Reviews of Date to Die. 19

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  The Return of Groundhog Day
  A review of Date to Die.
  by tmadden on 07/17/2011
  Okay. You know when you're going to die so that makes you invincible for the time being. Reminded me of Bill Murray driving head-on along train tracks toward a fast moving train. Next scene: another day not any older. This short story is kind of fun to contemplate and had a cute ironic twist and the mercifully quick ending. Personally I don't want to know when. And if I did,... Okay. You know when you're going to die so that makes you invincible for the time being. Reminded me of Bill Murray driving head-on along train tracks toward a fast moving train. Next scene: another day not any older. This short story is kind of fun to contemplate and had a cute ironic twist and the mercifully quick ending. Personally I don't want to know when. And if I did, I'd probably read voraciously so I can die well read. Or I'd write thousands of short stories and die prolifically. My epitaph: Here lies a very well read guy! Or lies Mr. prolific. As the story hints, fame from immortality is overrated and undeserved and might even come back to haunt you, but I'm afraid I found it only mildly interesting to consider. I suspect that most people knowing the Grim Reapers appointment time would paralyze themselves on anti-depressants and be too stoned to enjoy themselves. I do like the TCM endless reruns touch as a fitting tribute punishment. I like the breezy writing style and irrelevancies also were kind a cute. That's all for now. My daughter is inquiring if I have a will. read
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  Date to Die Review
  A review of Date to Die.
  by eiltory on 07/04/2011
  This was an interesting idea - that one might know the exact day their earthly selves cease to exist. I also was intrigued by the numerous ways your main character attempted to "beat the clock" to no avail. The idea of a reality show was grimly funny - it seems any idea will make it to TV sooner or later. I noted several spelling errors which can easily be corrected - there,... This was an interesting idea - that one might know the exact day their earthly selves cease to exist. I also was intrigued by the numerous ways your main character attempted to "beat the clock" to no avail. The idea of a reality show was grimly funny - it seems any idea will make it to TV sooner or later.
  
  I noted several spelling errors which can easily be corrected - there, their - were used incorrectly for example.
  
  Overall, I feel the story has a good concept and just needs some editing for spelling. read
• 
  dead man walking
  A review of Date to Die.
  by bigheadx on 06/14/2011
  Thanks for the opportunity to read this amusing short story. You have done a lot with an interesting, if familiar, concept, but a variety of punctuation and formatting errors slowed the read down quite a bit. Composed in a way that suggested its inclusion in some magazine's monthly humor column, this meant character development was kept to a minimum. Unfortunately, there... Thanks for the opportunity to read this amusing short story. You have done a lot with an interesting, if familiar, concept, but a variety of punctuation and formatting errors slowed the read down quite a bit.
  
  Composed in a way that suggested its inclusion in some magazine's monthly humor column, this meant character development was kept to a minimum. Unfortunately, there was also very little thematic development here, so the author's world-view remains unknown. Perhaps if readers knew more about the character they would better understand (and enjoy) how he decides to respond to the Devil's little experiment.
  
  Good luck!
  
  TYPOS - WORD CHOICE - GRAMMAR - [suggestions]
  
  there annual board - their annual board [other errors like this elsewhere]
  
  Cold hard facts & a theory. - Cold hard facts and a theory.
  
  Unfortunately terminally ill people don’t - Unfortunately, terminally ill people don’t
  
  playboy playmates - Playboy Playmates
  
  I.V drips that wont allow them - I.V drips that won't allow them
  
  throat to hold em back - throat to hold 'em back
  
  Christmas present they fucking chose me. - Christmas present, they fucking chose me.
  
  Your right, that’s not important - You're right, that’s not important
  
  Knowing your fates a powerful burden. - Knowing your fate's a powerful burden.
  
  Funny thing, once I plummeted to the earth - [awkward sentence, read aloud and see why]
  
  In fact I just got up standing in the person shaped crater - In fact, I just got up standing in the person-shaped crater
  
  Undeterred I bought a shotgun - Undeterred, I bought a shotgun [other examples of this, but you get the idea]
  
  Nothing, zilge, nada. - Nothing, zilch, nada.
  
  l I’d stood in front off just minute’s earlier - l I’d stood in front off just minutes earlier [but funny!]
  
