Reviews of Birth of a Strange Organism 7

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  “Cogito ergo sum”
  A review of Birth of a Strange Organism
  by f-ceska on 07/14/2012
  This is a profound, philosophical, existential and slightly sci-fi discourse on the beginnings of human consciousness, tackling Descarte’s basic philosophy of ‘I think therefore I am’. At least, that’s what I understand it to be. I had to read it three times, but I’m still not sure. You start off by describing the moments before consciousness, and then consciousness arrives,... This is a profound, philosophical, existential and slightly sci-fi discourse on the beginnings of human consciousness, tackling Descarte’s basic philosophy of ‘I think therefore I am’. At least, that’s what I understand it to be. I had to read it three times, but I’m still not sure. You start off by describing the moments before consciousness, and then consciousness arrives, like a light being switched on as you say, but then you cover a lot of ground. I understand that consciousness arrives to the foetus in the womb, and then ‘BAM’ signifies the moment of birth, and then it’s swivelling its head around, so we must have jumped forward to about the third or fourth month, then it sits up, so I presume we’re at 6-9 months, but then it’s asking itself all kinds of philosophical questions about its existence, and purpose and about love and about hate and possibly a it goes a bit too deep here.
  
  I enjoyed reading this. There are some nice sentences in your description and I like that it makes me think, but I wouldn’t call this a ‘story’ in the normal sense, because there are no identifiable characters and no clear beginning, middle and end. I think you could possibly make it a bit more relatable and, at the same time, more enigmatic if you told it from a first person point of view: the embryo inside the womb, the foetus experiencing birth, a new born baby becoming aware of its surroundings. There’s also a greater challenge here to describe the sights and feelings around you when you wouldn’t have the subjective knowledge to do so.
  
  Alternatively, juxtaposing the foetus’s perspective from inside the womb/birth, etc. with perhaps another character or the same character as a conscious adult, and interweaving that into a story about that person’s life could also make the whole thing gel and be more cohesive. (Consider structure of ‘Spectrum’ by yours truly which does a similar thing). Just a suggestion.
  
  Well done, Nick. A nice read.
  
  p.2 slipstream of truth just beyond the limits of faith – nice. I like that idea.
  
  p.2 never the less –nevertheless…
  
  p.2 Etherium – now, I couldn’t find this word in the Oxford English Dictionary, but I did find ‘Etherium Guard’ in Websters. Something to do with World of Warcraft…
  
  p.2 a programmed automation reaching its fingers through the shields of thoughtlessness – woh! Is that the obstetrician reaching his hands in to pull out the baby? read
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  ETHEREAL. ESOTERIC. EVOKING.
  A review of Birth of a Strange Organism
  by montana malone on 04/19/2012
  I am beyond words how to express my awe and respect of your work. Honestly, I can barely type. There were so many levels that this short could be absorbed. Sci-fi, sure but to me it felt much deeper. Your writing made me cry at being able to read words written by a genius. Can I crawl into your mind for an hour? Your story was so clean, provoking and moving. I feel inept to... I am beyond words how to express my awe and respect of your work. Honestly, I can barely type. There were so many levels that this short could be absorbed. Sci-fi, sure but to me it felt much deeper. Your writing made me cry at being able to read words written by a genius. Can I crawl into your mind for an hour? Your story was so clean, provoking and moving. I feel inept to even write a review for such a masterpiece and yet here I am, feeling blessed to have your brilliant story come into my life. There is nothing I would change. Thank you for being you and sharing it.
  Blown away,
  Montana read
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  Intriguing Organism
  A review of Birth of a Strange Organism
  by Blanka from Prague on 11/24/2011
  Reads great! Original and intriguing. Brilliant abstraction of the origin and status of an individual within a (collective) universe. Well maintained tension, despite lack of real „story“ and the mostly philosophical tone of narration. You definitely managed to create a frightening connectedness of the reader to the theme. Some very inspiring expressions, such as „the whispers... Reads great! Original and intriguing. Brilliant abstraction of the origin and status of an individual within a (collective) universe. Well maintained tension, despite lack of real „story“ and the mostly philosophical tone of narration. You definitely managed to create a frightening connectedness of the reader to the theme. Some very inspiring expressions, such as „the whispers of conflict“ or „circuits of subtlety". The only suggestions I would make is to perhaps involve the "pragmatic angels" a little more and maybe expand this concept into something larger (i.e. more stories focusing on the later life and ideas of the protagonist - I could imagine a trilogy or collection of flash-fiction texts like this one, linked together by the philosophizing voice). read
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  Lil Frankenstein
  A review of Birth of a Strange Organism
  by mmckean on 11/22/2011
  Hey Nick, Mary Shelley would be proud! Your super short story about a foreign-being coming into consciousness in a common world [common to us at least] is remarkable in that you only did it in five pages! I'm not sure it is a complete story though. It seems more like the beginning of a good story then a short story in itself. I think the problem is that there is no true sense... Hey Nick,
  
