Reviews of Fantasies 28

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  Bartender, I'll Have Another
  A review of Fantasies
  by MarcTwine on 05/14/2013
  Refreshing (and I don't refer to the beverages). The terse, staccato dialogue was a nice change of pace -- while so many others drone on incessantly. The scant narrative was sufficiently titillating without becoming vulgar. As opposed to "romance", sex and sexual proclivities can be difficult to write about with grace. This was done well. Lastly, I must presume a "fruit... Refreshing (and I don't refer to the beverages).
  
  The terse, staccato dialogue was a nice change of pace -- while so many others drone on incessantly.
  
  The scant narrative was sufficiently titillating without becoming vulgar.
  
  As opposed to "romance", sex and sexual proclivities can be difficult to write about with grace. This was done well.
  
  Lastly, I must presume a "fruit machine" is a slot machine (?). And the ape analogy might have been a tad overdone, IMO. read
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  Have You Considered Making This A Short Play?
  A review of Fantasies
  by Karl Gorman on 05/14/2013
  Why do I suggest this? Because nothing is more experimental than theatre . . . and this is VERY experimental. This could work as a play which has actors playing Dave, The Protagonist and the Woman. The ape would exist in the story, but the audience will never see it. (Keep the outrageous concept of the ape in the audience’s mind’s eye.) The play would be mostly be narrated... Why do I suggest this? Because nothing is more experimental than theatre . . . and this is VERY experimental.
  
  This could work as a play which has actors playing Dave, The Protagonist and the Woman. The ape would exist in the story, but the audience will never see it. (Keep the outrageous concept of the ape in the audience’s mind’s eye.) The play would be mostly be narrated by the protagonist, but the moments of dialogue will happen as they do here.
  
  I do not have much to criticise, but there is a little nonetheless:
  
  Page 5 has “She is simply stunning” and “Tantalising.” Get rid of them. Remove those words so that the readers (and hopefully the audience) will FEEL those sensations. Once the intended words are stated, the feeling weakens.
  
  If you want the reader to FEEL “fear” then never – ever – SAY the word “fear.”
  (That is a quote that I have stolen but cannot remember for the life of me who it was.)
  
  You really should replace “I want to fuck” with something just as lustful but not as crude.
  Maybe: “I want to penetrate you, now!” or “I need to enter you!”
  But not “I want to fuck.” It’s too cheap.
  
  Remove: ‘Fervour. Clothes despatched. Anticipation.’
  And put: ‘Clothes off. Brow sweating. Penis as hard as a rock.’
  It’s more descriptive, and gives it more feeling. read
• 
  Simian love games
  A review of Fantasies
  by f-ceska on 04/07/2013
  Just wanted you to know that I just read 'Fantasies' - mainly out of curiosity because only one other story of yours has ever fallen into my lap and I wanted to increase my knowledge of your work - and I loved it. You demonstrate a wide variety of themes in the three stories I've read, a unique style, humour, observation and you punctuate them all with sharp dialogue and atmospheric... Just wanted you to know that I just read 'Fantasies' - mainly out of curiosity because only one other story of yours has ever fallen into my lap and I wanted to increase my knowledge of your work - and I loved it. You demonstrate a wide variety of themes in the three stories I've read, a unique style, humour, observation and you punctuate them all with sharp dialogue and atmospheric settings. And the ending was fantastic. Didn't see it coming to tell the truth (neither did he!) but it made your story into a real story, with an original twist. Loved the ape too.
  Only one typo (American influence perhaps?) when you used 'lays' as a present tense verb when it should be 'lies', (ie: lie down, but lay the table, etc.)
  Great to read. read
• 
  Fantasies - Fantastic!
  A review of Fantasies
  by writermorris on 01/30/2013
  You naughty boy! The formatting was dire but the story was great, I saw the end coming from a mile off, but that didn't detract from a great story - very well told. I love these kind of semi-erotic stories, they are much harder to write than you'd think, but you did a beautiful job of it. The structure was excellent and you told the tale with well timed pace. My only problem... You naughty boy! The formatting was dire but the story was great, I saw the end coming from a mile off, but that didn't detract from a great story - very well told. I love these kind of semi-erotic stories, they are much harder to write than you'd think, but you did a beautiful job of it. The structure was excellent and you told the tale with well timed pace. My only problem is your formatting, mine is awful and I know that people in glass house ect; but you shouldn't run sentences into the next page, and you started some pieces of dialogue in lower case, a real no no. But the story was terrific, I really enjoyed it. Good luck with your other pieces. read
• 
  Penetrating
  A review of Fantasies
  by Aitch on 05/28/2012
  In your notes you said you were experimenting with first person present tense. Well, I'd say it's definitely a go. This story was an easy read, always a good thing. It was entertaining, suspenseful. It might be fun for you to experiment with the ending. You could go anywhere with the ending, and you've chosen to go where the sun don't shine. It works, and twists where... In your notes you said you were experimenting with first person present tense. Well, I'd say it's definitely a go. This story was an easy read, always a good thing. It was entertaining, suspenseful.
  
  It might be fun for you to experiment with the ending. You could go anywhere with the ending, and you've chosen to go where the sun don't shine. It works, and twists where the entire meaning of what we've just read are often very effective. This is no exception. YET. Yet, I kind of liked the story played straight. I kind of wanted him to go out and do something, attack the ape, go out in the wild night all filled with desire and do something life-changing, good or bad. What you've got works. It's just a matter of taste. In a rare exception, I actually didn't want the rug pulled out from under me. I wanted to see this stay with the hungry guy angle.
  