  You see I was given a date to die - You see, I was given a date to die
  
  Your right, that’s not important - You're right, that’s not important
  
  run over, poisoned, hell even blown - run over, poisoned -- hell, even blown
  
  “I’d just like to thank you” I say gratefully “Thanks to your experiment I - “I’d just like to thank you,” I say gratefully. “Thanks to your experiment I read
• 
  Date to Die
  A review of Date to Die.
  by YeahHi on 02/14/2011
  Very funny ending. Great premise! This is a high concept Jim Carrey movie waiting to be pitched. I liked the ‘irrelevant” facts bit of business and I’m glad you carried it through the story. -- Moses lived to be 120 years old. Your right, that’s not important and completely irrelevant. -- And also Britney Spears Birthday incidentally . . . Your right, that’s not important... Very funny ending. Great premise! This is a high concept Jim Carrey movie waiting to be pitched.
  
  I liked the ‘irrelevant” facts bit of business and I’m glad you carried it through the story.
  -- Moses lived to be 120 years old. Your right, that’s not important and completely irrelevant.
  -- And also Britney Spears Birthday incidentally . . . Your right, that’s not important
  -- You know peanuts are one of the common ingredients of dynamite . . . . Your right, that’s not important right now either
  -- Your right, that’s not important, stop stalling. Your dead.
  
  *You’re*, not *your*, dead. Check usage of *your* and *you’re* throughout. Also, see this: http://www.whosay.com/countingcrows/photos/10096?code=AdJ7KX (LOL)
  
  Zilge – is this Yiddish for zilch? ;D
  
  The jump to this was abrupt and needs more explanation:
  -- My show was the highest rated show on satellite television. So big we took it to pay per view after the first month. People would pay thousands and travel the globe just to sit in the audience.
  
  I think it would be stronger if the Reaper was brought in earlier during the character’s rise to fame. This whole “make a mockery” is a great source of conflict that should be exploited throughout. Also, it could cause the Reaper to reconsider whether it would be good PR to actually kill our hero. This would give us a false sense of hope and make the ending (and our hero’s ending) more powerful.
  
  It’s a funny end. Love the DVD plug.
  
  Fun read!
  Shauna read
• 
  Date to Die
  A review of Date to Die.
  by Suesea on 09/23/2010
  This story has a different structure. It was simple and direct as though the narrator is talking right to the reader. Parts of it were entertaining, but the structure as a whole made the story less believable. Granted, the subject matter isn't believable anyway, but it made it harder to suspend belief and get caught up in the tale. Some bits of the story are humorous and... This story has a different structure. It was simple and direct as though the narrator is talking right to the reader. Parts of it were entertaining, but the structure as a whole made the story less believable. Granted, the subject matter isn't believable anyway, but it made it harder to suspend belief and get caught up in the tale.
  
  Some bits of the story are humorous and the simplicity helped in that fashion. Maybe a combination of the simple, direct style of writing and some more complex sentences would compliment each other?
  
  It would also help to have some setting described that fits the scene as it occurs on the page and some character description. The fleshing out of the setting and characters will add to the tone and mood you wish to evoke in the reader.
  
  Good luck with this.
  
  Suesea read
• 
  You Kill Me
  A review of Date to Die.
  by LBarbarell on 04/20/2010
  Somewhere in here is the basis for a good story. I like the idea that, faced with a definite “expiration date,” your main character decides to lead the guaranteed remainder of his life by capitalizing on the media appeal of his (temporary) invincibility. But there is no real setup to the story: no scene showing a visitation from Death to explain the “experiment.” So, instead... Somewhere in here is the basis for a good story. I like the idea that, faced with a definite “expiration date,” your main character decides to lead the guaranteed remainder of his life by capitalizing on the media appeal of his (temporary) invincibility. But there is no real setup to the story: no scene showing a visitation from Death to explain the “experiment.” So, instead of telling a story, I feel as if you’re merely describing the premise.
  
  Beyond that, we learn little about the main character except perhaps that he’s reckless. He instantly attempts his first suicide just to find out if he will die. It’s hard for us to identify with a character based on one trait, especially an odd trait. So we don’t really root for him.
  
  The story’s principal drawbacks are the spelling and grammar, which need a lot of work.
  
  So, high marks for concept, but you’ve got some development to do.
  
  Page Notes:
  
  P.2: “there annual board meeting…” Use “their.”
  
  Various Pages: “Your” is used instead of “you’re.”
  
