Reviews of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line 10

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  Packed with interesting choices
  A review of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line
  by michael.traylor on 05/08/2012
  A very ambitious story. Definitely a lot happening. Enjoyable with interesting characters, choices and locations. Grammar and punctuation need improvement. You also, have a lot of long sentences that move between topics. Like your first sentence - you mention Henry being seated twice. Main piece of advice would be to focus a little more on what specific aspect of this story... A very ambitious story. Definitely a lot happening. Enjoyable with interesting characters, choices and locations. Grammar and punctuation need improvement. You also, have a lot of long sentences that move between topics. Like your first sentence - you mention Henry being seated twice.
  
  Main piece of advice would be to focus a little more on what specific aspect of this story you want to tell. There’s a whole movie in about every three pages. Good news is that you have a lot of good stuff here to mine and mold into what you want. Figuring out what you want specifically: theme, action, external/ internal motivations, suspense, subterfuge etc….
  
  Great job and stick with it. Below are some notes I jotted as reading. These are all, of course, rhetorical and only meant to see if you have an answer and what can be drawn from that answer.
  
  Nothing happened for three days after Henry was convinced the end had come -why?
  
  He rented out half the floor in Seattle. Might be nice to say why. I can guess various reasons but not sure. Then the other half was under renovations?
  
  If he’s got a price tag on his head why would he hang with low-lifes; they would be the most likely to be involved with underworld type activity.
  
  I guess it’s a bar for homeless people, which is what skid row means. It’s a section in Los Angeles with a high homeless population.
  
  He sends his wife home so he can think. Then to clear his head he goes back to the homeless person bar?
  
  Wondered about the persistence of the Alamo rental car set-up then bam, there it was.
  
  He has Mr. G’s accounting books? Do you mean a download of the computer program? If the guy’s a billionaire or even has a business, he’s using a computer program. If it’s his secret “cooked” books then ok, but that’s a movie in itself getting ones hands on those.
  Why would anyone keep a record of their insider trading? That’s like cataloguing with photo evidence all your parking/ speeding violations.
  
  Mr. G was his college nemesis. His college nemesis? Pranks?
  
  I like that they have the “books” that the mob and sec would be interested in getting but again seemed a bit easier to acquire then Henry getting his wife to go home.
  
  Closing:
  
  Good work. Keep at it. You have a lot of good stuff in there.
  read
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  ALL THE WORLD'S A RED BANDANA
  A review of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line
  by Tripsheet Revision on 01/16/2012
  This was fun and well written, but its brevity left me wondering at the end if I’d missed something important. I ended up thinking that the red bandana belonged to the boy’s father, and that he had lost it all those years ago and forgotten it. I don’t think that’s the point of the story, but it’s as close as I could get. Anyway, the writing is good; the characters are memorable;... This was fun and well written, but its brevity left me wondering at the end if I’d missed something important. I ended up thinking that the red bandana belonged to the boy’s father, and that he had lost it all those years ago and forgotten it. I don’t think that’s the point of the story, but it’s as close as I could get. Anyway, the writing is good; the characters are memorable; and a spirit of adventure is easily taken away from the story. Little boys love adventures, and good dad’s the world over enjoy watching their own little boys have them -- or think they’re having them. Good story, well written. read
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  Dilemma Pat IV: Henry Strikes Back
  A review of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line
  by nick74 on 01/29/2011
  The twists and turns of Henry's life remind me of the Hydra in Grecian lore - cut one of its heads off and two more grow back. A dangerous beast indeed. So, after his escapades in Gorst and his time spent with new buddy Mr. Scramble we get thrown back into the story's true through line - his struggles with the mob. A nice turn. A bit darker, slightly more dramatic, a new seasoning... The twists and turns of Henry's life remind me of the Hydra in Grecian lore - cut one of its heads off and two more grow back. A dangerous beast indeed.
  
  So, after his escapades in Gorst and his time spent with new buddy Mr. Scramble we get thrown back into the story's true through line - his struggles with the mob. A nice turn. A bit darker, slightly more dramatic, a new seasoning of action/drama. This was a refreshing breath of new life for the tales of Henry and, always pleasing to see, unexpected.
  
