Reviews of Reflections 22

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  Keep Going
  A review of Reflections
  by Karl Gorman on 05/09/2013
  I’ll get the nit picking out of the way first: I am not sure if the mother would have been allowed IN her apartment to see her dead body. Maybe make it clear that her mother – in that alternate reality – came to visit her and (using a spare key) saw her there… called 911… etc. The theme, “The best thing is to reflect but never to regret”, is verbally said too much. Say it... I’ll get the nit picking out of the way first: I am not sure if the mother would have been allowed IN her apartment to see her dead body. Maybe make it clear that her mother – in that alternate reality – came to visit her and (using a spare key) saw her there… called 911… etc.
  
  The theme, “The best thing is to reflect but never to regret”, is verbally said too much. Say it once, at one stage in the middle. Not necessarily by the old woman, who can say all sorts of other things.
  
  But I have just read an amazing original mind-gripping piece of work. Thank you.
  
  There were a few cases of stating-the-obvious that I would change in the text but instead of pointing them out I suggest you instead rewrite this whole thing – with a focus on pacing and a subplot – in order to make this a Mills & Boon Novelette! It certainly would not need to be a long novel, they’re about 30,000 words give or take.
  
  But if it ends up being too short (OR if you would rather make a bigger volume anyway) then nothing can stop you from making about four separate romances about different women who have an experience with this mirror.
  
  You have created a powerful yet simple concept, make the most of it. read
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  A good complete story
  A review of Reflections
  by Ng Hoi Yee on 06/25/2012
  A woman named Caroline bought a mirror and saw the what her other life would have been if she had accepted the new position. She began to yearn for the glamorous life that the mirror had shown her, even though she had found Ryan and he asked her to marry him. But too many 'what ifs' made her make the hard decision to break off with him. The mirror in a way saved her life because... A woman named Caroline bought a mirror and saw the what her other life would have been if she had accepted the new position. She began to yearn for the glamorous life that the mirror had shown her, even though she had found Ryan and he asked her to marry him. But too many 'what ifs' made her make the hard decision to break off with him. The mirror in a way saved her life because she began to see that the other life, what she initailly thought was glamorous was not what it seemed. It was indeed better to reflect than to regret. That she might have died if she had chosen the path to accept her new job. In the end she made a wise decision to return the mirror.
  
  The story was fresh, smoothly written and fast-paced enough to keep me entertained throughout. Hope to read more stories like this! read
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  Allow me a moment of reflection
  A review of Reflections
  by nick74 on 03/31/2012
  Hi Fran! As it is with the other stories of yours that I’ve read, I see the Mansfield touch beaming through in fine form --- powerful, dark, full of character-driven, problematic situations that always yield a “what if” line of inquiry from its reader, as if they become conscientious objectors standing inside your pages and reflecting, if you will, on their own lives and situations,... Hi Fran!
  
  As it is with the other stories of yours that I’ve read, I see the Mansfield touch beaming through in fine form --- powerful, dark, full of character-driven, problematic situations that always yield a “what if” line of inquiry from its reader, as if they become conscientious objectors standing inside your pages and reflecting, if you will, on their own lives and situations, the mark of a true story-teller. Reflections, like your others, holds true to what, in my mind, is becoming the F-ceska motif the way Ian Douglas has bedded himself in the sci-fi military genre, Dean Koontz the horror/mystery, Michael Crichton the fringe-laced science-based thriller genre.
  
  This is a fascinating tale told well. I like that our character is nothing more and nothing less than a human being tempted by what could have been, willing to sell herself to her temptations and risk the known for the unknown at any cost, yet who fully understands the ramifications of such. She has a very distinguishable conscience, something that I don’t think can be written about unless by an author who possesses one herself, all told through the eyes of a mysterious mirror. Good, imaginative stuff that runs deep to the heart.
  
  My observations of story that may or may not be worth consideration would be this: First, as our heroin was obsessed by thoughts of the mirror before she returned to purchase it, I felt it might have been stronger for her to have been possessed not so much by the mirror, but rather the old lady in relation to the mirror. Her wanting to return to the shop to investigate the mirror holds less credit than her wanting to discover what the old lady meant as she spoke about the mirror. I see a little more character involvement in that formula, and though I believe that’s exactly what you were conveying, the prose led me in another direction.
  
  Secondly, once the cocaine, over-extravagance and abuse entered the story, I felt like the story became less a moral-issue and more a decision based on circumstance, when up to that point it was all about the choices she had to make based solely on what her understanding of right vs. wrong was. At that point, the story’s unfolding became a no-brainer and sort of lessened whatever lesson she had to learn would become. If, on the other hand, her ‘reflected’ self came to realize that happiness wasn’t in the material issue nor her degree of corporate success and she started to feel a little bit of loss over neglecting her true love thereby substantiating her decision to return, and in turn, allowing her to act upon the right choice all along, the line of simple-morals-for-better-living would have been more qualified. But there I go scurrilously writing another author’s story for them. Shame on me.
  
