Reviews of Inventory 5

• 
  HERE IT IS
  A review of Inventory
  by gulfcoastomega on 11/29/2011
  This was an interesting concept for a story. Told in first person narration the author describes his life experiences pack ratting his stuff in the ‘attic’ at his parent’s house and the subsequent retrieval of said items. Did this story fit the standard story structure where the main character/protagonist is our hero and there must be something at stake for which the hero... This was an interesting concept for a story.
  
  Told in first person narration the author describes his life experiences pack ratting his stuff in the ‘attic’ at his parent’s house and the subsequent retrieval of said items.
  
  Did this story fit the standard story structure where the main character/protagonist is our hero and there must be something at stake for which the hero strives (creates conflict) and we get on the side of the hero and root for him to succeed?
  
  Told along these lines, the protagonist's goal was to recover his past. The conflict occurred on p.3 when he actually began to load his truck, followed by the author’s disappointment at what he found.
  
  This story could be expanded with the addtion of other characters which could be used to create dialogue.
  
  This story was a pleasant read and was written with good flow and description. read
• 
  Pack Rat
  A review of Inventory
  by mnjones on 08/06/2010
  I can certainly relate to this piece. I cannot remember the last time I parked my car in the garage, which is packed full with items I never use but can't bear to part with. The piece is nicely written, but hardly a short story: no characters (except the narrator), no dialogue and no plot. I made a few note: Page 1, "...a good one to move out as well: the attic being a... I can certainly relate to this piece. I cannot remember the last time I parked my car in the garage, which is packed full with items I never use but can't bear to part with.
  
  The piece is nicely written, but hardly a short story: no characters (except the narrator), no dialogue and no plot.
  
  I made a few note:
  
  Page 1, "...a good one to move out as well: the attic being a storage room..." Why the colon instead of a period?
  
  "...and I began actually adding stuff..." Shouldn't that be, "I actually began adding..."
  
  Page 2, "Once in a while a retrieved..." I retrieved?
  
  "Over the years..." I read this sentence aloud; It's hard on the ear, sounds awkward. Maybe needs revising?
  
  "...excavation was required; a search for..." Wouldn't a comma instead of semi-colon, since the second half is not a complete sentence?
  
  Page 3, "...so I began to peak..." Peek?
  
  Thanks for reminding me what a pack rat I am. read
• 
  RE: INVENTORY
  A review of Inventory
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/12/2009
  This a fun little read that gave me a chuckle a page, which is more than I’ve chuckled in quite a while. So, thanks for that. Its strength is in its Everyman quality -- we’ve almost all been there and done that. I’m fairly wasteful, but I have a sister who’s a pack rat and can’t throw anything away. The story’s weakness is that, in the end, it comes off as a ‘Humor’ piece... This a fun little read that gave me a chuckle a page, which is more than I’ve chuckled in quite a while. So, thanks for that. Its strength is in its Everyman quality -- we’ve almost all been there and done that. I’m fairly wasteful, but I have a sister who’s a pack rat and can’t throw anything away. The story’s weakness is that, in the end, it comes off as a ‘Humor’ piece in the Reader’s Digest and not a genuine short story. This is because the piece has almost no depth beyond a few witty insights granted the character. I wanted to know more about his folks, even perhaps to see them wondering what the devil he’s putting up in their attic. Why, for instance, wouldn’t, or couldn’t, his dad get up into the attic. Bad knees? Was he too fat? And parents are great worriers. Perhaps they might be seen worrying openly whether or not everything he’s putting up there is safe, or that it might start a fire. What I’m saying is that the idea is loaded with potential and could easily be stretched to ten pages with the character’s exchanges with his folks. I liked it, so of course I want more. Thanks for posting it on the site. I hope these few notes are helpful.
  
  Page 1: Rather than just saying, ‘...Sometime after that things changed,’ you should tell us what changed, and how. It would give more depth to the character and the story.
  
  Page 2: You wrote, ‘Once in awhile a (I) retrieved something...’
  
  Page 2: ‘squirreled away’ doesn’t require a hyphen. read
• 
  The Attic
  A review of Inventory
  by chessaol on 07/06/2009
  The story is about growing up and realizing that the stuff you left behind was only stuff. . . The storyline is straight and has continuity. The Shoe bit was a stupid statement that came back to be the twist at the end, clever. The spell checker was used and paragraph and sentence structures were attended to. The grammar and syntax are ok and in general the punctuation is... The story is about growing up and realizing that the stuff you left behind was only stuff. . .
  
  The storyline is straight and has continuity. The Shoe bit was a stupid statement that came back to be the twist at the end, clever.
  
  The spell checker was used and paragraph and sentence structures were attended to. The grammar and syntax are ok and in general the punctuation is good.
  
  The story is written in the first person and it is hard to do that without it sounding like reading a grocery list. The writer keeps it moving and pulls it off.
  
  Did I like it? Yes.
  The story is about the things we all do. The pile of junk that is too valuable to lose and eventually gets thrown out. I have a friend who has been paying $120.00 each for three storage buildings for at least seven years. If she inventoried the stuff there isn't one months rental worth of stuff in the entire lot. We all do the packrat thing so the story hits close to home for me. Just call me king rat! read
• 
  A nice little snippet
  A review of Inventory
  by Hoggy on 05/28/2009
  Review of Inventory Pg 1 - What are ‘pack-ratish proclivities? My left is bigger than my right. I think that’s the way it works in England. That would be a strange phenomenon. America and Britain, two lands, common language, separated by the Atlantic and alternate mishapen feet. I’m padding this review out because it’s hard to review something so short. It’s also so hard... Review of Inventory
  
  Pg 1 - What are ‘pack-ratish proclivities?
  
  My left is bigger than my right. I think that’s the way it works in England. That would be a strange phenomenon. America and Britain, two lands, common language, separated by the Atlantic and alternate mishapen feet.
  
  I’m padding this review out because it’s hard to review something so short. It’s also so hard to review a recollection and life lesson . I can’t ramble on about characters, dialogue, plot etc…So, I’ll simply say that it was a universal theme which will keep most people’s interest as it’s something we’ve all done. (it made me think about the crap I’ve got stored in various relatives houses) You have a nice, fluid writing style and I would be interested in reading any other material that you post on the site.
  
  Good luck with any future writing read