  Anyway, great job. And again, first person present tense worked well.
  
  --------
  
  tiny things:
  
  
  p3 "[D]o I know you?"
  p4 "[N]ot tonight, Andy." read
• 
  Fresh but confusing idea
  A review of Fantasies
  by Ng Hoi Yee on 05/28/2012
  I liked the idea but some parts I didn't really get it. What was Andy's fantasy? He asked hiswife to flirt with an ape. How did that arouse him? His wife later told him the ape was crazy about her and how they made out in the bar. How did Andy get excited about that? If I were the husband I'd get pretty angry but maybe it was part of the story. What was his friend Dave doing... I liked the idea but some parts I didn't really get it. What was Andy's fantasy? He asked hiswife to flirt with an ape. How did that arouse him? His wife later told him the ape was crazy about her and how they made out in the bar. How did Andy get excited about that? If I were the husband I'd get pretty angry but maybe it was part of the story.
  
  What was his friend Dave doing at the bar and what was the purpose to invite him along in the first plac since Andy wasn't paying attention to Dave at all but just kept looking at his wife? Then the wife said Andy had to act out her fantasy as well. Was her fantasy to have him watch while she had sex with the ape from the bar? I wasn't entirely sure.
  
  I liked that there were many dialogues thus easy to read, but the story was slightly confusing for me to understand. read
• 
  Raunchy with a surprise twist
  A review of Fantasies
  by dunphoid on 05/25/2012
  This story had me gripped. I could imagine clearly this ape-type-guy with the pretty girl. For a while I thought the story was just going to be observational, which personally would have been a bit undramatic for me. However, then you had our narrator brazenly approach her and from then I was really hooked. I couldn't believe how brazen he was...but of course by the end it... This story had me gripped. I could imagine clearly this ape-type-guy with the pretty girl. For a while I thought the story was just going to be observational, which personally would have been a bit undramatic for me. However, then you had our narrator brazenly approach her and from then I was really hooked. I couldn't believe how brazen he was...but of course by the end it all made sense. The very end was a bit disturbing for me, but that's just a matter of my taste. The writing was excellent. Poor ol' Dave rambles on about every topic under the sun and hardly gets listened to!
  
  Hmmm how could I criticise this in any way. Hard to...but for the heck of it here's something minor: When the narrator returns to the house I would like an idea of what kind of place he lives in. Perhaps you'd prefer to leave that to the reader's imagination, but I was intrigued as to whether he and his wife were posh and eccentric ("fur coat with no knickers" I read in an article recently) in a mansion, or in a smaller 2-up 2-down affair.
  
  Very enjoyable. More please!
  
  read
• 
  Sexy Comedy with a Bugger of an Ending
  A review of Fantasies
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 05/23/2012
  Mr. Wolfson regales the reader with a few new tricks in this engaging story about spicing up the married life. His prose, though simple, pulls us through at a quick pace; the unfamiliar British phrases are hot and easy to decipher. Further, his instances of experimental style add a quirkiness that enhances the story. What keeps this romp from being "excellent" is that it ends... Mr. Wolfson regales the reader with a few new tricks in this engaging story about spicing up the married life. His prose, though simple, pulls us through at a quick pace; the unfamiliar British phrases are hot and easy to decipher. Further, his instances of experimental style add a quirkiness that enhances the story. What keeps this romp from being "excellent" is that it ends so quickly! With a flat-out bugger of an ending, “Fantasies” squarely delivers.
  read
• 
  ...don't know what to say
  A review of Fantasies
  by lrees on 05/22/2012
  I loved your style in "Hello" and I was so glad when I got assigned another of your stories. Seeing your style in another context just confirms its uniqueness and effectiveness. It's far enough from normal to get you in another mindset, but not far enough that it alienates itself. It's truly something unique and honest, which you don't get alot of these days. Loved the... I loved your style in "Hello" and I was so glad when I got assigned another of your stories. Seeing your style in another context just confirms its uniqueness and effectiveness. It's far enough from normal to get you in another mindset, but not far enough that it alienates itself. It's truly something unique and honest, which you don't get alot of these days.
  
  Loved the section of just one-liners. It was so stylistic, but felt completely natural.
  
  The brush of her butt was great and totally realistic. I've had that happen before and was thrown completely off guard when the girl liked it. I panicked though and didn't follow through.
  
  The interaction at the bar is so natural that you don't see the twist coming at all. When it does you just get thrilled to see how it's going to turn out.... and then the end.... just... ew. Not a story note, but the trade off seemed a little one-sided if you ask me.
  
  I can't think of any critique I have. It's so far from my writing style that I don't really know any advice to give you. It's just a great style that's totally natural but still somewhat surrealistic in tone. You have a gift my friend. Thanks for the great read! read
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  Quirky
  A review of Fantasies
  by writer969 on 05/18/2012
  This is one of the strangest yet compelling stories I have read in a while. The ape and the girl and the perspective are provocative. The sensual writing is well done without chucking in vulgarities for no reason other than to shock. They move the story. This thing should have or should find a home in a magazine quickly. This vignette really has a stark flavor to it in a good... This is one of the strangest yet compelling stories I have read in a while. The ape and the girl and the perspective are provocative. The sensual writing is well done without chucking in vulgarities for no reason other than to shock. They move the story. This thing should have or should find a home in a magazine quickly. This vignette really has a stark flavor to it in a good way. It is a great story. read