Reviews of Letter from Beyond 9

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  Plausible Story Buried in Past Perfect Tense
  A review of Letter from Beyond
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 05/31/2012
  Alexis Williams' ghost story "A Letter from Beyond" contains a plausible set of circumstances and believable characters. Yet the author's incessant use of "had" (past perfect tense) buries the storyline in dullness; "had" appears in far too many sentences to count, and it isn't necessary to conveying the action. In fact, Williams' prose detracts from what could be a very sweet... Alexis Williams' ghost story "A Letter from Beyond" contains a plausible set of circumstances and believable characters. Yet the author's incessant use of "had" (past perfect tense) buries the storyline in dullness; "had" appears in far too many sentences to count, and it isn't necessary to conveying the action. In fact, Williams' prose detracts from what could be a very sweet and enjoyable story. Rather than lie there dead like some mundane recounting of events, fiction needs to be an active adventure for the reader, full of lively sentences and keen observations. What's impressive about this story, though, is the truth depicted regarding families and their ignorant assumptions and judgements about their kin. It appears that Williams has a good heart and is willing to use it in her work. read
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  Review of: "Letter from Beyond"
  A review of Letter from Beyond
  by mmckean on 02/24/2012
  Hey Lex, Thanks for sharing this cool short story on T.S. I really enjoyed reading it. The whole thing flowed along very nicely and I can tell that you have the makings of a great author. So when you 'hit it big' don't forget me, ok? :P There are only a few areas that might need a little 'TLC.' One of those areas is the letter from Poppa Morris. I felt that it was just a... Hey Lex,
  
  Thanks for sharing this cool short story on T.S. I really enjoyed reading it. The whole thing flowed along very nicely and I can tell that you have the makings of a great author. So when you 'hit it big' don't forget me, ok? :P There are only a few areas that might need a little 'TLC.' One of those areas is the letter from Poppa Morris. I felt that it was just a wee bit too melodramatic. This could be fixed by emphasizing things which circle back to his impending death without coming right out and saying it. The second thing that needs work is the ending. I thought the girl lighting the candle in the glass jar at the end of the story, an attempt to really drive home the fact that his light was still burning in her heart, was overkill. I got the point fine without having it brought up again.
  
  Overall this was a very entertaining read though. Keep writing, don't let anyone stop you or slow you down. You have the gift! read
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  The truth from beyond
  A review of Letter from Beyond
  by bigheadx on 01/14/2011
  Thank you for the opportunity to read this interesting short story. This reader's remarks regarding its construction are below. As for general comments: * A bit overwritten at times with too much repetition (both of words and content) * Secondary characters are basically absent, so everything comes from the narrator's voice and this keeps them (and their prejudices against... Thank you for the opportunity to read this interesting short story. This reader's remarks regarding its construction are below.
  
  As for general comments:
  * A bit overwritten at times with too much repetition (both of words and content)
  * Secondary characters are basically absent, so everything comes from the narrator's voice and this keeps them (and their prejudices against granddad) a bit flat
  * Very little is learned about your protagonist, so a reader's caring for her predicament and her anguish is lessened.
  
  All in all, a very nice effort. Best of luck!
  
  TYPOS - GRAMMAR - WORD CHOICES - [Suggestions]
  
  written letters some months ago to some of his family. - [awkward repetition?]
  
  He ask for forgiveness - He asked for forgiveness
  
  He had not had much response, only a letter in reply from his daughter, Dot Brown. - [overwritten? How about: The only response came from his daughter, Dot Brown. ]
  
  hospital she was informed and then - hospital she wanted to be informed and then
  
  she had been the one with him at 7am when - she had been the one with him when [your next sentence establishes it was this morning]
  
  been here if I had known” she said aloud. - been here if I had known,” she said aloud.
  
  and the odd drink. - and the occasional drink. [??]
  
  He had been cheating on his wife, Christine, with Betty from the bowling club. - [considering that this past "ghost" appears to be the linchpin for your tale, its revelation seems a bit matter-of-fact and perfunctory]
  
  the family vowed to themselves - the family vowed ...
  
  the family vowed to themselves that they would not have anything to do with him. Dot had been the only one to have anything to do with him - [again, repetition for no apparent reason]
  
  buried lying next to his wife of 55 years. - buried next to his wife of 55 years.
  
