Reviews of City of the Past 7

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  City of the Past - A Review
  A review of City of the Past
  by Michael Leath on 04/02/2013
  I think you have real talent. The writing in this story is exceptional. The monolog, narration, or whatever you wish to call it was brilliantly assembled. I'd really like to see your chops when you have a subject that is worthy of your prose. Breaking the fourth wall in your prologue had no point for me. Nor the times when you stopped to tell me something. I am accepting this... I think you have real talent. The writing in this story is exceptional. The monolog, narration, or whatever you wish to call it was brilliantly assembled. I'd really like to see your chops when you have a subject that is worthy of your prose.
  
  Breaking the fourth wall in your prologue had no point for me. Nor the times when you stopped to tell me something. I am accepting this as one of the characters in the story. Because the point of it was sketchy at best.
  
  The real problem outside of the narrator scolding the reader is this story has such an odd arc. Essentially Sneer is following people under the guise of being invisible to his marks. However two of them beat the crap out of him.
  
  Well, he did get a book about the town of York. So I guess that is something.
  
  I'm all for unconventional stories or experimental plots. But this was vague and the ending lacked any real punch.
  
  I'd chalk this to me not understanding it because I was so impressed by your skill with words, yet disappointed in the story line.
  
  I didn't see much mystery or suspense here.
  
  I'd like to read some of your other writing before making a decision, but writing - great - plot - not so.
  
  Thanks for allowing me to read your work.
  
  ~
  M read
• 
  Sneer's Interior World
  A review of City of the Past
  by dunphoid on 05/26/2012
  Your good writing helped me to feel for Sneer and imagine him. Memories of Kafka returned to me as I read. The setting of York was well described and evocative, especially with the Roman history adding depth to the surroundings. Sneer was thought provoking for me. He came across as this quiet little man living from day to day, driving onwards, taking interest in things and... Your good writing helped me to feel for Sneer and imagine him. Memories of Kafka returned to me as I read. The setting of York was well described and evocative, especially with the Roman history adding depth to the surroundings. Sneer was thought provoking for me. He came across as this quiet little man living from day to day, driving onwards, taking interest in things and trying to enjoy the moment. In doing so, he's faced with persecution and lack of understanding.
  
  The contemptuous, crude, 'author' element didn't click for me. It placed a bit of a wall between my imagination and Daniel Sneer's investigation. Even when Daniel was actively investigating, I still had that 'author' from the opening niggling in my brain. Again, I felt disappointed to see the return of the 'author' at the end. I personally would have found the story a little more satisying if the 'author' element was removed. I love the ending"I have found that replacement". It's really punchy and I feel that's the best way to end.
  
  Ultimately, it was enjoyable to enter into Sneer's world and see things as he sees them. While the ending could be seen as very sad and lonely, to me it is bittersweet because he still has his learning to look forward to. His interior world is still very much alive.
  
  Thanks for the read. This was very enjoyable. read
• 
  post-modern story about a displaced man.
  A review of City of the Past
  by asankagurusinghe on 05/17/2012
  From the start, the author addresses the reader and comments on the action as a story. The protagonist stalks a man and then visits a bookshop. Was it influenced by Milan Kundera? I'm not particularly into Kundera's style personally. It was a short, relatively easy read. In terms of criticism, I’m not sure what the point of the last paragraph was. Perhaps to get more impression... From the start, the author addresses the reader and comments on the action as a story. The protagonist stalks a man and then visits a bookshop. Was it influenced by Milan Kundera? I'm not particularly into Kundera's style personally.
  
  It was a short, relatively easy read. In terms of criticism, I’m not sure what the point of the last paragraph was. Perhaps to get more impression of the guy, there could be more dialogue? Would this be part of some interlinking stories featuring the other characters? I'm not sure that I got the intention of the story, it read quite well. read
• 
  New Rome York
  A review of City of the Past
  by micmacmoviemaker on 05/16/2012
  Like you, I'm kind of on the fence about this, metaphysically or not. I liked the straight forward, matter-of-fact descriptions but the point of the whole thing was lost on me, which may very well be what the point is. Or not. I don't know. I thought Sneer's (great name) physical description should have come earlier than it did. I don't know what you meant when you said... Like you, I'm kind of on the fence about this, metaphysically or not. I liked the straight forward, matter-of-fact descriptions but the point of the whole thing was lost on me, which may very well be what the point is. Or not. I don't know.
  
  I thought Sneer's (great name) physical description should have come earlier than it did. I don't know what you meant when you said that criminals were "crushed" in a certain area. Literally crushed for their societal transgressions? Also, I didn't feel that "majestically" was the proper word in the context it was used.
  
  Sorry I couldn't be more of a help on this one. It either went over or under my head. I'm not quite sure which. And I will likely forget it soon but 
someone
once told
 me 
that in
 order
 to
 forget
 about 
one
 thing
 it
 has
 to
 be
 replaced
 by
 another, and 
I
 think
 I
 have 
found 
that 
replacement; the next short story I am about to read.

  
  Thanks for uploading and keep on writing. read
• 
  Free Will for A Lost Soul
  A review of City of the Past
  by Mike Wolfson on 05/01/2012
  Hi Max, I know “City of The Past” is an experimental deviation from your usual work as you told me yourself. It takes writers courage to do just that and I think you’ve had a good run at it. The story is about one man, Daniel Sneer. Sneer reflects on his own life, the life he used to lead, and the happier but simpler life he leads now. The irony exists in the fact that society,... Hi Max,
  
  I know “City of The Past” is an experimental deviation from your usual work as you told me yourself. It takes writers courage to do just that and I think you’ve had a good run at it.
  