  Never the less, Francesca, you’ve crafted yet again a solid entry that belongs within your very moving and very powerful body of work… and I haven’t even read “The Gospels” yet. Also, I love the insightful quality of the old lady in the line, "It's better to reflect than to regret..." words of wisdom from those who've held the burden of experience and lived to tell the tale. Nice touch. I enjoyed this one a great deal. Thanks, mate. Let’s talk soon.
  
  Your friend, Nick read
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  Excellent
  A review of Reflections
  by Victoria-Lynne on 02/15/2012
  I cannot praise this story enough! I was gripped from the first sentence to the last, a thoroughly enjoyable read! The characters were incredibly engaging and the structure was fantastic. The story was phenomenal, it’s a very simple idea that has been done before, but this author REALLY turned it around and made it her own. These stories have the tendency to be clichéd and... I cannot praise this story enough!
  
  I was gripped from the first sentence to the last, a thoroughly enjoyable read!
  The characters were incredibly engaging and the structure was fantastic.
  
  The story was phenomenal, it’s a very simple idea that has been done before, but this author REALLY turned it around and made it her own. These stories have the tendency to be clichéd and become dull, but this is a stunning exception!
  
  I would re-read this time after time, I loved it. read
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  A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE
  A review of Reflections
  by Tripsheet Revision on 02/15/2012
  It’s awful that the title ‘The Mirror Has Two Faces’ has already been used, because your story is so much better than the movie. Your story is about fates, not faces, making it a concept with more obvious depth, which gives it lasting appeal. I think your characters are very sympathetic; I care about what happens to them, because you’ve infused them with a depth of character... It’s awful that the title ‘The Mirror Has Two Faces’ has already been used, because your story is so much better than the movie. Your story is about fates, not faces, making it a concept with more obvious depth, which gives it lasting appeal. I think your characters are very sympathetic; I care about what happens to them, because you’ve infused them with a depth of character found in people worth caring about. However, I can’t help reflecting that you seem somewhat younger here than your writing would indicate in your other stories; and since my power for such insight is extremely limited, you probably said as much in one of your emails. This story is highly imaginative and deftly pulled off, but there’s a weight of somewhat more experience that’s felt in The Gospel of Maire and Demeter and Persephone; and The Gospel of Michael revealed still more depth, the kind that comes with painful missteps, difficult choices, and life-shaping disappointment. Reflections seems like an indication of where the writer might go as the flower of creative introspection incrementally opens. I’m not sure what I like about it most -- the depth of feeling between the lovers, as their lifetime of love is about to be gambled away, or the intricate layers of intrigue and suspense added by Caroline’s daily foretokens from the magic mirror. Her freedom of choice is enticing and her last vision in the mirror, that of being raped, comes with the force of a hammer shattering the glass. And her joy at having made the right decision, thanks to the mirror, is nearly palpable as she meets her true love outside the antique shop a third, blissful time. I kept think what a great movie this would make, only perhaps with her stepping through the glass, being trapped in LA with the monster CEO, trying frantically to find her way back. Anyway, I’m too wordy, as usual, but great job. I know when I’m onto a good story, when I’m reading word for word and not glancing at page numbers; I was truly disappointed when there wasn’t more to read. High marks! Below are a few things to consider...
  
  
  On page 1 you write: She smiled and I made my way out through the swirling motes of dust, into the bright sunlight of the street outside. And on page 4 you write: I stared at her through the dusty motes in the sunbeams... swirling motes of dust and dusty motes in the sunbeams. It probably best not to repeat, especially since the first use ‘swirling motes of dust, into the bright sunlight of the street outside,’ strikes such a sharp image in our minds.
  
  On page 4 you write: I helped her, as it was pretty heavy for its size. And then, on page 5, you write: I paid the woman and picked up the mirror, which was heavier than it looked.... You’ll want to avoid redundancy. She’s picked up the mirror already and told us it’s somewhat heavy.
  
  On page 6 you write: I told him about my job offer in the States and he seemed disappointed.... Unless I missed an earlier reference to the job offer, this is your first mention of it. As such, and if it is the first time you bring it up, I would slightly reword the sentence to something like -- I had recently received a job offer from a company in the States, and when I told him about it he seemed disappointed. read
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  Mystery of the Mirror
  A review of Reflections
  by jenjen21 on 02/14/2012
  I found this to be a fantastic story, full of twists and turns and suspenseful moments. I thought the concept was excellent. I read it very quickly, almost akin to doing a shot of your favorite drink / eating a cookie all at once (depending on your taste) and immediately wanting more. There was no slow savoring of the prose here for me, it was just all ‘What’s gonna happen... I found this to be a fantastic story, full of twists and turns and suspenseful moments. I thought the concept was excellent. I read it very quickly, almost akin to doing a shot of your favorite drink / eating a cookie all at once (depending on your taste) and immediately wanting more. There was no slow savoring of the prose here for me, it was just all ‘What’s gonna happen NEXT?!’. I loved it.
  