  The funeral was sparsely populated. ... - The funeral was sparsely attended; only Dot and Alice and a few remaining...
  
  Betty had passed away a year ago so she couldn’t attend. - [unnecessary]
  
  The celebrant spoke only a little; - [new paragraph]
  
  “It must be another letter asking her to visit, one lost in the postal system she thought.” - It must be another letter asking her to visit, one lost in the postal system, she thought.
  
  put an end to this unhappy event. - [event?? more like a curse or tragic misunderstanding]
  
  “Must be someone visiting with a flashlight too” she thought to herself for reassurance. - Must be someone else with a flashlight, she reassured herself.
  
  the glow was coming from the base of his marker stone - the glow was coming a from a candle at the base of his marker stone
  
  She shivered as a creepy feeling came over her body.- She shivered, even though she wasn't cold.
  
  creepy shivers - [word choice; this undermines you climactic moment]
  
  don’t know how you did it Poppa but your light i - don’t know how you did it, Poppa, but your light read
• 
  A Candle For Morris
  A review of Letter from Beyond
  by mnjones on 11/18/2010
  I think this a nice effort to create a sad, touching story of an old man dying unmourned by his family for having been unfaitful to his wife. Grandaughter Alice gets a letter from him, mysteriouly delivered a year letter, in which he claims that her grandmother was cheating on him, but it's not clear if she cheated first and his cheating was in retaliation. However, Alice,... I think this a nice effort to create a sad, touching story of an old man dying unmourned by his family for having been unfaitful to his wife. Grandaughter Alice gets a letter from him, mysteriouly delivered a year letter, in which he claims that her grandmother was cheating on him, but it's not clear if she cheated first and his cheating was in retaliation. However, Alice, being a trusting soul, accepts his story, even though grandmother, also desceased, cannot defend herself.
  
  I think the story would be stronger if, instead of just being told from Alice's point of view, she told it herself, first person. I found some of the sentences awkward and unclear, a problem easily detected with a careful read through.
  read
• 
  You got it
  A review of Letter from Beyond
  by Duce on 11/14/2010
  if anything this story hit home to the fact that as individuals we lead such busy lives it's hard to stop, and spend time with all of those particular relatives that sometimes seem so far away but there right there, just right in front of us. i liked this story especially because of this aspect.it reminds you of family you haven't seen or even talked to in a long time, sometimes... if anything this story hit home to the fact that as individuals we lead such busy lives it's hard to stop, and spend time with all of those particular relatives that sometimes seem so far away but there right there, just right in front of us. i liked this story especially because of this aspect.it reminds you of family you haven't seen or even talked to in a long time, sometimes way to long.
  
  I'm new to this whole writing game so please forgive me if i don't stay right on track. If anything i should not be reviewed others work yet, but if that is what it takes to get my stuff reviewed then so be it.
  
  overall....i liked the story and would recommend it to my friends.
  
  Duce read
• 
  Letter from Beyond
  A review of Letter from Beyond
  by YeahHi on 11/14/2010
  I liked the sentiment of this piece. I was very interested to learn what the truth was. I’d hoped that the grandfather would redeem himself and in the end he did. With the build up, though, I almost wanted the reveal to be more shocking. This reads like a true story of something that was really impactful to the author. For fiction, it just needs to be more heightened... I liked the sentiment of this piece. I was very interested to learn what the truth was. I’d hoped that the grandfather would redeem himself and in the end he did. With the build up, though, I almost wanted the reveal to be more shocking.
  
  This reads like a true story of something that was really impactful to the author. For fiction, it just needs to be more heightened. If the reveal were stronger Alice’s transformation (what she learns and how she grows in the course of the story) could be stronger.
  
  I had a hard time following who was who. Because it’s a maternal connection the last names of the relatives were different and, I thought, that made it unnecessarily confusing. You might consider always referring to the same character the same way. Are Dot and the mother different characters? I guess my note here is to simplify the character list and/or make the connections clearer.
  
