Reviews of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev) 17

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  A Tower through Time
  A review of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev)
  by CJForster on 09/13/2011
  Long I have waited to review a piece by Mr Keller, since I have now received the same pleasure not once but twice. They say revenge is a dish best served cold; I prefer it plattered as prose… Just kidding, Nick! Thought I’d get you worried there before I started… Can’t a reviewer have a little fun now and then? Ok, onwards: A penetrating study into the cosmic, ‘Dr Tower’s... Long I have waited to review a piece by Mr Keller, since I have now received the same pleasure not once but twice. They say revenge is a dish best served cold; I prefer it plattered as prose…
  
  Just kidding, Nick! Thought I’d get you worried there before I started… Can’t a reviewer have a little fun now and then?
  
  Ok, onwards:
  
  A penetrating study into the cosmic, ‘Dr Tower’s Babel’ tears apart the fabric of the Universe at the same time as it strips down the superficialities and preoccupations of Social Man. Space exploration is given whole new meaning; space-time is flipped over sunny-side down. Indeed, as Dr Tower’s spends a lifetime trying to build his great Unraveler, Mr Keller manages to unravel in 41 pages a new meaning of life: outside Time and outside the Self.
  
  Conceptually, this is a highly original story that provides a great deal of pleasure to the reader. The final pages, as our protagonist’s world is thrown into rewind, feel almost transcendental. As this new vision of the universe is revealed and the beginning of existence given a new face, the startling realization that, all this time, God was an astrophysicist, becomes common sense; what else would He be?
  
  The story is lengthy in its build up to this original denouement, the plot stretched out over decades, breaking Poe’s rule that short stories should also take place within a short time frame. Seeing as the author is breaking all the laws of physics, however, the reviewer will let it slide.
  
  If Mr Keller is committed to the story’s length, then some of the prose could do with tightening in just a few places. If cutting is not anathema to the writer, then significant chunks could be sacrificed to the Red Pen without losing value; a good story only has what is absolutely necessary.
  
  The current structure, I think, is perhaps the root cause for the length. Aside from the introduction, which is sliced from the centre of the story, the chronological build up from the protagonist’s early days means it is a long road to the final act. A friendly suggestion would be to start the story later in the plot and fill in background through the narrative. This would keep the time frame on a shorter leash, while still allowing for expansive explorations into the past.
  
  In terms of character, the eccentric Dr Towers plays his role perfectly, convincing the reader of the aphorism that the line between genius and insanity is a thin one. However, the protagonist, while clearly delineated as a towering intellect in his own right, (winning the Nobel Prize so young even!) there are significant lapses in judgement on his part, particularly for someone so intelligent. The important career decision based on a single obscure book; the rather too late realization that Towers is an isolated scientific figure; these are a few of his out-of-character faults inconsistent with someone so well read and studious.
  
  Otherwise, a thoroughly enjoyable read that sends the mind reeling off into the outer limits of the imagination. I recommend! read
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  It's hard to improve on this story...
  A review of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev)
  by f-ceska on 08/26/2011
  It's been a pleasure reading your story twice! The first thing I noticed was that you’ve changed the logline, and I think it’s better now, because I was a bit thrown by the Creation / Evolution link in the previous version. It didn’t seem right here. Now it’s more succinct. On to your intro and I notice you’ve changed the description of your character’s path from high school... It's been a pleasure reading your story twice!
  
  The first thing I noticed was that you’ve changed the logline, and I think it’s better now, because I was a bit thrown by the Creation / Evolution link in the previous version. It didn’t seem right here. Now it’s more succinct.
  
  On to your intro and I notice you’ve changed the description of your character’s path from high school to college. It’s a bit more prosaic here, and personally, I think I preferred the earlier version.
  
  p.4 ‘The rest of the conversation was like trudging barefoot through a thicket of thorns with broken bottles all over the ground.’ (yes, better)
  
  p.6 previously: ‘And now, years later, I have a deep affinity for the name Jesse.
  It took me a while, but I got over it. I admit it wasn’t easy.’
  
  Now: ‘And now, years later, I have a deep affinity for the name Jesse.
  I… well, I have a deep affinity.
  It took me a while, and it wasn’t as easy as I had calculated it would be, but I got
  passed Jesse, just as she did me.’
  