  I found the writing good. Easy to read. Not many spelling/grammar mistakes that I could pick up which is brilliant and usually just distracts me from the story. It ebbs and flows nicely and I feel it could have easily been a longer piece. Maybe some more of a build-up in the relationship between Caroline and Ryan. I found myself kinda indifferent as to whether or not she stayed specifically FOR him, so maybe a bit more fleshing out on that part. Just to emphasize the pull of staying or going and the hard decision Caroline is trying to make. That’s my only criticism, if you can even call it that.
  
  Overall, excellent concept, excellent pacing, kept me gripping to the end. Read it on my lunch break at work and immediately felt the need to write a review about it. Great work, kept me entertained while my students were running wild in my classroom.  read
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  Stop making me cry already!
  A review of Reflections
  by vieira4 on 02/13/2012
  Yet another beautiful story. I get the feeling you really believe in true love. This story was just the right length - long enough to unpack everything, but short enough that it was very easy to finish. You have the knack of maintaining the reader's curiosity throughout the piece. Your descriptions are just right - they create a picture, but aren't self-indulgent. Some people's... Yet another beautiful story. I get the feeling you really believe in true love.
  
  This story was just the right length - long enough to unpack everything, but short enough that it was very easy to finish. You have the knack of maintaining the reader's curiosity throughout the piece. Your descriptions are just right - they create a picture, but aren't self-indulgent. Some people's descriptions kill the pace. Yours never do.
  
  I don't know what else to say. It's hard when there's nothing to criticise! read
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  The Reflection is Lovely.
  A review of Reflections
  by Revale on 12/11/2011
  This is only my second short story, so forgive me if I don't critique the proper things. I absolutely loved this cautionary tale where the heroine gets a glimpse of what might have been. Makes me wish I had that mirror. The opening was lovely with great imagery. I thought: I can almost smell the old shop. Was amused later when you included the scent of it in another description... This is only my second short story, so forgive me if I don't critique the proper things. I absolutely loved this cautionary tale where the heroine gets a glimpse of what might have been. Makes me wish I had that mirror.
  
  The opening was lovely with great imagery. I thought: I can almost smell the old shop. Was amused later when you included the scent of it in another description.
  
  The description of Caroline is good, could envision her very clearly at the beginning and also as she changed via the mirror. Also, the old woman. Loved: "As grey as the shawl."
  
  By page 4, when the old woman talks about choosing destiny, I was absolutely hooked. Had to see where this was going. Her entire speech was excellent and the direction the plot is taking is great.
  
  Page 7. So good!!! Really liked when Caroline accepted the situation with the mirror as being normal. Good metaphor for her life.
  
  Page 10. Your writing is so effortless. I'm on page 10 and dreading having the story end.
  
  A good ending in spite of my desire to have it continue. I'd like to see an entire novel about the mirror and the lives it touches. Actually, that could be a great film.
  
  The only question I have is on the first page when you write that the company is located in LA. At that point, I was not sure whether you meant Los Angeles or Louisiana, as the official abbreviation of Louisiana is LA and Los Angeles is abbreviated as L.A. Later, you specified Los Angeles but at the beginning, you may want to write it out for the sake of clarity.
  
  Otherwise, I found this to be totally original (which is rare) and well thought out from beginning to end. Your writing is positively lyrical and this was a joy to read. As I said, it left me wanting more. I may just have to read your other stories to get my fix of your writing style. Do you write poetry?
  
  I'm sorry I can't say anything about what you could do to make "Reflections" better, but it seems perfect as it is. So... good job. Scratch that... Make it brilliant job! read
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  Dorian Gray, but with a mirror! Kind of...
  A review of Reflections
  by MaxWatt on 12/07/2011
  "Reflections" by Francesca Mansfield is an engaging story about our choices in life, and how our regrets can pray on us. Overall it has some good elements, the concept is superb. The romance works to effect, and the entire story is an unputdownable read. However, it has many ares in which it can improve. "as I laid my parcel down in the space she had cleared amongst the rest... "Reflections" by Francesca Mansfield is an engaging story about our choices in life, and how our regrets can pray on us. Overall it has some good elements, the concept is superb. The romance works to effect, and the entire story is an unputdownable read. However, it has many ares in which it can improve.
  
