Reviews of Last Grains of Sand 11

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  Good use of words
  A review of Last Grains of Sand
  by Ng Hoi Yee on 06/25/2012
  The story started with Conrad praying in the church. The description was well-written and read moothly. But names seemed to spring out of nowhere. I read the story twice but couldn't figure out who were Mary and Connie, whom I only knew was a grandmother. The story dragged on a bit too slow and I didn't feel interested after a while. The feelings expressed was a bit common... The story started with Conrad praying in the church. The description was well-written and read moothly. But names seemed to spring out of nowhere. I read the story twice but couldn't figure out who were Mary and Connie, whom I only knew was a grandmother. The story dragged on a bit too slow and I didn't feel interested after a while. The feelings expressed was a bit common among old people. But I am happy that it did not have a bad or unhappy ending. The writing was smooth and I was impressed. It was obviously written by someone experienced. read
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  A humbling insight.
  A review of Last Grains of Sand
  by matt r jones on 03/25/2011
  If you know or have relatives in their twilight years then this story will resonate. If you've ever really imagined how you will feel when older, this will resonate. That should cover us all. I felt drawn in by Conrad's character, his loss and his fading strength. Great ways to make us empathetic to him. I felt the conversation in the end was a little rambling but was necessary... If you know or have relatives in their twilight years then this story will resonate. If you've ever really imagined how you will feel when older, this will resonate. That should cover us all.
  
  I felt drawn in by Conrad's character, his loss and his fading strength. Great ways to make us empathetic to him.
  
  I felt the conversation in the end was a little rambling but was necessary to show how he feels and how interacts with his family. Again great for showing his weakening spirit. The addition of the truck story was a clear example of the kind of culture that takes advantage of these people and was hard to read.
  
  Great, emotionally poignant story. read
• 
  Last Grains of Sand
  A review of Last Grains of Sand
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 03/01/2011
  This is a very nice little story. It's really hard to introduce a cast of characters and make them three dimensional, sympathetic and easy to relate to in only eight pages, but you succeeded. It's well told and well paced. I didn't really grow too fond of Conrad (not sure if i was meant to), but I did enjoy his story. It might be because it vaguely reminds me of my grandparents,... This is a very nice little story. It's really hard to introduce a cast of characters and make them three dimensional, sympathetic and easy to relate to in only eight pages, but you succeeded. It's well told and well paced. I didn't really grow too fond of Conrad (not sure if i was meant to), but I did enjoy his story. It might be because it vaguely reminds me of my grandparents, though. Conrad seems to be going through what they're going through and its hard to watch. But like Conrad, they do what they must. And if your story has someone reflecting on real life, then you know its a good story.
  
  I really like how you contrasted the easy- goingness (not a word but whatevs) of youth with the weight that the world slowly shovels onto the backs of the old over time.
  
  If I have one problem with the story its that most law firms would've forced Conrad to retire by now. But its minor, as even real life has ways around that. Also, the only reason I'm not going to give it an Excellent overall is that while it is nice, its not exactly a memorable story (at least not for me). But I still wouldn't have you change a word of it.
  
  Not much else to say. If I didn't mention something, just take it to mean that I thought it was really good. This is actually the first good story I've read since I got on this site. Thank you for sharing it. I'd love to see this as part of a collection. read
• 
  Like Sands Through the Hourglass...
  A review of Last Grains of Sand
  by dgburton on 02/28/2011
  I thought this was a very good character piece about a man who's gotten to the point where he doesn't so much live as he does remember living. The small details (a boiled egg, two slices of toast, prune juice, the Iron Works, "God Bless the Child") were an eloquent touch. I would have liked to see more of Conrad's coping in day to day life--a contrast to his memories of... I thought this was a very good character piece about a man who's gotten to the point where he doesn't so much live as he does remember living. The small details (a boiled egg, two slices of toast, prune juice, the Iron Works, "God Bless the Child") were an eloquent touch.
  
  I would have liked to see more of Conrad's coping in day to day life--a contrast to his memories of the good old days--but we do get the sense of his sadness, and of how he clings to things, both physical and emotional.
  
  Overall the dialogue was good, especially the supporting characters, but it's hard to establish Conrad's age from his dialect and speech patterns, which might be worth working on. I hadn't realized quite how old he must be until there was the discussion of teeth implants. That's a small matter, perhaps, but sometimes it's the small details that can really elevate a piece.
  
  Anyway, I thought it was well done and I enjoyed it. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. read
• 
  Encounter with the past
  A review of Last Grains of Sand
  by sara bernal on 02/08/2011
  There will be a day when each one of us will have a encounter with the past, it will be a inevitable meeting . There is a invisible and permanent line that allows us to walk side by side with our memories, good or bad. Not necessarily we need to be old to be face to face with our past. This story was very well written , I think you did a great job when you characterized... There will be a day when each one of us will have a encounter with the past, it will be a inevitable meeting .
  There is a invisible and permanent line that allows us to walk side by side with our memories, good or bad. Not necessarily we need to be old to be face to face with our past.
  This story was very well written , I think you did a great job when you characterized Conrad, giving him such a strong personality as well some kind of vulnerability .
  The details were great particularly in the first three pages with good background and dynamic atmosphere.
  However I think there´s much more to this story than a nostalgic day for Conrad which he needs to deal with, his routine and something in the past.
  I don´t know if it is just a piece of a novel or you did really intended to leave like that, with many questions and others characters like May and Sue who probably must be vital parts of this puzzle.
  Great job and sorry for my mistakes , English is not my mother tongue. read
• 
  Last Grains of Sand
  A review of Last Grains of Sand
  by YeahHi on 02/07/2011
  I like what you have here. Your writing is competent and mature. Conrad is an endearing character and you reveal him slowly and subtly. You introduce a variety of supporting characters that seem to have lives beyond the story. These are all very good makings of a very good story but this felt like a segment of a larger work and an incomplete segment at that. This excerpt... I like what you have here. Your writing is competent and mature. Conrad is an endearing character and you reveal him slowly and subtly. You introduce a variety of supporting characters that seem to have lives beyond the story. These are all very good makings of a very good story but this felt like a segment of a larger work and an incomplete segment at that.
  