  Mary Shelley would be proud! Your super short story about a foreign-being coming into consciousness in a common world [common to us at least] is remarkable in that you only did it in five pages! I'm not sure it is a complete story though. It seems more like the beginning of a good story then a short story in itself. I think the problem is that there is no true sense of a beginning, middle, and end. Even short stories usually have some conflict that must be resolved, some hurdle that must be jumped. I didn't really catch that hurdle here: Just an organism which has come to understand that its been born into a strange world. I still think it is interesting though. When I was reading this I was thinking of the movie "Evolver" I like this writing though because it has "audience appeal". Consciousness in robots has been a really controversial topic in recent years. And with the development of Honda's Asimov this story could really create a following. You can't really tackle such a big concept as artificial intelligence in just five pages.
  
  I would expand this into a longer story...you have a good start here. But it's your story so it's your decision. Either way, keep writing. Interesting stuff you got here. read
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  Wow
  A review of Birth of a Strange Organism
  by alexs1227 on 10/20/2011
  Wow. The language in this short piece is incredible, extravagant, and so descriptive. The structure of the story engages the reader, enthralls him or her with the enticing language. The one-word sentences, the questions that make you think but keep reading...all of which formulate a fantastic, uniquely written essay. I'm not going to lie, but I'll have to say that the piece... Wow. The language in this short piece is incredible, extravagant, and so descriptive. The structure of the story engages the reader, enthralls him or her with the enticing language. The one-word sentences, the questions that make you think but keep reading...all of which formulate a fantastic, uniquely written essay. I'm not going to lie, but I'll have to say that the piece is a little complex for my mind, but it is well done. Very well done. Very good job.
  
  Alex read
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  Beautiful
  A review of Birth of a Strange Organism
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/26/2011
  A really beautiful piece of writing that is trying to put across very delicate and complex issues. It's almost poetic and would easily stand alone or grace the introduction to a longer novel. It reminds me of my old college days studying Descartes. The ideas and writing are expressed in a very easy literary manner. As I said, beautiful. Now the corny part - 'you write therefore... A really beautiful piece of writing that is trying to put across very delicate and complex issues. It's almost poetic and would easily stand alone or grace the introduction to a longer novel. It reminds me of my old college days studying Descartes. The ideas and writing are expressed in a very easy literary manner. As I said, beautiful. Now the corny part - 'you write therefore you are' - Ah well no one said reviewing was easy. read
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  Birth of a Strange Organism
  A review of Birth of a Strange Organism
  by kikibird hinlo on 09/17/2011
  This was certainly original! It is perhaps too much thought implied into the mind of a being that I do not believe has thoughts, rather, only "feels" through sensory channels and drives, operating on emotion less the thought, until more intelligence of its surroundings is gained. But I am not here to debate the premise, rather, look at your writing. Your writing is very... This was certainly original! It is perhaps too much thought implied into the mind of a being that I do not believe has thoughts, rather, only "feels" through sensory channels and drives, operating on emotion less the thought, until more intelligence of its surroundings is gained. But I am not here to debate the premise, rather, look at your writing.
  
  Your writing is very creative, well done, and contains great ideas! I liked this piece, and found it to be very good. I'd recommend it as a read to anyone, especially to follow afterward with a discussion of the ideas. read