Reviews of Daisy, Daisy . . . 24

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  Daisy, Daisy . . . - A Review
  A review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  by Michael Leath on 05/03/2013
  Well, that was interesting. A totally different story than the usual fare. You wrote this well, and kept the lighthearted tone throughout. The real in congruent aspect to this is the girl and the bug are evidently English and they are in San Francisco. Perhaps you meant it as such. Just a little different. However, being in San Fran, Jill could be on the happy pills. Nice... Well, that was interesting. A totally different story than the usual fare.
  
  You wrote this well, and kept the lighthearted tone throughout.
  
  The real in congruent aspect to this is the girl and the bug are evidently English and they are in San Francisco. Perhaps you meant it as such. Just a little different.
  
  However, being in San Fran, Jill could be on the happy pills.
  
  Nice story. Nothing that will furrow the brow or cause one to peel back from revulsion. I'm now interested in reading more of your work
  
  Thanks for sharing
  ~
  M read
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  Daisy, Daisy, you made my Day!
  A review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  by writermorris on 02/20/2013
  Wow! How original was this? As far as I'm aware this is the first piece I've reviewed of this writers, I've been missing out! I adored this for it's sheer wit and sparkle, when I review other stories I can normally spot an influence or two, I get a bit fed up with vampire stories and murder sprees, so to have something that's new to me was a refreshing change. The story is... Wow! How original was this? As far as I'm aware this is the first piece I've reviewed of this writers, I've been missing out! I adored this for it's sheer wit and sparkle, when I review other stories I can normally spot an influence or two, I get a bit fed up with vampire stories and murder sprees, so to have something that's new to me was a refreshing change. The story is simple but confusing, if you go along with the narrator been able to talk to a ladybird you've more or less got the story, it doesn't really go anywhere, but it had the most wonderful lines. The bit about "the houses passing by, a variety of pastels slipping down the slope a millimetere at a time." and " They don't do that dress in minus six." and the line about the socks " When they say one size fits all"
  
  This is classy well thought out writing, I loved it to bits! Thank you. read
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  Review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  A review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  by covofdark on 06/29/2012
  Hey J. West, Daisy, Daisy... is a wonderful short story. The character feels real and authentic from the moment she wakes right through to the end. It is colorful in description without being overly prosy. I have to say; it is up there in some of the best-written work I have read on Trigger Street. Almost perfectly written, and I am of not much help. I enjoyed the story... Hey J. West,
  
  Daisy, Daisy... is a wonderful short story. The character feels real and authentic from the moment she wakes right through to the end. It is colorful in description without being overly prosy.
  
  I have to say; it is up there in some of the best-written work I have read on Trigger Street. Almost perfectly written, and I am of not much help. I enjoyed the story immensely for its simplicity and entertain value.
  
  I could even see this produced into a weekly children’s show. Daisy, Daisy... is top of line as far as a short story goes, and can be easily expanded on for further chapters. It is an enjoyable read. Best of luck. read
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  A Talking Bug that Drinks Coffee?
  A review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 05/30/2012
  J. West's weird story "Daisy, Daisy" concerns an overly-caffeinated woman who is befriended by a talking bug that drinks coffee and scopes out men. Points for originality go to West, although her purple prose and padded sentences count against her. Too many adjectives clutter the sentences; most of page one is unnecessary because, really, what does the snooze button have to... J. West's weird story "Daisy, Daisy" concerns an overly-caffeinated woman who is befriended by a talking bug that drinks coffee and scopes out men. Points for originality go to West, although her purple prose and padded sentences count against her. Too many adjectives clutter the sentences; most of page one is unnecessary because, really, what does the snooze button have to do with anything in the plot? There's not much else to say regarding plot because there is no plot, just an incident depicted in an informal lilting fashion. read
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  The Music of Narrative
  A review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  by MaxWatt on 05/21/2012
  Brilliant! A narrative that has rhythm, that skips along to the sound of music. The sentences demand to be followed, they join together without pause, flowing and dancing along until the end. The peculiarity of it puts us inside the narrator's mind, an excellent method of character development. Is it intentional the way you make the reader wonder just why the ladybird is talking... Brilliant! A narrative that has rhythm, that skips along to the sound of music. The sentences demand to be followed, they join together without pause, flowing and dancing along until the end. The peculiarity of it puts us inside the narrator's mind, an excellent method of character development.
  
  Is it intentional the way you make the reader wonder just why the ladybird is talking to a human? And how? Because that's a strength in it, is it a hallucination or is it simply her imagination... is she just up in the clouds?
  
  I guess I'll never know, but you got me thinking, and that's a good thing. Perhaps you could do with more of a hint at why. Only subtle of course, as the rest of it is. That's my only gripe. There's no flaw to your character, she just steps on a train and talks to a ladybird and that's it.
  
