Reviews of Donnie Mckavee 12

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  Review: Donnie Mckavee
  A review of Donnie Mckavee
  by writermorris on 04/14/2013
  Sometimes there is s story on TS that is so original but simple in concept that you wonder why you as a writer didn't think of it first! One of the problems with having this reviewed on TS is that this piece is so 'English' that I wonder if the Americans will 'get' a lot of the references, for instance I thought your description of Scarborough was classic, and I'll remember... Sometimes there is s story on TS that is so original but simple in concept that you wonder why you as a writer didn't think of it first! One of the problems with having this reviewed on TS is that this piece is so 'English' that I wonder if the Americans will 'get' a lot of the references, for instance I thought your description of Scarborough was classic, and I'll remember a line like ' sagging speedos' for a long time. I thought this was a wonderful tale, we've all met the Donnie's of this world, selfish self absorbed bastard that he is. The more I read of this the more I thought the BBC would love to do it as a one off TV play. Your writing is very, very visual. Great short story. High marks from me. read
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  MCKAVEE'S COMEUPPANCE
  A review of Donnie Mckavee
  by Tripsheet Revision on 12/10/2011
  This is a jewel. Were the text to be tidied up, there’s little doubt I’d consider it a classic, a great read. The only negative in the whole thing are the huge gaps, the breakaway sentences, without punctuation, the hyphens where proper punctuation is needed. I think you Brits have the most engaging way of addressing yourselves and others, and it’s all very authentically... This is a jewel. Were the text to be tidied up, there’s little doubt I’d consider it a classic, a great read. The only negative in the whole thing are the huge gaps, the breakaway sentences, without punctuation, the hyphens where proper punctuation is needed. I think you Brits have the most engaging way of addressing yourselves and others, and it’s all very authentically staged here. The development of Donnie’s character, or lack of same, is smoothly done. Alan and Elsie are easy to see in the mind’s eye as well. Beyond the rather careless way the story is presented visually I can think of nothing negative to say. And I hate saying as much as I have. Really a sharp eye at work here, a writer who has observed people actively, I’d guess, for quite some time. Thank you for the privilege of reading your fine story.
  
  On the last page you don’t really need the words, For Alan. Trust your readers to get it. It’s very sweet, and by now we’re emotionally invested, so it’s doubtful we’ll miss it.
  
  There are more than a few clever lines here. Once is certainly: 'They hate you less than yesterday.' And describing his approach to the funeral ceremony as being ‘against the grain’ is inspired. read
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  great writing
  A review of Donnie Mckavee
  by mannyblocker on 04/01/2010
  Good read, it flowed very well and was easy to follow. The relationship between Donnie and Alan was very interesting, as if they needed each other more than just using each other to get things done. I also like how you slowly transitioned Elsie into Donnie's secluded world, but it wasn't forced, it worked naturally which made it feel more authentic. The only thing for me... Good read, it flowed very well and was easy to follow. The relationship between Donnie and Alan was very interesting, as if they needed each other more than just using each other to get things done.
  
  I also like how you slowly transitioned Elsie into Donnie's secluded world, but it wasn't forced, it worked naturally which made it feel more authentic. The only thing for me personally was that the story seemed to move slowly, or shall I say getting to the more exciting parts. I would have just like for the story to pick up a bit sooner and have a little more conflict happen, but that's me personally. But the story was really good and I think the writing was superb. read
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  DONNIE IN PARADISE
  A review of Donnie Mckavee
  by gclifton on 03/10/2010
  You've certainly done a fine job of delivering the story of a bitter, miserable old codger, so self centered he ponders his popularity at another man's funeral. Alan is symbolic evidence of many more like him in the world laboring to the whims of an ingrate who literally is without wheels when the domesticated mule fails. I thought the story might end by Donnie wheeling himself... You've certainly done a fine job of delivering the story of a bitter, miserable old codger, so self centered he ponders his popularity at another man's funeral. Alan is symbolic evidence of many more like him in the world laboring to the whims of an ingrate who literally is without wheels when the domesticated mule fails. I thought the story might end by Donnie wheeling himself off the cliff.
  
  If I was a just a tad more artistic, I could perhaps read something more significant than pure venom into Donnie's ability to walk and drive, having gotten a free ride in the meanwhile.
  
  Writing style is sparkling, filled with catchy phrsess and excellent visuals. read
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  Quite surprised
  A review of Donnie Mckavee
  by Wordlover on 09/17/2009
  I have never read a story written this way. I didn't think I'd care much for it, but to my surprise you kept my attention and made me eager to see what Donnie would do next. I enjoyed it, though there were a few times I felt as if you had had some snap thoughts and that's how you got me where you wanted the reader to be. You did a good job in showing the emotional side of Donnie... I have never read a story written this way. I didn't think I'd care much for it, but to my surprise you kept my attention and made me eager to see what Donnie would do next. I enjoyed it, though there were a few times I felt as if you had had some snap thoughts and that's how you got me where you wanted the reader to be. You did a good job in showing the emotional side of Donnie. In the beginning I thought he was a bastard feeling sorry for himself but you allowed me to see how the emotions were being played. Quite enjoyable. read
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  Donnie bastardo turns nice
  A review of Donnie Mckavee
  by Raro on 06/18/2009
  To me, this story is about the transformation of Donnie, a grumpy, cantankerous, bastard, into a more likeable and generous soul. The irony in the story is that the first tremours of this transformation appear in he confesses to his only---and hitherto maltreated ---friend that he may be warming to him. However, the confession has fallen on deaf ears because the friend died... To me, this story is about the transformation of Donnie, a grumpy, cantankerous, bastard, into a more likeable and generous soul. The irony in the story is that the first tremours of this transformation appear in he confesses to his only---and hitherto maltreated ---friend that he may be warming to him. However, the confession has fallen on deaf ears because the friend died during Donnie's monologue.
  