  (As I mentioned in my earlier review, I preferred the previous version because it was so understated. You didn’t need to tell us you broke up because you told us you got over it. That’s all you needed. The new version lays it on a bit more thickly and you lose the power of ellipsis.)
  I like, though, that you mention Jesse on p.7 and summon up the pain of your break up there. That provides a link to Jesse that you didn’t have in your earlier version.
  
  p.8 Describing what he reads in Dr Tower’s book, the description is more concise now, better.
  
  p.17 You’ve added: ‘Hawking’s theory. The expanding universe.’ (Was it Hawkins? I thought Edwin Hubble was the first to postulate it, back in 1929?)
  
  p.23 Peeknuckle. – I don’t know that game. :( I prefer tiddlywinks!
  
  p.31 And now, here’s the link to Jesse, and the explanation of why your hero is not such a self-absorbed intellectual nerd, but actually has a romantic streak underneath. Nice.
  
  p.33 Dr Towers changes his last words. I’m not sure if I think ‘lucky’ and ‘beginning’ are the best words here. I still possibly prefer the earlier version, which actually uses the word ‘time’, a key word at this juncture methinks.
  
  p.33-34 You know, it crossed my mind the first time too, that what our hero would actually hear, would not be: ‘“end the in place this to back come you’ll…”’, but: ‘ll’uoy emoc kcab ot siht ecalp ni eht dne’ (as in, complete reverse).
  
  p.34 Something’s not right with this sentence: ‘We moved backward through the operation floor, up onto the control stage, have our discussion in rewind; the look on my face was awe.’
  We moved (simple past), have (simple present). Either change ‘have’ to ‘had’ or say: ‘where we had…’ The look on my face (new sentence), was one of awe. (Missed it the first time)
  
  p.41 a hover… do you mean ‘a-hover’ as a slightly archaic verb form? Or is hover supposed to be a noun?
  
  Ok, I’ve noticed there are quite a few cuts and changes in the last section also, but I didn’t feel the need to mention each one. On the whole I can see why you’ve made the changes and it works better.
  
  Summary: On the whole I think there is a slight improvement – you’ve obviously tidied up some of the typos and other issues, but as a piece of writing, I don’t think the changes have improved the overall story all that much. What you’ve got to be careful to avoid, is overwriting to the extent that you kill the flow and passion that seems to come from you naturally. I read many of the reviews you received to the earlier version also, and while some people pointed out some pertinent points, there was perhaps a tendency from some to nit-pick for the sake of it. If you try to please everyone, you’ll please no one. Trust your instincts and write from the heart. You obviously can.
  
  (Anyway, it’s a bit hard for me to improve my score for you, seeing as I gave you full marks in every category last time!!)
  
  Next time, I want to read it in print.
  
  All the best,
  
  Francesca read
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  Dr. Towers' Excellent Adventure
  A review of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev)
  by nanpinc on 08/11/2011
  The passion this author has on this subject matter is evident. The story and detailed differences between science and faith are very well executed and well thought out, as if this author personally struggles with this highly complex concept to a point that he personally had to put this story down on paper in order to organize his thoughts on this matter, but then finding an... The passion this author has on this subject matter is evident. The story and detailed differences between science and faith are very well executed and well thought out, as if this author personally struggles with this highly complex concept to a point that he personally had to put this story down on paper in order to organize his thoughts on this matter, but then finding an entertaining format to share his ideas like he would as if starting a conversation at a party. It also appears that this author has called forth the spirit of Michael Crichton, as he so successfully defined the fine line between science and fiction without the story reading like a science-fiction piece.
  
  Although this reader did enjoy this piece very much, the story did not hook him until Dr. Towers' explanation of the expanding universe, which was brilliantly written and the high-light of the story in this reader's opinion. This may be, in part, because of a few errors and confusing sentence structures that this reader only found within the first eight pages, which leads this reader to believe that these are signs the author did not care as much for these pages as he did beyond the inciting incident, and it shows. Some examples of the problems found in these pages would be at least five typo errors and a portion of a sentence on page 6 "but I got passed Jesse." and "There was a past hurt, suddenly" on page 7. These are only two examples of sentences that could be better constructed because they throw off the flow of the story. However, beyond page eight, the story becomes effortless to read and if there were additional errors, this reader passed right over them.
  
  But overall, the poor sentence structures were minute, and this reader would like to point out a very well thought out line that was captivating and thought provoking on page 11, "Jesse would say he was just like me." Very insightful and really demonstrates why Jesse's character, although brief, is an important character to this story and not just there to have her boyfriend question his beliefs. There is also some very good humor in this story, which was placed perfectly in the right moments.
  
  One other comment this reader would like to point out is when we are in the silo going back through time, we hear Dr. Tower speak his words backwards; however, the words themselves are not backwards. Wouldn't the letters that make up the words be backwards as well? We wouldn't hear the words being said correctly in backwards order. EVERYTHING would be backwards.
  
