Reviews of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach 19

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  Why now has this been sitting around gathering dust so long?
  A review of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  by tishanddavid on 01/06/2013
  Hi Andy, Ive seen this around for a while, and after reading it, I really need to know what it is that you're waiting for... Five years seems a long time. It states you have received 18 reviews. By now you should have a clue what it is that you're so uncertain about. This is the first of your works I have had a chance to read and I without any uncertainty have to say it was... Hi Andy, Ive seen this around for a while, and after reading it, I really need to know what it is that you're waiting for... Five years seems a long time. It states you have received 18 reviews. By now you should have a clue what it is that you're so uncertain about.
  
  This is the first of your works I have had a chance to read and I without any uncertainty have to say it was pretty good. I enjoyed the simple jokes, your characters had easy going believable banter, the story flowed well and was a quick enjoyable read. And since I am an atheist I could completely relate to Harvey and his thoughts on the Jesus peach.
  
  I could not find much wrong with this tale, I even like the title. The only thing that I was expecting, that after the brief quip of no atheists in the foxhole, that all Harvey stopped to do before the explosion was think of his family. This is so ironic that I am saying that the existentialist ending did not work for me. But, the ending came too swiftly and I hoped for something more. Maybe he stopped for that moment of doubt. Maybe he stopped and questioned his beliefs or lack of and that is what delayed him being in the wrong place.I guess I just think it needs a reason why Harvey can casually say nothing has changed for him.
  Then I a fine with him tossing the peach.
  
  However, this is just me. This is a fine piece of literature. The descriptive narrative was beyond mediocre and I hope that you dust this off and either incorporate it into a larger novel or a series of short stories. It deserves to be read.
  
  Thanks Tisha read
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  A tale of many things
  A review of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  by Hewitt on 07/01/2012
  What did this writer do to limit himself to receiving less than five stars? It is a five star story. The prose is modern and not one in all ways preferred by myself, nevertheless it is perfectly excellent in it’s way. The language and structure is first rate. Aside from the masterfully set-up mystery of the peach building toward a bomb, it was a complete story with many facets... What did this writer do to limit himself to receiving less than five stars? It is a five star story.
  
  The prose is modern and not one in all ways preferred by myself, nevertheless it is perfectly excellent in it’s way. The language and structure is first rate. Aside from the masterfully set-up mystery of the peach building toward a bomb, it was a complete story with many facets. The lives of friends and acquaintances in the neighborhood interacting rang so true and simple and good it made me envious to be a part of them. One is continually interested from sentence to sentence. The flow is very smooth from point to point, without a single eddy current to distract one’s focus. Certainly there were no misplace and unneeded flashbacks.
  
  Perhaps the story dose not get a complete five star ratings, because the ending is weak. After having been built carefully, piece by piece with such excellent fullness right up to near the end, it suddenly concludes. The story just stops and the reader does not get to see the reactions of the friends, correctors of whom the reader has become familiar and that were built fully for him.
  
  To the writer: Perhaps you would decide that if you spell-out the ending, so that none have to think, what do you lose? If however, if you leave it slightly ambiguous as it is, what do you gain? You have written a fine little piece that I value. Applause, applause.
  
  Hewitt read
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  More Mayhem...please?
  A review of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  by WDohle on 10/11/2010
  Harvey Mayhem is well written and leaves me wanting more...much more. The story made me nervous at first. Was this to be a typical "I hate religion" work? What I found surprised and intrigued me. Though the title stunk, what was actually in the story was very well written. Descriptions were spot on. Dialogue was realistic. There was one instance of profanity that could... Harvey Mayhem is well written and leaves me wanting more...much more.
  
  The story made me nervous at first. Was this to be a typical "I hate religion" work? What I found surprised and intrigued me. Though the title stunk, what was actually in the story was very well written. Descriptions were spot on. Dialogue was realistic. There was one instance of profanity that could be edited out should the audience care, but overall the story was really well written.
  
  The only critique I had is that I want more! This story is way too short and feels cut off to me. There isn't a satisfying ending. There is no way to tell what happened. Or even whether the image on the inside of the peach came true or not.
  