  
  
  read
• 
  Good idea, shame about the lack of content
  A review of Date to Die.
  by pan_kez on 03/19/2010
  This story was an easy read. I did have trouble with the misuse of 'there' when it should have been 'their' and 'fates' instead of 'fate's'. Spellcheck would have been useless. The concept was good. I liked the idea of a dead person telling his story. For the characters, there is only the narrator and death. I was disappointed because you have no idea who is telling this... This story was an easy read. I did have trouble with the misuse of 'there' when it should have been 'their' and 'fates' instead of 'fate's'. Spellcheck would have been useless. The concept was good. I liked the idea of a dead person telling his story. For the characters, there is only the narrator and death. I was disappointed because you have no idea who is telling this story as you are not introduced to the dead person who is narrating it. I felt that I was propelled along too fast with what was happening and then it was over. read
• 
  Review of "Date to Die"
  A review of Date to Die.
  by Paul Iacono on 02/08/2010
  Ok, I gotta say… as a short story, this fails, but as a CONCEPT…. It’s freakin’ hilarious. The idea of a guy who knows he can’t die, turning his life into a “See If You Can Kill Me” reality show??!@!# This is pure gold! Dude, you GOTTA expand this! If you can’t make this into a workable screenplay then hand it to someone else here on TS and claim 50%! Look… you’ve put... Ok, I gotta say… as a short story, this fails, but as a CONCEPT…. It’s freakin’ hilarious. The idea of a guy who knows he can’t die, turning his life into a “See If You Can Kill Me” reality show??!@!# This is pure gold!
  
  Dude, you GOTTA expand this! If you can’t make this into a workable screenplay then hand it to someone else here on TS and claim 50%!
  
  Look… you’ve put together a trifle here, couldn’t have taken you more than an hour to write -- am I right? But expand this into a full story, put some work into it, and a year from now you could be sitting next to Jack Black on set, sipping a martini and having your mani/pedi done by some Hollywood babe who’s “dumb enough to screw the writer”… as the old joke goes.
  
  Do it! DOOOO IIIIIIIIIT!@!#
  
  A few specifics that don’t really matter:
  
  1 – several places, “there” should be “their”
  
  “climb that mountain or – ahem – sex goddess” FUNNY!!
  
  Page 3 – its should be it’s, fates should be fate’s
  
  Many more typos… you’ve probably already been alerted to them so I won’t waste my time or yours. Just do yourself and the world a favor and make something more of this. K? read
• 
  Date to Die Review
  A review of Date to Die.
  by sc1r on 02/01/2010
  Made me laugh. The story read very fast and was amusing. I like the sarcasm of getting off the storyline and bringing it back. Death, I could see his appalled facial expressions. You might have developed that. Making a mockery of death, loved it. And Yes I am waiting for the box DVD set. There are possibilities with this witty little story. Below are some of the things that...
  Made me laugh. The story read very fast and was amusing. I like the sarcasm of getting off the storyline and bringing it back. Death, I could see his appalled facial expressions. You might have developed that. Making a mockery of death, loved it. And Yes I am waiting for the box DVD set. There are possibilities with this witty little story. Below are some of the things that struck me as I went through the story.
  
  Lolloping. This word was confusing to me. I would have chosen another word. And in the same sentence, “.. like an unwanted Christmas present.”
  
  Not being an English major, I would think this sentence could use a comma before the word then.”If the last thing I do is mess up there little experiment then that’s what I’ll do.” There are other instances as well, again my disclaimer. “You see I was given a date to die and on that very day, December 2nd ...” After you see I believe a comma was in order. I will leave the technical English for other more competent reviewers after this statement.
  
  This sentence made me read 3 times to understand what you were conveying. “Funny thing, once I plummeted to the earth at a thousand miles per hour and crashed hard into the solid cement street below, which fucking hurt by the way, was I saw no light at the end of the tunnel coming towards me, no gates of heaven or fires of hell.” I did get a good chuckle from the person shaped crater in the following sentence. Thanks!
  
  “Nothing, zilge, nada.” I think you were wanting zilch and not zilge. read
• 
  RE: DATE TO DIE
  A review of Date to Die.
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 11/30/2009
  I won't say I died laughing, but this has got some chuckles in it. It's not so much a short story as it is a rant, but I really enjoyed it. It’s brimming over with wisecracks and wit, and from start to finish it’s quite a ride. Part parody, part satire, it’s a romp that I was sorry to see end -- his life and his story. The only way this gets any better is if it’s a screenplay,... I won't say I died laughing, but this has got some chuckles in it. It's not so much a short story as it is a rant, but I really enjoyed it. It’s brimming over with wisecracks and wit, and from start to finish it’s quite a ride. Part parody, part satire, it’s a romp that I was sorry to see end -- his life and his story. The only way this gets any better is if it’s a screenplay, which would allow more room for developing each suicidal episode for maximum effect and intensity. I’m sitting here with a migraine headache, gritting my teeth this morning, and YOU MADE ME LAUGH!!! Thanks. Seriously, develop this into something more. It’s like anything that’s good. You just naturally want more. Good job.
  
  Fates should be fate’s, because the way it’s used makes it short for fate is.
  
  Armies should be army’s because it’s not plural (armies) it’s possessive (army’s).
  
  Your right should be you’re right, short for you are right.
  read