  This is a gentle story and there is some very nice descriptive language in here ("The sun has chipped a neat slot through the thin clouds"), although there are some unnecessary cliched phrases near the beginning ("his eyes, being windows to the soul", "short end of the stick"). Generally the punctuation is good, although more care needs to be taken with quotation marks and commas.
  
  However, the main problem I have with this story is that the transformation just isn't that interesting (of course this is my personal taste). Perhaps this aspect might be improved by more backstory/description of Donnie's mannerisms/quirks etc. Also, I felt it read a little uneasily in the present tense, but, again, this is probably more a matter of personal taste.
  
  After reading this story, I am left with some of the strong imagery imprinted in my mind. Beautifully constructed. Very nice. read
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  Ah, Grasshopper!
  A review of Donnie Mckavee
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 06/14/2009
  I'm thankful that joining the community has given me the opportunity to read your work - it's obvious you've got something a little special that should rightly be appreciated the world over, if it's not already. I suppose it's what TS is all about, but this piece offers a lesson in writing good short stories, at the same time being a compelling and entertaining read. Although... I'm thankful that joining the community has given me the opportunity to read your work - it's obvious you've got something a little special that should rightly be appreciated the world over, if it's not already.
  
  I suppose it's what TS is all about, but this piece offers a lesson in writing good short stories, at the same time being a compelling and entertaining read. Although it's one of the longer stories I've read on here, time flies when you're having fun.
  
  The characters are vivid and the dialogue is sharp and realistic. The story is imaginative and thought-provoking; maddening at times, but also inspiring when old Donnie finally 'stands up' to himself, in poignant tribute to his friend, Alan.
  
  The quality here is something I don't generally find very often in writing communities. I'm minded of a woman I met on the BBC's Get Writing community, who went on the year later to have her debut novel go to #1 in the Times' hardback list.
  
  I am going to learn an awful lot from following you and reading your work.
  
  Thanks. This was a pleasure to read!
  
  Just a couple of notes:
  
  “Fuck ‘em…”, he flips his crumpled left ear in Alans direction, as if responding to his voice”, What?...
  
  The quotation mark should be beside 'What?'
  
  I also noticed 'draws' instead of 'drawers'. I'm not aware that this is an alternate spelling, so thought I'd point that out. read
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  Complicated character
  A review of Donnie Mckavee
  by Jessicarrot on 06/14/2009
  I enjoyed reading this story. It was a great portrait of a complicated character. I liked how I felt sympathy for Donnie even though he was a jerk. The concept wasn't that original, but I felt like you were consistent in staying with the theme. Like I've said, I thought the characters were excellent. Donnie was one of those complicated unloveable yet somehow endearing... I enjoyed reading this story. It was a great portrait of a complicated character. I liked how I felt sympathy for Donnie even though he was a jerk.
  
  The concept wasn't that original, but I felt like you were consistent in staying with the theme.
  
  Like I've said, I thought the characters were excellent. Donnie was one of those complicated unloveable yet somehow endearing characters. And Elsie and Alan, while they remained in the background really defined Donnie as both a jerk and a broken hearted old man.
  
  There was more of a language barrier than I expected, but that was interesting too.
  
  The dialog seemed realistic and original and the story had a good pace and was easy to read. I liked all the descriptive, visual writing but there were a few times that the descriptions got a little heavy and took me out of the story for just a second.
  
  Overall, this is a well polished interesting story and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing. read
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  Donnie Darko
  A review of Donnie Mckavee
  by Lethal Lizard on 06/14/2009
  An honest account of what could be a very real and stubborn OAP in any nursing home in the country. Not my usual kind of story as was slow to get going. The ending was light hearted and quaint. I think the story was very well written and I would like to think the author has based this story on his own experiences or those of a person he knows which brings it to the heart... An honest account of what could be a very real and stubborn OAP in any nursing home in the country.
  
  Not my usual kind of story as was slow to get going. The ending was light hearted and quaint. I think the story was very well written and I would like to think the author has based this story on his own experiences or those of a person he knows which brings it to the heart.
  
  I would have liked more of either a funny or emotional ending, but where would the realism be in that? Life is just a bunch of random stuff that happens, then you die. read
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  Amazing
  A review of Donnie Mckavee
  by DebraSwan on 06/13/2009
  I loved, loved, loved this story! The characters were real and believable. The exquisite language painted a picture with words. I also thought some of the comparisons were great. The Kinder Egg one comes to mind - it was lovely. The relationship between Alan and Donnie was portrayed very realistically as two interdependent souls. The process of healing through anger, bitterness... I loved, loved, loved this story! The characters were real and believable. The exquisite language painted a picture with words. I also thought some of the comparisons were great. The Kinder Egg one comes to mind - it was lovely.
  The relationship between Alan and Donnie was portrayed very realistically as two interdependent souls. The process of healing through anger, bitterness and helplessness, that Donnie went through was one that I felt drawn to as the reader.
  The descriptors in this story were great - the cheeks being surprised by the smile - I could picture it and relate instantly.
  This writer is a great example of what a great story teller is.
  I have nothing to suggest to the writer - I am humbled. read