  The story is about one man, Daniel Sneer. Sneer reflects on his own life, the life he used to lead, and the happier but simpler life he leads now. The irony exists in the fact that society, certainly in relation to Sneer’s current status, wouldn’t see it that way. Even charity is denied him, and aggressively so. Well, I think that metaphor was there.
  
  I’m not sure if the fight with the man actually takes place or whether it’s playing out in Sneer’s mind. It actually doesn’t matter as the fight – I believe again – is more of a metaphor for the inner turmoil that haunts Sneer.
  
  There is some really great observation in this story. Great observation always makes any story better, but it really helped with this one. I found myself at times reflecting on parts of my own life. That’s a huge compliment. Although, it took me two reads to start to get to grips with the story, and three reads to feel really comfortable with it. (Yep, follow up a compliment with a low blow). However, that’s more down to the style which you’ve adopted for the story, rather than any clumsy writing ability. This one needs time investment.
  
  My favourite piece of observation starts on page 3:
  “This is just like old times…” and finishes on page 4 with “…and that’s exactly what I’m doing now.”
  
  My writer’s intuition tells me – maybe incorrectly - that there’s quite a bit of the real Max Watt tucked away inside this story, and particularly so in the section I’ve referenced. Many apologies, if I’m way off the mark. Ahem, and I’m talking about inner thoughts not necessarily situations.
  
  It’s a lost souls tale, but the hope is there, as is happiness…ultimately.
  
  Improvements? Well, let’s call them points for consideration.
  
  As an exercise try this: Read the story again but miss out the opening two paragraphs from the author. Miss out the author comment on page 3 about being lazy. Miss out the final author paragraph. Ask yourself what difference has it made to the story?
  
  So I’m saying edit out the ‘author’ comments? Well, not necessarily which is why I used the term points for consideration, and here comes the second consideration. Re-write those author sections. I think ‘City of The Past’ is exceptionally well written from beginning to end, except those sections. It struck me that you were inadvertently relying on attitude to carry those sections. Keep the attitude but polish the prose too. Apologies!
  
  The third point of consideration is to weave the voice of the author all the way through the narrative. I’m going to send you an email to accompany this review. There’ll be a one page attachment as an example of what I mean.
  
  Overall I liked it. I may or may not have understood everything. Maybe I was a pretentious knob and looked too deeply at some sections. Hopefully, I got it, please let me know if any comments are way off the mark. Finally: On my first read through I would have probably have marked this with approx four averages and two goods. When I started writing this review I’d read the story three times. Now, as I finish the review I’ve actually read it five times. It gets better with every read, and I’d give it straight goods in all categories. It has potential if it’s developed.
  
  Take care – Mike
  
  Reading Notes / General Thoughts:
  
  Daniel Sneer – Great character name. I’d even say Dickensian.
  P.3 - (I’m too lazy to make up street names, so I’ve used real ones. Does that make it better?) – Irrespective of previous comments I really don’t like that line. You’ve set this story in York…a real city…so why would you make up street names anyway?
  P.4 - The man threw Sneer to the ground, the force with which he did so lacking. – Incomplete sentence? I wasn’t sure if a word was missing or whether I was misreading the line.
  P.4 - He stood up, staggering forwards, holding his back, and trying to save face. - Consider a slight revision: He stood up, staggered forwards, held his back, and tried to save face.
  One more: He stood up, staggered forwards, held his back, and saved face. read
• 
  City of the Past is oh so now.
  A review of City of the Past
  by zokyo on 02/20/2012
  It was well written, though I got the impression that the author was trying to be a little too hip and po mo, kind of came across as being self conscious in parts. Little bit too much swearing for my liking, didn't seem necessary. Needed to be fleshed out, the story was a little bit too jumbled and unclear, maybe that was the intention, maybe I'm not getting something. If...
  It was well written, though I got the impression that the author was trying to be a little too hip and po mo, kind of came across as being self conscious in parts. Little bit too much swearing for my liking, didn't seem necessary. Needed to be fleshed out, the story was a little bit too jumbled and unclear, maybe that was the intention, maybe I'm not getting something. If the intention was to have no clear resolution then the author succeeded, though it comes across as sloppy if that's the case. read
• 
  Really liked it. Raised a lot of interesting questions.
  A review of City of the Past
  by vieira4 on 02/08/2012
  I like the way you tell the reader enough to make some assumptions about the narrator, but don't spell everything out for them. I wonder what Sneer did in the charity shop to make the owner hate him? Your random defensive interjections - are you telling a story about someone telling a story that he doesn't like the thought of people being apathetic about? Interesting. The... I like the way you tell the reader enough to make some assumptions about the narrator, but don't spell everything out for them. I wonder what Sneer did in the charity shop to make the owner hate him?
  
  Your random defensive interjections - are you telling a story about someone telling a story that he doesn't like the thought of people being apathetic about? Interesting.
  
  The paragraph about happiness is utterly brilliant. "I want to be like them but to be like them as me". How many times have I felt that? I feel that young people who are in the early stages of becoming slightly depressive would find that paragraph very comforting, in the sense of knowing they're not alone.
  
  Small nitpick; a lot of your sentences are too long, and would benefit from being broken up. Examples:
  
  First line of second paragraph could use a semicolon instead of a comma after "didn't refrain him"
  Use a full stop and start a new sentence after "a mile or so away from town".
  
  Other than that - great. Really interesting and creative. read