  I'm left a little curious as to some of the character intentions in the story, specifically why it was that Henry buddied up with winos for a number of days and Mr. X's hesitant involvement in the story. But all in all these developments were necessary for the story as it is. Nonetheless, with Henry hotel skipping, Vi pacing, phone calls bouncing back and forth, etc. you developed a small-town James Bond style, multi-character tale of high espionage, if not a bit querky (as is your style) which all blended a complex story line into a simpleton's approach - perfectly appropriate for our baffling small-town hero.
  
  It was not my favorite tale concerning Henry and his dilemmas, but, as usual, good job.
  
  Nick read
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  Good ol' Henry!
  A review of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 01/10/2011
  I do hope this is not the end of the "Henry" series. This story is so entertaining, I actually chuckled out loud several times. This adventure brings in some familiar faces as well as some new mysteries, and the plot follows the twists and turns that define Henry's life. Still, the story line left me wondering all the way up to the end. There are a few awkward sentences (and... I do hope this is not the end of the "Henry" series. This story is so entertaining, I actually chuckled out loud several times. This adventure brings in some familiar faces as well as some new mysteries, and the plot follows the twists and turns that define Henry's life. Still, the story line left me wondering all the way up to the end. There are a few awkward sentences (and a sentence fragment) that could stand a bit of rewriting. And once in a while, things moved too fast for the writing to keep up (or maybe it's my arthritic brain, lol). I love the relationship between Henry and his wife - very lifelike. Also, Henry's willingness to be honest with himself keeps him on the right track and makes him much smarter than those who would overcome him. I'm glad to have read this. You've created a fantastic plot and a Great Story! read
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  Review: Henry’s Dilemmas... End of The Line
  A review of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line
  by Spools on 01/09/2011
  Henry and Vi’s flight from terror again forces adventure to the hilt. In their continuing escapades the daunting forces of a crime underworld weave closer to final justice for Henry. The layers of attack surround our Henry who retreats into a grimy solitude to seek enlightenment. The author continues deeper into the Dilemmas’ saga with fresh new characters and locations...
  Henry and Vi’s flight from terror again forces adventure to the hilt. In their continuing escapades the daunting forces of a crime underworld weave closer to final justice for Henry. The layers of attack surround our Henry who retreats into a grimy solitude to seek enlightenment.
  
  The author continues deeper into the Dilemmas’ saga with fresh new characters and locations propelling the action to unstable territories and confrontations. Henry’s peril is so well woven into the events and associations of his past crime life that the portrayal of his crisis is wrought with familiarity elevating its suspense. He is forced to strike out with his talents and find the courage, clarity, and finality to bring his and Vi’s lives to safety.
  
  The locations for this story well illustrate the lengths Henry has to go to in order to preserve his life. Having Henry seek solitude amongst a round table of winos is such beautiful solace. It is rewarding when the character Riku emerges to offer that firm path toward resolution for Henry and the story. There’s some rough dialogue, too much telling not living the scene, and some issues with commas in sentence structure, but the fluidity and pace with which this story moves ahead is an asset to the telling. Vi was too muted in this latest installment, she had been such a game changer in every scene she was in, that I longed for her disruptive input. Is this the end? Hope not.
  read
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  Payback
  A review of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line
  by mnjones on 01/08/2011
  I am a fan of gritty tales with bad guys making life hard for a good guy who who turns the tables on the bad guys by doing something even worse to them. I especially like those written with a fast-paced, light touch that depicts with subtle humor mostly amoral characters. "Henry's Delimma" is one of those. It is fast, sly, and full of the twists reminiscent of Elmore Leonard's... I am a fan of gritty tales with bad guys making life hard for a good guy who who turns the tables on the bad guys by doing something even worse to them. I especially like those written with a fast-paced, light touch that depicts with subtle humor mostly amoral characters. "Henry's Delimma" is one of those. It is fast, sly, and full of the twists reminiscent of Elmore Leonard's novels. Needs a bit of housekeeping, mainly on punctuation, but nothing that dedracts from the fun. Nice work. read
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  Henry's Delimma...*Review
  A review of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line
  by olavay on 01/07/2011
  Storywise, it was an interesting read into the life of a most wanted Witness Protection Program. Grammatically and formatwise, there are several errors to clean up. DS lines, indented paragraphs when writing quotes or showing a character speaking. Also using voice over narration is highly effective way to keep the interest of the reader. There were several places where... Storywise, it was an interesting read into the life of a most wanted Witness Protection Program.
  