  There is a point on page 6 where the POV shifts briefly to Dot (“It played upon Dot’s mind.”)
  
  I wasn’t clear until the end how old Alice was.
  
  This felt like a deeply personal story so I think you were successful in relating it. Best of luck with it!
  
  Shauna read
• 
  Review of "Letter from Beyond"
  A review of Letter from Beyond
  by Matthew Spira on 11/14/2010
  Hi Alexis, I think what you have here is an outline, instead of a fully fleshed out story. I think the concept of these "letters from the grave" is an interesting one, but your current focal point misses the most interesting (at least for me) and logical area of exploration: How the letters sent by Morris and only responded to by Alice serve as a catalyst for the family to... Hi Alexis,
  
  I think what you have here is an outline, instead of a fully fleshed out story. I think the concept of these "letters from the grave" is an interesting one, but your current focal point misses the most interesting (at least for me) and logical area of exploration: How the letters sent by Morris and only responded to by Alice serve as a catalyst for the family to deal with the truth of the complexity of Morris and Christine's fifty-five year relationship. I think the letter where Morris tells about Christine's affair, bitterness over aging (something my own grandmother went through when she was about sixty) and bad behavior towards him should be the start, not ending of the story.
  
  I can very easily see the others in the family not believing the letter: it's self-serving, can't be proved, and even if true, two wrongs don't make a right, nor does it justify not being at Christine's side when she was dying.
  
  The letters should send Alice on a journey into her family's secrets, and towards the real truth (whatever it is) about Morris and Christine. For me, that'd be a genuinely interesting story.
  
  The above all is just 1.5 cents of spitballing. I am certainly not trying to tell you how to write your story.
  
  Best,
  
  -Matt read
• 
  A classical story, a tiny bit flawed
  A review of Letter from Beyond
  by nick74 on 11/13/2010
  This story has great intention. It is full of human miscommunication and forgiveness, and at its core is a very Charles Dickensian style of storytelling where which events get morphed and twisted through secrecy and history and nothing plays out exactly as expected. Especially the almost-supernatural ending. My first thoughts are this: There is so much history being expressed... This story has great intention. It is full of human miscommunication and forgiveness, and at its core is a very Charles Dickensian style of storytelling where which events get morphed and twisted through secrecy and history and nothing plays out exactly as expected. Especially the almost-supernatural ending.
  
  My first thoughts are this: There is so much history being expressed in the prose of this story, so many characters - each with differing intentions - that this piece almost feels more like the treatment synopses of a novel rather than a finished short story. It moves well enough but it speaks with a certain pragmatism that (sometimes) loses its creative voice. I think with all my heart that this story would compel the heck out of a reader and that they wouldn't help but fall in love with these characters, but as it is I don't get enough of a sense of these characters outside of the fairly vague descriptions of their relationships and history. I want to know who these people are as individuals, what do they love or hate, what do they do and where do they go? Let me understand them more deeply so that I can see them.
  
  Letter From Beyond is an excellent story - just streamline it a little and nail down its voice, and you'll have a tearjerker on your hands that an audience will love. read
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  Letter From Beyond goes beyond expectations!
  A review of Letter from Beyond
  by UnknownWriter on 11/06/2010
  This story pulls at your heart. To be asked by a person of whom you've never felt you actually met, to try to understand what was going through their minds, to forgive them for their past mistakes, is truly powerful. As the story progresses, the characters begin to sympathize with one another, connecting on an emotional and almost spiritual level. Bonding is critical for... This story pulls at your heart. To be asked by a person of whom you've never felt you actually met, to try to understand what was going through their minds, to forgive them for their past mistakes, is truly powerful.
  
  As the story progresses, the characters begin to sympathize with one another, connecting on an emotional and almost spiritual level. Bonding is critical for any story and this story has constructed a masterful moment of essence, to be true to the people around you, and in turn, to be true to yourself.
  
  Guilt turns to relief, anger to sorrow and pain to understanding. A story that has a character learn to forgive is welcome change to the cynical, vengeful outlook of society.
  
  Very well written!
  read