  This excerpt ended before I had a sense of what was really zapping Conrad’s energy, what was wrong with May and what Sue’s relationship to Conrad was. The arc you started for Conrad is left dangling at the end like you got called away before you could finish the thought.
  
  As I said, I like what you’ve started and would like to read more. Best,
  Shauna read
• 
  hope I die before I get old
  A review of Last Grains of Sand
  by cc chayce on 02/03/2011
  Well that was certainly depressing. Not in a bad way, as I believe the feeling was quite intended by the author. I thought the structure was adequate, and the style well realized to suit the story. I felt the paragraphs could have been broken up a little more on several occasions, and something to grab the reader early on, to foster curiosity and interest, might be helpful... Well that was certainly depressing. Not in a bad way, as I believe the feeling was quite intended by the author. I thought the structure was adequate, and the style well realized to suit the story.
  
  I felt the paragraphs could have been broken up a little more on several occasions, and something to grab the reader early on, to foster curiosity and interest, might be helpful.
  
  I’m not sure if this is from the author being too vague, or simply my own inability to grasp a concept, but it seems there’s something relevant about Marilyn being told not to borrow the scarf, but I don’t see what.
  
  I thought the ending was quite suitable, rather than hammering the point home. Overall, a worthwhile effort by an author with a flare for the craft of storytelling. read
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  These are the days of our lives
  A review of Last Grains of Sand
  by nick74 on 02/01/2011
  It's easy to take a piece like this seriously. Your technical aspects are well in-hand which makes for an easy read. The old man was characterized very well from the beginning. The conversation with the Father, his prayer, etc. - all very clear and voiced exceedingly well. I got a sense of his age and mindset early on and prepared myself for a scene from his life that would... It's easy to take a piece like this seriously. Your technical aspects are well in-hand which makes for an easy read. The old man was characterized very well from the beginning. The conversation with the Father, his prayer, etc. - all very clear and voiced exceedingly well. I got a sense of his age and mindset early on and prepared myself for a scene from his life that would reflect this man's past relationships, experiences, etc., maybe a final moment of poignancy, but I don't feel like it fully played out. The mood was set well, the ambiance was just right, everything was dead-on when it comes to the writing of the piece, I had a little difficulty following along. That being said, your voice is easy to get involved in for a reader, and the title of the piece, as I understand it, is conceptualized perfectly. I'd like to read some more of your work. read
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  Is this part of a novel?
  A review of Last Grains of Sand
  by ke.courier12 on 02/01/2011
  I like how your writing presents tension even when a character seems to be doing prosaic things. While I would see this piece as an interesting excerpt of a novel, I don't really think it could be a complete short story. The call in the hotel lists a bunch of names but I didn't feel they got to give the reader a better idea of who the main character is. On page 2, the line... I like how your writing presents tension even when a character seems to be doing prosaic things. While I would see this piece as an interesting excerpt of a novel, I don't really think it could be a complete short story. The call in the hotel lists a bunch of names but I didn't feel they got to give the reader a better idea of who the main character is.
  
  On page 2, the line "the purity and innocence in his eyes..." didn't work for me.
  
  Maybe it is only me, but I think there are times when the story leaves the point of view of the main character and tries to be witty. It broke the dramatic tone and I found it disrupting.
  
  Hope these notes help. read
• 
  Good Skill/Tedious Plot
  A review of Last Grains of Sand
  by Rados on 01/31/2011
  Your writing skill is exceptional. However, the plot here managed to lose me a few times. It may be my preference for darker, faster paced story lines. The language and dialogue didn't seem Western to me. I'm taking a guess at British or Irish or Scottish. That also made it harder for me to identify with. That would be my fault, not yours. If you are, in fact, American or... Your writing skill is exceptional. However, the plot here managed to lose me a few times. It may be my preference for darker, faster paced story lines.
  
  The language and dialogue didn't seem Western to me. I'm taking a guess at British or Irish or Scottish. That also made it harder for me to identify with. That would be my fault, not yours. If you are, in fact, American or Canadian, I apologize.
  
  This seemed like a snapshot of Conrad's life. It was slow paced and dealt with a lot of small, everyday issues. It left no real impact on me. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's not good either. It didn't deal with big concepts but it dealt with personal ones. Some readers may not care enough to read past the first paragraph. I felt nothing for Conrad or May. It's hard to ask too much from a short story, but I think there are ways to improve. However, Conrad's story just doesn't do anything for me. Nothing exciting really happens and I'm not sure that I can offer advice on how to fix it.
  
  I hope I don't sound insulting. It wasn't my intent. I think your writing skill is great. You clearly have a talent with words. Now, maybe, just make something exciting happen.
  
  The word I use to describe this story's pace and plot: tedious. I haven't read your other work, but I hope to get a chance. You're a great writer. read