  Overall, with some minor technical details and struggles to get the story going, Dr. Towers' Babel is an exciting, thought-provoking story which takes the reader on just one, of what could be many, paths to find answers to age-old questions about God and evolution, and is the perfect mixture of Crichton-esque story and science. Well done! read
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  It Ends at the Beginning
  A review of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev)
  by mmckean on 08/03/2011
  Always a pleasure to read a Nick Keller piece and this story is certainly no exception. Beautifully crafted and well thought-out, the characters really come to life on the page. I can tell a lot of hard work went into the creation of this story. What I liked— Science Jargon on page 6. “I was right: Lid flipped” on page 12, made me laugh. Excellent job visually creating Ptolemy’s... Always a pleasure to read a Nick Keller piece and this story is certainly no exception. Beautifully crafted and well thought-out, the characters really come to life on the page. I can tell a lot of hard work went into the creation of this story.
  
  What I liked— Science Jargon on page 6. “I was right: Lid flipped” on page 12, made me laugh. Excellent job visually creating Ptolemy’s spheres, a key story element, on page 11.
  
  What needs a little tweaking— on page 10, try cutting out the passage beginning with “yes doctor, I think I understand your point…” and ending with, “But listen lad” Instead of listing the protagonist’s Nobel or other awards earlier in the story, wait till page 27 and just have Dr. Babel do it…he already does anyways. Also, earlier in the story the protagonist met with Dr. Babel before he chose him as a research assistant and I was wondering why Babel ended up choosing him. And why did he leave after Dr. Babel told him that he found the unraveler? I would have been far too intrigued!
  
  I really enjoyed this story. I love how all the elements come full circle. Was this all pre-planned or did that happen naturally? Regardless, it is a very impressive piece. Keep up the good work. read
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  Dr. Towers' Babel
  A review of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev)
  by eiltory on 06/08/2011
  This story confused me for the first twenty or so pages, but the title is so intriguing. For me, there was far too much scientific jargon and vocabulary, and quite honestly, I lost the plot for some time. Your precise description of Dr. Towers enabled me to see him, hear him. The confusion of the young man is also well-described. The conclusion was satisfying to me. What I... This story confused me for the first twenty or so pages, but the title is so intriguing. For me, there was far too much scientific jargon and vocabulary, and quite honestly, I lost the plot for some time. Your precise description of Dr. Towers enabled me to see him, hear him. The confusion of the young man is also well-described. The conclusion was satisfying to me. What I found disconcerting was the time it took to reach that conclusion. I can see the story being shortened for readers like myself who tire of long paragraphs and prefer to get directly to the action. read
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  I love a good allegory
  A review of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev)
  by creative.writer27 on 05/01/2011
  I love a good allegory. This piece was wonderfully done. The language is vivid and scientific. I wish the tower of babel story in the Bible was as interesting and lively. The end is the begining, which is a good demonstration of hope. DR. Towers had given him a gift of insight. I wonder if the tower of babel did the same to Nimrod. Cosmology is always an interesting subject,... I love a good allegory. This piece was wonderfully done. The language is vivid and scientific. I wish the tower of babel story in the Bible was as interesting and lively. The end is the begining, which is a good demonstration of hope. DR. Towers had given him a gift of insight. I wonder if the tower of babel did the same to Nimrod. Cosmology is always an interesting subject, but I've never seen a story about creation worded as creatively as this. I'd like to read more of this writer's work. read
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  wow
  A review of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev)
  by culinarygrad@gmail.com on 05/01/2011
  First, I liked your use of the word "twixt". Imaginative, a trip, a journey . . . imaginative. I didn't mind the length at all. I enjoy reading and going to the places the author invites me to visit . . . journey. Mind expanding. Mmmmmmmmmm .. . . . Thought provoking in a delicious sort of way . . . not forced . . . I wanted to take the trip . . . adventure out. I... First, I liked your use of the word "twixt".
  
  Imaginative, a trip, a journey . . . imaginative.
  
  I didn't mind the length at all. I enjoy reading and going to the places the author invites me to visit . . . journey.
  
  Mind expanding.
  
  Mmmmmmmmmm .. . . .
  
  Thought provoking in a delicious sort of way . . . not forced . . . I wanted to take the trip . . . adventure out.
  
  I love space and its quiet sparkling omniprecense . . . every "night" . . .
  
  Hope, dreams, wonder, escape, dark, unsure, unknown, magnetic, mysterious, quiet
  
  
  Science, god, time travel, towers, denial, faith, belief, energy, souls, mystery . . .
  