  Good job. This just needs more explanation. read
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  neurotic... it fits with the Rumble of a BART Train
  A review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  by sc1r on 05/02/2012
  I like the neurosis of this... its chaotic and the first paragraph on page 3 sums it up. It's fast .. it flits and then it moves. At first, I was kind of put off, but this crept up on you and captured the imagination. The UK English threw me off at first. I certainly wasn't expecting that, once I shifted my paradigm I was able to let go and enjoy this short happy bit. page... I like the neurosis of this... its chaotic and the first paragraph on page 3 sums it up.
  It's fast .. it flits and then it moves.
  
  At first, I was kind of put off, but this crept up on you and captured the imagination. The UK English threw me off at first. I certainly wasn't expecting that, once I shifted my paradigm I was able to let go and enjoy this short happy bit.
  
  page 1 shades rest on the top of me head ... ? ahh okay.. me head colour... I get it now.
  
  bart should be capitalized no?
  Missing comma after unexpectedly and before bart (second pag.)
  Descriptions go from pink to lemon... stick with the fruit .. maybe try watermelon for pink.
  I cant help but laugh perhaps instead of laughing. read
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  Not my type of story but very unique...
  A review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  by Misery on 05/12/2010
  I'm not totally sure what to think of this story. It's definitely not my type of story but it was unique and I can honestly say I have never read another story like it. From the title I guess this was a short story challenge or something. As well as the story was written and with how defined the character's personality I felt that as a whole it was lacking. At first as the... I'm not totally sure what to think of this story. It's definitely not my type of story but it was unique and I can honestly say I have never read another story like it. From the title I guess this was a short story challenge or something. As well as the story was written and with how defined the character's personality I felt that as a whole it was lacking. At first as the character got out of bed I found it interesting. I was at a bit of lost as to where I was and thought maybe adding a small description of the surroundings would help orient the reader. I thought lack of scenery description was one of your two main problems. The other main problem was that your story sort of trailed off somewhere. I found it pleasant and a nice break from writing but as the story continued I found myself wanting direction. The first part was a good beginning but after that I quickly began to realize that the story would not be wrapped up cleanly. Also, at some points I began to get lost in the dialogue, trying to figure out what the point of certain lines were. Often reading diologue out loud helps me figure out what works best. And don't be afraid to cut out lines that don't seem to lead in the right direction. I think if you revisit this story that you need to come up with a cleaner story structure and ending. Just remember that each sentence should be important and move the story forward. read
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  love it
  A review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 03/30/2010
  Yes, absolutely, I loved this light-hearted little romp and could almost smell the sunshine! What a wonderful way to begin the day, in a yellow dress with a daisy on the shoulder and a smile on your face. The interaction with the other commuters was nicely done, observations only too clever regarding the ipod-isms. This tiny piece actually made me feel better after reading... Yes, absolutely, I loved this light-hearted little romp and could almost smell the sunshine! What a wonderful way to begin the day, in a yellow dress with a daisy on the shoulder and a smile on your face. The interaction with the other commuters was nicely done, observations only too clever regarding the ipod-isms. This tiny piece actually made me feel better after reading it and how many works can boast that? Now I'm longing for that daily glimpse of the valley...and of course a latte. Well Done. read
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  Cute
  A review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  by CultHero on 03/14/2010
  A cute, bubbly read. The flow was good and the characters were interesting, especially considering one of them wasn't human. I did however notice a spot or two where me and my were confused (I know it's common for me to be used instead of my as in 'I really enjoy me cuppa tea in the morning' but me and my were both used for the same thing). I liked the concept of the ladybug... A cute, bubbly read. The flow was good and the characters were interesting, especially considering one of them wasn't human.
  I did however notice a spot or two where me and my were confused (I know it's common for me to be used instead of my as in 'I really enjoy me cuppa tea in the morning' but me and my were both used for the same thing).
  I liked the concept of the ladybug as a character, quite a different approach. read
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  A Few Dark Tendrils
  A review of Daisy, Daisy . . .
  by MSchmidt13 on 02/09/2010
  Aloha! Took me a minute but I finally got to check this one out. Suits my tastes just dandy. I told someone else this in a previous review but it bears stating again: the world could always use more "thwacks". Two cool characters. Maggie is a fun little bug with a little wit. "...minus six..." heh heh. I like that you offer no explanations or deeper examinations and simply... Aloha! Took me a minute but I finally got to check this one out. Suits my tastes just dandy.
  
  I told someone else this in a previous review but it bears stating again: the world could always use more "thwacks".
  
  Two cool characters. Maggie is a fun little bug with a little wit. "...minus six..." heh heh.
  
  I like that you offer no explanations or deeper examinations and simply offer the story on a surface level to take as one is so inclined.
  
  The writing itself is also rich and textured.
  
  Hope these comments assist in some facet.
  
  Cheers! read