  One or two more scenes I think would have wrapped things up. Maybe the guys are back together talking, the peach has gone rotten, but the effect it had remains to be discussed. Also...you could incorporate their wives' opinions on the matter too more. What did they think of what they saw?
  
  Overall, my suggestion is...expand...and more! And good job with what you have now! Incredible story so far. read
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  Why Maayhem?
  A review of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  by mnjones on 09/02/2009
  I think this is well-written and though I usually avoid stories based on superstitious religious beliefs, this one held my interest to the end, which I thought was well done. I agree with Harvey. I have nothing to offer that I think would improve this, though I was somewhat bewildered by Harvey's nickname. It didn't come from "barroom brawls" and had "nothing to do with bombs... I think this is well-written and though I usually avoid stories based on superstitious religious beliefs, this one held my interest to the end, which I thought was well done. I agree with Harvey. I have nothing to offer that I think would improve this, though I was somewhat bewildered by Harvey's nickname. It didn't come from "barroom brawls" and had "nothing to do with bombs per se." He was called Mayhem because he was able to convert calamity into serenity? Seems odd--or did I misread? Good luck. read
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  the peach
  A review of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  by Jessicarrot on 05/21/2009
  I enjoyed this story. Great title. And great name for the main character. The first person perspective was well done. The whole story was smooth with a great pace. I really enjoyed the characters. And the reference to the shroud of Turin. I am afraid this review is not going to be very helpful, because I didn't see one thing that needed changing. I can't even nit... I enjoyed this story. Great title. And great name for the main character.
  
  The first person perspective was well done. The whole story was smooth with a great pace. I really enjoyed the characters. And the reference to the shroud of Turin. I am afraid this review is not going to be very helpful, because I didn't see one thing that needed changing. I can't even nit pick a spelling error or a comma out of place.
  
  Ideas and emotions are much more important to me anyway. And I think I really got the sense of Harvey as a calming influence. He's consistent. The scene where he is going toward the bomb and he thinks about his family was beautiful. I have heard someone describe the love one has for family as a kind of prayer before, I thought it was brilliant. Its interesting to see this repeated from a different author. I like it.
  
  High marks across the board. Really good little story, thanks for sharing. read
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  Peaches Mayhem
  A review of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  by earthAngel on 05/12/2009
  The story had a nice pace and was easy to follow until towards the end. I was eager to find out what the message would be inside the peach, but was disappointed. I don't know what a mushroom cloud is, so the story became stale. If you had described the mushroom cloud in some kind of fashion, maybe I would have understood the meaning. Maybe I'm just stupid. I could easily... The story had a nice pace and was easy to follow until towards the end. I was eager to find out what the message would be inside the peach, but was disappointed. I don't know what a mushroom cloud is, so the story became stale. If you had described the mushroom cloud in some kind of fashion, maybe I would have understood the meaning. Maybe I'm just stupid.
  I could easily visualize the characters, and the background, so you painted a good picture in your storytelling. The Harvey character could easily be played by Harvey Keitel, at least that's who I saw. read
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  interesting..
  A review of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  by mindsetme on 05/12/2009
  I am new here so please take this with a grain of salt. I liked the story concept. I think we all have seen something that looks like a figure of someone. I seem to always see something in trees and clouds(lol). I read the story yesterday and making the review today. I had to go back and read a little more since I could not remember all.It could be more interesting in the...
  I am new here so please take this with a grain of salt.
  I liked the story concept. I think we all have seen something that looks like a figure of someone. I seem to always see something in trees and clouds(lol).
  I read the story yesterday and making the review today. I had to go back and read a little more since I could not remember all.It could be more interesting in the middle of the story.
  I think you have a great imagination and look forward to reading more stories of yours.
  Good luck! read
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  Review - Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  A review of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  by bduggan on 05/11/2009
  I was intrigued by the title. The writing was accomplished without the frequency of mistakes that had interrupted my other readings of short stories. The plot developed well and I recalled reading past news items that detailed the image of Jesus on pancakes, tacos and other assorted objects. There is an unquenchable thirst for divine signals that go back to the early dawn of... I was intrigued by the title. The writing was accomplished without the frequency of mistakes that had interrupted my other readings of short stories. The plot developed well and I recalled reading past news items that detailed the image of Jesus on pancakes, tacos and other assorted objects. There is an unquenchable thirst for divine signals that go back to the early dawn of man’s development. Why not replace the twitching entrails of a sacrificial animal with a peach pit in a modern rural setting!
  