  Universal questions . . . maybe we aren't made to learn the answer(s) but are made to ask the questions and yearn . . .
  
  Thanks. read
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  SO, THE CHICKEN DID COME BEFORE THE EGG?
  A review of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev)
  by gclifton on 04/18/2011
  Pretty stylish, involved stuff here, Nick. As usually you have concocted a very concentrated, complex concept into a very interesting yarn which even a dummy like me can follow and appreciate. This is a very thoughtful and thought provoking piece with excellent crafting of language, a plot which is very well planned and delivered, and a gripping tale to follow. Doctor Tower,... Pretty stylish, involved stuff here, Nick. As usually you have concocted a very concentrated, complex concept into a very interesting yarn which even a dummy like me can follow and appreciate. This is a very thoughtful and thought provoking piece with excellent crafting of language, a plot which is very well planned and delivered, and a gripping tale to follow.
  
  Doctor Tower, an eccentric, semi-head case sees through the veil of human misconception and core beliefs and sends the protag back to the end which is the beginning.
  
  Ideas such as the Unraveler, God is the square root of two, Do you use your brain or your mind, and Reverse 670 mph is the same as positive, are very clever work and the envy of lots of folks who wish they'd said that.
  
  I think you misspelled "pinochle" on page 23.
  
  An outstanding story and an excellent, mind(or brain) provoking production. read
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  Unravelling the Cosmos
  A review of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev)
  by Mike Wolfson on 04/04/2011
  Hi Nick, A lot of effort has obviously been put into Doctor Towers’ Babel, which is a great title by the way. It’s an interesting tale, which will benefit from more than a single read. It’s a long story and sustaining the reader’s interest over such a long tale is difficult. Especially as we basically have two main characters, and only a brief appearance by Jesse. You just... Hi Nick,
  
  A lot of effort has obviously been put into Doctor Towers’ Babel, which is a great title by the way.
  
  It’s an interesting tale, which will benefit from more than a single read.
  
  It’s a long story and sustaining the reader’s interest over such a long tale is difficult. Especially as we basically have two main characters, and only a brief appearance by Jesse. You just about managed it with this reader. However, I do think there is scope for shortening the story, without losing any impact at the end. I could be very wrong. A lot depends on what you were trying to achieve.
  
  However, despite qualms about the length, it’s an impressive tale.
  
  The voice of the narrator drew me into the story from the first line.
  
  In terms of characterisation I adore Doctor Towers. What a great invention. He’s the type of character I could easily see inhabiting a Kurt Vonnegut novel. The interplay between the narrator and Doctor Towers when they first meet is great.
  
  The sense of wonder that your words create in the great unravelling is very well done indeed. For want of a better word it’s beautiful!
  
  The words flow off the page, and in that respect it was an easy read. The story does make you think, which I presume was deliberate.
  
  The writer deserves a pat on the back just for trying something so ambitious. I’ll be honest in saying that I’m not completely sure I fully understood everything, but it’s still a damn fine piece of writing.
  
  I hope this review has helped.
  
  Good luck with any future re-writes.
  
  Mike. read
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  Review: Dr. Towers' Babel
  A review of Dr. Towers' Babel (rev)
  by kumar.u.naresh on 04/04/2011
  I am not sure if this really counts for a short story. pardon its length and it is a decent read. the concept of time-travel and search of god was brought together beautifully. kudos. a brilliant concept. the narration was also very gripping except a few parts when the protagonist drifts into thoughts of Jesse. a few things i observed. the story starts with a regret expressed... I am not sure if this really counts for a short story. pardon its length and it is a decent read. the concept of time-travel and search of god was brought together beautifully. kudos. a brilliant concept. the narration was also very gripping except a few parts when the protagonist drifts into thoughts of Jesse.
  
  a few things i observed. the story starts with a regret expressed by the protagonist of association with Dr. Towers. and throughout the story it was emphasized repeatedly. the ending however was extremely positive. thus a contradiction.
  
  another observation . during this time reversal experience, he was able to notice minute details like the observation made by budding astronomers. with the speed of time reversal, i did not see as to how he was able to observe these minute details (page 37). or actually even make sense of things. probably the pace at which the reversal was happening could be expressed a bit more clearly.
  
  Page 31 when the protagonist went back to the thoughts of Jesse, it became too distracting. it could probably be cut down a bit. run in the back of his mind. also it conflicted with the state of awe he had about the place.
  
  Page 38: "her actions were bread from a desperate, galactic hunger" should it not be 'bred'?
  
  all the best
  
  Naresh read