  Grammatically and formatwise, there are several errors to clean up.
  
  DS lines, indented paragraphs when writing quotes or showing a character speaking.
  
  Also using voice over narration is highly effective way to keep the interest of the reader.
  
  There were several places where we could have had a narration from Henry, Vi, or Mr. G that would have added some spice.
  
  Loved some of the dialogue, but consistency was an issure for me.
  
  Also, a better ending could make all the difference on this piece. This one was too predictable.
  
  Thank you and Good luck. read
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  Good Story!
  A review of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line
  by mcslade on 01/07/2011
  I really like this story. I am a huge fan of Seattle to begin with, but to see the shadier side from the perspective of the main character was great. I love how Henry turned the tables on the man who spent all of his college years playing miserable pranks on him. The characters were great. The plot was wonderful. I really liked the descriptions of the areas Henry went to... I really like this story. I am a huge fan of Seattle to begin with, but to see the shadier side from the perspective of the main character was great. I love how Henry turned the tables on the man who spent all of his college years playing miserable pranks on him. The characters were great. The plot was wonderful. I really liked the descriptions of the areas Henry went to. Over all, a great story with a fantastic ending. :-) read
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  Henry
  A review of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line
  by Theatre409 on 01/04/2011
  MECHANICS: You need to work on grammar and editing. The format is all over the place. Editors like submitted stories to follow a format and to be proofed. Examples: ‘Vi grabbed Henrys arm’- you’re missing an apostrophe. ‘A short pause, then the enthusiastic voice of Mr. Bennet.’ What about it? Also, each time a someone speaks it should be indented like a new paragraph.... MECHANICS: You need to work on grammar and editing. The format is all over the place. Editors like submitted stories to follow a format and to be proofed.
  Examples: ‘Vi grabbed Henrys arm’- you’re missing an apostrophe.
  ‘A short pause, then the enthusiastic voice of Mr. Bennet.’ What about it?
  Also, each time a someone speaks it should be indented like a new paragraph.
  
  STORY: ‘Try to solve one riddle and be riddled with bullets from another.’ This is a great line!
  I was a bit confused as to why and how Henry could rent half a floor that was cleared for demolition; this seemed unrealistic. I also had a hard time believing Henry could approach the president and then offer him a bribe to get him to say ‘Joe Scramble’. Once Henry met the man at the bar and struck up a random conversation, it seemed like the man knew everything about Henry by the next day. Prior to this, the man wanted little to nothing to do with Henry. If he knows so much about him, play the scene a different way where Henry thinks the guy might be an easy mark who then turns the table on Henry. I think you relied a bit too much on coincidences occurring to move the story. Your story can work but it needs a couple of re-writes to hammer out the kinks. The cap at the end really adds a layer of sliminess to Henry. You have a likable lowlife protagonist that you can do a lot more with. One thing you might want to do is cut out some of the other subplots. Take one and use it to bring Henry to life. read
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  Henry's Dilemmas....The End of The Line
  A review of Henry's Delimma.....The End of The Line
  by YeahHi on 01/03/2011
  This is very ambitious! Here you’ve intro’d many interesting characters and situations and all of them worked back to the central plot. It reminded me of Get Shorty, or one of those funny mob movies. I love it. -- Great opening paragraph. -- Good line: Try to solve one riddle and be riddled with bullets from another -- I want more Vi! I want more description of her... This is very ambitious! Here you’ve intro’d many interesting characters and situations and all of them worked back to the central plot. It reminded me of Get Shorty, or one of those funny mob movies. I love it.
  
  -- Great opening paragraph.
  
  -- Good line: Try to solve one riddle and be riddled with bullets from another
  
  -- I want more Vi! I want more description of her voice and shouting as it’s happening. Also, what does she look like?
  
  -- Good writing is in subtle but telling descriptions like this: After Henry sat down, the man smiled intently at him then returned to his spot at the bar.
  
  -- Nice: Blood bubbles
  
  -- LOL: “What kind of bag should I put it in?”
  
  -- This is a great line, but I wanted to see it. What, specifically, about her person indicates this: She could have had a neon sign with an arrow pointing to her saying, ‘Are you looking for this person?’
  
  -- Again, another great last line.
  
  Good story!
  Shauna read