I didn't like this one, but I'd be interested in seeing other work by this writer. read
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  Showers Recommended
  A review of Bathtime
  by DebraSwan on 02/17/2010
  This is, without a doubt, the most disturbing story I have read here on TS. The bath scene was particularly well done. I was revolted, but couldn't stop reading. On page 13 the main character 'must have, at some point, fallen asleep.' Somehow that doesn't play out for me. He appears to be in an erotic, engrossing experience that wouldn't lend itself to him just simply falling... This is, without a doubt, the most disturbing story I have read here on TS. The bath scene was particularly well done. I was revolted, but couldn't stop reading.
  On page 13 the main character 'must have, at some point, fallen asleep.' Somehow that doesn't play out for me. He appears to be in an erotic, engrossing experience that wouldn't lend itself to him just simply falling asleep.
  You also moved from past to present tense a lot, sometimes within the same sentence. This made for a confusing read.
  Ie: Pg. 1 - 'they snap and squeak as I pulled them on' s/b 'they snap and squeak as I pull them on'
  Having said that, I think this is a well written story with a few grammatical errors here and there.
  Ie: Pg. 4 - ungentle manly s/b one word 'ungentlemanly'
  On Pg. 11 - 'I tried to tell myself I something'; I'm not sure what you meant to say with this sentence.
  All in all the story was intriguing and I look forward to reading some of your newer pieces.
  
  Cheers,
  Debra read
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  WoW.
  A review of Bathtime
  by ravensdragonfly on 10/22/2009
  I was prepared to take notes while I read this story so that I could give a good review but I got so engrossed in the story I couldn't stop reading, if even for a second, in order to take notes! My last thought was WoW! What a good story and to come at it from the murderers point of view was a great idea! A few suggestions that come to mind: get rid of: "I won’t bore you with... I was prepared to take notes while I read this story so that I could give a good review but I got so engrossed in the story I couldn't stop reading, if even for a second, in order to take notes!
  My last thought was WoW!
  What a good story and to come at it from the murderers point of view was a great idea!
  A few suggestions that come to mind:
  get rid of:
  "I won’t bore you with every detail of the cleaning, that would just be too
  boring, unless of course you’re into that kind of thing?
  No?
  Well we’ll jump to the juicy part."
  I felt it detracted from the story.
  On page 4 I was wondering what it was that he wanted her to find?
  On page 13 you wrote "someone like me could never have." and I was wondering why he felt that way about himself?
  Other than these few questions I truely enjoyed this story. You are a remarkable writer and you most certainly have a gift for the macabre.
  I hope to read more of your stories in the future. read
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  Gory Bathnight
  A review of Bathtime
  by badgebarman on 12/30/2008
  This wasn't for me at all, the subject matter is one that I normally try to avoid. I was three pages in before I spotted where this was going, and that was a shame because the story was paced very well. The subject matter was horrific and evil of the worst kind, a brutal killer describing with almost lipsmacking relish his latest murder isn't for the fainthearted, and I wonder... This wasn't for me at all, the subject matter is one that I normally try to avoid. I was three pages in before I spotted where this was going, and that was a shame because the story was paced very well.
  
  The subject matter was horrific and evil of the worst kind, a brutal killer describing with almost lipsmacking relish his latest murder isn't for the fainthearted, and I wonder how commercial this could possibly be?
  
  Technically this was well written with an attention to detail that was almost obsessional. And that was the real problem with this piece, it was almost basic reportage than good clear prose, there is real talent in your writing, your style is crisp and unsentimental which is almost impossible to do.
  
  Great well told story. Terrible subject matter. read
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  A study in pacing
  A review of Bathtime
  by Christopher Smith on 11/27/2008
  I am a big fan of horror stories similar to early Clive Barker graphic shorts. This seemed to come from the same vein in that the author wants to shock the reader's senses with the rawness of the descriptions, but I thought it fell flat for me. The story gave itself away to me from the first paragraph telegraphing that it was going to be a psychotic killer. I did like the... I am a big fan of horror stories similar to early Clive Barker graphic shorts. This seemed to come from the same vein in that the author wants to shock the reader's senses with the rawness of the descriptions, but I thought it fell flat for me.
  
  The story gave itself away to me from the first paragraph telegraphing that it was going to be a psychotic killer. I did like the pacing the author used at the date's first appearance and the secret thoughts through dinner, but I was disappointed that the author used pages 8 through 13 just to shock us. I don't feel that a shock can be maintained that long without becoming gruesome to be gruesome or just boring.
  
  The first half of the story showed promise in pacing but dragged at the end. Maybe some tweaking or somehow adding a little extra twist or shock at the end would help tie it all together. Keep writing. We need more promising horror writers that show they aren't afraid to take a story slow when it needs it and build suspense. read
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  Dragontart is disturbed.
  A review of Bathtime
  by dragontart on 11/26/2008
  I couldnt really think of any other way to start this review... due to the subject matter involved I started to recoil when I typed all the other things I wanted to start with... it's good, I liked it and its well written. There, I said it. The subject matter tho is disturbing, but the way the author flits over it so matter of factly, its riviting. I couldnt stop reading... I couldnt really think of any other way to start this review... due to the subject matter involved I started to recoil when I typed all the other things I wanted to start with... it's good, I liked it and its well written. There, I said it. The subject matter tho is disturbing, but the way the author flits over it so matter of factly, its riviting. I couldnt stop reading until I reached the end, which some may think for a short story isnt such a big thing, but for me its quite an achievement... I'm a 'go make a cup of tea half way through' kind of mythical creature. Well done. read
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  Macabre
  A review of Bathtime
  by chessaol on 11/25/2008
  The horror of it all, a first date. We all have the jitters and want it to go just right. With proper and careful preperation it will. the story is richly written with just the hint of simpleness. It goes streight to the heart of the story. The style of writing fits like a glove. Spelling is carefully checked, English grammar is properly used and the punctuation is well... The horror of it all, a first date. We all have the jitters and want it to go just right. With proper and careful preperation it will.
  
  the story is richly written with just the hint of simpleness. It goes streight to the heart of the story. The style of writing fits like a glove.
  
  Spelling is carefully checked, English grammar is properly used and the punctuation is well done. A careful job of storywriting, as it should be.
  The story has a transparent storyline and we see the end comming. The twist of how the crime was discovered disguises the transparency and heals it. The story has a clear theme that is never lost sight of and the point is driven home clearly and forcefully. Well done. read
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  Wonderfully creepy
  A review of Bathtime
  by Nekowrites on 11/25/2008
  Bathtime was a wonderful little bit of creepiness. It reminded me of Hannibal Lector, before they went and "Explained" his proclivities. I would love to see the story fleshed out a bit (No Pun intended). Tell us more about what seems to be his OCD. Maybe even show her getting a hint of what is too come and getting a bit nervous. And one last point how did the police know... Bathtime was a wonderful little bit of creepiness. It reminded me of Hannibal Lector, before they went and "Explained" his proclivities. I would love to see the story fleshed out a bit (No Pun intended). Tell us more about what seems to be his OCD. Maybe even show her getting a hint of what is too come and getting a bit nervous. And one last point how did the police know he had her and not get there sooner? Was she a cop who had been hunting him without her team’s full knowledge, So many questions I would love for you to answer, thank you for sharing. read