  The theme was one’s belief or non-belief in a deity. Would we reach a conclusion, would Harvey? We are left to assume that the evidence of Jesus’ face and the telltale pit are cast into the fire. The question goes unanswered, but Harvey did pause and evade the destiny of a bomb blast. Not a bad tale, read
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  Thoughtful.
  A review of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 05/10/2009
  Overall: There's an easiness to the narrative which made this reading enjoyable. The narrator's observations about life as Harvey's neighbor, the Fourth of July gathering, the discovery of the peach, to the explosion at the end. The description was vivid, immersive and not overdone so as to slowdown the pacing of the story. For such a short piece, I'd say the central character's... Overall: There's an easiness to the narrative which made this reading enjoyable. The narrator's observations about life as Harvey's neighbor, the Fourth of July gathering, the discovery of the peach, to the explosion at the end. The description was vivid, immersive and not overdone so as to slowdown the pacing of the story.
  
  For such a short piece, I'd say the central character's (narrator) voice had the most page space and yet the reader didn't have that much context about this person. Same could be said for Harvey and their buddies. This story did not seem to be character-driven, but in subtle ways you see glimpses into Harvey through his actions... and even references to the Shroud of Turin and the Gnostic Bible hints at more erudition in Bill and Tim than would otherwise appear on the surface.
  
  Harvey as the hero of the story perhaps had a transformative arc, although it was slight. He changed his behavior, a pause of 30 seconds, for inexplicable reasons. It probably had nothing to do with the peach or the pit, at least it isn't explicitly written this way and so the reader is left wondering.
  
  At the end of the reading, I am left wondering what is the theme of your story. Is it to take stock in your life no matter what you do, but perhaps especially if you're engaged in a dangerous profession?
  
  In conclusion, a thought-provoking read that left me wanting a little more, perhaps more context or perhaps a theme that resonated more clearly. Thanks and good luck with the rewrites.
  
  Notes
  I would probably address your punctuation throughout to clean this up for a more professional polish. Some obvious ones are noted below.
  
  Page 2
  well tuned machine --> well-tuned machine
  
  Page 3
  "No..." (Harvey never used the word "bomb") "If it's my time..." You may want to break up these string of quotes for clarity.
  no-mans-land --> no-man's-land
  
  Page 4
  ...Samaritan friend, "it was sent to you!" --> ...Samaritan friend. "It was sent to you!"
  I'll stop pointing out punctuation errors and hope you're able to address it in the rest.
  
  Page 5
  ...productivity of this venture - haha
  read
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  Review
  A review of Harvey Mayhem and the Jesus Peach
  by pela-via on 05/10/2009
  This is a well written story with a lovely calm tone. I didn't see anything I'd change. It seemed the author accomplished what was intended. Some notes: "As I stood there, watching the smoke making its lazy trek heavenward in the tepid evening air of late July, I could not help thinking that I’d missed something." Fantastic opening line! "...tangible as a bug bite after... This is a well written story with a lovely calm tone. I didn't see anything I'd change. It seemed the author accomplished what was intended.
  
  Some notes:
  
  "As I stood there, watching the smoke making its lazy trek heavenward in the tepid evening air of late July, I could not help thinking that I’d missed something." Fantastic opening line!
  
  "...tangible as a bug bite after it starts to itch." I like this. Very clever.
  
  "nick name" Nickname
  
  "The show had begun.
  Tim was not at the café the next morning." I'd add an additional line between these two paragraphs.
  
  "The waitress, with a quizzical look, topped off our coffees without a word. Nothing. No
  evidence of a message." 'Nothing' might be too vague to follow the sentence in which the waitress is the subject. I'd shuffle those lines a little.
  
  "...the wall in front of him melted way to a torrent of shrapnel," Was a word left out there? Or was 'melted away' meant? I wasn't sure.
  
  "I watched Harvey take something out of his pocket and toss it in the fire." The placement of this line at a critical moment had me wondering if it had additional meaning. Should I have known what he tossed into the fire?
  
  Nice story. Looking forward to reading more of your work. read