  "as I laid my parcel down in the space she had cleared amongst the rest of the junk that cluttered the table." - This is too long a sentence, I felt out of breath just reading it. Moreover, it is too long, try "as I laid my parcel down in the space she had cleared on the table."
  
  As the main body of the story begins, there's too much information about the character being dumped on the reader. I can understand why; you're creating flesh and bones for your character. But in short stories, this isn't needed. Keep it as short as you can, intrigue the readers through mystery. Let them speculate the character by the character's actions. Also, it slows it down. You're building on irrelevant details when you need to be getting into the meat and potatoes of the story. Again, this is short fiction, little details aren't too much of an interest and only serve to drag the story out. The story should focus on the world around the character. Describe it to us, rather than indulging in what currently feels like meaningless information. I understand why we are getting the details, it's important for later when the mysterious mirror shows Caroline how life could have been, but surely it would be better to postpone this information for when the mirror starts showing her things? When it first happens, you don't even need to address it directly, just allude to it as she looks into the mirror. Be vague and the readers will picture her could-have-been life how they please.
  
  "I was almost tempted to laugh" - almost? This is irrelevant.
  
  Caroline is too easily persuaded into buying the mirror. The old woman needs to intrigue her, say things that make her go away and think about it. Then when Caroline buys the mirror, her conversation with the old woman happens too fast. It needs to unravel mystery, wheedle out suspicion etc. At the moment it just jumps into the action without any build up. Also - ‘It’s £35 but it may cost you more than that in the long run – Caroline.” - What's to stop Caroline from walking out of the shop? I certainly wouldn't buy the mirror. We need to believe why she does, why it's such a priority for her. And what is the mirror costing her? Surely it only serves to benefit her in the end?
  
  "pleasantly happy" - doesn't sound right.
  
  Ryan Bentley - At this point, I was thinking, is this a relevant character? What does he contribute to the story? It just seems like an excuse for time to pass. This is another detail that only serves to distract from the story line. Yes, he is an integral part of the story, for the romance element, but Caroline's first meeting with him is too brief, it establishes nothing. It is redundant.
  
  "‘Well hello again, Caroline! You must either own that shop or be a true regular,’ he joked." - Redundant. It is very obvious he is joking. Also, your dialogue doesn't feel real. Try and bring it into tune with real life and the characters will become more believable instantly.
  
  On a positive note, from here the story is actually very gripping, it's almost impossible to take your eyes off of the page. You do write with a nice flow and I didn't even notice how far I was getting. Your strength shines here, and readers will be sucked into the story.
  
  "That’s when I should have smashed the mirror, or taken it back to the shop" - Here, the second idea of what she should have done with the mirror, takes the power out of the first. Stick with one.
  
  When the party-animal Caroline is revealed, it doesn't seem believable at all. Previously, no traits of this are shown, it simply comes out of nowhere. This moment needs more power. Perhaps Caroline had a terrible experience with drink and drugs beforehand and now she can see herself revisiting the same path? I don't know. Maybe it could be simpler, but the point is, this comes out of nowhere and bares no resemblance to the Caroline we have learnt about.
  
  "Good luck to anyone who bought it." - wow, surely she should be determined for noone else to make the same mistake? Perhaps smashing it into a million pieces would be a better ending?
  
  "It was better to reflect, than to regret…" - nice try, but what exactly is she reflecting? The sentence fell flat for me. Is she reflecting on a life she never had? How can she do that?
  
  Overall there are many positive aspects of it, but this story needs a rewrite in which you should focus on atmosphere, tension, and suspense. At the moment, it races to its end, when it needs to be fleshed out more to engage the reader. read
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  Better to Reflect
  A review of Reflections
  by Rados on 12/04/2011
  I'm kind of a darker soul and would have enjoyed a darker story, but what you have done here is good. Had I written the story, she would have went to LA and fulfilled her dark destiny. I would have chosen the route of regret as the climax and the dark plot of a dark story. In my opinion, it would have been more effective. One movie disturbed me so much because of its dark,... I'm kind of a darker soul and would have enjoyed a darker story, but what you have done here is good. Had I written the story, she would have went to LA and fulfilled her dark destiny. I would have chosen the route of regret as the climax and the dark plot of a dark story. In my opinion, it would have been more effective. One movie disturbed me so much because of its dark, pessimistic ending that I became frightened of drugs as a teen. The movie: Requiem For A Dream.
  
  That being said, your story is thoughtful, engaging, and well written. The first paragraph made me think I was in for a boring journey, but as I kept reading, your words drew me in. Not a lot of writers can do that. Good job. Although it wasn't the ending I would have chosen, it doesn't matter because you are the story-teller and it's your story; your method. I won't judge it based on anything other than that. read