Reviews of Beth's Coupon 5

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  A Sweet and Touching Story
  A review of Beth's Coupon
  by karlasbryant on 04/24/2012
  It was refreshing to read such a sweet, touching story as "Beth's Coupon". Many readers have known highly-imaginative children--or been one themselves. The author strikes just the right chord as he builds suspense. All parents know that uncomfortable conflict between allowing their child to immerse themselves in fantasy while worrying their grasp on reality may not be strong... It was refreshing to read such a sweet, touching story as "Beth's Coupon".
  
  Many readers have known highly-imaginative children--or been one themselves. The author strikes just the right chord as he builds suspense. All parents know that uncomfortable conflict between allowing their child to immerse themselves in fantasy while worrying their grasp on reality may not be strong enough.How to pull them into the real world without crushing their innocent imagination?
  
  The story beautifully plays out a moment in a child's life when they're just on the threshold between childhood and a higher age of reason. And just as the parent's attention is hyper-focused on that moment, so is the reader's.
  
  Wonderful story written with great compassion. read
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  Very sweet. I like the parental confusion!
  A review of Beth's Coupon
  by vieira4 on 04/09/2012
  Hi. Like the father, I'm not sure whether or not the daughter intended to put the manager in a bind, but I like how she gave the stuff back. Nice conclusion. I still carried a doll everywhere when I was 11, but then I moved house to an area where most people had given that up when they got out of a pushchair, and was forced to grow up. Shame, really. Your writing is generally... Hi. Like the father, I'm not sure whether or not the daughter intended to put the manager in a bind, but I like how she gave the stuff back. Nice conclusion. I still carried a doll everywhere when I was 11, but then I moved house to an area where most people had given that up when they got out of a pushchair, and was forced to grow up. Shame, really.
  
  Your writing is generally very good and extremely clear. On page 5, as the father and daughter walk into the theatre, you write 'the' instead of 'she', and misspell 'heel'. Apart from that, I saw no mistakes. There were no areas of structural ambiguity. You got a lot of good content into a very good story that is unusually easy to read. I also like how it's an everyday story. You didn't need a supernatural being or a disaster to weave an enjoyable tale. Well done. read
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  Admit One: The Twilight Between Childhood and Adulthood
  A review of Beth's Coupon
  by SappleScoot on 09/06/2011
  Beth's Coupon is a beautiful, poignant moment between childhood and adulthood where neither one is true, and yet both are true at the same time. Anyone with a child will recognize a phrase, a behavior, a blanket, a doll... that hangs on just a little longer than other childhood pursuits. If only most parents would see the wisdom of letting a child develop and change at his... Beth's Coupon is a beautiful, poignant moment between childhood and adulthood where neither one is true, and yet both are true at the same time. Anyone with a child will recognize a phrase, a behavior, a blanket, a doll... that hangs on just a little longer than other childhood pursuits. If only most parents would see the wisdom of letting a child develop and change at his or her own pace, we might have more well-adjusted adults in the world. I like how the wisdom of the parent glows right alongside the brilliant wisdom of the child here.
  
  Some observations:
  
  Lose the weak verbs. Look for 'has', 'had', 'was', etc. and find a way to take them out. Rewrite if necessary, but sometimes you can just remove the weak word and the sentence will still stand on its own very well.
  
  "She still carried a doll with her everywhere we went.  She would also bring toys for the 
  doll, and sometimes food.  And, like most dolls these days, Beth had accessories." - introducing the name (the only name in the story) in this way caused me to stop a moment and think, "which one is Beth"...
  
  The narrative reads fairly smoothly, but if you were to read it out loud, you might find some places where the pace could use some tightening up.
  
  Have you thought about calling it just, "The Coupon" - the theme is actually universal and I think so many parents (and kids) can relate to it.
  
  I like this a lot. read
• 
  Imagination is for Adults as Well as Children
  A review of Beth's Coupon
  by James Moriarty on 09/06/2011
  "Coupon" is a clever story at which adults and children will smile. Let's go to the movies with an adult, child and a doll. Dolls can use a ticket and popcorn as Beth, the protagonist, shows. So can the daughter of the manager of the movie theatre. Imagination is one of the reasons we attend film: to escape harsh reality. Good writing: "Theme music from Jeopardy...promotional... "Coupon" is a clever story at which adults and children will smile.
  
  Let's go to the movies with an adult, child and a doll. Dolls can use a ticket and popcorn as Beth, the protagonist, shows. So can the daughter of the manager of the movie theatre.
  
  Imagination is one of the reasons we attend film: to escape harsh reality.
  
  Good writing: "Theme music from Jeopardy...promotional special."
  
  Errata: p. 1 what does "This" modify? 00000
  
  Imagination is good for adults as well as children. Don't give it up, writer. A blank page is all we writers need. Professor Moriarty read
• 
  A JOY to read !!
  A review of Beth's Coupon
  by MagnoliaMoon on 09/06/2011
  "Beth's Coupon" is six pages perfectly constructed. There is little more to add than that, because this writer knows his stuff. The visualization for this reader began immediately and never stopped. Why? There were no unnecessary words - none - nada. The story was written in a straight-forward style that was not learned, but inherent in this writer. Please, whatever you... "Beth's Coupon" is six pages perfectly constructed. There is little more to add than that, because this writer knows his stuff. The visualization for this reader began immediately and never stopped. Why? There were no unnecessary words - none - nada. The story was written in a straight-forward style that was not learned, but inherent in this writer. Please, whatever you do - write more and more and more !!!
  
  My day has just been rendered MUCH more enchanting, Mr. Brannan. Kudos to you!! read